The apartment
by anqelkissezox
Summary: Two cousins who work together get rent a house together. When the owner rents out the basement apartment things get interesting! All human. cannon pairings. please read and review
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

BPV

My cousin Alice and I were moving into our new house today. We had been living in an apartment together but it was getting cramped with all Alice's stuff. We needed a bigger place. After many months of looking we found a colonial which fit Alice's taste…something I thought impossible till now. Alice's conditions were 1. That there were umpteen closets in the house 2. Jetted Jacuzzi sized tubs 3. More than 10,000 square feet and 4. That it's located with in five minutes of Gucci ,it was in Seattle…Alice and I were originally from a small town called Forks, Washington . Our jobs were so well that we could financially live by ourselves but we chose to live together. As we were walking into the house the owner (we were renting) was there to give us our keys. Alice ran into one of the rooms.

"I LOVE THIS…THIS CLOSET'S THE SIZE OF MY BEDROOM!" Alice shrieked. I turned to the owner.

"What's your rules on redecorating?" I asked.

"If its her idea…then no way." The owner moaned. Then he looked at me for a second.

"How would you feel about having roommates?" he asked randomly. I looked confused.

"I was thinking about renting the other part of the house." He said pointing to the door to the basement. From what we understood he had put a small apartment down there.

"Well I already have to live with Alice…as long as we meet the people first and the door locks work…I'm okay with it." I answered.

"THE MORE THE MERRIER!" Alice shouted from upstairs…how she got up there that fast I didn't know.

"I FOUND OUR STUDY!" Alice shouted. Alice and I both worked at Brandon enterprises… The fashion empire that Alice's parents worked at. I worked in editing which meant I constructed their magazine from scratch. Alice was the head fashion designer which basically meant she was constantly watching over my shoulder. She also headed up shoots and had the final say in what people wore. She was living the life she always wanted.

"I CAN PUT MY SEWING MACHINES OVER HERE!" Alice yelled from upstairs.

"Did she just say machines?" the owner asked me.

"Yeah she has ten…one for each style of clothing." I said. He shook his head.

"VANITY…VANITY…VANITY!" She screamed. I hid my face in embarassment.

"Um question…I looked over your records and you both make a shit load of money for your age…why are you living together?" the owner asked.

"Do you honestly think THAT could ever live by itself?" I pointed out as Alice bounced around upstairs.

"OH AND THAT'S PERFECT FOR MY BUREAU…AND MY JONAS BROTHER'S POSTER COULD GO OVER THERE…AND I COULD GET A WALL MIRROR AND STICK IT OVER THERE!" We could hear Alice chirping.

"Point taken." the owner said to me.

"BELLA I FOUND THE PERFECT ROOM FOR YOU…IT'S CLOSET SPACE IS AMAZING…I COULD LIKE QUADRUPLE YOUR WARDROBE AND THERE'D STILL BE ROOM…YOUR BED COULD GO OVER THERE…AND WE COULD GET ANOTHER VANITY AND PUT IT OVER THERE…AND BRIGHT PINK WALLS!" Alice chirped some more.

" Alice…LEAVE THE WALLS ALONE!" I called. The owner shuttered.

"Don't worry…I wont let her touch much." I said signing the rental agreement. Alice sprinted past us. She ran out to the car and carried in the first coffee table. The two of us went out to help her.

" I want the bed over in the back right hand corner of the room!" Alice called as me and the guy carried Alice's king sized bed up the stairs. I was going to kill her if I got a hurnier. I mean she was having me carry a like 2,000 pound bed up the stairs with only a very flabby man on the other side. In fact he looked like he was going to have a heart attack

"Common guys times a wasting…why are you acting like slow pokes!" She said skipping up the stairs.

"Alice how do you think my dad's going to feel when he finds out you made me lift a bed up the stairs?" I asked pissed

"Uncle Charlie/…Smunkle Farlie…he doesn't have to know!" Alice exclaimed. We then headed down the stairs to pick up her bureau.

"You know I just had this vision…you wearing a dark blue stewardess like blazer with a matching skirt…fitted waist…I gotta make that!" Alice babbled as me and the guy carried her bureau.

The next morning we went to work. As soon as we entered the place Alice took off in the direction of the photo shoot area and I went to the editing part. About a half hour later Alice snuck in.

"That doesn't look good there…I would do that over here…see all the colors go!" Alice said positioning pictures from over my shoulder. It was getting really annoying to the point that when my aunt and uncle had seen the original work they actually liked it better. After that they actually barred her from the editing room but she still found ways in.

"Um didn't your parents tell you never to come in here ever again…that you would be fired and they didn't care that you were their daughter." I said looking up at her.

"what they don't know don't hurt them…I know you wont say anything!" Alice said.

"Yeah but they did see my original work on this issue ( my aunt had come to visit me about five minutes before bringing the only thing she knew how to cook…sausage and eggs…very like my father.) and they have cameras…they will be here with in a minute." as I said this the door opened. My Aunt Charlie came running in. I guess my grandparents weren't really creative if they named both twins Charlie. My Aunt Charlie was a dead ringer for my dad which meant she looked like my clone. In fact for the first 18 years of my life my name was Charlie Swan III…my grandfather was also named Charlie. The three Charlie's in the effort to keep the family name going snuck into the nursery to change my name from Isabella Marie Swan to Charlie Charles Swan III. I know creepy right. Alice too suffered the curse of being called Charlie Anthony Brandon. She didn't look like a Swan at all though. She was 100% Brandon…dark haired, short , and hazel green eyes. Should of seen my mom's face when she found out about the name. I had come home from kindergarten asking why I was being called "Charlie 4.0 and Alice was being called Charlie 5.0...Alice and I were the same age. No wonder why they divorced He told me the story that night

_Flashback_

_Charlie's…the younger male Charlie...point of view._

_I was staring at my newborn baby daughter with my sister and my father. Rene had already named the baby Isabella Marie Swan but there was still time to change that . My sister was due to give birth any day now so her maternal instincts were going into over drive. I looked at the two of them._

"_This will not do…we're naming the child after us!" The three of us declared._

"_Charlie is a very unique name among girls…I was the only one I knew named Charlie!" My sister Charlie said._

"_Besides Charlie…Charlie is a sacred family name…almost as sacred as the last name Swan." My father Charlie said with reverence in his voice._

" _If we're going to do this we're going all the way…Charlie Charles Swan III…right Charlie!" My father said to the both of us._

"_Absolutely not…if we're going to do this…her name is either going to be Charlie Marie or Charlie Anthony…I know that sounds masculine but you can call it Annie!" My sister said._

"_The only thing we'll be calling it is Charlie!" my father and I roared together. Just then my brother in law (Charlie was my only sibling.) Andrew walked by. He threw weird looks at us. He was probably pissed that Andrew Brandon II was voted down for a boy…Charlie was hell bent on Charlie for both boy and girl. Charlie turned around and sounding like her future child roared " YOU SAY ONE WORD ABOUT THIS TO RENE AND YOU CAN KISS YOUR ARMANI CLAD ASS GOODBYE!" as my father and I picked the lock to the nursery…thank god Charlie sr. was in the security business. Considering I was Chief of Police for Forks, Washington the apple didn't fall too far from the tree there._

_End of flashback_

Considering it was five years after the fact when my mom found out we had to wait till I was 18 to change it. When I did…I changed it to the name she called me over my father's suggestion of Carlie…it was too much like Charlie for my liking. The only ones with a good taste in names in our family was my mother and Alice's father who picked out the name "Alice". He wanted always wanted to name his daughter after "Alice in wonderland"

"ALICE BRANDON…HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU… LEAVE YOUR COUSIN CHARLIE…I MEAN BELLA ALONE!" She hadn't gotten over the fact that Alice and I changed our named…and that happened like seven years ago.

"its been seven years now and you still haven't gotten over the fact that WE CHANGED OUR NAMES…the only reason your not calling me "Charlie" is because dad told you to stop!" Alice snarled as she left the room

" Good she's gone…you can go back to work in peace now!" My aunt said leaving. As she reached the door her head looked left and right . Probably making sure that Alice was not trying to sneak back inside the room.

"God she's 25 years old and I'm still looking out for her…ughh she's driving me up a wall!" I could hear my aunt shaking her head as she left.

Alice didn't come back for the rest of the day.


	2. Chapter 2

**I dont own twilight S/M does. Please read and review.**

Chapter 2

BPV

The next few weeks went by really quietly. Alice continued to sneak in at work…just she didn't get busted. We quickly adjusted to life in our new house. No one came by to look at the downstairs apartment which made me question whether or not the owner actually put it in the papers. When we went into work one day Alice's parents called a meeting.

"Alright well we have a few announcements that may change the company a little. If your in the editing or modeling areas you may want to really pay attention for your going to be directly affected by this." Aunt Charlie said.

"Alright first of all we're going to be creating two new posts in the editing department…Bella your going to be the new assistant head Editor so your going to get a pay raise and you'll be assisting our new head editor of our magazine." my Uncle Andy said. Great so I was getting a glorified title of being someone's bitch…well at least I was getting a pay raise and whoever it was could probably kick Alice out of the editing area.

"Also we'll be getting a new brawny male model…Alice you should pay close attention considering your going to be his fashion designer." Uncle Andy continued on. Alice pouted.

"So lets keep up with Brandon enterprises tradition and welcome the new employees when they start in a few days!" Uncle Andy clapped and walked away. Alice followed me complaining until we reached the door of the editing room.

"Great what am I going to do now! My new line is supposed to drape over people…not cling to them…I'm going to have to start over from scratch!" Alice complained.

"Like what the fuck…are they trying to ruin me!" Alice bitched some more.

"At least your not working under someone!" I said.

"No but our luck you'll get the good boss who doesn't give a flying fuck what you do and I'll get stuck with the whining busts threw every piece of clothing you put on them male model!" Alice countered. I then went into the editing room. I noticed that there was a new desk lined up right in front of me…they were so close that they were actually touching. This was going to be wonderful…so they can order me around from right in front of me! I grumbled and went about my work. I was going to have to enjoy my last few days of freedom. Alice came in to signal that we were both on break.

" and then bob said he wasn't going to wear that and I was like…oh yes you are…if I have to get a new model then your wearing that…you know though one perk…I can tell that _Dog_ that I now have the same amount of male models he does…let's see what he says to that!" Alice laughed digging into her hot dog

"Ugh I am so dreading this...keratin and modeling do not mix unless its for Nike !" Alice whined. I really didn't understand what she was complaining about…she at least had the freedom of not working under anyone…she could just tell the model to stop complaining and they would.

"lets talk about something else…what are you going to wear to the Charlie's 50th birthday party…I was thinking lime green tank top, leggings, a black skirt and green flats for myself ." Alice continued on.

"Oh I don't know Alice…that's in like three weeks!" I exclaimed.

"You don't know…WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW…three weeks goes by in the blink of an eye…the entire family is going to be there…even their cousins from NYC are going to be there…you know the one's who think we're still named Charlie!" Alice gasped.

"Alice first of all if they still think we're named Charlie then there is a bigger issue there, secondly it is going to be at my father's house…not your parents palace, thirdly its CASUAL!" I emphasized the last part. That girl really had problems if she was worried about how she looked in front of people that she hadn't seen since she was 17 years old at a party that was going to be held in my father's back yard in like a month!

" the early bird always catches the worm!" Alice exclaimed

" you are so insane Alice!" I joked.

"yep but I'm family….gotta love me!" Alice joked back

"true that." I said

" I wonder how brawny the male model is?" Alice sighed. She was really not looking forward to this. In fact she was really dreading it.

"Alice chill…it probably isn't going to be as bad as you think!" I said

"I hope so…I don't want to have to completely alter my line!" Alice moaned.

"Well breaks over…if I cant get back in in a half hour I'll meet you at the car when it's time to leave." Alice said heading out of the cafeteria and back to her design room.

I headed back to the editing room and continued with my work.

Alice and I got home that night and I popped a chicken in the oven. Alice couldn't cook to save her life…a Swan family trait…the only one that I didn't get…fortunately. After the divorce my father and my mother had joint custody…my father gaining primary custody while my mother got visitation rights since she couldn't find a house before the custody battle ended. So I had to learn to fend for myself…Uncle Andy and my mother had to teach me how to cook. Alice could smell the food and came running.

"Yummy…you make the best chicken!" Alice said digging in once the chicken came out of the oven. I had just finished washing my plate and Alice was playing with her mashed potatoes when the doorbell rang. Alice and I looked at each other and went to the door. When I opened it I was stunned. It was if god himself was sitting on my front doorstep. I only got a glimpse of his bronze hair and green eyes before he opened his mouth to speak. When he did it sounded as if all the angels in heaven sang.

"Hi my name is Edward Cullen and this is my brother Emmett ( he gestured to the heavily muscular man next to him.) ,we're going to rent out the basement apartment and we wanted to stop by and get to know you people since we're practically going to be living together." The man said holding out his hand.

"Its nice to meet you , my name is Bella and this is Alice…I'm sorry please excuse the house it's a little messy…Rob ( the owner) neglected to tell us that you were going to be stopping by so we were just eating dinner but please, please come in!" I said gesturing inside and stepped to the side. Alice grumbled "the male model better not be that muscular!" as Emmett walked into the living room.

"So when do you guys move in?" Alice asked.

"Oh in two days…if that's alright with you guys?" Edward asked as we sat down on the couch. From what I could tell he seemed really nice…which meant I didn't have a chance. Emmett hadn't spoken so I couldn't tell about him.

"Oh that's fine with us!" I said. Alice grunted and I stepped on her foot. Alice would of liked ten years notice before they had moved in but that didn't happen.

" so we're all going to be living together right…what's your favorite foods, favorite music, favorite movies…" I started to ask.

"Well my favorite food is chicken parm, my favorite music is anything by Debussy, my favorite movie is Romeo and Juliet…the 1960's version, my favorite book is Dracula, and I really couldn't tell you my favorite store…I do wear a lot of the Brandon line "immortal" so anywhere that carries that is a good store" Edward answered. From the look in her eyes I could tell Edward was automatically in Alice's good graces…that was the first line she ever started for men only. She whispered "I knew I recognized that top from somewhere!" how the hell did he pick up on the book?

"My favorite food is pizza, I'm more modern than Edward in my music tastes…got any R&B or rap and I'm all set. I like to read anything about sports and any sports movie is my favorite except for figure skating and any sporting goods store is my favorite store." Emmett said.

That's…lovely." Alice gasped .

"So what about you guys?" Edward asked.

"well I'm a pasta girl myself, my favorite music is also Debussy, my favorite book Wuthering Heights, my favorite movie is also the 1960's version of Romeo and Juliet, and I wear a lot of clothes made by the Brandon's" my eyes subtly reverted to Alice as I said this.

"my favorite food is Broccoli, I'm into songs like "Barbie Girl", I don't need to read books when I can read 17 magazine, my favorite movie is "The Devil Wears Prada", and I cant decide between Gucci , Coach, Prada, or Channel as my favorite stores." Alice answered. Only Alice.

"Jobs?" I asked

" oh we just quit…don't worry though we'll be starting new one's soon and we have the money to afford the rent till then." Edward answered.

"You?" he asked.

"Well Alice is a fashion designer and I edit the magazine that she designs for." I answered.

"Ehem…head fashion designer!" Alice added as if it made her sound like a CEO or something.

"Oh excuse me Alice is the _head_ fashion designer." I said rolling my eyes.

"Oh so you must have been the one that picked out the furniture!" Edward said to Alice while staring down at the hot pink couch he was sitting on.

"Yep that was me! You don't wanna even see what would happen if Bella bought furniture!" Alice said. I was offended by this. Just because I didn't pick out a limited addition hot pink Gucci couch didn't mean I had bad taste in furniture.

"Geez thanks Alice!" I said. Edward and Emmett looked like they wanted to laugh.

Two days later we helped the boys move in. The boys carried the heavier things in and I took everything else. Alice…who was supposed to be helping me was too busy planning the alterations to her new line to help any of us out. She followed me around blubbering about all the changes to the stitching that she had to make, how spandex wouldn't go and the such. It was to the point where I actually had to shove boxes of clothing in her arms because it felt like my arms were going to fall off. Emmett's room was a death trap to me…he had left a bunch of weights on the floor in the attempt to organize his room…I must of fell like ten thousand times.

"Emmett didn't I tell you to not to leave your weights on the floor…to put them in your closet for now!" Edward said picking me up for the tenth time.

" But I want to work out after I get everything done!" Emmett whined.

"Emmett we have so much stuff to move in that we're not going to be done till late…better just put those away…your getting a work out anyways." Edward said.

" ugh…your right…I'm getting a work out anyways." Emmett said starting to put his dumbbells away. He looked wistfully at them. I had a feeling that wasn't the last time we'd see the dumbbells. I invited the boys to dinner since they didn't have any food in their kitchen and they accepted. They seemed a little nervous at trying my food but once they tasted it they seemed to like it.

"Yum this is good shit…damn you can cook Bella!…between the two of you I'm never going to go hungry" Emmett said pointing between Edward and I while digging into his baked potato which I had stuffed to high hell with every sort of filling imaginable. We were having baked potatoes and pork chop's…I ran to the market last minute and brought like three pounds extra. Edward had an extra serving of food and Emmett had like six so I guessed they really liked the food.

"Be warned…Emmett cant cook to save his life…just so you know!" Edward said as he helped me wash dishes.

"Yeah well Alice cant either…I'll cut you a deal…if I ever see Emmett near a stove by himself I'll stop him and the same goes for you and Alice?" I asked.

"Deal!" Edward said. I could really see myself becoming close friends with him. He seemed really nice and I hadn't seen that in a while. We went to bed soon after…Alice grumbling about meeting the male model the next day. She was still making a big deal out of that. I headed into my room …which fortunately I prevented Alice from going crazy in the redecorating department. The only things I couldn't stop her with was my bed covers which read "Princess " in pink over a black background and the huge vanity which was now in the corner. I grabbed the new Victoria's Secret pj's that Alice had gotten me and went to into bed. The black abyss didn't last long enough.

I was awoken at two in the morning by the sounds of Emmett working out. It was so loud that I could hear him even though I was on the third floor and he was in the basement. I groaned and threw my pillow over my head.

"1,191...UMP!" Emmett yelled. Please god shut him up.

"1,192! YEAH WHO'S THE BEAST…WHO'S THE BEAST!" Emmett shouted excitedly. Alice then ran past my room wearing a sleeping mud mask, sleeping mask with eyes the exact color of her natural ones, and curlers in her hair.

"I'LL GIVE YOU BEAST…CANT BE A MOMEN'T PEACE WITH YOU!" Alice roared. I followed her down stairs. I didn't want there to be a fight …I didn't know who'd win. Emmett had the muscle but Alice had the passion…she could take down a person at least twice her size with ease.

" SHUT THE FUCK UP EMMETT…SOME OF US NEED OUR BEAUTY REST!" Alice roared once she reached Emmett.

"1,193 UMP!"

"YOU WANT THOSE TO GET BIGGER!" Alice roared shocked. This got Emmett's attention. His eyes widened in fear at the sight of Alice…but not at the pissed off look on her face.

"AHHHHH MONSTER…MONSTER…SOME ONE KILL IT…GREMLIN!" Emmett roared running behind his bed. I swore I could see the bed shake.

"GREMLIN…_GREMLIN! _I'LL GIVE YOU GREMLIN!" Alice roared running after him. Emmett then whacked her with a broom.

"OWW!" Alice shouted.

"LOOK JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO WHERE TO GO TOMORROW DOESN'T MEAN THE REST OF US DON'T HAVE JOBS YOU KNOW…WE NEED TO SLEEP…GOD HOW DOES EDWARD DEAL WITH IT !" Alice shouted. It was then that Edward crawled in clad only in boxers.

"SHUT UP THE BOTH OF YOU…I'M TRYING TO SLEEP HERE…EMMETT THAT'S NO MONSTER THAT'S ALICE IN A ANTI AGEING MASK WHICH WONT WORK…YOU'LL STILL GET WRINKLES…YOU WANT TO PREVENT BAGGAGE THEN GO TO SLEEP…EMMETT YOUR MUSCLES ARE NOT GOING TO BE USED MUCH IF YOUR SO TIRED YOU CANT LIFT YOUR ARMS UP...NOW GET TO BED!" Edward spat. Both Alice and Emmett looked shocked. Emmett put the weights away and Alice strutted up back to bed. I followed after her hearing her complain about all the muscled freaks in her life.

We woke up early the next day and the guys were nowhere to be found. I had figured that they were still asleep. Alice ambushed me practically restraining me while doing the works. It took her about three hours before she was finished with me…something. about looking good in front of the new people. When she was finished with me she ran into her room and finished herself up. She walked out dressed like she was in the 40's or something like that. Today was mostly going to be a party day…not much work was going to get done. Alice and I jumped in my old 1960's truck. Alice wasn't a big fan of it but not all of us could afford to drive yellow 911 turbo Porches.

"You really need a new car Bella…you've had this for how long!" Alice exclaimed as the truck made a shot gun blast noise in it's attempt to start. It didn't have much life left in it but I was afraid of what Alice would do in a car dealership.

"Don't disrespect the antique!" I said.

"Antique requires restoration…this is just _old!_" Alice countered.

"Whatever Alice…it's older than you…it's seen history!" I said.

"Yeah and it's pretty close to becoming it…it doesn't sound like it's going to last too long!" Alice warned.

"yeah well not all of us have new cars Alice!" I said.

" not my fault…I offered to buy you a car for your birthday last year…you said no!" Alice said.

"yeah well last year my truck was operating better than this!" I said as my truck broke down again. A nice man pulled over and helped us temporarily fix it.

"You know the offer still stands…think of it as a belated birthday gift!" Alice said.

"ill think about it." I answered.

" I could so get you an F-150, maybe a hummer…god knows you need a tank, or we could go more sporty!" Alice said dreaming of the day I got a new car.

"I didn't say yes!" I said.

"but it wasn't a no either!" Alice countered

"Alice!"

"Bella!" I gave up….I couldn't change her mind. I had a feeling that one day soon I would be seeing a new car sitting in my driveway.

"Favorite store?" Alice cut off. I was going to ask favorite books but whatever.


	3. Chapter 3

**I dont own twilight S/M does. Please read and review.**

Chapter 3

BPV.

Pulling into the parking lot I saw a familiar silver Volvo sitting right in front of the entrance doors. No…no…it couldn't be…could it? I could see Alice's eyes staring at the license plate in shock and in horror.

"What are they doing here…are they stalking us?" Alice asked horrified.

"I have no clue…lets find out!" I said pulling up next to the Volvo. It was empty. I looked at Alice and we headed in side. Let them stalk us…we'll give them something to watch! As we walked in there was a big banner reading " WELCOME NEW EMPLOYEES!" under which Edward and Emmett were shaking people's hands. No…no way.

"Oh hey guys…this is Emmett Cullen…our new model!" Uncle Andy was saying to people as Emmett shook their hands.

"Please tell me he just said " this is Edward Cullen" I mean Edward's built!" Alice said mortified.

"Nope…he definitely said Emmett." I said. Alice moaned.

"YOU COME HERE…I NEED MEASUREMENTS!" Alice said running over to Emmett and dragging him to another room. Only Alice would complain about a model in front of said model with out knowing it. That meant…crap…that meant I was going to be working with Edward. Wait a minute that meant I was going to be working _for_ Edward. I hoped that he wasn't one of those closet psycho bosses that is nice to his friends but mean to his employees. I was so used to be working as my own boss ( everyone in our department worked independently till now…the higher ups felt that a little more structure was needed and that's why the new positions were created.) that I didn't know if I could handle working under someone else…never mind someone else that I lived with …then again I lived with Alice just fine and she was breathing down my neck every chance she could here. I took Edward to his desk and showed him the ropes…I was showing my boss the ropes…how ironic. He seemed to catch on quickly though…and even better he agreed with my set up of the magazine and not tried to change it unlike a little pixie I knew. My aunt came in to check up on us and passed some information on to him…the only thing I forgot to cover.

"Be on the look out for Alice…she's banned from stepping foot in this room…she likes to come in from time to time and bug my niece over there!" she said rubbing my head in a Charlie ( my father) like manner.

"Your related to the founders of the company?" Edward asked a little amused.

"yeah…it gets worse…Alice…my cousin." I said winking.

"Your telling me _that _spawned that…obviously Alice looks like her father's side." Edward said. As I said I was a clone of my aunt. We could see Auntie Charlie pushing Alice away from the door. Alice obviously didn't see her mother and tried to get in here.

"But I just want to see how Bella's doing with her new boss…cant I just visit for a second!" we could hear Alice whining.

"NO! Alice your job is on the other side of the building…NOW GO THERE!" Aunt Charlie commanded.

"Wow I cant believe that you two are even related…you seem so…" Edward started up but I cut him off.

"Not Alice." I said.

"Well yeah…and you don't look anything alike." Edward said

"I know I get that a lot." I said. Alice was pixie like and beautiful…I was average and I knew it. Edward and I then went back to work. Edward seemed like a good enough boss but this was his first day…I'd have to take it day by day. He pointed out some mistakes in a very kind way…so unlike Alice who would stand over my shoulder nagging until I changed it to the way she liked it…if she didn't do it herself. I actually found peace for an extended period of time. Alice's parents actually put security guards on the look out for her for the day and we'd periodically see them "escorting " her back to her part of the building.

" I'm totally going to have to change your uniform…that is so last decade!" Alice exclaimed as one of the officers was bringing her back.

" Ugh and don't get me started on you!" we could hear her carrying on.

"Your cousin is…" Edward started up.

"insane…you haven't even seen the bulk of it…give her a few weeks." I said laughing.

"Oh wait she'll get in here one time." I continued. We went back to our work. I swore I saw a couple of people swoon at the sight of Edward and shoot jealous eyes in my direction. Hey I didn't choose for this to happen! It wasn't my fault!

My words came to pass the next day. Edward and I were in the middle of editing some words that were going to be used on the cover of the magazine when the door's burst open…Alice's pixie face looking suspiciously around the room for anyone liable to kick her out. When she deemed the room clear she walked right to where Edward and I were sitting.

"EWW! YOUR PUTTING THOSE TWO OUTFITS TOGETHER…THAT WONT DO!" Alice said as she turned to the first page. She was about to rip the pictures when Edward stopped her.

"Alice don't….they look fine…your not supposed to be here anyways…YOU DON'T WORK HERE!" Edward warned.

"Oh their fine with out me for a few minutes…and oh no that wont do for the back page you should of used that on the first one!" Alice said still critiquing the magazine.

"Oh really…then please explain WHY Emmett followed you here?" Edward asked pointing behind her to a half naked Emmett.

"ALICE….ALICE…I THINK THESE PANTS ARE TOO TIGHT IN THE ASS!" Emmett whined and a couple of women's jaw dropped at the size of Emmett's abdominal muscles. I saw some of their heads actually line themselves up to his ass. Emmett turned around and there was a ripping sound. The pant line ripped right down the middle of his backside.

"OH MY GOD….I TOLD YOU TO LAY OFF THE MUSCLE MILK…THAT RIP WONT EVEN LOOK HIP!" Alice roared running to Emmett who was covering his ass up with glossy paper. I swore a woman wolf whistled and another one turned on "YMCA" . Emmett dropped the paper and started doing the "YMCA" dance. People were throwing money at him.

"RIP IT ALL OFF!" Someone yelled.

"ABSOLUTELY NOT…THOSE ARE $1,000 JEANS!" Alice roared. Emmett made to actually rip them off.

"EMMETT TOUCH THOSE JEANS AND YOU DIE!" Alice roared some more. Emmett started to sing the song.

"Y…M…CA!" Emmett sang. I swore that he was still counting the money when they left. I looked Edward who looked like he wanted to laugh.

"I can see why your Aunt and Uncle put up body guards to keep her out…can anyone be more of a distraction than her?" Edward asked. Just then Emmett belted out "Y…M…CA!"

"Oh wait…Emmett." Edward said with the utmost look of embarrassment on his face. After that the whole editing department was in disarray. Everyone was swooning and talking about how the new male model's pants ripped. This was one of the times that I felt bad that Edward was the only male in the department.

"yum yum…if his ass burst through his pants …I wonder what else could!" said Phyllis. I was grossed out and Edward looked mortified.

"PHYLLIS your like fifty years old and YOUR MARRIED…keep those thoughts to yourself!" I said. I felt Edward shutter beside me.

"Sorry their not usually like that!" I said.

"Emmett does bring out the best in people!" Edward said still grossed out

"And did you see his abs…those weren't six packs …THEY WERE TWELVE PACKS!" Doris said.

"alright everyone…like 95% of you are married…get back to work!" I ordered. Doris was on the border of 70 so that was really gross.

"Um think we should switch jobs?" Edward asked.

"Don't worry they'll get used to you….in fact I think they really like you!" I said as a group of younger girls were staring at Edward. They were probably wondering what he looked like with no shirt on.

" well at least it will be easy to gain their respect." Edward said.

"Yeah…don't worry about it." I said to Edward. Just then Emmett came charging back in.

"Y…M…CA…ump!" Emmett sang. Phyllis and Doris swooned. Alice came charging back in.

"EMMETT CULLEN…GET YOUR BRANDON CLAD ASS BACK OVER TO THE PHOTO SHOOT THIS INSTANT….BEFORE YOU RIP ANOTHER HOLE IN YOUR PANTS!" Alice roared.

" oh man Alice couldn't you just wait one more second!" Phyllis moaned.

"Damn Phyllis just damn…I don't even want to know what your thinking." Alice said.

"Maybe you guys should consider putting locks on the door?" Edward asked.

"We did…Alice broke them with her credit cards." I said.

"Then maybe consider putting a pad lock on the door." Edward said.

"Do you honestly think a little old pad lock will keep her out…especially now that she's armed with Emmett?" I asked skeptically.

"Point taken…I guess that takes security guards out of the question too…maybe dogs would be best?" Edward asked.

"Besides the fact that the Brandon's have a no pets policy…again do you honestly think the dogs could stand a chance against Emmett?" I asked.

"Your right…I've seen Emmett take on grizzly bears and win." Edward said. Some how I actually believed him.

"Pst…that's the brother…Pst!" I started to hear. Oh my god this was getting too much.

"EVERYBODY SHUT UP!…IF I HEAR ONE MORE MENTION OF EMMETT, EDWARD OR NAKED BODIES WE ARE GOING THROUGH SEXUAL HARRASSMENT TRAINING AGAIN!" I shouted. The last time we went was because a female employee in our department was being harassed by a male model. They made both departments go. Edward clapped when I sat down…I got more envious stares then ever. I swore that if Phyllis looked any more green with envy that she'd turn into a leprechaun

" I swear to you Edward they are never usually like this." I said.

"Oh its okay." Edward said.

We then went back to work. With everything that went down we probably lost a half hour of editing. When the lunch break came Alice came in with four sandwiches…Emmett followed behind. Phyllis stared wistfully at Emmett…I didn't want to know what was going on in that mind of hers or I'd probably loose my appetite.

"What's up with that lady?" Emmett asked staring at Phyllis who was ogling Emmett .

"Emmett you don't want to know what happened after you left…trust me." I said. Phyllis looked like she wanted to say something but I shot her a death glare.

"Ew…just Ew!" Alice said her eyes following mine.

"Does Phyllis want to go back to see _Sebastian_ again." Alice gagged. Phyllis and the Sexual Harassment Trainer didn't get along well.

"Alright lets get out of here before everyone forms an angry mob in the attempt to get at the boys." I said. All of us stood up and left…a bunch of moans came from behind us.


	4. Chapter 4

**I dont own twilight S/M does. Please read and review. Thanks for the reviews keep them comming!**

Chapter 4

BPV

A few minutes after we got home that night our phone rang. Mike from the marketing department called to see if we would go out with him tonight. He said that he and another person wanted to hit up a bar and we were welcome to come along.

"Hey guys I was wondering…do you want to hit up our bar tonight?" Mike asked.

"Yeah sure…when?" I asked.

"oh probably in 15 minutes or so….is that okay…there are going to be other people there." Mike said

"Oh that's fine." I said. Alice tugged on my shoulder. If we were leaving in 15 minutes she needed to make up for lost time.

"Well I gotta go…we'll see ya there." I said hanging up. Alice trudged me upstairs to get ready.

"You know…we should invite the guys to go along…Mike's a freak and we may need some protection." Alice said off handedly. Lets just say that if Alice's parents ever got a whiff of any of Mike's exploits he'd probably be fired on the spot.

"Actually that's not a bad idea…maybe he wont get grabby this time if you know what I mean!" I said. It was then that Alice ran down stairs.

"What is it?" Edward asked.

"Well Bella and I are going out with some work people…wanna go?" Alice asked.

"Is Phyllis going to be there?" Emmett asked seductively.

"Uh no." Alice said.

"good cuz that woman's a freak!" Emmett said relieved

" EMMETT DON'T WEAR THAT SHIRT…I GOT THE PERFECT ONE!" I could hear Alice saying. Oh god. A new doll for Alice to play dress up with. Now she's got her Barbie and her Ken.

We decided to take Emmett's Jeep there because it was the only car that could fit all of us that was the closest to the door. When we got there , there was more people there then Mike had us believe were going. Sitting next to Mike at the bar was Phyllis. Emmett looked afraid and Edward looked annoyed.

"Hope you don't mind…I ran into Phyllis on the way here…I told her about our little shindig and told her to invite a few more people." As Mike said this his eyes reverted to Jessica Stanley who was dancing on top of the other side of the bar wearing nothing but a tube top and booty shorts that Alice had designed.

"OH MY GOD DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THOSE BOOTY SHORTS COSTS…THEY'RE NOT EVEN HERS…THEY'RE FOR THE PHOTO SHOOT!" Alice chocked.

"Leave her be…she's having fun!" Mike said starting to sound sloshed.

"MIKE…GET HER DOWN THIS INSTANT…OR I TELL CHARLIE AND ANDREW ABOUT YOUR EXPLOITS. FONDELING ANGELA FROM ACCOUNTING AGAINST HER WISHES…GETTING TRASHED ON THE JOB…IF YOU DON'T GET JESSICA DOWN YOU CAN KISS YOUR JOB GOODBYE!" Alice threatened. Mike scampered to the other side of the bar.

"Tinkerbelle knows…Jessica get off or we're fired!" Mike cried. Jessica jumped down as fast as possible.

"Lets order a round of shots…Patron anybody!" Emmett declared. Everyone agreed.

"Yes!" Everyone cheered.

"WAHOO!" Emmett said as he chugged the shot down like water. That's the last thing I remember.

I woke up the next morning the sun blaring in my eyes. OUCH! Why was it so bright! My head felt like it got hit by a freight train. I must have been wrecked last night. I cant even remember what I did. My stomach made one nasty lurch. Ugh thank god it was Saturday…I had all weekend to recover. My temples throbbed. I went to roll over and I hit a large lump. It was warm like a body. Please god no! Please…please…please let it be Alice. The lump shifted and a bronze tuft of hair poked out of the sheets. Oh no! its worse then I thought. Like really Bella did you have to sleep with your really hot new roommate/ boss. Way to complicate your entire life in one night. Like seriously this would be my luck! The worst part is I DIDN'T EVEN REMEMBER IT! Like seriously kill me now…some one shoot me please! Just end it before it begins!

"SO YOU GOT THE HOTTIE AND I GOT THE NOTTIE…HOW FARE IS THAT?" Alice's voice called from the other side of the room. Just then the door opened up and Mike Newton walked in completely but naked and burped.

"um guys where's the kitchen…I want something to eat…oh and if you have to go to the bathroom I'd wait a while to use it!" he said strutting out…his white ass shining in the sun light.

"Finally I thought you would never wake up…it's 12 noon…anyways imagine my reaction when I woke up to that in my bed…I'm going to have to wash every orifice of my body for the next three days to feel clean now!" Alice exclaimed disgusted. Just then I looked down…and I realized that I was naked.

"um Alice…you mind leaving for a second so I can put clothes on!" I said embarrassed.

"Bella…we're the same age, Charlie and Charlie put us in the tub together when we were little…it's not like I haven't seen anything!" Alice exclaimed as I wrapped myself up in my sheets instead.

"Oh shit…did I take my birth control?" I asked.

"No need to thank me!" Alice said holding up an empty condom wrapper and my pill box. Yesterday's pill was missing. Alice was hell bent on not giving the Charlie's the chance to name another kid. She always vowed that we would wait till marriage that way our husbands could stop them from breaking into the nursery again. It was then that I could hear a moaning sound coming from the side of me…a hand reached my shoulder

"Emmett ?" He asked fearful.

"Not quite!" Alice said.

"Alice?" He gulped afraid.

"Try again!" Alice responded bubbly. His eyes opened up and looked towards me.

"BELLA!" He screamed jumping back 10 feet. That was not a good sign.

"I am so sorry Bella…I don't know what happened last night but I can guess!" Edward gulped pointing to his naked body.

"You think this is bad…" Alice said pointing at us.

"Wait till you see who is _DOWN STAIRS_" Alice said with a disgusted tone in her voice.

"Honestly I think you two got the best deal out of all of us!" Alice continued as we heard a grizzly bear like groan from down stairs.

"OH MY GOD EWWWWWWWWW!" Emmett shouted. We could then hear Emmett throwing up.

"What baby is it the hang over?" a very…very…Phyllis like voice said. Alice nodded disgusted.

" Yeah…that's it." I could hear the lie in Emmett's voice even from here.

"That's not all of it!" Alice laughed. It was then that both Jessica Stanley and Phyllis came up the stairs only wearing Emmett's shirts.

"Um Bella can I borrow some underwear." Phyllis asked. I cringed and pointed to the draw.

"I'll give it back to you I promise!" Phyllis said.

"No need to…keep it." I said trying to hide the disgust out of my voice.

"And I need to borrow a bra…we're the same size…Alice lets me borrow yours all the time!" Jessica said.

"Oh really!" I said throwing Alice a look.

"don't worry I burn them and buy you replacements when that situation arises." Alice whispered to me. That only made me feel a little better.

"Geez thanks Alice." I whispered back. It was then that I could see Jessica eyeing Edward out.

"Ooh Bella I didn't know you had it in you…banging the new boss…and he's hot." She said looking at Edward like he was a piece of meat. It was then that Emmett came up the stairs wearing a bathrobe with the letter E on it.

"Okay everyone who doesn't live here OUT NOW!" Emmett roared the last part. Phyllis and Jessica went scampering out.

"Alright does anyone have any memory of what happened last night?" Emmett asked the room. Edward and I looked at each other and then piped up "ALICE DOES" right as Alice said "I DO!"

So this is what happened last night. You all got inhaliated. Honestly I didn't think anyone could out drink Emmett…Bella you proved me wrong. Though some of it wasn't your fault…you were egged on by …others (She glared at Emmett)." Alice started.

"Oh great!" I said.

"So anyways…since I was the least drunk of us all which is sad to say cuz I was pretty lit myself…I drove us home…while you two were going at it in the back seat and you Emmett were pawing the two girls in the trunk…something about "wanting some privacy" ." Alice was interrupted.

"YOU DROVE MY BABY DRUNK!" Emmett roared turning a very Charlie's like purple.

"Stop interrupting…so anyways Mike was going at my leg for the third time…remember this Bella never sit in the front seat with a drunk Mike Newton…when a cop pulled up behind us . I hit a guard rail and didn't realize it…though I don't know how I didn't know about that. I saw the car this morning….let's just say it wasn't pretty and I have to go to court tomorrow for DUI. So anyways the cop was nice enough to let me drive home since well he didn't see all of it but he got an eye full of the five of you. Put it this way Em your very lucky he didn't slap you with indecent exposure. We went home and the last thing I remember was Mike taking out a bottle of scotch." Alice continued but again was interrupted by Emmett.

"YOU SMASHEDMY CAR UP!" Emmett roared like a wooly mammoth running down the stairs. We grabbed bathrobes and followed him. Edward was very lucky Alice had bought me two dark blue bathrobes. Emmett's cage was hanging off his car…the front bumper was completely missing and the driver's side door had a big gash in it. Emmett was crying at the sight of it.

"Chill drama queen I'll pay for the damages!" Alice said nonchalantly.

"Besides it's not like it's a Porsche!" Alice continued eyeing out her car with love in her eyes.

"I DON'T CARE ALICE IT"S MY RIDE…ITS MY BABY AND SHE'S HURT!" Emmett continued to roar.

"Oh car I am so sorry…I am never letting anyone besides myself drive you ever again… once your fixed we'll be going out everywhere together!" Emmett cried hugging his car. I pulled Edward to the side.

"We need to talk about last night…we don't mention this ever again…as far as last night goes nothing happened…nothing's changed…we're just friends." I said. What the fuck was I saying? If I was honest with myself I liked him…a lot. And here I am telling him we're just friends. Typical Bella…being a MORON! Maybe he'll disagree.

"Your absolutely right Bella…we live together…we work together…it'd be too much." Edward agreed. Fuck, I just had to go and fuck that up.

"I just have to say one thing I'm glad it was you. Usually people would be all awkward after and everything wouldn't be the same but I don't get the feeling about that with you!" Edward said smiling. Fuck me, I am a total moron! Here I am with someone I could see myself with for a long time and I tell him "we're just friends!", and he agrees all the while telling me that he was glad I was his one night stand? Nice Bella…you really know how to rein them in huh!

"Lucky you Edward…I don't know how I'm going to go to work now with Phyllis and Jessica…please shoot me…end the misery before it starts!" Emmett said still hugging his car.

"That's what you get Em for getting that trashed…maybe next time you wont order like 30 rounds of patron and guzzle it like water!" Alice spat. Edward leaned in my ear and whispered "I highly doubt that…this isn't the first time Emmett had a one night stand with two girls."

" Shut up Miss. I banged Mike Newton, one of the girls I banged may have been like 50 but at least she's not a pervert!" Emmett said.

"Phyllis not a pervert…don't make me laugh! ( we looked over to see Phyllis sniffing Emmett's underwear and stuffing it in her purse…how disgusting) and she has the added bonus of being married. Your someone's mistress!" Alice said. Edward and I burst out laughing. I could picture Emmett laying out in Victoria's secret lingerie on someone's bed..

"Alice!"

"Emmett!"

"Both of you shut up…so you both banged perverted freaks last night…shut the fuck up!" I said finally having enough.

"Yeah your not helping our hangovers…in fact Emmett your making mine worse. I'll give you two seconds to shut up or you'll die." Edward said. Emmett immediately quieted down. Alice looked down.

We then went inside.


	5. Chapter 5

**I dont own twilight S/M does. Please read and review. Thanks for the reviews keep them comming!**

Chapter 5

BPV

When we went back to work things got interesting. Phyllis told everyone about what had happened . If I thought the looks I got were bad for working with Edward…it was ten times worse now. The Edward Cullen Fan Club unilaterally gave me dirty looks right as I walked through the door…Phyllis must of blabbed that I lived with him too. People actually started doing stuff to me. Like miraculously coffee would fly through the air and hit me…luckily I was wearing all black today. Or a jelly donut would whiz by and hit me right in the face. Definitely going to have to tell the cafeteria to stop serving donuts and coffee. And that was nothing compared to what Alice was going through. She was getting ridiculed to no end. She came into my office every half hour upset and the security guards would kick her out…Phyllis snickering the whole time. I had enough of this the third time that it happened so I picked up the jelly donut that was on_ my_ desk and threw it right at Phyllis. Unfortunately for her she was wearing white so Strawberry filling smeared all over her shirt.

"Oops!" I said licking the powdered sugar off my hands. Edward looked like he wanted to laugh…he was getting sick of it too. Well she wanted to be a bitch and laugh at Alice while casting donuts my way. A few hours later I was on my AOL looking at the company website scouting for new photos. It was something I did when I had nothing to do. I heard a "boing you got mail" and I immediately clicked to see the new message thinking that it was my father or something. When I saw the last part of the address I knew it was from someone in the company and I opened it. It was a picture of Jessica Stanley and Mike Newton getting it on in the closet…but someone had super imposed Alice's head on Jessica's body. It read underneath " _What's this? Another drunken escapade? You cant use that excuse twice!"_ From what I could see Edward saw it too…his face was half shocked half disgusted.

"Bella I know Alice is family and everything…but please try to be the better person or at least don't get physical…I don't wanna have to spend the rest of my day filling out police reports." Edward said.

"Edward don't worry I wont get physical but your right…Alice is family, if it was Emmett you'd do something too and you know it plus Alice cant defend herself…she's not near a computer right now!" I said digging through my phone messages. I found a video message that Alice had sent me yesterday labeled "Blackmail". I sent it to my computer. I then sent the video which consisted of a Phyllis, Emmett, and Jessica sandwich to the entire company…including Phyllis's husband. I then sent a message to Alice warning her that her day was about to get worse. My phone beeped a second later.

"I'M ON MY WAY! 3 A" it read. I wondered how she was going to get through this time.

"And then Alice said "Mikey come here" like really seductively…I could hear them all the way from Emmett's room…they nearly fell through of Emmett and I!" Phyllis said . We could hear "FUCK YOU PHYLLIS!" as the ceiling caved in and Alice fell on Phyllis, knocking her to the floor. The security guards came charging in.

"I AM ONE STEP AWAY FROM FILING HARRASSMENT ON YOUR ASS…YOU'LL BE FIRED HEAR ME FIRED!" Alice wiled out scratching Phyllis in the face. The security guards tackled Alice and dragged her out of the room.

"Damn I wonder how she got up there?" Edward said staring at the Alice shaped whole in the ceiling. We heard Emmett whistling and twiddling his thumbs in the hallway. Well that answered that question. Phyllis was in a pile of plaster crying her eyes out. It was then that I could hear the moans of Phyllis having sex coming from everyone's computers.

"Emmett….your better than my husband…actually your _way_ better than my husband…oh Emmett right there!" The computer Phyllis yelled. Everybody laughed and pointed at Phyllis. She looked so embarrassed. Alice's computer voice then filled the room.

"YOU WANT TO FUCK WITH ME PHYLLIS….IF YOUR SEEING THIS MESSAGE THEN YOU ARE…YOUR PLAYING WITH FIRE AND YOUR GONNA GET BURNED…THIS IS NOTHING COMPARED TO WHAT I WILL DO TO YOU IF YOU CONTINUE AFTER SEEING THIS MESSAGE!" Alice's voice snarled. It was then that Phyllis's husband came storming in.

"Phyllis…I've had enough of the affairs, you've embarrassed me in front of my entire workplace and my friends…I wont be able to look people in the eye anymore because of this….it's over…I'm filing for divorce today!" Phyllis's husband snarled.

"But…but…its not my fault…I can explain everything!" Phyllis pleaded.

"Explain it to your lawyer!" He said running out.

"ALRIGHT ALICE IS GOING DOWN!" she said charging for the door. A stapler then left my hand and hit Phyllis right in the head. Phyllis was down for the count. Oh well I could always say it was an accident…and Alice needed protection.

"I said no physical violence!" Edward whispered.

"and did you see me punch, kick or bite her!" I whispered back. A small smile developed on his face. I was not going to tell Alice about that little tiff…at least till Phyllis was like ten mile away from us. Someone carried Phyllis back to her desk and laid her on the remnants of it. I really did get her good there. Everyone then went back to work and no one gave a second glance at Phyllis.

"THAT FUCKING BITCH….SHE TRIED TO DO WHAT? NO ONE TRIES TO ATTACK ALICE BRANDON…I HOPE YOU GOT HER GOOD…TAKE AWAY THE MEMORIES OF THE BEST YEARS OF HER LIFE!" Alice roared. She then shouted incomprehensively. I had told her in the car on the way home.

"Looks like I'm going to have to bring my Tazer to work with me now!" Alice griped some more

" What's that smell?" Alice asked sniffing my hair. It was still matted down with the coffee and Jelly donuts.

"Coffee and jelly donuts…mostly from Phyllis." I said.

"WHAT EW YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT'S BEEN…SHE TRIED TO DESTROY A BRANDON ORIGIONAL…SHE IS FIRED…HEAR ME FIRED…COME TOMORROW MORNING!" Alice spat picking up her phone.

"Hi mom. I would like to make a complaint against another employee." Alice said.

"Her name? Phyllis Mackintosh…where does she work? In the editing department!" Alice continued.

"No mom she didn't tell me I wasn't supposed to be there…she's been saying derogatory things about me, sending bad pictures about me, and throwing Jelly donuts at Bella all day…I want her head on a platter!" Alice ranted on.

"Alright …THANKYOU!" Alice said hanging up the phone. She then turned to me.

"Phyllis will no longer be working for the company…apparently I'm not the only one that's been complaining!" As Alice said this a silver Volvo speed by us. Edward had a crooked smile on his face and Emmett was just hanging up the phone the laugher still etched in his.

"Isn't it wonderful to work with your roommates…well in your case work _for_ your roommate!" Alice said with a knowing smile.

" and even better news…we get out of work for a few weeks…our departments are going through sexual harassment training again…you know what that means…hello model!" Alice winked. Oh god. The last time this happened Alice got sick of not having people model her clothes and made me wear limited addition Brandon clothes to work every day. Needless to say I was used in the "what is not appropriate work attire" exercise. It was then that we reached the house.

A few minutes after we got in there was a knock on the door. Something told me to open the door and I listened. I learned to trust my instincts from Alice "The physic" Brandon. Standing in front of me was a very leggy blonde bimbo. She made Barbie look ugly. I got confused…Emmett didn't tell us he was expecting anybody. That evaporated and my anger soared when she opened her mouth.

"Um is Edward there?" She asked bubbly. Ugh!

"He's right here." I gritted my teeth and headed into the living room. Edward stood up with a look of shock on his face.

"Tanya?" He asked .

"Care to enlighten the rest of us who she is?" I asked pissed.

"Oh she's ..she's?" he started up.

"I'm his girlfriend." Tanya answered.

"Oh that's nice!" I said leaving the room. Girlfriend….GIRLFRIEND….HE NEVER MENTIONED A GIRLFRIEND! I went up the stairs in search for Alice. I needed advice and now!

"Alice?…ALICE!" I shouted. Where was that girl when you needed her. Alice stepped out of her room wearing a bathrobe and an orange mud mask

"What are you yelling about…your cutting over my serenity tapes?" Alice asked as she went down stairs. She bolted back up a second later.

"Alright what is a strange blonde hoe doing in our house practically attacking Edward right now?" Alice asked.

"Girlfriend." I gritted.

"Oh…ouch…that sucks…I got a nail file in my purse if you need it." Alice said. It was then that Emmett came up behind us. His head peered over the banister and into the living room.

"OH NO…THE SLUT IS HERE…RUN FOR YOU LIVES!" Emmett bellowed running away with his hands over his crotch. At least I had an ally for my hatred of Tanya in Emmett.

"So got a plan…I cant think of one right now." Alice asked. In fact I was formulating a plan. I whipped out my cell phone and went down my call list. I knew that he was here somewhere.

"Yes I do….your not going to like it though Alice." I said.

"No!" Alice said.

"it's the only way Alice." I said.

"Alright if you that desperate but I'm going to have to go through more tapes before I can deal with that!' Alice said. She then stuck her ear over the banister.

"Alice what are you doing?" I asked.

"We need to find out the dynamics of the relationship we're dealing with here…that way we can tweak the plan a little…shush!" Alice said leaning more towards the banister. I walked away.

APV

"What are you doing here Tanya…I thought you said that you were climbing Mount McKinley right now!" Edward demanded. Ooh! Explains those legs. But why was Edward living with Emmett and not her.

"Just finished actually. I came to see if you reconsidered my offer…there are apartments near campus you know!" Tanya said.

"Tanya I already told you this…I am not moving to Alaska…my friends, my family, and my job are all here…I have a life here. So either you move here or its over. I'm not playing this game anymore. If you cant take me seriously then I cant take us seriously." Edward said.

"I take you seriously." Tanya said.

"Really then why did you try to jump my brother. Yeah I know about that. Emmett told me everything. That just killed it for me. If your going to try and jump my brother behind my back then I'm not leaving my family for you." Edward said. Ooh...damn I wish I had some pop corn right now…this was better than a soap opera! No wonder why Emmett didn't like her.

'I can explain about that…you see I dropped my cell phone and…" Tanya started up.

"No I know everything…what did your cell phone happen to land in Emmett's boxers through his pants!" Edward snarled. Ew who does that to their boyfriend's brother…like seriously.

" But I was so drunk and Emmett kinda looked like you!" Tanya said. Even I could see the bullshit there…what was she hallucinating when she was drunk.

"Oh please Tanya I said enough with the explanations…get out!" Edward said. I munched on the cucumber that used to be over my right eye.

"Whatever Edward …I'll be waiting for you…you'll see that we were meant to be together!" Tanya said. Psycho bitch…as if. From what I could tell that was a break up though an indirect one but still there. Bella had told me the night after the hook up about her mistake…how she really felt. We were really close cousins. I was about to prance up the stairs to tell Bella when I realized something. I could have a lot of fun with this game. They always said a little challenge didn't hurt any body. So I skipped up the stairs and turned on my serenity tapes.

BPV

When we went to work the next morning Alice broke the news about Phyllis getting fired. Everyone cheered…even Doris did. Alice then set her ipod to YMCA again.

"Now since we all have to go through SHT training again due to Phyllis I decided I'd give you all a little treat before hand." Alice said hitting play. Emmett and all the male models busted down the doors half naked. Emmett jumped on Phyllis's desk.

"PHIL IS FIRED….PHIL IS FIRED!" Emmett sang making a P, I, and F with his arms. All the male models copied him and all of the women swooned in the office. Phyllis then walked into the room and it got dead quiet except for Emmett who was still singing. She broke down sobbing. Alice looked like she could care less…in fact she didn't stop clapping. Emmett took her stuff and threw it at her. He practically cleared out her whole desk for her. Phyllis scrambled out and a very elderly man came walking in. His hair was snow white.

"Grandpa….GRANDPA CHARLIE! Haven't seen you in a while…looking good…so your our SHT trainer?" Alice beamed hugging our grandfather.

"Aw little Charlie's…how's life treating you?" Grandpa Charlie asked eyes moving between me and Alice

"Why did your grandpa just call you "Charlie"?" Edward asked.

"I'll explain later." I whispered back. Much later.

"Its Alice now…and her name is Bella now…you've known that for a while. So anyways what happened to Sebastian?" Alice asked. After Grandpa retired from the security business he went into this.

"Ch-Alice you know that we rotate…just so happened that I got you guys this time." Grandpa Charlie said .

"Alright, lesson one…BOY GET OFF THE DESK AND PUT A TOP ON….YOUR ONLY MAKING THINGS WORSE FOR YOURSELF" Grandpa Charlie said pointing to Emmett who was still dancing and singing "PHILL IS FIRED!" and shaking his ass to the beat. Emmett jumped down and put his top back on. The male models followed suit.

"Now we're going to do some roll playing…I need you Ch-Bella( he pointed to me) and you ( he pointed to Edward) come up here please." Grandpa said. This was going to be fun.

"Now we're going to do some roll playing…I need you Ch-Bella( he pointed to me) and you ( he pointed to Edward) come up here please." Grandpa said. This was going to be fun.

"We're going to demonstrate what is sexual harassment towards females…Edward grab her boob will you please?" My grandpa gestured towards me. Edward looked horrified.

"Edward we don't have all day you know!" I heard Emmett said . Edward walked over.

"you didn't tell me you had a girlfriend." I said.

"What's it to you…we're just friends." Edward whispered back.

"well I would like to know if I was part of someone _cheating_ on someone." I whispered again`

"I'm not that type of guy." Edward whispered back again.

"neither am I…well you know what I mean." I whispered.

"Um Edward you can let go now!" My grandfather said staring at him weirdly. Edward pulled back like a bat out of hell. What ever my grandfather thought he brushed it off. When we were finished with the demonstration we backed off to different corners of the room. Awkward!

"What happened?" Alice asked.

"Nothing." I said.

"I know there was dialogue there I saw both your lips moving…I want details!" Alice demanded.

"It was nothing!" I said.

"I'll get it out of you one of these days." Alice pouted.

"no you wont." I said.

"Wanna bet?" Alice asked. Actually no…Alice would probably win.


	6. Chapter 6

**I dont own twilight S/M does. Please read and review. Thanks for the reviews keep them comming!**

Chapter 6

BPV

There was a ring on the doorbell later on that night. I opened it to see my best friend Jacob smiling serenely at me. Alice gagged and went upstairs. Edward's face switched from calm to pissed off. I could see his hand twitching. It was working! I then went upstairs with Jacob.

EPV.

"What the fuck man….she never told me that she had a boyfriend!" I said to Emmett. She gave me issues about Tanya….WHEN I BROKE UP WITH HER LAST NIGHT…meanwhile she's bringing hers over the house.

"Well you never told her about Tanya…don't lie I saw the look of shock on her face last night…she has every right to be pissed man…even I can see THAT'S A PLOY…and I'm not the smartest bulb on the tree. You like her right?" Emmett said the last part coming out like a question.

"Yeah…but I'm not sure that she likes me." I said.

"God and you're the smart one? Even I can tell that she likes you and I've been told by girls that I'm the most insensitive guy they ever met. WAKE UP AND SMELL THE ROSES BUDDY…SHE LIKES YOU!" Emmett said the last part like he was speaking to a moron. I almost doubled over laughing. He sounded moronic himself.

"But she said she just wants a friendship!" I said. She couldn't like me. She never acted like it.

"UM HELLO…EARTH TO EDWARD….YOU'RE HER BOSS…IF BELLA WAS YOUR BOSS WOULD YOU SAY THAT TOO? WAIT A MINUTE YOU WOULD!" Emmett said shaking his head. That was true. What Emmett said made sense for once!

"Alright what do I do?" I asked. I could already predict the answer before it came out of Emmett's mouth.

"Fight for her!" Emmett said pointing to my shirt. I couldn't believe this but I actually took my shirt off. Emmett shoved a protein drink in my hand and shoved me up the steps. I strutted into Bella's room to find that Jacob kid leaning in close with his hand on her lap. It took all my energy to not kill him. I then flexed my muscles .I could see Emmett peering in with pride and giving me pointers. I couldn't believe I was pulling an Emmett. I was then noticed.

BPV.

I was in the middle of talking to Jacob when Edward came strutting in. He was flexing his muscles in all different ways and had a protein drink in his hand. Oh my god…well at least my plan was working.

"Hi I'm Bella's roommate…don't mind me I'm just getting something of mine!" Edward said grabbing what was clearly one of Alice's hair brushes and flexing his muscles some more. He then strutted out of the room.

"Um does he know that I'm gay?" Jacob asked flamboyantly.

"Jacob he's straight." I said warningly.

"Ooh…you live with that piece of grade A meat and your not getting laid? Maybe I can convert him over to the dark side!" Jacob said excitedly.

"ABSOLUTELY NOT …IN EITHER WAY YOU MEANT THAT JACOB!" Alice's voice rang in.

"SHUT UP MIDGE!" Jacob said.

"DOG!" Alice shouted.

"MIDGE!" Jacob called.

"DOG!"

"DWARF!" Jacob shouted.

"WOLF" Alice shouted.

"ENOUGH ! THE BOTH OF YOU!" I roared

" So anyways back to what I was saying. Bella you should get the midget over there to incorporate more earthy tones in your wardrobe. They go better with your coloring!" Jacob said.

"Jacob how many times do I have to tell you Alice's taste in fashion is a little different than yours." I said.

"well I can see that!" Jacob said.

"Jacob you know I value Alice's opinions as much as yours and she's my cousin so you need to lay off…just because you two are feuding fashion designers doesn't mean I have to get dragged in the middle. You know that if that happens that you wont win. Alice is family. So really lay off." I said

"YOU TELL HIM GIRLFRIEND!" Alice called into the room.

"ALICE SHUT UP!" I said.

"JUST LET ME KNOW IF THE DOG'S STAYING FOR DINNER…I WANT TO KNOW IF I HAVE TO MAKE A TRIP TO PETS SMART AND BLUE BOWL OR PINK?" Alice shouted into the room

"ALICE!" I growled.

"SORRY…SHUTTING UP!" Alice called back. I could see Alice's ear entering the room. That girl had severe problems.

"Girl get that Guess clad ear out of this room this instant before I ruin your collection of Fendi and Prada bags…I've done it before!" Jacob called. Alice's ear disappeared.

"Well I can see that Alice at least didn't get to your room…well the majority of it at least!" Jacob said staring at my princess sheets with a smile on his face.

"yeah well you can only have so many pink things in your room before you have to put your foot down." I said

"I don't find that true at all." The only thing Alice and Jacob did agree on…interior design.

"THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING TO ALL OF THEM…ALRIGHT LAST THING I'M GOING TO SAY!" Alice said

" Thank god…that high soprano voice is giving me a migraine!" Jacob said. I threw him a dirty look.

"What…all she does is yell, yell, yell…its bothering my head!" Jacob said. I almost laughed.

"No honestly…do you have a bottle of aspirin?" Jacob asked.

"In the kitchen." I said. Jacob made me walk him to the kitchen for fear of running into Alice. Alice and Jacob's feud was always there but got worse when Jacob's family company Black Industries started competing on the level of Alice's. I'm shocked she even let me speak to him.

"In the cupboard." I pointed up to one of the cupboards.

"I think I'm going to go now…see ya soon Bella." Jacob said heading towards the door. Alice's head popped in from the living room.

" Bye doggie…don't let the door hit you in the…" Alice started up.

"Bye Jake." I cut her off before she could finish that sentence. Jacob got into his pink supped up convertible bug and took off. That was another reason Alice hated Jacob. Since she was little she wanted that type of car. When Jacob got the car it killed her dream….her parents felt so bad they got her the Porsche. I then found Edward and dragged him up to my bedroom.

APV

I knew that something was about to go down the minute Bella went to find Edward. I went looking for the person who had the same thirst for gossip that I did. I found Emmett cracking open a muscle milk in his basement apartment kitchen. When I told him of recent developments he practically fell off of his chair. I knew I heard a break up last night.

"I don't know how we can spy though…they'll know if we're at the door." I said

"Don't worry Alice I am a master at spying on Edward…I have the perfect way!" Emmett said.

"But we have to get a crackin…the faster the better!" I said. Emmett agreed and we raced out at the speed of light.

BPV

"You do know that Jacob's gay right?" I said. The look on Edward's face was priceless. It looked like he was internally saying "oh shit." I wished I had a camera.

"You do know I broke up with Tanya?" Edward said back. Not going to lie…I was shocked…and relieved. Why would he break up with his girlfriend though. Then I felt a little silly for the argument earlier. Way to go Bella…accusing your crush before you had all the facts.

"Alright then there's a problem if your getting jealous of my gay guy friends and I'm getting jealous of your ex girlfriends…obviously this friend's thing isn't working out. The way I see it we got two options." I said.

"Well I cant be with out you. I vote we go with whatever option that covers." Edward said. I was speechless for a moment.

"alright I guess there's one thing left to do then." I said as we leaned in and kissed. The passion and electricity was like nothing I ever felt before. I felt like we were in a fire…but I didn't want to leave. The world could of ended seven times over and we would of both been rooted to this spot. I felt like I was floating…like I was flying. I never had a kiss like that before. It was the best kiss that I ever had. It was then that Alice's face appeared in the window.

"HE ASKED HER EM…ITS OFFICAL!" Alice said. We walked over to the window to see Emmett standing on a ladder and hoisting Alice in the air as if she were as light as a pillow.

"So guys you seemed to be enjoying that kiss a lot…how was it?" Alice asked.

"God your so annoying!" Edward said pissed.

"Thank you…a little higher Emmett!" Alice called. Alice's head raised an inch. Alice actually took pride in how annoying she was. She actually took Edward's statement as a complement.

"SO BELLA…GETTING IT ON WITH THE BOSS…EDWARD BANGING THE SECRETARY…THAT'S SO HOT!" Emmett called. We both looked embarrassed.

"SHE IS NOT A SCRETARY…SHE IS AN ASSISTANT HEAD EDITOR…THEY ARE NOT EVEN IN THE SAME REALM OF JOB DESCRIPTIONS!" Alice shouted kicking Emmett.

"OW ALICE STOP KICKING ME…OH SHIT…UT OH…_OH SHIT!_" Emmett bellowed. Alice's face disappeared from the window and there was a loud thud. We looked to see Emmett and Alice on the ground…Emmett rubbing his forehead which had Alice's heel mark in it. Alice groaning and holding her neck.

"OW MY NECK…I THINK IT'S BROKEN….SOMEONE CALL 911!" Alice shouted rolling on the ground.

"EMMETT HOLD HER DOWN…KEEP HER NECK ALINED…I'LL BE RIGHT THERE!" Edward called. The both of us ran down the stairs. The paramedics showed up and all the neighbors looked on as Alice was wheeled off in the ambulance.

"I am so sorry Alice…it's just that I couldn't see well and when you kicked me that final time I lost my balance!" Emmett said as Alice met us in the waiting room wearing a neck brace.

"Its alright…your dad said it was just a sprain…nothing too bad…wants me to take it easy for a few days." Alice said. Edward and Emmett's father was the one that evaluated Alice. I had to say that he was really nice. After we finished the story he invited me over for dinner with their family sometime.

"Wow dating someone who knows first aid and is a doctor's son…that's fate considering you're the most accident prone person I know…and that counts everyone in the family!" Alice said when the guys went to pull the car up…the three of us had followed the ambulance in Edward's Volvo.

"Ugh I cant believe this though…this neck cast doesn't go with anything I have in my closet." Alice moaned as we got in the car.

"Alice chill your only going to be in it for a month…its not like it's going to be forever!" Emmett said.

I'm going to look hideous for a month!" Alice sobbed slightly

"Alice…this will give you a chance to debut your new scarf line." I said to cheer her up.

"Your right…I never thought of that…ooh…Emmett what do you think…scarf buddies…I have a male line of them that looks extremely sporty." Alice grinned.

"Deal! I can get pictures of them wrapped around my muscles!" Emmett whooped. Oh god. A delighted look filled Alice's face. Oh god she was imagining what the photos would look like.

"That's actually not a bad idea Emmett…I could do a couple of black and whites on those!" Alice said excitedly. They then started planning poses for the next shoot. I had to say the magazine's circulation tripled since Emmet came so I could see why they got so excited. That meant more work for me though. Oh well.

"So Emmett…Edward had a quasi girlfriend that no one knew about until she showed up on our doorstep and they broke up on the spot…should we expect any of your girlfriends to do that?" Alice randomly asked.

"Well actually there was this one girl…she was Tanya's sister actually…her name was Irena. I hooked up with her a few times but the last time I saw her I made it clear that it was over. But knowing that family she might just show up because well the last time Edward saw Tanya before we moved in he kinda used the same words I did and it was kinda blatent and she still showed up." Emmett said

"Oh so look for more blonde bim-I mean hot blondes on our doorstep." Alice said.

"Yeah basically!" Emmett exclaimed.


	7. Chapter 7

**I dont own twilight S/M does. Please read and review. Thanks for the reviews keep them comming!**

Chapter 7

BPV

Edward and I kissed before we walked into the office the next day. We should of known not to kiss in front of the little window. Once we walked in there everyone gave me death glares. There was massive amounts of hisses and growls. Edward grabbed my hand protectively and shot looks at everyone…which made them hiss and growl more. I could also hear whispers.

"She's such a plain Jane…why would he want such a girl when he could have this!" one woman said gesturing to her box shaped body

"I know…she looks just like her aunt…her looks are so _common_." another one whispered.

" of course he'd date her…he lives with her…she's probably one of the only girls he sees every day besides us!" A third girl whispered. I then heard Alice's voice.

"Okay I've had enough of this fucking bullshit. First of all she is not a plain Jane. Do you know how long it takes to get her ready…and not cuz she's ugly but because there's so many things I can do to her hair…unlike you Miss. I need a flat iron. Secondly my mother…as well as my entire family is very beautiful…they own a fashion empire. Obviously they are far from plain! You wanna talk common looks look at you Miss. Pizza box ass…do some palati's . And thirdly Emmett lives with us too…and he only sees two female supermodels every day so that just kills that theory. You want a boyfriend that looks like that…then fix up and grow some balls. Stop complaining about people who get what they want. Its really pathetic. Maybe this will teach you for the next time. Oh and finally while you can ridicule and throw shit at me all you want…if I get a wiff of coffee, Jelly donut, ice cream, soda , or any food or drink in here you will wind up like Phyllis ( she pointed to the Alice sized hole in the ceiling.) and I don't care who does it….you are all getting fired!" Alice ranted. I should of known they'd follow us in. Emmett cracked his nuckles and grinned evilly to back Alice up…but all it did was make the girls sigh.

"At least Emmett's not taken!" Some sighed.

"And what would you do if he was…oh wait a minute…you'd harass the girl to no end!" Alice said. After Alice left it turned into an animal house style food fight only I was the only target. I was hit with cheeto's, Pringles, pizza, jelly donuts, coffee and seven types of soda. It all happened so fast that Edward couldn't do anything about it. He was about to stand up and say something when Aunt Charlie came strolling in.

"Alice just gave me the wonderful news…cant believe that I inevitably played matchmaker. Ooh this is so cute. That's wonderful you guys are dating…wait till I tell your father…he's going to be so thrilled!" Aunt Charlie went on. Firstly my father wasn't going to be thrilled…he never was when I announced I was dating some one. Secondly it showed the "we don't give a fuck as long as it's consensual" stance that the company had on inner office dating. After all Alice's parent's met in an office. Just then a jelly donut hit her in the head in someone's attempt to hit me. While looking around in a rage to see who did it my aunt saw the filling from the strawberry jelly donut that had just hit me moments before she walked in. She also saw the Cheeto sticking out of my back.

"ALRIGHT NO ONE THROWS FOOD AT MY NIECE …I DON'T CARE WHO DID IT EVERYBODY IN HERE IS FIRED EXCEPT FOR THE LOVEBIRDS OVER THERE. ALICE TOLD ME SHE WARNED YOU. TURN YOUR PASSES IN AT THE END OF THE DAY!" Aunt Chalie roared sounding like both my father and Alice. Everyone thought it was a joke untill that last part came out of her mouth. They all stared at each other in horror.

"Damn straight mom…do you know how long that's going to take to get out of your hair Bella…Looks like I'm going to have to call the _Dog_ for back up on this one. This is going to take forever…might as well leave work now Bella!" Alice said.

"ALICE!" Her mother warned.

"Leaving!" Alice ran away. I could hear her howling all the way down the hall. I then heard her dialing a number.

"Jacob…it's Alice….I want to propose a temporary truths…I have a situation that requires your experience in hair care….Jacob it's Bella…OF COURSE IT'S AN EMERGENCY THERE'S JELLY DONUT IN HER HEAD FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!…don't ask questions…alright so your taking the head and I'm taking the rest…DEAL!…see ya in five minutes!" Alice said hanging up the phone.

Five minutes to the dot later Jacob busted down the door. He was wearing a pink flare shirt what was tight around his chest…I swore chest hairs stuckout of the opening and he was holding a hair dryer in one hand and a comb in the other. When he got his first good look at me he looked disgusted. Everyone looked at him shocked…Jacob Black in Brandon Enterprises was like Pepsi and Coke teaming up. He was their arch enemy and yet he was sitting comfortably in the middle of their editing department.

"EWW WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER HAIR…IT'S A SIN!" Jacob exclaimed. Alice followed in with makeup in one hand and a roll around closet in the other that was filled with outfits. He raised an eyebrow at Alice.

"What I couldn't decide which one…look at them!" Alice said gesturing to the clothes.

"I see what you mean…their all so wonderful…not earthy but beautiful!" Jacob exclaimed. He then walked over to me.

"So your with Adonis now…that's wonderful!" Jacob said to me.

"YOU ALL WANNA GET A DELICIOUS GUY LIKE THAT ( he pointed to Edward) THEN STOP EATING THESE! "Jacob said to everyone else while twirling his hand like a donut. Edward gave me an I feel bad for you look as Alice and Jacob dragged me into an empty model's room.

"Ugh you got the latest version of the new shower heads…I've been trying to get Billy to get that for years!" Jacob moaned. They then threw my head in the sink.

"Pass the shampoo midg- I mean Alice!" Jacob said washing my hair.

"Need water yet dog- I mean Jacob?"Alice asked as they sprayed it down

"You know…if we had more time I could add a highlight." Jacob said off handedly.

"I've been trying to tell her that for years…but both Charlie's and her absolutely refused!" Alice said.

"Really!…well I could see her adding a little red in it…it's be so pretty!"

"You know Jacob…your clothing style sucks and clothing coloring is not muck better but with hair you are red hot!" Alice said

"Thank you…I always thought the same about you!" Jacob said proudly.

"Jacob I know we hate each other's style but it really helps to have someone with at least half a fashion brain at my side." Alice said.

'I know…I find it so refreshing to be near someone with a difference of opinion when no one I know knows nothing about fashion." Jacob said.

"I know…all of the male models I work with think they know about fashion when they don't…it gets so monotonous!" Alice said.

" You know Jacob…Werewolf 2.0 is looking a little flashy." Alice said.

"Thankyou…I went with a Brandonesk edge." Jacob said.

"I'm so honored…my company inspired you!" Alice said.

"You know the imortal spring line is looking a little earthy." Jacob said.

"Yeah well I was stuck color's wise and I was like "um what would Jacob do!"" Alice said.

"OMG I WAS TOTALLY LIKE THAT WITH WEREWOLF 2.0 TOO ONLY IT WAS YOU!" Jacob exclaimed excited.

"Omg I was like that too when I formed my first line called "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"" Emmett mocked walking in with a pizza in hand.

"SHUT UP EMMETT!" Both Jacob and Alice roared taking the same pitch. They sounded exactly the same.

"Geez and I thought there was only _one_ Alice." Emmett groaned.

"Emmett get that greasy pizza out of here…before you ruin another one of my master pieces!" Alice said shoving Emmett out the door.

"used the bed head I see today…good choice Alice!" Jacob said as he continued to wash my hair.

"Alice …I need another squirt of shampoo…there's a nasty glob of hair spray that will light this pretty little head on fire if not washed out!" Jacob said.

"I see it…here you go!" Alice said adding shampoo into Jacob's hand.

EPV.

Emmett walked back into the editing room. They had to post pone his shoot so that Alice could help Bella out. I was so pissed that those girls did that to her…they were like vixens. I looked around as 99% of the room was cleaning out their desks…hopefully the new hires would be more normal. As Emmett sat down a couple stopped and oggled him some more.

"man I would really hate to be Bella right now…you gotta see what they are doing to her…I can barely stand to be with one Alice…she's stuck with two!" Emmett said

"really." I said. If that was the case I couldn't believe that I got jealous over that kid. Well then again I would of got jealous if she had any other man in her room besides me.

"Edward…I walked in and they were talking about fashion lines…while scrubbing Bella's hair…when they spoke they sounded exactly the same…it was creepy!" Emmett said while eating a strip of pizza. A couple of girls looked over forlonely at him.

"I cant believe tinkerbell actually got us fired…like what the hell…that's not fair!" I heard one girl say. I snarled.

"Oh that's fair…its what you deserve!" I growled. The girl looked at me wide eyed and shut up. She was one of the ones who started this whole mess.

BPV

"Geez what did they do…throw three jelly donuts at you…I thought it was bad when it was just one!" Alice exclaimed as more filling washed out of my hair. Jacob turned to her.

"you mean this has happened before?" he asked jesturing to my head.

"Yeah only not this bad…it mostly hit her shirt which was fortunately black so it hid the stain well." Alice said.

"ugh it is such a waste when good girls go bad!" Jacob sighed.

"Oh tell me about it!" Alice said. they then sat me in another chair. Alice took on the makeup while Jacob attacked my hair. Alice told him how she had it this morning and he decided to keep it that way. Alice led him over to the line of hair care products in the corner and they both came back with armfuls.

" Ooh Alice maybe you should go with a more natural tone." Jacob said.

"Don't start with me Black…remember our deal!" Alice warned.

"Yes I remember…your company…your decision…if Sam is ever in need of our services though…" Jacob started up.

"I know I know….you get full discursion over everything!" Alice said. Alice hated feeling like that

" So I'm guessing I better hope that nothing happens to Sam." Alice said.

"Yep."

" Well at least I'll get to see the inside of Black industries for once…you keep that place under lock and key." Alice griped.

"To specifically keep you out!" Jacob said.

"Well if that hole ever fires you…you do have a place here…I could always use an assistant." Alice said.

"I WOULD NEVER!" Jacob spat offended.

"If you met some of our models you would say other wise." Alice groaned.

"Well same to you!" Jacob said heading out the door. Alice then escorted me back to work.


	8. Chapter 8

**I dont own twilight S/M does. Please read and review. Thanks for the reviews keep them comming!**

Chapter 8

BPV

That night Edward and I went on our first date. Alice did the works on my face and chose a dark blue fringed dress top with black pants. She used the "B" necklace that she had given me for Christmas last year to accessories it and threw me in chunky boots…the only heals that I could walk in. Sitting in the living room was the Greek god in all his glory. I could see that Alice picked out his out fit as well…we matched. What killed Alice was that she didn't even know where we were going…she was used to being in on the secret. Edward really wanted it to be a surprise. I was kind of nervous. My nerves only increased when he took me to this forest. With Edward as a guide though I didn't even fall. He held branches for me and helped me over logs. We then reached what he dubbed "heaven on earth". It was a small meadow with a bubbling stream. In the middle was a picnic basket, a couple of candles and a blanket. I turned to him shocked. When did he have time to do this.

" I stopped over here while Alice was getting you ready…I was afraid that I was going to be late and blow it but I got in right before you came down the stairs…its my favorite place on earth but I never took anyone here before…there was no one who could appreciate it's beauty." Edward said. That was hard to believe. The place was absolutely stunning. He lit the candles and we sat down. I had to say if this was how he could throw a picnic then I couldn't wait to see him cook. The sandwiches were delicious. He pulled out some champagne and two glasses and we watched the sun set together . It was then that I realized that this relationship wasn't going to be like the one's I had in the past…it was going to be different…better. I leaned my head on his shoulder and felt the electricity pass through us…a current keeping us magnetically linked…unable to move. We could see fireworks going off…some sort of celebration was going on. They added to the perfection of the moment. We sat there for two hours watching. I could see a crooked smile appear on Edward's face. I couldn't of asked for a better first date…I don't think I could of ever dreamed of one. I placed my head on his shoulder. I could see the smile growing on his face.

"Wow this is amazing!" I said.

"I know…we couldn't of asked for a better night!" Edward said.

"Everything is perfect…I don't want to leave!" I said

"Do we really have to go home?" I moaned.

"No!" Edward said. We leaned in and kissed. I was soon lost in the passion.

Four hours later we were interrupted by a rustling sound in the woods. Usually I wouldn't of done this on the first date but since we already hooked up albeit so trashed both of us didn't remember it I figured what the hell. I was actually kinda pissed that I didn't remember…it was that good. We immediately stopped and got dressed as Alice gagged and ran towards us. There was disgust in her eyes but also a burning curiosity behind it. I was definitely going to be in for the 20 questions game next time Alice got me alone.

"Oh my god I'm going to have to burn that image out of my mind!" Alice said walking up to us

"Alice how the hell did you find us…and how the hell did you get here with a _suspended license?_" I asked. My eyes narrowed.

"What are you looking at me like that for…I wasn't the one doing the naughty in the middle of a meadow…alright all ready I locked the GPS on your cellphone and I got my mom to drive me out here. Guys I think we have a problem with Emmett." Alice said.

"what happened Alice?" Edward asked worried.

"Well Emmett left 6 hours ago…right behind you guys…something about going out partying…he didn't come back." Alice said.

"oh no!" Edward groaned. Memories of Phyllis asking to borrow my underwear and Jessica my bra resurfaced.

"I'm sorry guys…I tried texting and calling you but there wasn't an answer…I was getting desperate…I didn't know what to do!" Alice plead. From what I heard of what Emmett was like drunk it was good that Alice had done this. He was one of those drunks.

"Alice we understand…we're not mad, you did what you had to do…and Emmett cant be smashing up the rental car (his car was still in a shop somewhere)he doesn't have rental insurance." Edward said as we stood up. We trekked back through the woods and back to the Volvo ,Alice eyeing us the whole way with a small smile on her face. She looked inquisitive…but also mournful. Like she was missing something or something like that.

"Did he say where he was going?" Edward asked Alice.

"No but I just got lock on his phone…Edward he's at a strip joint." Alice moaned.

"Just great…Emmett surrounded by booze and half naked girls and a $1,000 in his wallet…wonderful!" Edward groaned.

"Alright take a left here." Alice said

Walking into the strip joint we couldn't find Emmett anywhere. We held up a picture of Emmett to the owner and asked if he had seen Emmett. He said that he had and that Emmett left with two very leggy blondes and by the look of it he was really into them and very trashed.

"Oh yeah that kid…he left with two of my top strippers…I'm pissed…I mean they left in the middle of their shift. He didn't seem like he could drive. I offered to call him a cab but they left before I could stop them." the owner said. Great. So here I was spending what was supposed to be my date looking for dummy because he decided to go get trashed…lovely! Edward looked just as livid as I felt. He was probably going to rip Emmett a new one the next time he saw Emmett sober. I made a mental note not to be there when that happened. Alice whipped out her phone again.

"Alright…they are…they are in the bar down the road ( a different bar then the one that we hooked up at). Great so he's going to get even stupider!" Alice said shaking her head. We headed back into the car. Edward sped towards the bar. We were afraid Emmett was going to do something…if he hadn't already.

"that's his car…he's still in there!" Alice said pointing to a red 09 Honda Civic. Edward whipped the car into the parking lot. We walked in to see Emmett completely sloshed. His head in the breast of one blonde bimbo and the other one giving him a lap dance. It was actually really disgusting. Edward hid his face in embarrassment and Alice gagged.

"Emmett I'm getting really tired of this…we've been doing this since the strip club." One of the strippers complained.

"I'll give you $100 more for one last round!" Emmett said trashed

"Okay!" The girl said.

"Edward…he's blowing his month's pay check away…we should do something." I said.

"I got this!" Alice said stomping over there.

"Excuse me…I'm Emmett's girlfriend…I will pay you both $300 just to get off of him right now…and I will pay for your taxi as well." Alice lied convincingly.

"And our bar bill?" the girls asked.

"that too." Alice said

"And for dry cleaning…Emmett accidentally spilt his drink on me?" One of the girls asked.

" don't push it!" Alice sniped.

"Deal!" The girls said. Alice whipped out a check book and paid the bartender and the two girls. She then called them a cab. We thought about what we were going to do with his car since Emmett was now too trashed to drive. We got a bartender who was about to go off duty to take Emmett's car and follow us home…that cost Edward $50. Alice groaned about loosing $800 due to Emmett. We threw him in the backseat of the Volvo with Alice.

"party poopers!" Emmett said really drunkenly.

" Emmett…oh Emmett I cant wait to get you when your sober…YOU OWE ME BIG TIME!" Alice emphasized the last part.

"Oh hosh posh Malice …$800 is no big deal…I blew through that much tonight!" Emmett said very drunkenly. Everyone wanted to kill him. Alice looked livid.

"EMMETT ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT YOU ONLY HAVE $200 ON YOU!" Alice gasped. Edward groaned. It was going to be fun come rent time this month.

"Down." Emmett said.

"$150?" Edward said afraid.

"Down." Emmett said

"YOU ONLY HAVE $100 ON YOU…AND YOU WERE GOING TO BLOW THAT TOO!" All of us gasped. It was going to be really fun come rent time.

"So wait a minute…YOU BLEW THROUGH $900 ON ALCHOHOL AND LAP DANCES!" Edward roared pissed.

"Well yeah…what else was I supposed to do with the money!" Emmett asked.

"Oh I don't know….it's this little thing called rent…that's due next week!" Edward said pissed.

" Edward don't worry about the money…I got a really fat piggy bank…if you need the money…" I started up.

"No don't worry about it…I also got a lot of money in my account…I was just trying to teach Emmett the lesson of frugality." Edward whispered to me.

"Oh I understand." I really did understand …having a shopoholic cousin who had us banned from the local mall twice this month.

Once we got in Alice volunteered to baby sit Emmett for the rest of the night (we got in at around 3 am). She said it was the least she could do for our date getting ruined. Edward and I went back up to my room and continued what we were doing before. We fell asleep some time before 5 am. This time when I awoke in the morning I blushed with the memories of last night. I stared at the sleeping god next to me with disbelief. I couldn't believe that he chose me…that I was his and he was mine. I must of racked up some karma points with the gods or something.

The Charlie's birthday party came up fast. Everyone decided to come. In fear that Alice would have me all to herself Jacob decided to come over and help me get ready. That was hilarious since more than half my family were Brandonites..

"I don't know Alice…I think this metallic bronze goes better…it blends her features." Jacob said in a factual tone while holding up a metallic bronze short sleeve dress shirt.

"Jacob you want to make her features stand out…that's exactly why I'm going with the dark blue!" Alice said holding up a dark blue blouse that was so dark I would of swore it was black except for the fact you could see the subtle hint of blue.

"I know what I'm talking about Alice…I have a line called werewolf you know!" Jacob said. He shouldn't of done that.

" Please don't talk to me about lines Jacob…I have eight…immortal… incubus…succubus…butterfly…noir…day…A. ...and B. Five of which are sold in MILAN…so while you have one line + whatever updates you make to said line I am an expert and I know what I'm talking about!" Alice countered

"Bronze!" Jacob said pissed.

"Dark Blue!" Alice countered in the same tone.

"BRONZE!" Jacob yelled.

"DARK BLUE!" Alice roared back

"BLEND!" Jacob roared even louder.

"CONTRAST!" Alice snarled.

"BLEND!" Jacob roared with one hand on his hip and the other shoving the shirt in Alice's face.

"CONTRAST!" Alice roared doing the same thing

"MIDGE!"

"DOG!"

"FREAK!" Jacob spat.

"JERK!" Alice spat back

"UGH! How can you stand her?" Jacob asked me.

"I could ask the same about you!" Alice said pissed

" Just give in Black…she is going to a party with higher ups at BRANDON ENTERPRISES…now if she was your cousin and going to one of your family parties I would be inclined to agree with you…but that's not the case!" Alice continued on. Jacob gave her a dirty look.

"Just do what I say Dog or your collection of Gucci sunglasses might just have an accident if you know what I mean." Alice threatened making a cutting gesture with her fingers. Jacob looked mortified.

"You wouldn't…you don't know where it is!" Jacob said.

"Oh please…you keep it in your top left hand draw of your bureau. Under your like twenty tons of boxers." Alice said. Jacob's face looked scared.

"How do you do that?" he asked

"Jacob oh please…it wasn't hard to guess." Alice answered…she looked like she wanted to laugh.

" Alright Alice…bring her over to the makeup stand!" Jacob said to change the subject. I sat down and they both looked at me and then turned for the makeup. When they turned around they both had eye shadow in their hands. I was going to look like a freak.

"What are you doing?…Smokey gray looks much better against her skin!" Alice exclaimed mortified.

"I think she'd look better with more earth tones…she's wearing dark blue!" Jacob said.

"All the more reason to do the smoky gray!" Alice countered.

"Natural!" Jacob said getting pissed again.

"Gray!" Alice exclaimed. Jacob put his hand on his hip and wagged his finger at Alice.

"EARTHY!" He exclaimed. I heard snickering from down the hall.

"DON'T YOU WAG THAT FINGER AT ME…GRAY!" Alice exclaimed.

"I CAN DO WHAT I WANT….EARTH TONES!" Jacob roared.

"ALRIGHT EVERYONE…SHUT UP!…I'LL DO IT MYSELF!" I roared getting annoyed. I was blocked from grabbing the blush by both Jacob and Alice.

"Oh no you wont…Jacob and I wont let you!" Alice said as both Jacob and Alice closed in on me. When they were finished with everything ( they put a set of fake nails on me…which was very painful.) I walked out wearing a mixture of contrasting but earthy toned makeup. It actually looked good. I walked into the kitchen to see Emmett raiding the fridge and a special K bar in his hand. He was looking at it confused. Edward was still laughing.

"Is this a protein bar?" Emmett asked biting into it. Alice was going to kill him…she specifically hid them away from Emmett .

"EWW…ITS GRAIN…I NEED PROTEIN!" Emmett said spitting out what he ate. It was then that Edward looked up at me.

"Wow looking good…but doesn't look like Alice's usual work!" Edward said as I sat next to him. It was then that you could hear Alice and Jacob fighting about when to contrast and when to blend. From the sound of it Alice was winning the argument.

"Please god tell me he's leaving…I cant deal with two Alice's today." Emmett said as Jacob squealed at a vase we just got and Alice said ," I KNOW ISN'T IT FABULOUS!" We could hear a snapping sound. Jacob must of pulled out his pink blackberry and took a picture of it. They then entered the room together.

"Oh Emmett…it's your turn to get made over!" They said together in the exact same tone.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Emmett screamed running away. Jacob ran after him while Alice waited with us.

"Don't worry Edward…Jacob says that your very fashionable for a straight guy…he wont touch you…Emmett on the other hand…well let's just say that Jacob's not a big fan of Reebok." Alice said as Jacob exclaimed "Swishy pants and headbands are so 20 years ago!" Next thing we knew Jacob and Alice were downstairs with Emmett.

"UGH LOOKS LIKE WE MIGHT HAVE TO RESTRAIN THIS ONE….HE'S TRYING TO ESCAPE…THERES SOME BELTS OVER THERE!" Alice called.

"GEEZ IS ALL YOU WEAR REEBOK?" Jacob exclaimed.

"HOLD ON…I GOT THE PERFECT OUTFIT IN MY CAR!" Jacob continued on.

"JACOB BLACK…HE IS NOT WEARING WEREWOLF TO A BRANDON ENTERPRISES EVENT…IF IT WERE A BLACK FAMILY EVENT THAT WOULD BE ONE THING BUT IT ISN'T…NOW I GOT SOMETHING THAT I KNOW WILL FIT HIM IN MY CAR…HE WORE IT TO A SHOOT A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO…GOT IT DOG!" Alice roared.

"Alright alright…geez chill out!" Jacob said. Alice returned downstairs five minutes later

"How did you deal with the both of them doing your makeup and dressing you up?" Edward asked amused. I pointed to my face.

"OH HELL NO…THOSE TWEEZERS ARE NOT TOUCHING THESE EYEBROWS…!" Emmett screamed.

"OH CALM DOWN BABY…IT'S JUST A LITTLE PINCH!" Jacob said. Oh god.

"OH JACOB…I GOT CLEAR NAIL POLISH FOR A MANICURE UPSTAIRS!" Alice exclaimed. Alice and Jacob squealed excitedly.

"THAT IS WHERE I DRAW THE LINE…YOU WILL NOT BE TOUCHING MY NAILS…HELL WILL HAVE TO FREEZE OVER FIRST!" Emmett roared. There was then several loud thuds followed by a muffled scream. Edward and I fell on the floor laughing.

"That's better!" Alice said.

"Now Emmett…this is for your own good…stop squirming…Jacob I think we need to make the restraints tighter!" Alice continued on. Emmett cried some more.

"Alice are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Jacob asked.

"Yes…I'm liking the way your thinking right now Jacob…its perfect!" Alice said. Emmett whimpered and there was another snapping sound.

"This is so going on my wall of masterpieces!" Alice exclaimed

"Mine too girlfriend!" Jacob said.

The three of them then trotted up the stairs. Jacob and Alice beamed with pride. They looked like they were about to say "Now presenting the new Emmett Cullen." but they just cleared the way for Emmett who shot them dirty looks. His hair was now gelled back and glittered. He was wearing a lilac colored dress shirt that clung to his every muscle. Jacob stared at him like he was a piece of meat. Alice stared at him like he was on a runway…might as well be considering where we were going.

"Geez you guys never told us where we're going." Edward said as Emmett furrowed a perfectly arched eyebrow at us. He stared at me sympathetically.

"My father's back yard." I said.

"So there was no reason for Alice to dress Emmett up like he was going to an award's show?" Edward asked comically.

"Edward , practically my entire family are fashion designers with the exception of my parents…this _is_ casual to them." I said.

"fashion, fashion, fashion…keep the place a fashion…all night!" Alice sang bouncing up the stairs to get ready. Jacob made to follow

"Don't touch me dog…your services are no longer required…but thank you for helping with the other two. Jacob turned to his car and left. Alice bounced down a second later all dressed and ready to go…Edward had been ready all day.

"LETS GO…WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE!" Alice called.

We arrived at my fathers house a couple of hours later. From the look of it Aunt Charlie had donated a large sum of money to the party…there was actually ice sculptures sitting in front of the tent. If this was for a birthday I could not imagine what they would do if Alice and I got married. There was a large sheet cake sitting on the sign in table. There were two large blown up pictures on it…one of my aunt showing Alice how to sew and the other of the day Charlie got his badge. It read "Happy 50th Charlie and Charlie!"

"Hey I look so good in that picture…you can even see the G on my Gucci hat!" Alice said staring at herself. It was then that the cousins from New York came over..

"CHARLIE CHARLIE" they called to the both of us.

"Um if you had bothered to check our face books you would of known that when we were 18 we changed our names to Alice and Bella!" Alice said

"Why does your family call you Charlie?" Edward asked. Alright I had to tell him now.

"My name wasn't always Bella." I said. Edward seemed to understand. Emmett didn't.

"So what your name was Charlize?" Emmett asked.

" No Emmett…My name was Charlie Swan III" I said. Edward bit his lip as if he already knew the story.

" So what did you have a sex change or something?" Emmett asked. I tried not to laugh.

"No Emmett…alright I'll tell you. Well for the first 18 minutes of my life Isabella Swan was my name so I guess you could call that my original name. But my father snuck into the nursery and changed it…I had to wait 18 years to change it back." I said.

"Cool! Why'd ya change it back?" Emmett asked. Edward smacked his head.

"How would you like to be called Emily Nicole for 18 years of your life!" I said. Edward burst out laughing.

"SHUT UP EDWARDA!" Emmett said.

"Did you just add an A to the end of Edward?" Edward laughed some more.

"NO!" Emmett said defensive.

"Yes you obviously did." Edward said.

"Whatever!" Emmett said. It was then that my father caught sight of us and walked over.

"Hi Ch-I mean Bells and Al-Al. who are your friends?" He asked staring at Edward and Emmett.. It was then that my Aunt Charlie came over.

"Oh Charlie…I see that you met Bella's new boss/ boyfriend!" Aunt Charlie said excitedly

"Charlie…what did you say…I didn't hear you…did you just say Bella's boyfriend?" Charlie asked his eyes narrowing. He then pulled me to the side.

"Please tell me it's not the brawny one?" Charlie whispered.

"Ew no dad why would you even ask that…he's the other one…and "It's" name is Edward…be nice!" I said.

"Aren't I always?" He asked.

"Do I have to answer that!" I responded. We then walked back to the rest of the group. Edward then took his hand.

"Hi…I know that I didn't ask you permission to date your daughter but I didn't want to get off on the wrong foot with you. Its really nice to meet you….you two look a lot a like …I can see where her eyes came from, I just wanted to let you know that." Edward said.

"hey you finally picked a good one….why don't you marry this one!" Charlie exclaimed with a smile on his face after 45 minutes of conversation. He still eyed Emmett wearily as Emmett ate four hot dogs in one sitting.

" That sounds faintly like your giving him permission to marry her!" Alice said.

"No I'm not!" Charlie said walking away.

"Now that that's over with…yum…come here Mr. 6 feet tall, blonde, and built." Alice said looking at the Charlie's younger cousin…like way younger.

"Alice…that's our parents cousin…that's disgusting." I said.

"Damn!" Alice said disappointed.

"And I thought I was desperate…at least I'm still hooking up with people outside my gene pool!" Emmett said.

"Shut up Emmett!" Alice said pissed. The man then came over.

"Hi I'm your cousin Charlie!" the man said.

"oh you gotta be kidding me….your named Charlie too?" Alice asked now getting annoyed. This was getting too much.

"Do you have any cousins on your other side of the family?" Alice asked hopeful.

"Nope...I'm an only child too." the guy said.

"Damn what the fuck!" Alice moaned as the guy walked away.

"Where else am I going to find a guy that looks like that and is not related to _this_!" she said pointing to herself. It was then that we had to sing "Happy birthday" to the Charlie's.

"Um guys where's Emmett…and cousins Felicity , Cameron, and Liz…(their parents were the Charlie's cousins)?" Alice asked. It was then that we noticed that Emmett was gone…and the three girls who had just been standing next to us were missing too. This was not going to go over well. We looked over to see Emmett at the open bar with the three girls clearly trashed.

"WAHOO..YEAH YOU NYC GIRLS KNOW HOW TO PARTY…YEAH!" Emmett was screaming. Oh god.

"You guys wanna go find a more _private_ place?" Emmett asked as the four of them left the tent.

"Guys we have to stop them!" Alice moaned.

"Why they are old enough to make their own decisions." Edward said.

"They are 16 year old virgins who are trashed…with Emmett who's also trashed." Alice said. Edward then realized what Alice meant.

"Oh….your right we have to stop him!" Edward said. Alice grabbed a fire extinguisher that was behind one of the tables. We found Emmett in the backseat just about to get it on with the three girls. Alice took a picture on her phone.

"GET OFF MY COUSINS…THEY'RE 16!" Alice roared spraying Emmett in the face.

"They said they were 21!" Emmett defended himself.

"Please 21...they don't look 21...they look like they're 12!" Alice hissed.

"Their license say's their 21." Emmett said.

"Of course they do….their from New York…it's called a fake id…plus it's an open bar at a family party…do you really think they're carding!" Alice spat.

"The three of you….OUT OUT OUT before I tell your parents what you were doing!" Alice said shooing them from the car.

"YOU'LL THANK ME ONE DAY!" Alice called as the girls were heading back into the tent and giving Alice dirty looks. Emmett then passed out in the backseat.

"He'll thank me tomorrow!" Alice said to herself

"Alice I think we better go say good bye to our parents…I think Emmett needs to go home." I said.

"Ugh…kill joy had to ruin a good time…alright I'll go with you." Alice said. She followed right behind me.

"Like WTF I was having a good time and Emmett had to go get inhaliated and ruin everything!" Alice moaned.

"Cant do much about that now." I said. We then found our parents.


	9. Chapter 9

**I dont own twilight S/M does. Please read and review. Thanks for the reviews keep them comming!**

Chapter 9

BPV.

Emmett woke up the next morning with no clue what had happened the night before. He didn't get why Alice was mad at him. Edward and I then found her cell phone and showed him the picture.

"Oh who are they?" Emmett asked seductively.

"I don't think it's who they are that you should be concerned about…but how old they are!" Edward said. I read the confused look on his face

"Emmett you were this close to committing a felony last night." I said holding up my fingers.

"Oh…OH…I don't get it." Emmet said.

"Emmett…they were 16...and they are related to us." I said..

"Oh." Emmett gulped.

"wow I'm…I cant…I cant believe that." Emmett said.

"AND YOU WANTED TO CALL PEOPLE DESPRATE…LOOK IN THE MIRROR EMMETT…AT LEAST I DIDN'T JUMP SOMEONE UNDERAGE LAST NIGHT!" Alice called from upstairs. Emmett went charging up the stairs and Edward and I left like bats out of hell. It was Sunday so we decided to go out to breakfast. We went to a place down the road that served a good breakfast. We took our seats outside since it was one of those rare sunny days. We talked about everything under the sun. I had that same feeling again that this relationship would be different…better some how. After eating breakfast we went to a local fair ground. I laughed as Edward attempted to lug around the giant stuffed St. Bernard that I had won. It was a bet that we had that if I knocked over the glass milk jugs that he'd have to do that. That thing was bigger than him!

"I swear to god you're my lucky charm…I never won anything till today!" I said as a like 30 ft snake was placed across my neck. I had won another game.

"Yeah…I'll believe that when I see it." Edward joked from behind the dog.

"No its true Alice usually is the one to win things …its like she has a sixth sense or something like that." I said. It was true…that was why Alice never played the lotto. When we got home Alice opened the door like she knew we were there.

"Oh so you brought Jacob over?" Alice asked amused. We could hear a rustling sound behind us. A trashcan top lifted up and Jacob's head popped out…a banana peal on top.

"How'd you know I was here?" He asked.

"EW YOU GO THROUGH OUR GARBAGE…THAT'S DISGUSTING!" Alice gagged.

"only to get the perfectly usable fabric that you throw away!" Jacob said holding up a pink piece of fabric that had a huge bright red stain on it.

"Haven't you heard of tide to go?" Jacob asked.

"Please it wouldn't get a stain out that big!" Alice said.

"Watch and learn!" Jacob beamed whipping out a tide to go stick and scrubbing the fabric really hard. When he was done the stain was completely gone.

"Oh my god…I should of thought of that!" Alice groaned. Something dawned on her.

"I knew that bight blue suit in Werewolf 2.0 looked familiar…YOU USED MY CLOTH…I WANT PROCEEDS!" Alice roared.

"Finder's keepers little pixie!" Jacob said.

"Whatever…dog get in here, take a shower, and use cologne…you reek, I can smell you from here…and take that ridiculous thing off your head!" Alice said pointing to the banana peal. Jacob looked like he wouldn't of obeyed if Alice hadn't shot him a death glare. He followed her to one of the showers where she promptly took his clothes to the wash and gave him a spare bathrobe that was bubble gum pink

"Wash good dog…get the fleas out!" Alice called to the bathroom.

"Hey…I only had fleas once !" Jacob called.

"Once is enough Jacob…now don't forget behind the ears!" Alice called.

"Alice!"

"Jacob!"

"Alright you two…stop!" I said.

"Alright…I gotta get your clothes anyways…by the way looks like the Jeep's finally back in commission….I'm scared!" Alice said heading to the laundry room.

"Well at least Emmett will stop crying in his sleep…it got annoying after a while!" Edward called from the living room.

Emmett's point of view.

After I fought a little with Alice the mechanic called. My jeep was ready. I skipped to my car happily. I vowed to myself that no one but me would be allowed to drive my baby from now on. I would be the only one to touch the gas peddle. I looked mournfully at the happy couples walking down the street. It was too much for me…I even had to deal with it in my own house. I was getting really desperate. Hey Alice didn't have a special someone, I wonder if she'd be willing to….EW HELL NO EMMETT GET THAT OUT OF YOUR HEAD…THAT'S GROSS…ALICE ISN'T EVEN REMOTELY YOUR TYPE! I then pulled into the auto body shop. It was then that her blonde hair caught my eye. She was the hottest thing I ever seen. Damn …she was smoking. It was then that I heard her conversation with the blonde haired boy. It was then I knew I had to step in. I walked up to them.

"Hi I'm Emmett Cullen…and I think I can help you guys out with your problem!" I said holding out my hand. They both looked shocked

BPV

Edward was cooking me some lunch…Alice and Jacob took off to her sewing room so that she could show him the new machine that she had just gotten. Edward was a really good cook…I had to say. For that I was glad…I finally lived with someone that knew how to cook more than scrambled eggs for breakfast, lunch and dinner. We dug into our mushroom omelets which were cooked to perfection. It was divine. Emmett burst through the door then.

"Hey guys you'd never believe what I did today!" Emmett called.

"What?" Edward asked wearily. After last night he had reason to take that one.

"Alice…Alice…get down here…this concerns you too!" Emmett called. Alice and Jacob trotted in fighting about how good her sewing machine was.

"Alright I found someone to fill that room upstairs…the one next to your sewing room Alice!" Emmett beamed.

"YOU WHAT…AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN TELL US!" Alice snarled.

"I just did…she was desperate…her and her brother are moving in today!" Emmett said.

"EMMETT…THEY COULD BE SERIAL KILLERS FOR ALL WE KNOW…THEY COULD BE AS VILE AS MIKE NEWTON AND JESSICA STANELY…WHY DO YOU THINK WE TOLD THE LANDLORD THAT WE WANTED TO MEET YOU BEFORE YOU MOVED IN!" I gasped. Edward shot a murderous glare at Emmett and grabbed me in a protective hug. I wondered what tramp Emmett gave our room to. Just then the doorbell rang. I went to answer it…Edward next to me with his hand on my shoulder. I was shocked when I opened the door…a classy girl was actually standing there.

"Hi my name's Rosalie Hale…I understand you have a room here?" she said taking my hand. I looked at Edward who was almost white with shock. Emmett actually got a nice girl for once?

"My name's Bella Swan…it's nice to meet you!" I said. Alice then pushed me out of the way.

"Your so fashionable!" Alice said shaking her hand.

"Oh I don't have any fashion sense what so ever…I just go with what he tells me to wear!" Rosalie said as a brooding movie star entered the house. I was blinded from the flashiness of his clothes.

"Jasper Hale!" He said holding his hand out to Alice.

"Alice Brandon…OMG IS THAT INCUBUS!" Alice shook happily. Lets just say till now she never saw incubus in public.

"ALICE BRANDON….THE ALICE BRANDON…I'VE BEEN WAITING LIKE MY WHOLE LIFE TO MEET YOU!" Jasper said really excited. "That's true…he even wrote her fan mail and had the response framed!" Rosalie whispered showing us the picture frame.

""Are you gay?" Alice asked. I noticed Jacob's head turn towards the conversation.

"No…I just like fashion." Jasper answered truthfully.

"THANKYOU LORD…I LOVE YOU…DO YOU HAVE ANY EXPERIENCE MODELING" Alice chirped happily. I noticed Jacob turned and pouted.

"No…but I'm a fast learner and Rose and I both need jobs!" Jasper said. .

"Emmett come here…Emmett and I are going to show you how to model…hopefully you can teach Emmett a thing or two about fashion." Alice mumbled the last part as Jacob, Alice and Jasper all turned and gave Emmett …who was wearing a jersey and levis a look. I heard Jacob whisper "I thought we burned all his jerseys!" and Alice responded "He bought more!"

"So Rosalie would you like to model too?" Alice asked.

"No I'm more of a technical girl my self."

" Computers then…Bella, Edward…Talk to her." Alice said. We brought Rosalie to the side.

"Alright well your looking at the Two Man Editing Team of Brandon Enterprises." I said. Rosalie looked confused.

"I thought it was a big company?" Rosalie asked.

"It is…to make a long story short they had to fire 95% of the editing division…we were the only ones left…don't worry though we're very good at what we do and if you knew the reason why everyone got fired you'd understand why." I said.

"I take it something really bad happened?" Rose asked..

"lets just say some people never really grow up…even when they're like 50 years old." I said as Alice called her parents.

"Hi mom I found a new model and someone to work in the editing department…yeah they look decent enough to me…no they don't have experience but mom the editing department needs people in there…yeah they're both smarter than Emmett mom, do you think I'd hire another one…besides you're the one that hired Emmett and didn't give me a say in it….they're willing to train her…alright thanks…bye !" Alice said hanging up the phone.

"Its official…your hired…you start tomorrow…now lets get Emmett out of that!" Alice gagged as Jacob, Jasper and Alice dragged Emmett away screaming.

"Welcome to hell Rose…you should not of told Alice that!" I warned.

"Why?" Rose asked. It was then that we could hear Emmett screaming "PUT THE SISSORS DOWN….LIKE HELL YOUR TOUCHING MY HEAD AGAIN…OWW WATCH WHERE YOU SPRAY THAT!"

"Oh I see what you mean." Rosalie said.

"she's psychotic." I said.

"No…a psychotic person is sane compared to Alice." Edward said.

"Ugh this is such a waste of space…Alice take away his credit cards!" We could hear Jacob going on.

"It could be worse though…you could of said that you wanted to model…from the stories I heard…ugh!" I said. Edward nodded in agreement.

"I live with a metro sexual brother…I can deal with Alice." Rosalie said.

"Are you sure about that?" I questioned as we heard Alice say " Jacob…you know that outfit that I showed you in my sewing room…go get it!" we could hear Jacob then running up and down the stairs.

"PUT THAT GILTTER DOWN!" Emmett roared. We could hear a coughing sound. The three of us started laughing.

" Okay…um can you show me our room?" Rosalie said.

"Sure…follow us!" I said leading Rosalie up the stairs. I pointed out each and every room. She seemed to like where we put them. We then went to Rosalie's car and helped her load stuff in. We had just finished unloading everything when Emmett and co came back up the stairs. He was dressed in a hot pink top that emphasized all of his muscles and black baggy pants. His hair seemed a half inch shorter and glittered…Jacob's sunglasses on his face.

'Um Rosalie…um…well I- I mean Jasper and Alice were wondering….do you wanna go out tonight…like I know the perfect bar…everyone else is going!" Emmett said looking at us with pleading eyes. Edward and I shot him dirty looks. I didn't get what part of "I want to remember having sex with my boyfriend." that Emmett didn't comprehend. We pulled him over to the side.

"What the hell are you thinking…are you trying to bang every girl in the world?" Edward asked annoyed.

" No I want a girlfriend….and your drunken one night stand seemed to work!" Emmett said.

"Um I knew Bella first…I got to know her…I knew she wasn't sick with AIDS or something…you don't know Rosalie and your trying to date her…she could be a closet psychopath or something and you wouldn't know it!" Edward countered.

"you knew her for like 3 days!" Emmett said

"which is longer than you knew Rose for!"

" Don't try to stop me!" Emmett said grabbing Rosalie and running out the door. Everyone looked at each other shocked.

"I'll just let myself out…but um Emmett's not pulling out of the driveway yet…you might want to get out to his car before he leaves…just a thought!" Jacob said leaving. We got to the jeep before it reached the end of the driveway.

"glad to see you changed your mind!" Emmett said.

"I didn't change my mind…I'm here to stop you from doing something stupid…because knowing you Em it will have bad consequences." Edward said.

"Whatever man…whatever!" Emmett said..

Emmett was trashed the minute we reached the bar. Edward and I had swore that we wouldn't drink….we wanted to remember it if we got together tonight. Alice, Jasper, Rose and Emmett did rounds of tequila while Edward and I sipped on sodas. After round ten Emmett started a thrity man bar brawl. The bartender threatened to kick him out but he pleaded and they let him stay. Emmett fell off the bar stool at round twenty. Edward had enough.

"Give me the keys Emmett!" Edward said holding his hand out.

"No…I'm fine!" Emmett said extremely slushed.

"Give me the keys Em!" Edward said sternly.

"No…I told you I'm fine!" Emmett slurred.

"Give him the keys man!" The bartender said to Emmett.

"Last chance Em…give me the keys!" Edward said really pissed now.

"NO…I'M FINE!" Emmett roared. Edward then tried to tackle him to the ground. They wrestled but Emmett threw him off and ran away. The drunken manageree followed.

" I think one of them should drive!" Rosalie said really lit and pointing to us.

"No I'm fine…I can drive!" Emmett said jumping in, straping himself in and turning the car on. There was no chance we could get him out. I saw Edward take out a small video camera.I looked at him.

"do you honestly think Emmett's going to remember this tomorrow." Edward said answering my unspoken question.

"WAHOO!" Emmett bellowed hitting the accelerator. We sped out of the parking lot narrowly avoiding hitting a bunch of cars.

"SLOW DOWN EMMETT!" Edward roared.

"Speed up!" Emmett said going faster. We started to weave. I was getting really scared…what if we hit someone?

"EMMETT STOP…PULL OVER…GET OUT OF THE DRIVER'S SEAT!" I said.

"NO!" Emmett said as the car went even faster. I swear the speedometer read 100.

"EMMETT YOUR GOING TO KILL US ALL!" Edward roared as the car went into on coming trafic. We screamed as it went off the road and hit an abandoned house. Wood planks flew through the air. I hit my eye on the window…ugh I was going to have one hell of a shiner.

"They should really consider redecorating…shag rugs are so 1970's" Alice said as a piece of carpet flew up and hit the window next to her. If she were sober she'd be too scared to even think that. Edward and I started praying…we really thought we were going to die or something. The car came to a stop as a toilet went flying over head.

"Opps…oh well…just a little bump…that's what home owners is for!" Emmett said as if it was a little fender pointed the camera down as fluid that was clearly not water leaked out from under Emmett's car.

"Rosalie's going to want to see this when she's sober." Edward said. I picked up the phone and called the cops.

"I remember you !" Alice said as one of the cops went to interview her.

"You again…are you a pixieholic or something?" The cop asked. Alice slurred through her statement. When they were finished they went to arrest Emmett.

"Please please don't arrest him. I'll never let him drive drunk again! Do you know her father…he the head of the Forks Police department…he'll have a heart attack if he finds out what happened to her!" Edward pleaded with the cops.

"Wait a minute I know the Police chief of Forks!" The officer said taking out a recent picture of me from the Charlie's 50th birthday party.

"Hey where did you get that?" I asked.

"He said to me if you see this girl…to kick the person who hurt her's ass…guess that means you son." He said turning towards Emmett.

"Hey how about this…do whatever you want to him…just don't arrest him!" Edward pleaded some more.

"DEAL!" The cop said.

"Traitor!" Emmett said.

"Whatever you do don't go for the nose…go for the-" Alice was cut off mid sentence by Emmett's scream as the officer kneed him in the balls. I saw tears coming out of his eyes.

"Alright enough of that…I think Emmett wants kids!" Rosalie said.

"Well I cant let him go that easy!" the officer said as he elbowed Emmett in the ribs. There was a loud crack and Emmett screamed. The officer walked away whistling "it's a wonderful world." Emmett cried all the way home and Rosalie rubbed his back.

"That's not what's hurt you know!" Emmett said.

"Don't even think about it!" Rosalie answered back..

When we got back Edward got me some ice for my eye. We then went upstairs to my bed. We figured that since we were dating and already living together we might as well share a room. Edward was moving his stuff up tomorrow. We could hear Emmett cry himself to sleep…all the way from his basement apartment.

"Rosalie…Rosalie…I don't wanna be alone!" We heard Emmett cry from down stairs. Rosalie stomped down the stairs and closed the door.

"GO TO BED…AND SHUT UP!" She roared.

"It wont stop!" Alice cried. And I think to myself….what a wonderful world! Really what a wonderful world I thought as I went into Edwards arms and tried to block out Emmett's annoying drunken wails. At least I had him…I would of shot myself if it was Emmett I woke up to that morning.

The next morning Edward and I woke up to a loud knocking on the door. My eye was killing me and I could barely open it. Edward went to answer the door. There was no one there.

"Hello?" Edward asked half a sleep.

"Down here!" Emmett cried. We looked to see Emmett crawled in the fetal position.

"What happened last night …my boys are hurting…Bella did we get mugged?" Emmett winced in pain.

"Not quite!" I said

"See why we need the video camera now!" Edward said grabbing the tape. He played it for Emmett.

" Edward I forgive you for the kick in the balls…your not a traitor…I deserved the kick in the balls….I hurt my jeep…MY JEEP…MY BABY'S BLEEDING…I DESERVE TO DIE FOR THIS!" Emmett cried some more.

"What is all the commotion about?" Rosalie staggered in half asleep. We showed her the tape….which immediately woke her up.

"YOU DO DESERVE TO DIE FOR THIS…I CAN ALREADY TELL THAT JEEP IS DEAD…AFTER ALL THAT HARD WORK I PUT INTO IT!" Rosalie complained walking away. Alice then walked in and saw my face.

"I don't know what happened last night…but three guesses he's involved!" Alice said pointing at Emmett. We showed her the tape too.

"Ugh do you know how much concilor this is going to take to fix that…I better call in backup!" Alice said whipping out her cell phone which now had Jacob on speed dial.

"Jacob…its Alice…it's an emergency…yes again…bring concilor…a lot of it and the thickest one you can get…you'll see why very shortly…see you in a little bit."

"I'm going to go puke now!" Alice said walking to the bathroom. Jacob showed up a few minutes later.

"Yum manalishous in his boxers…damn Bella you know how to pick them!" Jacob said as Edward ran away.

"But look at that face…ugh…what happened? " He asked…his flamboyantness very apparent right now.

"Jacob you and I are taking makeup together…Jasper…outfit pronto!" Alice said clapping. They then decended on me.

Oh my eyebrows…have you ever heard of hot wax!" Jacob said whipping out a hot wax treatment. Alice held me down as Jacob ripped my eyebrows out with hot wax. I screamed to high hell.

"You know what they say Bella…pain is beauty!" Alice said. They then went to the task of covering my eye up. When they were finished I looked like I was going to paris. I met everyone in the kitchen

"They got you with the tweezers too huh?" Emmett asked sitting in a chair with ice on his ribs and groin.

"No Emmett…even worse…hot wax…you haven't even felt that yet" I said.

"yeash!" Emmett said.

"All I can say is Em your so lucky it's an easy day for us…all you'll be doing standing there while I get measurements for your next outfits!" Alice said


	10. Chapter 10

**I dont own twilight S/M does. Please read and review. Thanks for the reviews keep them comming!**

Chapter 10

BPV.

We showed Rosalie around when we went to work. They had another meet the new empolyees party for both her and Jasper. Afterwards we showed her how to do everything. I had to say she picked it up really fast. I didn't even have to repeat things twice to her. Alice snuck in a few times and tried to change everything…she really hated the layout. She stared up at the Alice hole with a twinkle in her eye…it still wasn't fixed…the people were coming tomorrow. She was probably remembering the oufit that she wore that day.

"So care to explain why her parents fired everyone?" Rosalie asked us. I pointed to the remants of jelly donut on my desk.

"Lets just say that the others weren't fond of us dating." I said gesturing to Edward and myself.

"Oh…then I can see why." Rosalie said.

"And that?" Rosalie asked about the hole.

"Just don't ever piss Alice off." I said. Alice nodded in agreement.

"Okay." Rosalie said.

"I guess I missed all the fun." Rosalie laughed.

"Well you had to be there….that's for sure!" Alice laughed.

"Hell hath no fury like an Alice scorned." I said.

"Damn straight…no one throws jelly donut at my friends…or talks trash about me!" Alice said

"Well you don't have to worry about food missles from me…I find that if you have a problem it's best to confront it head on." Rosalie said.

"Me too!" Alice said. It was then that Aunt Charlie walked in.

"Alice how many times do I have to tell you YOUR JOB IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BUILDING…STAY THERE!" Aunt Charlie roared shoving Alice out the door.

"There now that the destraction's gone…you can go back to what you were doing!" she said leaving.

"Guys…I just want to appologize for this morning…it's just that I spent a lot of time working on Emmett's car just to have him basically toss it in my face…I know I shouldn't of told him that he deserved to die but I was just really pissed." Rosalie said

"We've all felt that way about Emmett before Rosalie!" Edward said looking at my eye for a second.

"Felt what about me before?" Emmett asked walking in with Alice. He was shirtless and his pants were being held togther by pins. Even with the big blotch on his rib Rosalie still swooned. She caught herself midway though…a feat the others wouldn't of been able to achieve.

"Emmett hold still…one more pin!" Alice said shoving a pin into Emmett's groin area…she missed the seem and went right into Emmetts sensitive area. After these past few days it was going to be a wonder if Emmett could ever reproduce.

"! MY BOYS!OH THE PAIN!" Emmett bellowed bending over…shoving the needle in more. Edward winced.

"Opps wrong area!" Alice said ripping the needle out. Emmett screamed some more.

"Quit your whining…it only went in 3 inches!" Alice rolled her eyes.

"UHH…going to the emergency room ASAP!" Emmett said running out the door.

"I don't get what the big deal is….it didn't even come out the other side!" Alice said.

"Do I have to explain the male reproductive system to you Alice?" Edward asked shaking his head.

"Ew no….alright point taken!" Alice said grossed out.

"Alice you could of really hurt his chances of having kids…you better watch where you stick those pins." Rosalie said.

"Oh well… at least it stops another Emmett from coming into the world…god knows we don't need two!" Alice said.

"And what if it takes after it's mother and not Emmett!" Rosalie sniped. Some one wanted to be a mommy.

"Please fat chance of that happening…well fifty fifty shot if it's a girl…but if it's a boy…not uh its going to be all Emmett…after all it's getting the keratin filled Y chromozone…ughh!" Alice shivered

A few hours later Emmett came bouncing in. He had a happy look on his face and he shoved a paper right in front of Edward.

"THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN ….THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN!" Emmett sang.

"She missed everything…I had a complementary sperm count done…highest sperm count ever seen in that hospital….1 billion baby!" Emmett shouted. I swore Rosalie smiled, a dreamy glaze enveloped her eye but she shook it off after a second.

"Um Emmett this says 1 trillion…see twelve zeros not nine." Edward said with shock in his voice.

"1 trillion baby…wahoo!" Emmett whooped and fist pumped.

"Only you Em." Edward said shaking his head.

"So let me get this strait…your telling me that you could spread your genes…your self…a trillion times over?" Alice gulped horrified.

"YUP!" Emmett beamed.

"Oh dear lord…I need a drink!" Alice walked away.

"What's with her?" Emmett said flexing a muscle. Edward and I looked at each other and laughed.

" Oh I don't know Emmett…she's weird!" Rosalie laughed.

"you don't have to tell me that." Emmett said.

"WHY NATURE…WHY!" We could hear Alice sobbing in the background. I didn't know what she was complaining about…she only had to make clothes for the thing.

" a little overdramatic much?" Rosalie asked.

"You know Alice…drama is her middle name." I said.

"Really?" Emmett asked.

"No!" I said.

"But why…" Emmett started up.

"It was a joke!" I said.

"Emmett I was wondering…what do you say you and I go out tonight…just the two of us?" Rosalie asked taking the inatiative. I guessed when she knew what she wanted she went after it.

"Is this a joke too?" Emmett asked.

"No." Rosalie said

"Hell yeah…what time?" Emmett asked.

"We'll go right after work…Edward you can take Jasper home right…I'll take Emmett in my car." Rosalie said.

"No problem." Edward said.

"Alright done deal…what do you say we go to that bar and…" Emmett was cut off by Rosalie.

"No Emmett…I was thinking more resturante in the crown plaza or something like that…not a bar." Rosalie said after exchanging a look with Edward. Rosalie's way of cotroling Emmett's drinking….controlling Emmett's wallet.

"Alright…I can get a big stake there…need a lot of protein for these babies!" Emmett said kissing his muscles. We heard a suspicious "Not uh" from behind the door. Emmett then skipped out of the room.

"What I thought that he'd never ask!" Rosalie said looking at us.

Emmett's point of view.

I was on cloud nine. I couldn't believe that I scored a date with Rosalie…even if she was the one to ask me. I ran into Jasper in the hallway.

"I just scored a date with your sister!" I beamed.

"That's wonderful…you finally asked her out?" Jasper asked.

"No she asked me…can you believe it!" I exclaimed.

"Typical…great now I owe Alice $20...guess I should of seen that one coming!"Jasper said.

"good luck man…your going to need it…she's going to eat you alive!" Jasper warned.

"Whatever man whatever!" I said. I could hear "Oh Alice!" as Jasper walked away.

BPV

Alice was ranting the whole way home about how offended she felt about Rosalie just leaving work for a date and not having Alice make her over first. She was really hurt by that…but I could understand. Being Alice's Barbie doll I could see why Rosalie wanted to go straight there. After we moved Edward's stuff upstairs to my room , Alice and I sat in her room…Alice pacing around when Jasper walked in.

"Hey Alice…I just had an idea…let's follow them…I got the perfect suit!" Jasper said.

"My type of guy!" Alice said running to her closet. Jasper disappeared into his room. She opened her closet to reveal hundreds of dresses, tops, jeans, and other items of clothing.

"Pink dress or lime green?" Alice asked me.

"I'd go with the lime green…brings out your eyes." I said.

"JASPER WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING UNDER YOUR TUX?" Alice called.

" LIME GREEN!" Jasper called.

"Lime green it is then!" Alice said. She bounced excitedly to her vanity. She was throwing makeup on herself like it was no tomorrow. Jasper then appeared in the doorway…Alice swooned at the sight of him.

"So is this a date?" Alice asked as they met in the doorway.

"oh this is definitely a date." Jasper said.

"Glad to know we're on the same page then!" Alice smiled. Oh god. It figured Alice's first date with someone was spying on one of her models.

"Don't wait up for us!" Alice called as the door shut. I could hear thunder over head…it figured Alice had to have her first date during a thunderstorm. I then went to cook dinner. It looked like it was going to be just Edward and I tonight. I came down stairs to find the the lights out…the table lit with candles. Edward was sitting there with a dozen roses in hand. Luckily I was still in my work attire or else I would of felt extremely underdressed. I could smell the chicken in the air. It smelt amazing. Edward was a complete gentleman…he got everything for me. If the smell was amazing…the taste was divine. I was right…he sure could cook!

"So we're alone in the house…everyone's gone for the next few hours…what do you say we make the most of …." just then the power went out. We could only tell by the fact that the digital clock on the stove went out. Edward grabbed a flashlight and carried me up the stairs after blowing out the candles. We started to heavily make out. I stopped only to find something to change into. Opening my pj drawer I pulled out a new piece of lingeree with a note attached.

__

" I knew you were going to need this so I put it in here on our lunch break. don't ask questions…3...A"

Typical Alice. I changed quickly and threw some makeup on. I then turned towards Edward and was lost in the fires of passion.

Three hour later Edward and I were cuddling when the door busted down downstairs. We could hear the sounds of a couple practically eating each other's face off and then a thud.

"OWW!DAMN IT THE POWER'S OUT HERE TOO!" Emmett bellowed. We then heard more passionate sounds followed by several loud thuds. Rose and Emmett obviously fell down the stairs. We could hear them laughing really hard.

"You'd think a few stairs would stop them!" Edward laughed as we could hear them going at it. The door opened again and we could hear the sounds of a second couple making out.

"Lets go to my room….upstairs!" we could hear Alice saying. We then saw a flashlight whip through the hallway. Blackness enveloped after that.

The power was still out the next day when we woke up. Alice's head popped in with a big smile on it. Edward tossed me a bathrobe and covered himself up. Alice then strode in.

" good glad your up…Rosalie's downstairs throwing out the food that went bad last night…power company said that it wont be back for another hour at least…Mom's got power and she's offering hot showers for everyone(we had a well)…so hurry up !" Alice said throwing clothes at us. We lucked out that when we moved out of Forks…Alice's parent's followed.

"ugh hot water….come to mama!" Alice said running into her mother's shower. She then dragged me into a spare bedroom where she did the works…she packed ten pounds of makeup and my outfit for work that day.

"So I guess we missed out on the action last night!" Alice said while playing with my hair.

"Alice you went on a date with Jasper, you followed Rose and Emmett…I'd hardly say you missed out on any action." I said.

"Yeah well Emmett and Rose were boring for 95% of their date. Jasper and I made out for half the night and more…which was fun." Alice said.

"See!" I said.

" yeah…so what did I miss?" Alice asked.

" Candlelit dinner, power went out, we went upstairs and found your little gift, and then well you know, and then you guys came back." I said

"Ooh…how cute" Alice squealed.

The entire workplace was out of power which meant it went into "lockdown". Lockdown was meant for the event that the power went out and someone (Jacob) took the opportunity to steal some of the designs in the building. It was Alice's concept. The outside doors immediately locked and all doors on the inside locked up. How they could do something like that yet not keep Alice out of the editing room was beyond me. Alice's parents had to use key cards to open every door and every department. The doors immediately locked which meant Alice was going to be kept out until the power came back on.

"At least we're going keep Alice out of here for a little bit." I said as Edward, Rose and I went to our desks.

"Don't hold your breath…she could scale the air vents again." Edward said.

" true." I said. It was then that we could see Alice's foot climbing down the vent. She dropped to the floor…stood up and dusted herself off. She then headed over and started to critque our work..

"don't put that there…put it there!….we are Brandon Enterprises…not some half rated tabloid…now I want that over there!" Alice was dictating.

"Alice you don't work in editing…YOU ARE IN MODELING/ FASHION DESIGN…now you can have your oppinions about where things go but you are not the boss here…you cant tell us what to do!" Edward said pissed.

"EXCUSE ME! DO YOU KNOW WHO MY PARENTS ARE!" Alice roared.

"Yeah I do….and they don't want you in here as well!" Edward said calmly. Just then Aunt Charlie unlocked the door.

"ALICE MARY BRANDON…GET YOUR BUT OUT OF HERE THIS INSTANT…THEY NEED YOU DOWN IN THE PHOTO SHOOT ROOM…THAT IS WHERE YOU SHOULD BE!" Aunt Charlie roared dragging Alice out by the ear.

"OWWWWW!" Alice cried down the hall.

"Now back to business." Edward said promptly.


	11. Chapter 11

**I dont own twilight S/M does. Please read and review. Thanks for the reviews keep them comming!**

Chapter 11

BPV.

I was riding in my car by myself on the way home. Jasper was giving Alice a ride and Edward had to take both Rose and Emmett home. So I was in my car by myself. Being the typical me I took a wrong turn and wound up on some back street in the middle of down town. I was about to turn around when I heard a shot gun blast eminate from my truck and everything died. I got out and popped the hood and smoke hit me right in the face. Great! I whipped out my phone and walked to find service to call AAA when Mike Newton came stumbling out of some random bar trashed out of his mind. His eyes glowed with rage and he flew at me knocking my phone to the ground. I swung my purse and hit him square in the face. He stumbled and I ran. Unfortunately my bad balance kicked in at this point and I tripped. I then felt the blade against my throat.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked. Please dont let me die...I could not leave Edward!

"You got me fired!" He answered.

" Mike it's not my fault you got fired, I didn't send that picture of you and you should of known that Alice's parents would launch an investigation after they saw that...you did it to yourself!" I cried. I felt the knife dig into one part of my neck. If he was going to kill me I was going to go down fighting. I punched him right in the groin and he dropped the knife. I turned to run.

"YOUR NOT GOING ANYWHERE!" He roared slurring heavily jumping on my back. I elbowed him right in the face…breaking his nose.

"GET OFF OF ME!" I roared. I tried to shake him off….it didn't work. It was like that kid had a vice grip or something.

"NEVER…IF I CANT WORK THEN YOU CANT EITHER!" He roared. He punched me in the attempt to get me to stop shaking him

"Mike I told you…its not my fault!" I cried

" Mike your trashed…your not thinking clearly…you don't want to hurt me…you know it, I know it…so stop and I wont say anything!" I begged.

"I'm thinking just fine thank you very much. NOW SHUT UP!" Mike roared. I was getting really scared at this point. He wasn't stopping.

"Mike I'll give you anything…what do you want…my cell phone…my wallet…please just don't hurt me any more!" I begged shoving my purse in his face. He shoved it away.

"I can think of one thing only." he said looking at my body hungerly. I punched him in the face and he ripped off the beaded neclace that Alice had put on me this morning. He took out another knife from his pocket and held it up. Please god…I couldn't die like this. Not like this…not at the hands of a drunken foolish Mike Newton.

"NOW SHUT UP!" He repeated. I gulped

"Now unbutton that pretty top of yours!" Mike ordered.

"Mike please you don't have to do this!" I begged

"I'M GOING TO SAY THIS ONE LAST TIME…SHUT UP AND DO WHAT I SAY!" He snarled. I started to unbutton my top to distract him.

"That's it baby!" He said fully distracted. I elbowed him right in the gut. He fell over in pain. I started to run some more. Mike tackled me to the ground.

"YOUR GOING TO BE LIKE THAT…THEN FINE..I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO DO THIS ANOTHER WAY!" He punched me in the head and dragged me into an alley. I was semi conscious when I saw headlights pull up. I went to cry out but nothing came. Blackness soon enveloped.

EPV

We pulled up to the house first…Jasper and Alice arriving five minutes later. I started to grow concerned when Bella didn't show up 15 minutes later. I tried her cellphone three times but she didn't pick up.

"She didn't pick up again?" Alice asked worried. I was starting to panic at this point. Alice locked her phone to some random street in the middle of Seattle.

"relax she's probably gone food shopping…god knows we need it now!" Emmett said. I waited another five minutes and then I had it.

"That's it…I'm going to go find her. I have a bad feeling!" I said. Everyone went to follow me to the car.

"No…I'm going alone…if something's happened to her I don't want to risk anyone else…I should of driven with her!" I said jumping into my Volvo.

"Edward think about this…you might need some help!" Emmett said making to get into the car. I locked the door.

"Emmett stay with Rose…that is where you need to be!" I said.

"I'm going too!" Rose said offended.

"No your not!" I said pealing out. I left everyone standing there in disbelief. I should of noticed that only three of them were standing there. Right as I was turning on to the street I heard a phone go off. Alice's head then popped out of the back seat.

"What are you doing here Alice?" I asked.

"OMG THAT'S BELLA'S TRUCK…IT'S ON FIRE!" Alice roared horrified. If I hadn't heard the truthfullness in her voice I wouldn't have believed her. I turned to see flames coming out of her hood.

"OMG WHAT IF SHE'S IN THERE!" Alice continued to scream.

"Alice calm down…she's not in there." I said

"HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT!" Alice shrieked.

"Besides the fact that the driver's door is swinging open …the cab's not on fire and you'd probably see her inside." I said. This only had me more worried…where the hell was she? I started to scan around. When I didn't see her I really started to worry. I was almost down right afraid.

"Then where is she?" Alice asked scared.

" I don't know…we'll have to look for her!" I said. We got out of the car and saw something illuminating about 30 feet away from the burning truck. Alice walked up and looked at it.

"EDWARD IT'S HER CELLPHONE!" Alice gasped. That scared the shit out of me. Bella would never leave her phone like that. Alice looked at me fearfully. Something red then caught my eye. There was a little splatter of blood at my feet. I freaked out at that point and grabbed the pistol that Emmett made me keep in my car for such an event. Alice whipped out a stun gun and we started to search every alley way.

"She's not here." Alice stated when she cleared the first alley way.

"Not here either." I said clearing the second.

"Where the hell could she be?" Alice shook after the third one we searched turned up empty. I saw a foot sticking out of the next one and peered down to see Bella right next to me slumped unconscious against the wall. She looked like a bloody mess. I wouldn't of known it was her if I didn't see her chest nut colored hair. She had a really deep gash on her neck…she'd have to get stitches for that. I looked up to see Mike stumbling away from the scene.

"GET OVER HERE YOU SON OF A BITCH!" I roared running after him and firing the gun. I made sure I missed by millimeter. From all the bruises and blood on him I could tell that Mike was the one that did this. I didn't even see Alice follow me.

" I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" Mike roared not listening to me.

"didn't do anything….DIDN'T DO ANYTHING…YOU BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF MY GIRLFRIEND…DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" I snarled.

"SHE GOT ME FIRED!" He roared. He tried to run past me to get to her. I punched him right in the balls and Alice stun gunned him right in the ass. Pee wizzed everywhere…miraculsy missing us and hitting Mike. It made the electric current stronger which effectively took Mike out of commission.

"Scum bag…FYI…its Phyllis's fault you got fired so you just committed assault for nothing idiot!" Alice spat as I put pressure on her wound. We carried her to the car and drove her to the hospital. Carlisle stitched her neck up when she came to. It took about 10 stitches to close. Carlisle rulled that she had a concussion and after I promised that we'd keep an eye on her he released her. The cops took our statements…and took turns using "nessacary force" on Mike. Aparently Bella's father made a lot of connections in the Seattle police force. Alice beamed with pride at all of her family connections.

"This the kid that beat the shit out of Charlie Swan's daughter?" One of the officers asked…they held Mike in the waiting room of the hospital so that his nose could be re evaluated…apparently Bella got him good in the face.

"Yep that's the one!" The same officer who beat up Emmett said. They looked at each other and looked at Mike.

"Come here son!" they roared giving Mike swift kicks in the groin and ribs. He was bound to be hurting in the morning. That kid was going to be a mess in the morning. Served him right…asshole.

"I should of went with you." I said pissed.

" And what would you have done…I broke his nose and puched and kicked the shit out of him and it didn't stop him… besides you got to me just in the knick of time…before he could do anything else." We both shuttered. From what we heard we scared Mike off of committing rape. He started running when he saw me staring at Bella's foot…he didn't even get close. We met up with Alice who drove my car to the enterence.

BPV

Alice was going on all the way home about using scarves to hide the stitches. She was also relieved that I was not worse off. I told her I was definitely taking a sick day tomorrow and Edward said that he'd take one with me. Alice had nothing to do tomorrow anyways…it was her day off…Emmett and Jasper were working with her "understudy"…so she volunteered to go in and work with Rosalie. That scared me…I hoped Rosalie could control her.

"Relax guys…I know the ropes and I wouldn't change things behind your back…well maybe if it were something gerastic." Alice said.

"Alice I find one thing different and your never going to be allowed to do this again…got that?" Edward warned giving Alice a look.

"Don't need to tell me twice" Alice said. It was then that we walked inside the house. From everyone's reaction I must of looked as bad as I felt.

"Damn…what happened?" Emmett asked disgusted.

"Mike Newton." Edward snarled. Emmett growled.

"don't worry Emmett…between Bella, Edward, the Seattle PD, and I, Mike probably will be infertile and slightly disfigured…your services weren't needed tonight." Alice beamed.

"Damn…sounds like he's hurtin." Emmett said while grabbing an icepack and an Advil. He handed it to me and grabbed a bottle of scotch while forcing a glass in Edward's hand.

"Trust me …I know that you need this." Emmett said poring the scotch in the glass. Edward stopped after one drink.

"Wish I was there tonight!" Emmett said shaking his head.

"I knew you'd say that Em…so I brought the next best thing…video!" Alice said taking out her phone and playing the entire incident out…she started recording the minute she saw the car burning.

"Great so now we're two cars down!" Rosalie said seeing the truck burn. Alice shushed her.

"OOH!" Emmett bellowed when it showed the eletricution punch.

"Ouch…owww…I felt that one!" Emmett exclaimed when the cop beating played.

"Nice!" Emmett said when the video ended.


	12. Chapter 12

**I dont own twilight S/M does. Please read and review. Thanks for the reviews keep them comming!**

Chapter 12

BPV

Edward kept an eye on me the entire night…making sure that I was just sleeping every half hour. The next day he was a gentelman…getting me whatever I needed. It was to the point where I had to remind him a few times that I didn't have any broken bones and that I could get some things myself. He even sponge bathed my neck . I couldn't ask for anyone better to be with me today. I realized at that point how deeply my feelings went for him. I knew that feeling was mutual from the way he was acting, and from his actions last night. As I was thinking this Edward was changing the gauze around my neck. He stared at the wound with deep pain in his eyes. I saw him clench his fist and then the look went away.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

" alright…I've felt worse before." I said. That was true…this wasn't the worst I've ever been.

"do you need anything?" Edward asked me.

"No not right now….I'm fine." I said.

"So I talked to my dad last night while they took you in for the tests…he said that if your feeling up to it…that we're welcome to have dinner with them over the weekend." Edward said.

"Alright…I'll probably be fine by then…lets go." I said. I really wanted to meet his parents formally.

"well are you sure?" He looked at me uncertainly.

"Edward I'm sure…I'll be fine!" I said more sternly.

"Okay…well I'll call them and let them know that." Edward said picking up the phone. I got a little nervous at that point. Seeing as how Edward and Emmett were completely different people it made me wonder what his parents were actually like. Since I only met his father twice under medical circumstances and I never met his mother I started to freak. Emmett's head then popped through the door…he was home early.

"mom and dad just called ….said they're having dinner over the weekend…SWEET!" Emmett giggled as he said this. I felt relieved. That meant Rosalie was going to be there and the pressure was going to be off me.

The night of the dinner came fast upon us. Alice dragged me upstairs. She was saying thank god that the stitches weren't on my face or she'd have to call Jacob again. She threw me in a turtle neck t-shirt that was black in color. It hid the stitches well. She did the makeup on the fun but formal side and threw my hair up in a pony tail. As she was adding massive amounts of glitter Rosalie burst the door down.

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO…I DON'T KNOW WHAT HIS PARENTS ARE LIKE….WHAT IF THEY HATE ME!" She hyperventilated. Jasper ran in behind her annoyed and holding a hot red mini dress.

"Rosalie you need to chill out…and you need to put this on!" Jasper said

" Rosalie don't freak out…their probably not that bad…the dad's a doctor after all…gotta have a good bed side manner!" Alice said

" Coming from you miss. I met him once!…at least you know what he looks like!" Rosalie said.

"Yeah Bella and I met him putting a cast on my neck…and Bella's next experience he was stitching up her neck…not exactly enough time for a good conversation "Oh hey I'm dating your son…or oh hey I'm best friends with your son!"!" Alice said shaking her head.

"if its any concolation Rosalie…I know what your going through…I'm a bit nervous myself."I said.

"Jasper get her out of here…she's disturbing my Chi!" Alice said shoving Rosalie out the door.

"But A." Rosalie whined but Alice shut the door in her face.

"Good…back to what I was saying…now I'm going to be out with Jasper tonight so when you guys get home don't be shocked if we're not there…we're going to go see a movie, and then go shopping…go out to a late dinner. So we're probably not going to be in till late." Alice said.

"Uh Alice have you ever thought about…oh I don't know…maybe meeting Jasper's parents on one of your dates!" I said.

"Oh heck no. That would make me look desperate and desperate doesn't look good on me. No if I ever plan on meeting Jasper's parents it will be at the wedding…that way they don't have to pretend to like me…they have to like me…I'll be family!" Alice said

" Are you serious Alice?" I asked shocked.

"Dead serious…perfect plan huh!" Alice said.

"Yeah they may have to like you…but they may also hate you." I said.

"Why would they hate me…I'm family!" Alice said.

"Uh 1. You didn't introduce yourself to them, 2. One of your dates could have been on an important family event, and most importantly 3. You have them going to a wedding where they only know the groom and one of the brides maids…you wanna talk about awkward moments!" I said.

"Point taken…well guess I'm going to have to pressure Jasper into that one…"OH JASPER!"!" Alice called running out of the room. A few minutes later she came back in.

"Plans changed…going to Jasper's parents house…hopefully they have no plans tonight!" Alice said happily.

"Alice did you ever think WHAT IF THEY DID HAVE PLANS?" I asked.

" They'll have to change them…no biggie!" Alice said. We could hear Jasper in the background saying "Well your going to have to cancel bingo tonight…I mean how many girls do I bring over…OF COURSE SHE'S SPECIAL…NO NOT SPECIAL ED…SHE IS VERY DEAR TO ME AND YOU WILL MEET HER TONIGHT!…see you at 7" Jasper said.

"Opps!" Alice said. Rosalie then walked in again.

"Great now my parents are gonna wanna meet Emmett because they met you…I can already hear the nagging in my ears now…"when are we going to meet your boyfriend…when are we going to meet Emmett!" god you couldn't wait till next weekend when all of our schedules were clear!"

"Oh stop it!" Alice said.

"Bella we should get going soon…we don't want the impatient one over there to not be ready to leave…7 pm comes up fast you know…it's already 4!" Rosalie said leading me out the the door.

"You seem calmer." I said.

"Yeah I'm just telling myself that everything is going to be a okay…nothing is going to happen tonight." Rosalie said. We met the boys down stairs. Edward was standing there in his god like glory. He held out his hand and lead me to the car. Electricity pulsed through us.

Edward's parents lived about a half hour outside the city. The view that they had of the mountians was amazing…breath taking actually. My jaw dropped at the sight of it. Edward beamed and led me in. On the other side of the door was his parents…they told us to call them Carlisle and Esme while holding out their hands.

"Oh you must be Bella…between the three of them ( she pointed to Carlisle, Edward and Emmett) I hear a lot about you…nice to have a face to put with the name!" Esme said holding out her hand. Great so I was a frequent source of conversation in the family.

"Its nice to meet you too Esme…you have a stunning home!" I said smiling and shaking her hand. Their home should be in one of those home and garden magazines…hell if Alice saw it she'd probably want to do photo shoots here.

"Oh thank you…I cant take all the credit…it's been in the family for generations." Esme laughed. It was then that Esme caught sight of Rosalie.

"Oh Emmett your back with Irena…that's er great." Esme said in a disapproving tone. Rosalie looked really nervous. I could hear her whisper to Emmett "Who's Irena?"

"This isn't Irena mom…she's long gone and hopefully never coming back…this is Rosalie, my girlfriend!" Emmett said. From the looks of shock on their parent's faces I gathered that Emmett neglected to mention that little fact in his conversations with his parents.

"Oh I am so sorry well you look like one of Emmett's ex's and well lets just say that she wasn't a good fit with the family. I appologize for assuming. It's really nice to meet you Rosalie!" Esme said mortified while holding out her hand. Rosalie relaxed just a little

" its okay…frankly I'd probably be the same way…and its nice to meet you too Esme." Rosalie said taking her hand. We were then led into the dining room. Rosalie leaned in and growled in my ear "Who is Irena?" I told her "when we're alone I'll explain." They served mountian lion that night. Aparently Calisle was a big game hunter and bagged a big one. I had to say I never had mountian lion until that night…and it wasn't that bad.

"You had to bag Edward's favorite animal to hunt…you couldn't bag a grizzley bear…you'd have meat for like 10 months afterwards." Emmett said.

"Yeah well Emmett I wasn't really thinking about that when the mountian lion jumped out in front of me.

"Conicidence huh!" Emmett laughed.

"Emmett what was I supposed to do…just let food go because you wanted a grizzly bear!" Carlisle said. After dinner we went to watch some TV. Sitting on the nightstand was a DVD. I picked it. It read "THE TWINS" on it. I looked at Edward.

"Oh did I forget to mention Emmett and I are twins?" Edward laughed. How were those two people spawned _in the same pregnancy_?

"Yes." I said. Like WTF everyone I know is a twin except for Alice and I. My father and Aunt Charlie are twins, Jasper and Rosalie are twins, and now my boyfriend and Emmett? Edward played the video. It started off with their first night. The camera which was obviously Carlisle following Esme into the nursery. He peered in on a sleeping Edward…he narrated everything…and then went to the source of the wailing. Esme was crying "I GAVE YOU A BOTTLE AND YOU DON'T NEED A CHANGING…WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!" They tried to burp Emmett and he started to do push ups in Esme's arms. They placed him back in the crib where he continued to do them while making crying counting sounds.

"Huh I see Emmett' hasn't changed much!" Rosalie said coming in while Emmett was doing push ups in the living room. It then shot forward four years to their fourth birthday party. Edward looking like a normal four year old was sitting on a swing. Emmett looking like a four year old on steroids was pushing him and counting.

"He's too light mommy…you get on!" Emmett called.

"No Emmy I think you better stick with Edward…you might hurt yourself!" Esme said.

"I'm fine….WHO'S THE BEAST…I'M THE BEAST!" Emmett said sending Edward soaring in the air.

"WHO'S THE BEAST…IM THE BEAST!" Present Emmett roared at the exact same time

"Nothing ever changes!" Edward sighed. We flashed through all the different stages of their lives…Emmett becoming more and more muscular. We finally reached the graduation at the end. Edward of course was valedictorian…ten thousand medals hung from his neck as he read his speech. At the end the boys ran up to them.

"So Edward valedictorian…wow…and you don't want to go to med school?" Carlisle asked.

"Dad I want to get an English degree and be an editor. They make good money. I told you this millions of times!" Edward said peeved.

"Emmett you actually graduated…with an athletic scholarship…I'm shocked!" Carlisle said to Emmett.

"That's all we could of ever hoped for with Emmett!" Esme said from behind us crying her eyes out.

"wait for it!" Edward said pointing to the tape.

"guys I made a decision about my future…I'm not going to college…I'm going to be a male model…I was already offered a job at the mall today…I figured I already got a job lined up…I don't need college… someone this beautiful doesn't need college!" Emmett said to the camera ripping off his graduation robe. A bunch of girls wolf whistled. The camera slumped to the floor and Esme screamed "Carlisle are you okay?"

"Ugh!" Rosalie said

"and there it is." Edward said.

"needless to say I was in the good graces again…Carlisle was relieved I was going to college!" Edward said

"so did Emmett ever go to college?" Rosalie asked.

"Nope…151..umph!" Emmett said doing another pull up.

"Lovely…well you cant win them all…but Emmett you shouldn't of thrown away your scholarship for a modeling job" Rosalie snarled at the last part.

"Don't tell Alice that!" I whispered.

" oh I know." Rosalie whispered back.

"I could hear it now "Emmett OMG I'm so honored…you didn't go to college just to work for me!"" Rosalie said.

"Who's Alice? " Esme asked.

"Trust me at some point you'll meet Alice…Carlisle already has." I said. Carlisle shuddered at the memory of Alice asking if the neck brace came in a Gucci pattern.

"Dear…its best you not meet Alice." Carlisle said.

"Oh." Was all Esme said.

" So who wants desert?" Carlise asked

"We'll have some!" We all said.

"Well that went over well!" Edward said after we left.

"How do you know?" I asked.

"You should of seen it when we brought home Irena and Tanya…lets just say Tanya wound up with grizzly bear in her hair and Irena wasn't too fond of my mom afterward." Edward said.

EPV

It was at that point my phone went off. It was my mother.

"I'm just calling to let you know I really like your girlfriend…she's got a good head on her shoulders ….I approve…marry that one…please god marry that one!" My mom said. My mother was very critical of girls we brought home to say the least. This was like a miracle coming out of her mouth.

"Glad to know I got your approval." I said

"I'm just glad that it wasn't Tanya that you picked…she'd be a nightmare as a daughter in law. Thank god you two broke up…I prayed every night for that. Also I think that Rosalie was the classiest girl that Emmett ever brought over here. You two finally chose good girls…finally!" My mother said.

"geez thanks mom." I said. I could see Bella looking at me nervously. I grabbed her hand and held it tight

"Just tell the girls we approve!" She said hanging up. I looked at Bella.

"My mother likes you…I don't think she's ever approved of anyone before. Wow!" I said utterly shocked. Emmett met up with us as we stepped out of the car.

"What' with the look?" Emmett asked

"I talked to mom already…Emmett they approve!" I said

"WHAT!" Emmett bellowed.

"Yeah…she actually pushed marriage….something that she would never ever do in my wildest dreams…until now that is…and they called Rosalie the classiest girl that you ever brought in the house." I said.

"Holy shit…did they both have strokes?" Emmett asked.

"Thanks!" Rosalie groaned

"No babe you don't understand…I've never heard them say that and neither has Edward…you two must of made one hell of an impression!" Emmett exclaimed. It was then we heard this blubbering sound from the stairs.

BPV

"YOUR PARENTS HATE ME…WHY DO THEY HATE ME?" Alice was sobbing

"They don't hate you!" Jasper said

"They hate me…they told me they hated me…to my face!" Alice sobbed.

"Maybe you misunderstood?" Jasper was trying to consol her.

"THEY SAID AND I QUOTE " WE DON'T WANT YOU AROUND OUR SON ANYMORE AND WE NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE AROUND HERE EVER AGAIN!" AND THEY PROCEEDED TO CALL ME A GREMLIN…_THERE WAS NO MISUNDERSTANDING!"_ Alice yelled and sobbed at the same time. Emmett gulped afraid.

"what happened?" I whispered in Jasper's ear.

"Well after they canceled bingo night for her she proceeded to ask them if she could give them makeovers, redecorate their house and told them to have a 9 course meal for the next time she comes over…from what I gather there was a confrentation when Alice accidently walked in on my mother in the bathroom." Jasper said. No wonder why they didn't like her. I'd be pissed too.

"I I DON'T GET IT…AALL I DID WAS MAKE SOME SUUUGGESTIONS !" Alice sobbed

"Jasper I think you better have a talk with your parents…and soon because Alice values her relationships with her boyfriends parents…particularly the mothers." I said. Jasper's eyes widened.

"Oh man if they hate Alice…then Emmett doesn't stand a chance!" Rosalie groaned.

"hey!" Emmett said.

"No you don't understand….their lenient on Jasper's girlfriends…their HARD CORE on my boyfriends…a result of being their only daughter!" Rosalie said.

"and speaking of you and being their only daughter you were quite the chunker huh Rose?" Alice said. Rosalie looked offened.

"Excuse me…I was of average weight!" Rosalie said pissed. I leaned in and whispered "Don't worry I was of average weight too…Alice being freakishly skinny all her life cant understand that…she even stuffed diet tips in my locker!" that was true…she even got suspended over doing it because she didn't just do it to me.

"Alice shush before you offend anymore members of my family." Jasper moaned.

" no its okay Jasper…I understand that Alice's brain sometimes doesent connect to her mouth…believe me I understand." Rosalie said looking at Emmett who was going around and asking people to arm wrestle.

" So how was your night?" Jasper asked.

"Oh it was fun…we ate dinner, watched home videos, then had desert…we had a blast!" Rosalie said.

"You have to get the good parents!" Alice sobbed some more. Edward and Emmett rolled their eyes.

"I guess I have my work cut out for me…I will get your parents to like me even if it kills me!" Alice vowed

"yeah good luck with that…their very very stubborn you know…make one jugement and its over with." Rosalie said.

"Wonderful!" Alice laughed sarcastically

"what I'm just warning you…I don't think they've ever changed their minds about one of our boyfriends or girlfriends before." Rosalie said.

"There isn't anything I can do?" Alice asked.

"appologize…and next time you see them…cuz there will be a next time…be nice to them, don't do any of the things that you did." Rosalie said. Alice whipped out her phone and called them. The apology was accepted and they decided to give Alice a second chance. She was going to go over when Emmett was going to meet the family. Oh to be a fly on the wall during that meeting.

"Wow that was really big of them!" Jasper smiled.

"Of course because it's you king Jasper…mom knows that if the right woman came along and she didn't like her that you would loose contact with her at the drop of a hat!" Rosalie snickered.


	13. Chapter 13

**I dont own twilight S/M does. Please read and review. Thanks for the reviews keep them comming!**

Chapter 13

BPV

Alice nailed the next time that she meet Jasper's parents. They actually admitted prejudging her and not getting to know the real her. Emmett they gave a hard time but they eventually came around to him. Emmett and Mr. Hale bonded over the fact that they liked the same sports teams. A couple of days after that second meeting I awoke to find two new cars sitting in my driveway. A Jeep that was identical to the one that Emmett used to drive and a sleek black 2010 Hummer H3t sitting next to it. Emmett was bowing to it like it was a religious icon or something.

"Bella your going to have so much fun with the Jeep…I cant believe you got me a Hummer Rose…your awesome!" Emmett was chirping.

"Um Emmett…the Jeep's for you…the Hummer is Bella's " Rosalie said. I looked to see Alice and Edward looking suspiciously away from me

"oh man!" Emmett moaned.

"I thought you liked your Jeep!" Rosalie said.

"I did…I do…but Rose it's a HUMMER…AND A NEW ONE!" Emmett whistled. I looked at Alice.

"What…like I've said god knows you need a tank…and I know you like the truck look so I had a little talk with Edward and …Ta da!" Alice said gesturing to the car

"Did you ever think how we're going to explain this to my father…after all he's the one that got me the truck in the first place!" I demanded.

"We'll just say a little white lie…I mean after all I don't think he's going to take it too well if he hears your truck blew up ( it actually did right after we left for the hospital…the firemen said that they had to evacuate three tenement houses for fear they'd catch on fire.)" Alice said. That made me worry. In Alice's mind a little white lie was a huge story. I could already see the details formulating in her mind. As if me getting attacked and my car blowing up wasn't sensational enough.

" I call first dibs on shot gun in the Hummer!" Emmett declared.

"Oh hell no Emmett…Edward's her boyfriend…he gets first dibs…and I'm her cousin so I get second!" Alice said.

"Then what about me?" Emmett asked.

"Well since Jasper picked the color and Rosalie the specific type of Hummer your looking at 5th on the list." Alice said.

" Oh man!" Emmett complained.

"What can I say Em…we told you when we were leaving to go looking and you said you wanted to stay home and play call of duty…so I don't feel bad." Alice said

"Don't worry babe…it wont be that bad!" Rosalie said.

"Well I have my baby back…that's a plus…but wait a minute there is no cage?" Emmett asked.

"Emmett I will be making all the modifications that you had on the old one this weekend…your going to have to deal for the next few days." Rosalie said

"its only for a few days." Emmett moped. He was bound to annoy the hell out of Rosalie until she finished.

When we arrived at work my aunt called us into the cafeteria. She was sitting there with my uncle and they were both smiling. I noticed that they both gave Alice an apologetic look. It was then that they started to speak.

"Now we've booked a banquet hall for a formal event/ photo shoot for this Saturday. We wanted normal people to show off the line…not 00's or Mr. muscular." my aunt said.

"HEY!" Alice and Emmett said at the same time.

"Don't hate me cuz I'm beautiful!" Emmett said offended.

"Alice will be the one making the dresses so go to her so you can give her your measurements." Uncle Andy said.

"So let me get this straight…you want me to design dresses for like one hundred people in 3 days!( that's how many were left after the editing department was let go.)!" Alice said shocked.

"Alice we know you can do it." Aunt Charlie said.

" ugh I'm going to need help on this one…thank god for lattes and red bull!" Alice said taking out her phone.

"Jacob its Alice…its an emergency…no its not Bella this time…I need you to sew 50 dresses by Friday!" Alice said.

"ARE YOU INSANE…I CANT DO THAT!" we could hear Jacob shout.

"Jacob aren't you the one who sewed 150 dresses in one day!" Alice said.

"Hey Billy was the one that said that ...not me!" Jacobs voice reverberated over the phone.

"Jacob we all know that you are the person to go to for this besides myself…now I have everything so all you have to do is sow like you never sewed before!" Alice said.

"Fine but if I'm going to do this then I want an invitation to the event that your planning…since I helped and I want a date with the hottest model in your company!" Jacob said.

"Done! He'll be waiting for you there!" Alice said hanging up. Emmett shuttered and said "But I'm straight…and taken!"

" you think YOU'RE the hottest model here…HA!…OH QUIL I GOT A LITTLE PROPOSITION FOR YOU!" Alice shouted the last part taking off to another part of the cafeteria.

"I know your into Jacob Black…I see you undressing him with your eyes every time he comes here…listen I have an idea…what would you say if Jacob was your date Saturday!" We could hear Alice saying.

"Ooh I love my job!" Alice squealed walking back towards us.

" I'm guessing he said yes." I said.

"oh he said yes alright." Alice said as we turned to see Quil skipping away.

"Jacob…its Alice again…your date's all set…a deal's a deal…I expect you over my house at five to pick everything up!" Alice said hanging up.

"Ooh this is so exciting…my work on everyday people that I don't live with!" Alice squealed.

" you know I had a feeling about this …your dresses and tuxes are already in your closets!" Alice said. I didn't even want to know how she knew our sizes. It creped me out too much to ask.

" So much to do…so much to do, gotta make the dresses, gotta get flowers, gotta get a limo…" Alice was cut off by Emmett.

"Why do we need a limo when we got a perfectly new Hummer sitting in our driveway!" Emmett exclaimed.

"Are you serious…it will ruin all of our hair, makeup, and dresses…Emmett you especially need to be as far away from people as possible…you and Bella are walking disasters

"Fine then….but I'm ordering the limo!" Emmett said pulling out his phone and running away.

" should I trust him?" Alice asked Edward.

" I don't think so….put it this way for our senior prom it was just going to be me ,him and our dates…I wanted a Rolls Royce to take us…Emmett got a party bus…for four people!" Edward said.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS…IF HE DOES THAT THIS TIME THE MUSCLES WONT STOP ME…I'LL KILL HIM!" Alice roared. Emmett reappeared a few minutes later.

"Our ride's all set!" Emmett beamed.

Alice spent the entire week sewing, sewing and sewing. The machines were ringing all night long. All Alice did was sow and sow and sow and drink lattes. Jacob dragged his dresses in Friday extremely exhausted. In fact it looked like he'd collapse.

"How are you that wired?" He asked as Alice bounced chipper down the stairs.

"Dunken donuts silly!" Alice said.

"Are you kidding me I've been like living on that stuff and I'm still like this!" Jacob said.

"guess you don't have my bubbly personality!" Alice said.

Alice's job today was dropping the dresses off to each department. She ran around psychotically and handing everyone their dresses. She was on cloud nine. To play a role in dressing massive amounts of people was one of her dreams.

"I feel like a fairy god mother dressing up multiple Cinderella's" Alice said happily.

" Only you!" I joked.

"Gotta go…dresses to loose…people to see!" Alice said taking off. I had a bad feeling this was going to be like prom all over again. Lets just say I couldn't move my hair for two weeks afterwards…there was that much product in it.

"Cinderella, Cinderella ,Cinderella!" Alice sang down the hallway.

Jacob came over the next day already dressed in his tuxedo. He immediately ran upstairs. I could hear Alice squealing all the way upstairs. I already knew what was coming next.

"BELLA, ROSALIE…GET UPSTAIRS!" Alice called. Rose and I walked upstairs to find that Alice's vanity miraculously ended up in my room. They were standing next to chairs which had restraints coming out of them.

"Jacob take Bella's hair." Alice said. Jacobs hopes of also getting my makeup were dashed with what came out of her mouth next.

"I'll take Rose's hair and then we switch!" Alice said.

"Hum what would you say to a beehive?" Jacob asked looking at my hair.

"Absolutely not…beehives are for 40's style dresses …like mine, which is why I'm wearing one…her dress is in her closet Jacob!" Alice said. Jacob went to look at what Alice was putting me in. I saw a flash of metallic dark purple.

"Millenium style…halter top…dark purple…so winter…hello messy loose upsweep!" Jacob said.

"Perfect…I love how we think so much alike!" Alice said.

"So what are you doing for Blondie?" Jacob asked.

"Bouffant!" Alice exclaimed.

"OMG THAT'S PERFECT!" Jacob exclaimed.

"She looks like she could pull that off!" Jacob continued on.

"Jacob you have any Barbie pins left?" Alice asked.

"Sure I have a couple…here you go!" Jacob said.

"So what is my date like?" Jacob asked.

"Tall dark and handsome…all the models swoon over him." Alice said.

"Ooh sounds delicious…yum yum!" Jacob said.

" I know right…your going to be the envy of many guys tonight!" Alice said smiling.

"That good looking…cant wait to meet him!" Jacob said.

Alice walked down the stairs first. She looked up as I descended down the stairs and said "Bibidy bopody boo!" My breath was taken away from the sight of Edward. He stood there in all his god like glory. He looked stunning.

"Yum yum!" Jacob said forlornly looking at Edward.

"Dog shut up…we've had this discussion…he's straight and taken…hands off!" Alice hissed. Jacob winced.

"I'm still allowed to look…it's not like I'm in a committed relationship!" Jacob said

"Jacob I catch that hand flying at any of the three boy's asses tonight and it will be deal off…and you can say goodbye to your paw I mean hand too!" Alice said.

"Geez Alice you could be a little more grateful…I did half your work load…my fingers still have cuts from the needles…my beautifully manicured nails…what will my date think?" Jacob asked.

"Trust me Jacob…your date is going to be too ecstatic to be looking at your hands!" Alice said. It was then that we could hear what sounded like a bus breaking in our driveway. I looked out the window to see a massive black thing sitting there.

"Hey Edward I forgot to tell you…remember that party bus we got for senior prom…" Emmett said.

"I see you got it again." Edward cut him off.

"At a discount too!" Emmett exclaimed. I heard the running of feet and two "EWWWWWWWWWWS!" right after.

"Little kids ride in these things…not people our age!" Jacob said.

"It looks like it should be in a rap video…not going to a fashion show!" Alice said staring at its chrome wheels.

"It will grow on you!" Emmett said running up the bus stair case.

"MY MAN…HOW'S IT GOING BOB!" Emmett said to the kid our age who was driving the bus.

"Emmett?…Emmett Cullen?…you look the same…I thought you died!" The driver said.

"geez thanks?" Emmett said.

"no…its just that there was a rumor going around that your boflex broke and impaled you!" The driver said.

"Don't believe everything you hear…it missed every vital vein and artery!" Emmett said holding up his arm to reveal a faint scar that was hidden well under his muscle.

"Wow…this must be your girlfriend…always had a thing for blondes…She looks a lot like your last one…what was her name?…I-I" Bob said.

"I don't know who your talking about…man shush shush!" Emmett whispered the last part.

"Irena…they could be twins…speaking of twins how's Edward doing…haven't seen him in a while!" Bob said.

"I'm right here!" Edward said annoyed. I could tell Bob and Edward really didn't get along in school that well.

"Wow…YOU'VE changed. I remember when you were a little nerd…Emmett and I used to call you "Edweirdo" Your actually cool now!" Bob said.

"Don't worry…Bella was a nerd too… I used to get asked about the nerd Charlie all the time…and look at her now…it was like the minute she changed her name she became cool…plus look it he's driving a bus…you work for me…I mean my parents and you make ten times the amount he does and Emmett's just dumb so…don't worry about a thing!" Alice whispered.

"I know it was like college made him cool…you should of seen my face when he came home that first winter break…it was like holy shit you got built!" Emmett said.

"hold the phone…will anyone explain just who Irena is?" Rosalie asked annoyed.

"Oh Emmett's hot girlfriend from high school…she had an uncanny resemblance to you…had a gorgeous sister ( I rolled my eyes) that dated the nerdster over there…frankly I didn't see what the attraction was there…guess I cant judge a book by its cover." Bob said.

"Would you just drive the bus!" Edward said really peeved

" I don't know what your so mad at me for…your coolness eventually did come in…guess graduation night was only the starting point for you…I mean that was the first night you ever looked cool!" Bob said in a factual tone.

"Are you gay?" Jacob asked hopeful.

"Hell no…straight as an arrow!" Bob said in an Emmett like tone.

" So Emmett what have you been doing for the past seven years?" Bob asked.

"Oh I've been doing some modeling." Emmett said. The guy's face went white.

"The greatest linebacker in our school's history and your modeling…you could of gone NFL!" Bob said.

"Well school wasn't really cut out for me and I got offered a job so I took it. I mean could you really see me studying in some university some where!" Emmett said

"Hey I'm the designer that makes the clothes he wears…I'm offended!" Alice said.

" Alright miss fashion designer…with a body full of muscles like that you REALLY think he should be modeling!" Bob said angrily.

" Are you sure your not gay?" Jacob asked.

" HELL YEAH I DO…OUR MAGAZINE'S DISTRIBUTION HAS TRIPPLED SINCE EMMETT CAME ON!" Alice said. She then whispered "I cant believe I just said that!"

"You like me…you really like me!" Emmett exclaimed hugging Alice.

"I thought you hated me!" Emmett blubbered.

"Of course I don't!" Alice said

"Alright Emmett you can get off my girlfriend now!" Jasper said pushing him out of the way.

"You may be a little stupid but hey that's what you get when you deal with models" Alice said.

" Stupid's and understatement…totally moronic's more like it!" Rosalie said. She turned towards Bob.

"And you …how can you look at yourself in the mirror calling people names…you obviously weren't Emmett's true friend if you were calling his brother names like that…I bet you were talking about Emmett behind his back. You are no better than the clique girls I had to deal with when I went to school…your despicable and obviously YOU haven't changed much since school…what are you going to run to your little blog at home and talk about how you saw "the muscled freak" or whatever you called him back then!" Rosalie snarled.

"It wasn't "The muscled freak"…it was the "steroid addict"!" Bob said.

"You asshole…this is only from protein, muscle milk and working out…I did not inject myself and I never will!" Emmett snarled.

"And that's the actual reason I never liked him…I may of heard a conversation or two with that reference used…but do you think Emmett would of believed "Edweirdo" so I kept my mouth shut…I thought he'd find out about by himself but he never did till now." Edward said.

"And what other secrets are you keeping from me Edweirdo?" Emmett asked pissed.

"oh maybe one or two more…maybe you'll find out someday, maybe not!" Edward stated.

"You better tell me or your going to die Edward!" Emmett snarled.

"Alright well he banged Irena …it happened during one of your away games…you were staying at a hotel somewhere and there was this party…even I was there…and they did it in a hot tub in one of the rooms!" Edward said.

"I did no such thing!" Bob said. Emmett turned to him livid.

"dude I was there…I walked in on it…you threatened to kill me if I told anyone…especially Emmett." Edward said.

"YOU THREATENED MY BROTHER…NO ONE DOES THAT BUT ME!…YOU HAD SEX WITH MY THEN GIRLFRIED!" Emmett bellowed

"I didn't do anything…I swear…I didn't hurt your brother!" Bob said.

"uh I still have the scar from when you pulled the knife out on me after I pulled you out of the tub…you cut my leg open!" Edward said really pissed now.

"Oh so that's what that's from…WAIT A MINUTE YOU KNIFED MY BROTHER!" Emmett roared

" Oh look it…your stops here!" Bob said. We looked out to see the banquet hall parking lot. In all the arguing we hadn't been paying attention.

"When I step back on this bus…YOUR DEAD!" Emmett roared


	14. Chapter 14

**I dont own twilight S/M does. Please read and review. Thanks for the reviews keep them comming!**

Chapter 14

BPV

At the party there was like thousands of photographers taking everyone's pictures but other than that it was like any other formal event. They even passed out some awards like "best line" which Alice won. Edward and I won awards for best lay out and best color scheme in a magazine ( Alice sat dumbstruck as I went up to accept that award). Walking back from the podium I could see a couple of familiar glares in my direction. Most notably I could see a familiar 50 year olds face among the glares. I half expected to see a plate of the chicken cordon blue flying in my direction. What the hell was Phyllis the 50 year old cougar doing here?

"Um what is Phyllis doing here?" I grunted to Alice with a giant grin on my face.

"Oh no!" Edward said. Jasper looked confused.

"oh I forgot to tell you…their divorce isn't final yet so she felt like she could come and since she's still technically his wife my parents couldn't find a way to deny her…and she played the Jacob card" Alice said as we looked over and saw Jacob and Quil hitting it off. Jacob looked like he found someone special..

" aww isn't young love so cute!" Alice squealed.

" So anyways I guess that means we're going to have to be on the look out for Phyllis then…you might want to warn Rosalie." Alice said. I turned towards Rosalie.

"Rose watch out for Phyllis…she's over there!" I said.

"Who's Phyllis and why do I have to watch out for her?" Rosalie asked. I was hoping we could avoid this question or at least she could ask it when Emmett wasn't in the bathroom.

" Oh some 50 year old cougar who has a crush on Emmett. They had a one night stand but it wasn't like something resulted from it. It was just that we were all trashed that night…Emmett even worse then the night he crashed the car, and she was there. Believe me if he or any of us were sober that night…that wouldn't of happened. But it did and she turned freaky, bragging about it to everyone…it's a really long story but lets just say she was the precursor to everyone getting fired." I said.

"Oh…I see….she's one of _those _women?" Rosalie asked. It was just then that Emmett returned.

"Phyllis is here." Alice said warning Emmett.

"Oh shit…anyone feel like cutting out early?" Emmett asked nervously

"No…we have every right to stay…she doesn't work with us anymore, she should be the one to leave!" Rosalie said narrowing her eyes at Emmett.

"and you want to talk about keeping secrets…why did you not tell me about her...or about Irena who I also learned more about tonight and not from you?" Rosalie said digging her finger into Emmett's chest.

"She was out of our lives when you came into the picture dear…I didn't think she was worth mentioning…I mean Alice had a one night stand with Mike Newton the same night and look what happened there…nada." Emmett said

"What did Emmett just say?" Jasper asked Alice heatedly.

"Well it was before I met you and I was really trashed…I don't even remember it…besides again there was nothing there except like half a bottle of patron and two glasses of scotch!" Alice pleaded.

"See now aren't you glad I was your one night stand that night…at least we're on the same page there and as I had said…no awkward moments!" Edward whispered in my ear laughing. Oh he didn't know how glad I was of that miracle…I would of really killed myself if I awoke to either Emmett or Mike laying next to me that day.

"So Alice hooked up with Mike…Emmett with Phyllis…who did you guys get that night?" Rosalie asked me.

"um it wasn't just Phyllis Rose." I said.

"What do you mean?" Rosalie asked…her eyes narrowing.

"I mean that Emmett got with both Phyllis and Jessica Stanley." I said. Rosalie looked shocked…she honestly thought I hooked up with Emmett that night…I almost laughed.

"Still doesn't answer the second part of my question!" Rosalie said

"Shouldn't it be obvious that the two weirdoes got together that night…the wick that sparked the big bang!" Emmett said laughing. Rosalie looked at the both of us perplexed.

"yeah its true…but that was different then the other's situations because of a lot of reasons." I said. Edward placed his hand over mine. It was at that moment that Phyllis chose to make her move. She sauntered over to Emmett and whispered something in his ear . He looked disgusted. Rosalie apparently heard and looked right at Phyllis as she spoke.

"back the fuck off or my Chicken cordon blue will wind up all over that white Greek goddess dress of yours…he's mine…and I heard you about the threesome with Edward…you make one move on either of those three boys and you can kiss your cougar ass good bye!" She snarled.

"You wouldn't dare!" Phyllis sneered. Rosalie's plate magically left her hand at that point and hit Phyllis's dress dead center. Grease smeared everywhere. I smiled as I flashed back to certain things _I _threw at Phyllis. Guess the stapler didn't hit her head hard enough.

"Ew she really is a freak!" Rosalie said disgusted.

"How did you guys deal with that every day?" Rosalie asked.

" we didn't." I said making a throwing gesture.

" oh" Rosalie said. It was then that we went up to dance. I had to say Edward was a great dancer…he lead really well and I for once didn't step on anyone's feet or trip. I could see Alice staring shocked from the arms of Jasper. Her jaw actually dropped. I guessed Alice never thought she'd see the day when my dancing partner didn't walk off the dance floor with swollen feet. In fact she had to catch herself from not stepping on Jasper's feet a couple of times. I stared into Edwards smoking green eyes and was lost in them. I couldn't believe that he was meant for me…I guessed I would always feel like that.

"where did you learn to dance like this?" I asked amazed.

"while Emmett was busy tossing around the pig skin…"Edweirdo" took ball room dancing lessons…never thought I'd need the skills I learned past prom but I was wrong there." Edward said.

"Oh my god a jack of all trades!" a very Phyllis voice said from behind me. She tried to push me out of the way but Rose and Emmett…who saw the threat before anyone else positioned themselves in the perfect spot. Edward didn't break tempo the entire time. Rosalie hip checked her to the floor while making it go with the beat. She sneered at Phyllis and danced away with Emmett. Phyllis soon disappeared and we heard a scream. Rosalie had Phyllis in a choke hold…Phyllis's hand still out reached towards Emmett. Emmett beamed with pride.

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO FUCK WITH ME AND TO LEAVE THE GUYS ALONE…YOU DIDN'T LISTEN TO ME. MAYBE YOU'LL LISTEN NOW!" Rosalie said heaving Phyllis into the middle of the dance floor where she was stomped on before she could escape. Note to self…never fuck with Rosalie.

"Go babe!" Emmett said still beaming

As we boarded the bus to go home Emmett punched Bob in the face effectively knocking him out. He then threw Bob into a seat and jumped into the driver's seat, turned the bus on and pealed out

"Asshole…I am not a "steroid addict", he shouldn't of done that with Irena and then hurt and threaten my brother!" Emmett said taking a left turn.

"why didn't you say anything to me though?" Emmett asked Edward.

"Would you believe me if I did?" Edward asked.

"No…you said that you were getting swirled every day and Bob said he never found the culprit." Emmett said.

"Emmett I _was _getting swirled every day…BY BOB!" Edward snarled the last part

"WHAT…WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!" Emmett roared angrily.

"I did…you said it wasn't true…that "God Bob" could never do such a horrible act…there for I must be lying…though I smelt like toilet bowl every day until graduation!" Edward said pissed

"Edward karma got him good…he's a fat, bald, party bus driver who looks like he's 60 when he's 25...and he makes less money then you do. Karma made up for Emmett's lack of sympathy in high school." Alice said. I rubbed his back.

" For what its worth…I'm sorry I didn't believe you then…but how did I know when I had him whispering in my ear 6 hours a day 5 days a week." Emmett said beeping the horn…there was a traffic jam.

"scum bag…cant believe he did all that stuff and still tried to be my friend." Emmett huffed.

"I guess it's lucky we lost contact with him after graduation!" Edward said.

"damn straight it is…no one needed him anyhow!" Emmett said. The bus accelerated.

"looks like Jacob's going to get lucky tonight…Quil offering him a ride home…I knew they'd be a good match." Alice said.

"I know…well at least he found someone…I was getting sick of having to tell him that the boys were straight every time he came over." I said

"Hallelujah!" Alice said.

" Well looks like our chateau is here…I'm just going to leave the bus in the driveway till scum comes too and takes the bus away." Emmett said pulling into the driveway.


	15. Chapter 15

**I dont own twilight S/M does. Please read and review. Thanks for the reviews keep them comming!**

Chapter 15

APV.

About six months after the party I grabbed the newest addition of 17 magazine. I saw a side section that said top 50 hottest trends this year and went to it. On the first page was a gigantic picture of Jasper and I from the night of the party…a full length of me in my 1940's style cocktail dress and Jasper in his all black shining suit. Next to it read #1. Tie between Incubus and Succubus by Alice M. Brandon. I squealed. OMG I'M NUMBER 1...I'M NUMBER 1! HAHA take that Jacob Black…I'M NUMBER 1! Looks like the flash triumphed over the earthy tones again! I always said no one likes to wear brown. I got an even better surprise when I learned that all of my lines were in the top ten! I felt like I was in a dream. Just proved I knew style. I flipped to see who was number 10 to see the dog's face staring back at me. I fell to the floor laughing. I could only imagine his face when he saw it.

"What's so funny?" Jasper asked walking into the room. I held up the magazine..

"That's kind of rude you know…Jacob could be really upset over this." Jasper said.

"Please…do you know how many times I had to hear "Werewolf's the best…werewolf's always going to get #1, your clothing lines suck"…who sucks now!" I spat.

"you could be the bigger man you know." Jasper said.

"I am being the bigger man…do you see me texting him right now…please if it were him he'd be texting me all day…bragging, bragging, bragging!" I said. Just then my phone went off. It read "One message from Jacob"

"I'm number 10 …I'm number 10..I'm number 10...beat that bitch!" Jacob sent.

"alright how about I'm number 1...I'm number 1...and number 2...and numbers 3,4,5,6,and 7 ( they included my interior design line) STFU Jacob!" I sent. My phone was silent for the next few minutes. He was probably rechecking the magazine.

"you little shit you stole my thunder!" Jacob sent.

"what are you going to do about it dog!" I sent.

"why do you call me dog?" Jacob sent.

"Because you smell like a wet dog all the time….there was a reason why werewolf perfume only sold to ten people…who were your models!" I sent.

"Hey you don't smell much better…miss I must of rolled around in a candy store." Jacob sent. This pissed me off.

"Excuse me…at least Macy's and every perfume store under the sun took my perfume!" I sent.

"and put it in the back!" Jacob sent.

"At least it's in the store…where is yours…in your car!" I sent.

"I just haven't found the right person to take it." Jacob sent.

"Please no one will take that…anyone who has a nose wont take that!" I sent.

" Round one to Alice…ding ding ding!" Jasper said.

"shut up Jasper!" I said

" So like what's going on… you buy 17 magazine every month…and they never had this list." Jasper said.

"it's a yearly thing!" I said. Just then I got another message.

" you may of won the battle but I'm going to win the war…your going down Alice Brandon!" Jacob said. I wondered what scheme he was going to try to pull. Whatever it was…it wasn't going to work. I could beat him at this game.

"whatever Black!" I sent. I then went upstairs to plan my new line that was supposed to debut next year. I was going to call it Alice, the wonder years and it's theme was going to be fashion thought out the years…I was going to bring back the poodle skirt and make it trendy!`

"Jasper what do you think?" I asked holding up the picture I had been working on. It was a hot pink poodle skirt with light pink poka dots.

"Awesome are you going to make that a mini skirt?" Jasper asked.

"Ooh what a wonderful idea jazz…cutting off a couple inches would be perfect!" I said hiking up 6 in.

" your so cute when you talk fashion!" I cooed.

"So are you!" Jasper said. We threw on our matching Gucci sunglasses and proceeded to walk down stairs and out the door.

BPV

I was laying in Edward's arms and reading the newspaper the day after Alice's thing got published. I couldn't believe that Alice actually got number one on the top 50 trends this year…but then I could, it was typical Alice. I was most interested in the front page of the fashion section…that's where the company put most of their news that they "accidentally" forgot to tell their employees. Sitting front and center was a gigantic picture of Jacob holding up what looked like a brown smock from like the 70's. The underneath read "Now presenting "Jacob, the wonder years!". I heard a snarl downstairs. Edward and I only had a minute to dress up before Alice burst down the door.

"HE STOLE MY LINE….HE STOLE _MY _LINE…I'M GOING TO SUE HIM FOR ALL HE'S WORTH…NO BODY DOES THAT TO ALICE BRANDON!" Alice roared.

"I HAD THAT PATTONED…I HAVE A LEGITIMATE CASE…OH I KNEW THAT DOG COULDN'T BE TRUSTED…AND THAT SMOCK WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AZURE…NOT SHIT BROWN!" Alice roared disgusted. It was then her phone rang.

"FUCK YOU BLACK…YOUR NEVER SPEAKING TO MY COUSIN EVER AGAIN…I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE A WOLF IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING!" Alice roared.

" NO DON'T GIVE ME THAT BULLSHIT…I DIDN'T START ANYTHING…I DIDN'T KNOWINGLY PLACE MYSELF IN THE TOP TEN MULTIPLE TIMES OVER…GO FUCK YOURSELF!" Alice snarled hanging up the phone. Her face was actually purple.

"I HEAR YOU SPEAK TO THAT THIEF EVER AGAIN AND I'M KICKING YOU OUT COMPREDE!" Alice roared slamming the door.

"Damn and they were getting along so well for once!" I gripped.

"JASPER…JASPER…I NEED ROCKY ROAD NOW…I CANT BELIEVE THAT I LET THIS HAPPEN TO ME….HURRY UP WITH THE ICE CREAM CARTEN NOW WOULD YOU! WAHHHHH!" We heard Alice sobbing.

"Jesus she's acting like some one died!" Edward said shaking his head.

"in Alice's mind…this is the equivalent to someone dying." I said.

" WHAT AM I GOING TO DO NOW…I'M RUINED!" Alice sobbed.

"WAIT A MINUTE….I CAN REINVENT IT… I'LL CALL IT WONDERLAND…THIS WILL BE MY BEST LINE YET MUHAHAHAHAHA!" She said laughing like a maniac and running up the stairs.

"OHH THIS OPENS A NEW OPPORTUNITY FOR ME…WEDDING DRESSES!" We could hear Alice singing.

" Great Alice in the vicinity of white lace… I can already see disaster coming." I moaned

"AND I CAN MAKE LEFT OVER LACE TOPS FOR BELLA." Edward and I both cringed at this.

" I'LL MAKE THIS THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME…I CAN ALREADY SEE ONE DESIGN NOW!" Alice carried on as the sewing machine roared to life. When we saw Alice again we saw bits and pieces of white lace in her hair.

"After I'm done Jacob's going to wish he didn't steal my design…going down Jacob, the wonder years!" Alice said. She whipped out her phone again.

"wanna play dirty little pup…you don't know who your messing with!" Alice said hanging up.

"it was his voice mail…oh well he can hear my voice over and over and over again!" Alice said. The phone rang again.

"Jacob I told you not to give me that bullshit…your going to wish you never did that to me!" Alice said.

"He's dead…muhahahhahahaha!" Alice laughed running off again.

"I think Alice has left the building!" I laughed. Alice was going insane.

"she's psycho!" Edward said as we heard her sewing machine roaring. She was also laughing manically.

"THANK GOD I STALKED UP ON IVORY SILK FOR MY BEFORE THE 30'S PART OF MY OLD LINE!" We could hear Alice going on. Well that explained a lot.

"I think we better go out today before she…" I started up but was cut off by Alice screaming "OH BELLA COULD YOU COME HERE A MINUTE…MY MANIKIN BROKE AND I NEED TO PIN THIS DRESS!" Alice shouted. Ugh I was Alice's backup pin cushion. I walked in to see Alice standing by umpteen feet of fabric and three already sewn dresses. There was a huge rip on the side of her manikin…probably got sick of her stabbing it.

"Take that off…I need proper measurements!" Alice said pointing to my clothes. Ugh here we go.

"Hold still!" Alice said jabbing a pin into my side. I really felt for that Manikin. I could only imagine the hell she put it through.

"Ouch watch where you stick that thing…I bleed you know!" I said after she jabbed my chest. I then smelt the smell of rust and salt. Damn she must of got in deeper than I thought. Blackness hit.

EPV.

I was getting annoyed with how long this was taking to the point I was pacing in the living room. I mean really…an hour just to pin a dress…what was Alice doing sewing her into the dress for Christ sake! I was walking to the bathroom when I happened to pass her door. I could hear Alice saying" oh shit I guess she wasn't faking…ut oh guess I better get some help…EDWARD!" I bust down the door to see Alice standing with a newly sewn dress, Bella slumped into a chair…her head lolled and her eyes closed. My heart actually quivered in fear. I glared at Alice.

"WHAT DID YOU DO ALICE?" I spat.

"Nothing…I was pinning up the bust to this dress and she slumped to the floor…god she's so squeamish!" Alice said.

"Why didn't you get anyone sooner?" I asked.

"Honestly Edward I thought she was faking…I know she hates it when I make her do stuff like this…so I just moved her to this chair , finished up, and talked to her while I sewed…when she didn't respond I realized my assumption was wrong.!" Alice said. I picked her up, sneered at Alice and walked away.

BPV

The next thing I knew I was back in my bed…Edward holding a cool cloth over me and Alice peering in from the corner.

" is she going to be okay?" Alice asked a little nervous.

"I think she's going to be fine." Edward said smiling my favorite crooked smile at me.

"good then back to business!" Alice said.

"Alice…if you really don't want her to pass out twice then I would suggest you give her a break…in fact if I were you I would quit sewing today before you blow up your sewing machine…or hurt anyone else…you've already got four dresses sewn ." Edward said.

"fine then if she cant do it…JASPER I NEED YOU FOR A MOMENT!" Alice called. I swore I heard her mutter "at least he's not squeamish!"

"Thank you!" I said.

"what I cant have you hurt just because Alice is hell bent on revenge…let her use someone else as a pin cushion!" Edward said.

"You know you scared me there…for a second there I thought Alice killed you." Edward joked.

"Yeah death by sewing…that would be my luck!" I laughed. We then heard "JAZZY HOLD STILL!". There was as loud thud followed by "GOD WHY IS EVERYONE PASSING OUT TODAY…IT'S JUST A LITTLE BLOOD!" I felt a little woozy just from that statement and threw the cloth back over my head. We looked to see Alice crawling out of the room with Jasper on her back…a pissed off look in her eye. Jasper looked green even from here. Alice ran into the bathroom and walked out with a bucket and a wet face cloth. We could hear the sounds of Jasper throwing up. Well at least I wasn't the only one in the house who was that squeamish.

" Jasper it was only a pin prick!" we could hear Alice saying.

"I thought you said you weren't squeamish!" Alice said.

" Leave it to Alice." I said. Rosalie then came up and pulled Alice out of their room.

"Alice unless your going to help Jasper…lay off…your making things worse!" Rosalie said. I jumped in the shower at that point. I was so sweaty from passing out that I needed to feel clean. I dressed fast and Edward and I were out the door before Alice could even stop us. As we were pulling out of the drive way I looked up to see Alice glaring at the Volvo. I was going to be in for it when we got home. We turned our phones off.

"so where do you want to go?" Edward asked.

"anywhere but back there." I said. Edward then took a left.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

" oh a little place I know." Edward said. A few minutes later we pulled into a empty parking lot. It had a good view of the mountains.

"I used to go here a lot when I wanted to escape Tanya…it's got a really nice view especially when the sun sets. We leaned in and kissed. Passion took over the both of us. A few hours later we were looking up at the purplish starry sky. Edward took my hand and looked at me.

" I just want to say that I love you. I know I've said it multiple times but I'm really serious about this. I've never felt like this before. I feel like I have only been alive during the time that we've been dating." Edward said. I was shocked…he's actually admitting that he loves me? God what did I look like when I passed out? I automatically knew my response.

" you took the words right out of my mouth. I love you too!" We went into kiss but was interrupted by the sound of Jacob sobbing "I LOVE YOU GUYS TOO!"

" Jacob what are you doing here?" I asked.

"Alice sent me to find you!" Jacob said.

"but your fighting with her!" I said.

"Oh silly that's over , Alice and I are merging our lines and I apologized to her…you have such a loving cousin!" Jacob said.

"How long do we have?" I moaned.

"well I didn't call her but she pinged my cell phone and sent me this." Jacob said holding up a text message from Alice which read "I KNOW WHERE THEY ARE…SEE U SOON…3 A!" We could then see a yellow Porsche come around the corner. Alice beeped her horn and waived psychotically outside the window

"There you guys are…sorry it took me forever to get here!" Alice said pulling up. Jacob sprinted to her car.

"YOU NEVER BELIEVE WHAT I HEARD…THEY SAID THOSE THREE LITTLE WORDS!" Jacob said. Alice and Jacob both squealed.

"I always knew there was something deep there!" Alice said excited. Yeah she always knew…she was parked outside our door for half our conversations.

"you…I want details…the minute we get home!" Alice said

" whatever!" I said.

Alice attacked me when I got home. She assailed 50 questions with in a minute and squealed at all the details. Rosalie shot dirty looks at Alice for being so impatient. She was one that felt that privacy was highly respected…a belief Alice didn't share. When I was finished I could see them both glaring at the others. The count down was on.


	16. Chapter 16

**I dont own twilight S/M does. Please read and review. Thanks for the reviews keep them comming!**

Chapter 16

BPV

A week flew by after that. If possible that admission made us closer than before. We were stuck like glue. I still couldn't believe that he said he loved ME! We never lived it down with Emmett and Alice making love bird jokes. Rosalie being more sympathetic to us told them to shut up every time she heard them.

"I looove you Eddiekins!" Alice said.

""I love you too Charbella!" Emmett said. I heard a smacking sound from behind them.

"OWW ROSE….YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO SMACK OUR HEADS TOGETHER ROSE!" Emmett whined

"What two heads are always better then one Emmett…and when are you going to man up and admit your feelings?" Rosalie asked.

"WHEN I GET OLD AND DIE!" Emmett said running away.

"real mature!" Rosalie said.

" you want to know the real reason I defend you guys…because I know he loves me though he wont admit it…and I find it hypercritical that he makes fun of people for an EMOTION THAT HE FEEL'S HIMSELF!" Rosalie said.

"I didn't hear that part!" Emmett called from the kitchen

" Ugh I give up!" Rosalie said

" That's what I say about Alice sometimes." Jasper said walking in.

" you were making fun of them again…god this is getting annoying…I'll tell you I love you if it gets you to stop….obviously that's your game!" Jasper said. Alice turned around shocked.

"say that again?" Alice asked.

" I…LOVE…YOU…happy now!" Jasper said sincerely.

"Ohh Jazzy I love you too…sorry guys!" Alice said apologetically.

"God I got stuck with imbecile!" Rosalie moaned. It was then that the phone went off. I picked it up.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Oh hey Bells…how's it going?" my father asked.

" its going well." I said.

"Can I speak to Edward for a second…the fishing opportunity of a life time just arose and since Jacob's in Florida Billy wont go and I always thought of Edward as the son I never had?" Charlie asked. My father and Edward got along really well. I should of moved out with my first boyfriend.

"Sure…here you go!" I said handing the phone to Edward.

"Well I don't know…Bella and I have to talk…" Edward started…I cut him off by saying "I give you permission to go…there's a reason he wants you to go!"

" Alright I'll come…when and what time?" Edward asked

"Your on your way over now….how long is this going to be?" Edward asked.

" almost two nights?" Edward asked shocked. Alice sprinted up the stairs to pack. She came down carrying a full two person carry on. There was a knock on the door a few minutes later.

" Bella what happened to your truck…and why is there a Hummer in the driveway?" Charlie asked. Before I could answer Alice cut me off.

"Ohh Uncle Charlie it was so horrible. Bella's car hit a gas truck while we were inside and exploded. I was never so scared for my life….we had to use the windows to get out…the explosion almost took out three houses!" Alice lied.

"MY BABY…OH THANK GOD YOUR ALIVE!" He screamed believing Alice's lie. Charlie was very gullible. Emmett pushed Edward out the door and slammed it shut at that point.

"good…I thought he was going to cry…I don't like it when grown men cry!" Emmett said.

" Now that he's out of the way I got my Barbie and my Ken back….the others can be easily be bought off…well except for the Amazon over there!" Alice said pointing to Rosalie who was giving her a dirty look.

"She's an obstacle…I'll have to get her out of my way!" Alice said. I fell asleep that night with Rosalie taking guard outside my room.

"OWW ROSALIE WHAT DO YOU WORK OUT WITH EMMETT OR SOMETHING?" Alice shouted in the middle of the night. I heard a thud and saw Rose carrying a body into Alice's room. Rosalie looked at me as she left.

"What I had to do something…Edward said to use whatever force necessary and she was getting on my nerves!" Rosalie said.

"Alice…Alice…good you got her to shut up Rose!" Jasper said from his and Rose's room…Jasper and Alice were fighting about moving in together. I didn't get what the big deal was…they were like two feet away from each other anyways. But Alice was making a big stink about not having room for her sewing machines. Rosalie clapped her hands as if she was done cleaning something and sat back down. I swore that if she could she'd have a rifle in her hand.

" Good night Bella!" Rosalie said. I closed my eyes. The next day I awoke to hear " ALICE HOW COULD YOU!" I ran to the mirror immediately. My face was hot waxed…how the hell did she do that in my sleep. I walked out to see Rosalie with a Hitler mustache on her face…with real hair. She must of used the eyebrow hair to make a mustache on Rosalie's face. She tried to pull it off but it didn't work. Alice must of super glued them. Emmett came out with bottles of nail polish remover, peroxide, and alcohol.

"Fair is fair…you knew I couldn't fight back…so I did what I could. you'll think about it the next time you go to hit me…you need anger management! And I think that it's pretty even that you have that when I have this on my face!" Alice said pointing to the big bruise on her face

"I did that as a favor to Edward and Bella...you know not to hot wax people's eyebrows when their sleeping!" Rosalie said.

"That doesn't deserve a punch in the face!" Alice said

"Yes it does…you could of burned Bella…she was sleeping…she couldn't tell you if it was hot enough or not!" Rosalie said.

"I'm an expert…I know when too hot is too hot!" Alice said. I was definitely getting out of the house today. I made immediate plans to go hiking…get as far away from Alice and Rose as possible.

"Cool your going hiking today…can I come?" Emmett asked when I told everyone I was going out.

"No I think I'm going to do this one by myself…I wont be gone too long just a day thing." I said. The truth was I knew that if Emmett came along then Rose would too and Rose would talk shit about Alice the whole time. I needed to be by myself. I took my hummer to a local hiking trail and set off.

After a few hours I decided that it was time to go home. Edward was coming back soon and I wanted to be there to see him and I wanted to make sure that Rose and Alice didn't try to kill each other. I went looking for a way out but wound up lost deep in the woods. This had to happen to me…huh. All I needed was…oh shit I shouldn't of thought that I thought as a grizzly bear jumped out in front of me. Why me? WHY ME? The thing swiped my face and I ran up a tree. Shit I should of played dead…I forgot Grizzly's can climb trees! The bear oddly enough reminded me of Emmett which relieved me a little. Emmett wouldn't think to climb a tree to eat me. It made a hungry cry and started to swarm the tree. I was trapped.

"Go away little bear!" I said tossing chips at it. It looked at me and fell asleep. Fuck. I'm screwed.

EPV.

I was sitting in the car and talking with Charlie when my phone went off. I looked down to see Alice calling me. Huh that's weird…she doesn't usually call me and considering I had just called her last night to say that we would be spending a second night that was not good. I had a bad feeling so I picked up.

"EDWARD BELLA'S MISSING!" Alice shrieked. I felt my heart tear out of my chest.

" WHAT DO YOU MEAN MISSING?" I screamed. Charlie looked at me and hit the gas.

"SHE WENT HIKING YESTERDAY AND SHE DIDN'T COME BACK!" Alice said

"Maybe it was going to be an over night thing?" I asked.

"No it was only a day thing." Alice said.

"And I was on the phone with you last night and you didn't say anything!" I said.

"I didn't want to worry you…I thought she'd come back!" Alice cried. I looked up to see rescue choppers flying over head.

"I called 911 after looking for her for an hour. Heels are not good in the forest and Jasper fell in bear shit so we had to leave!" Alice said.

"Where are you Alice?" I asked.

" at the entrance of the trail!" Alice said. She gave me directions.

"and where's Emmett?" I asked. Emmett was a skilled hiker…please let him be there!

" At home." Alice said. Crap.

"Why is he home?" I asked.

"Something about being in an important spot in Call of Duty and not wanting to leave it. Don't worry Edward…Rosalie practically killed him before she left to tell my parents. He had a good lump on the head when we left." Alice said. I hoped Rosalie got him good…not bothering to search for my girlfriend so that he could advance a level in Call of Duty. Oh I was going to get him the next time I saw him

" We're on our way!" I said hanging up. I then broke the news to Charlie.

"DON'T WORRY BABY DADDY'S COMING!" Charlie roared hitting the gas even harder. The speedometer read 120. He put his sirens on and people cleared out of the way. I was never so glad that Charlie was my girlfriend's father. I looked behind me to see three state trooper's cars following us.

"THIS IS FORKS POLICE CHIEF SWAN…MY DAUGHTER IS MISSING. DESCRIPTION IS FEMALE AGE 25 (we met right after her 25th birthday), 5'4 WITH REDDISH BROWN HAIR AND BROWN EYES. LAST SEEN HIKING. FOLLOW ME!" Charlie was roaring into the radio. I looked behind me to see at least one car from every police department in the Olympic peninsula and Washington state police. I also saw two fire trucks and a mountain rescue truck. This could not be happening. Edward your dreaming…albeit having a really bad nightmare but your still dreaming. Your going to wake up in the Fork's police department sleeping bag that Charlie brought along for you and call Alice who will say that Bella's home safe and sound. I looked to see Charlie pale white…hands clenching the wheel.

"IF THERE IS ONE HAIR HURT ON HER HEAD I WILL PERSONALLY AND GLEEFULLY KILL WHOEVER OR WHATEVER DID IT!" Charlie roared.

"I'LL HELP YOU THERE!" I roared disgusted.

"I knew there was a reason I liked you!" Charlie said.

" ALRIGHT GUYS LEFT TURN HERE!" Charlie said to the radio. The mile long line shifted left. Blinkers lit up the lane.

"Bonus of going to community college to become a Police chief…you meet every single cop on every single force!" Charlie said. Well that explained how the officer who kicked Emmett's ass knew Charlie.

"So I heard about your little accident the other day Edward …I also know that Alice lied, I want to thank you for letting the cop kick Emmett's ass though he's your brother and for kicking the shit out of that Newton boy for my daughter. I also know that you tried to stop Emmett from driving the car." Charlie said.

"How did you know?" I asked extremely creped out.

"I have eyes everywhere….you touch my daughter and I'll know about it." Charlie said circling his hand around his head. I was really creped out.

"just to let you know…don't think you'll have anything to worry bout though!" Charlie said as if we were talking about the weather. More choppers flew over head.

"So what do you think the chances are that Bella's right at the entrance and Alice's just stupid?" Charlie asked. We looked at each other and said "slim to none." we pulled into the entrance soon after. Alice was being consoled by a rescue worker and Jasper who still had poop on his face.

"I should of gone with her…some one should of gone…Emmett should of gone with her…he volunteered but he didn't follow her?….this is all my fault…she went cuz I fought with Rosalie!" Alice was sobbing.

"Well you shouldn't of hot waxed her eyebrows and put them on Rosalie's face…but you didn't know this would happen." Jasper said.

" still well I'm not going to take all the blame cuz some of it's on Rosalie but still its my fault!" Alice sobbed.

"Alice they'll find her …they have to!" I said sitting next to them.

" Edward want a xanax you need this more than I do right now!" Jasper said taking out a prescription bottle that said "Jasper Hale" on it. So that's how he deals with Alice.

" no I want to be lucid when they find her…HELL I'LL FIND HER MYSELF!" I said getting up, grabbing the shot gun out of Charlie's trunk and joining the rescue party.

"Good luck, I couldn't do it and I have an eye for detail!" Alice called after me. I went into the woods. They told us to stay with the group but I heard a bear roaring opposite of the direction we were going. I heard a faint scream that no one else seemed to hear and turned around. I knew what I heard and that scream sounded human. It sent a shiver up my spine. 100 feet down I stumbled upon one of the scariest scenes i had ever seen. A bear was half way up a tree that Bella was in. Bella was on the top branch throwing food at it. The bear was clawing back. I grabbed the shot gun and shot it clean between the eyes. Right as my bullet hit another one hit the bear in the ass. Charlie jumped out of nowhere.

"GOTCHA…THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR GOING AFTER CHARLIE SWAN'S DAUGHTER!" Charlie roared as the bear fell out of the tree dead.

"Nice shot!" Charlie said looking at the shot gun blast on the bear's face. Well I was Emmett's brother and an avid hunter's son. I did learn a thing or two. Bella climbed down and I picked her up in my arms . She immediately passed out. Charlie picked up the 500 pound bear by himself. I guessed he had one hell of an adrenaline rush. He winked and gave me a thumbs up. I understood what he meant. Alice screamed as we brought them out simultaneously. I guessed with the claw marks on her face and the fact she was out cold Alice thought she died or something. Seeing the bear didn't help matters either.

"OMG IS SHE DEAD…SHE'S DEAD ISN'T SHE!" Alice sobbed.

"no I think she's sleeping…she did spend a night in a tree after all…I don't think there was enough time for sleep considering she was fending off the bear when we got there

" ALRIGHT I'M GOING TO NEED EIGHTEEN LATTES EXTRA SHOTS OF EXPRESSO AND ONE CARAMEL SWIRL, BAND-AIDS AND MAKEUP CHOP CHOP! IF I'M GOING TO WORK THIS MIRACLE!" Alice clapped as she said this.

" Oh wait a minute…never mind about the makeup I got my own bag…its too bad Jacobs in Florida, I do have one person left to help me out though…JAZZY GET MY MAKEUP BAG!" Alice roared.

"How are you going to get the lattes in her…she's sleeping!" Jasper said. Alice turned and looked.

"You…paramedic…GET ME AN IV!" Alice commanded. The minute the 18 lattes arrived Alice dumped one in the iv bag.

"Caramel swirl…I'll take that one!" Alice said sucking it down. After two were intravenously infused in her Bella woke up. Alice shoved a latte in her hand. The way Alice was going Bella wasn't going to sleep for a year. Jasper arrived with the makeup bag and Alice, the paramedic, and Jasper descended on her…the paramedic putting the Band-Aids on and Alice putting councilor on them. When she was finished it didn't look like Bella had Band-Aids on her face.

"your so lucky you have me…what with the dog being in Florida…you would have been so screwed you would of looked hideous!" Alice said.

" Need peroxide?" the paramedic asked.

"Nope I got my own!" Alice said taking out a bottle of peroxide from her purse.

"Baby you got one hell of a boyfriend there…most guys I know would leave you to get mauled…not him…he's a keeper!" Charlie said. Rosalie then pulled up with Alice's parents.

"what happened?" Rosalie asked horrified…she saw the latte iv and Jasper walking away with the makeup bag.

"She was attacked by a bear." I said.

"IM GOING TO KILL EMMETT…MR. IM THE BEAR EXPERT WASN'T EVEN HERE…I TOLD HIM SOMETHING LIKE THIS COULD HAPPEN AND WHAT DID HE SAY "NO SHE'S JUST LOST…SHE'LL FIND HER WAY!" AND LOOK IT ALICE IS KEEPING HER AWAKE WITH A LATTE IV AND THEY HAD TO DO OUR WORST FEAR TO COVER UP THE SCRATCHES…..HE'S DEAD!" Rosalie roared. Bella and I jumped in Charlie's cruiser, Rosalie went with Alice's parents to drop them off and Alice followed us in the Porsche with Jasper. Emmett was playing Call of Duty when we got in.

"Oh hey you found her…awesome bear good shot (he looked at the shot gun blast)… yum yum grizzly for the next few weeks! wait a minute I'm confused …you weren't hunting!" Emmett said.

"SHE WAS ATTACKED BY A BEAR…AND YOU SAT HERE PLAYING CALL OF DUTY?" I roared placing Bella into Charlie's waiting arms ( I carried her inside though she was wired from the lattes I was still nervous about letting her walk on her own.) and punched Emmett in the face. Rosalie jumped in surprisingly punching Emmett in the gut.

"Whatever you guys do avoid the nose…photo shopping with a black eye is one thing ( Emmett had a shiner from my fist) but a nose is just too much work.

"Come here son…I know what you did!" Charlie said pulling Emmett away.

"I didn't do anything I swear!" Emmett said.

" yeah you didn't do anything with my baby lost in the woods…I'm pissed about that but I want to talk to you about a little drunk driving accident involving you and my daughter." Charlie said.

"YOU TOLD?" Emmett spat at me.

"Hey I didn't say anything!" I said.

"I have eyes in the back of my head son…when it comes to my baby I know everything!" Charlie said.

" it was just a little fender bender!" Emmett gulped.

"JUST A LITTLE FENDER BENDER…YOU WERE IN A HOUSE!" Charlie snarled. One more fist flew and Emmett was on the ground crying…it sounded like Charlie broke a rib.

"OWWWWWWW!" Emmett cried.

"Oh don't cry…cry baby…Jasper and Alice sounded the alarm, I consoled her aunt and uncle, Edward and Charlie found her…what did you do…scream die at the TV all day…you deserve the pain!" Rosalie sniped.

"my ribs!" Emmett cried. Rosalie laughed sadistically while I took Bella from Charlie and brought her to bed. Alice gave her so much caffeine that I actually had to give her a sleeping pill…courtesy of Jasper's pharmacy…so that's how he slept through Rosalie's snoring.

"Ambien works every time…maybe I should give Alice some god knows that little insomniac only sleeps 5 hours a day !" Jasper said walking away.

" I heard that Jazz!" Alice said

"Five hours a day=less wrinkles since my eyes aren't as scrunched up." Alice said.

" you do realize that will catch up with you one day." I said.

"and I will worry about that then…but for now nothing's changing!" Alice said.

" sometimes Alice I swear your tapped!" I said.

"I could say the same for Emmett…Mr. workout at 2 am…I wake up at 4 am I don't need the early wake up call." Alice said. She was still fighting with him over that.

"III'M SORRY CHIEF SWAN DON'T HURT ME ANY MORE!" We could hear Emmett blubbering from downstairs.

"Damn straight your sorry!" Charlie said.

"I'll never do it again I learned my lesson…my car was destroyed, I got my ass kicked…I swear I'll never pull that stunt ever again." Emmett cried.

"That's more like it!" Charlie snarled

"Alright Charlie…I got Emmett from here…don't worry about a thing!" Alice said.

"Not you…ALICE PUT THE PIN DOWN!" Emmett cried.

"you deserve worse!" Alice spat.


	17. Chapter 17

**I dont own twilight S/M does. Please read and review. Thanks for the reviews keep them comming!**

Chapter 17

BPV

I awoke the next morning to find Jacob standing at my front door… dark circles under his eyes.

"EW WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE…ITS WORSE THAN ALICE SAID!" Jacob exclaimed.

"What are you doing here Jacob…your supposed to be in Miami?" I asked.

"Took the red eye…Quils sleeping in the car…Alice called me , said you had severe scratches on your face…but dang those aren't scratches…their gouges!" Jacob said

"YOU SEE WHAT I HAD TO DEAL WITH LAST NIGHT!" Alice called.

"Ugh Alice…I don't know how you hid those things…I don't think I could do it with just Quill at my side!" Jacob said.

" Like what happened…did you get attacked by a bear?" Jacob asked joking.

"Actually I did!" I said.

"You were in a forest…ugh!…Bella I know I tell you to use more earthy tones but you don't have to go to the extreme…thank god I bought councilor…I don't know how much _that _can be hidden but I'll try my best…QUIL GET MY BAG!" Jacob said. The three of us went into Alice's room where she was waiting with Jasper and like ten years of makeup, alcohol and Band-aids (Alice washed my face in my sleep last night…the only time Edward allowed her in.). I was starting to feel weird…there was a crowd of people in here with the soul purpose of putting makeup on my face.

"Jasper…cotton swab with Alcohol." Alice commanded.

"Quil Band-Aid!" Jacob said.

"Jasper…councilor…and lots of it." Alice said.

" Alice put some over there…I can see some redness…geez it looks this bad after two days…thank god we weren't there when it happened huh Alice…I'm surprised she's not freaking out about it…most girls would." Jacob said.

"I know…if that were me I'd be hysterical !" Alice said. I wasn't freaking out because frankly they weren't that deep and I knew that I wouldn't have a scar, and you cant cry over spilled milk…at least I escaped with my life.

"Hey divas over there…stop talking like that…your going to make her feel bad and her face doesn't even look that bad…did you ever stop to think how bad it could have been if the bear actually bit her!" Rosalie said sticking her head in the door.

"Ew did they make her mocachino wrong this morning?" Jacob asked

"No she's just sensitive when it comes to talking about people's looks…she doesn't like people feeling bad about themselves…she's always been like that." Jasper said.

"oh." was all Jacob said

"tsk tsk…Alice you are a true miracle worker…I cant believe you actually found a way to cover up Band-Aids…this is going to revolutionize the fashion industry…you know how many photo shoots I had to cancel because the model had a Band-aid on…and it means less time photo shopping images and more time sewing!" Jacob said excitedly. Alice could of worked in Hollywood…that's how good she was at costume makeup.

" Oh Jacob the only way you can repay me is going forth and using the knowledge you gained from me at photo shoots." Alice said.

"Quil pass the blush!" Jacob said.

"Jasper pass the eye shadow." Alice dictated

"Quil…eyeliner if you please." Jacob said holding out his hand

"OMG YOU LOOK GREAT…ALICE YOU'RE A GENIUS!" Jacob said

"Thank you…not bad yourself" Alice said.

" so I want dets Alice…what happened?" Jacob asked.

"Well…Rose and I fought, she went out. When she didn't return that night I started to worry. When I woke up yesterday morning and saw that she wasn't in bed I freaked out, ripped Rose and Jasper out of bed and went in search of her while idiot Emmett sat down and played call of duty. I went looking for her car for a few hours and then pinged her phone…which showed it was in the middle of the woods. I drove to the spot and found the car still there. Jasper and I searched for an hour but he fell in pile of bear shit and my Gucci heels didn't hold up in the forest mud so I called 911 and Edward who was on his way home from an extended fishing trip with Uncle Charlie. Edward and Charlie went in and found her. When I saw her I thought she died. I had to infuse lattes in her just to get her coherent!" Alice said.

"Oh my god I would of totally freaked out if that were me…I don't know how you handled it!" Jacob said

"honestly Jacob at some points I didn't…like I said I thought she died!" Alice said.

"Alice you should of called me sooner!" Jacob said.

"and say what…"Oh your friend's lost in the woods right now…I need help?" what could you have done…you were in friggen Miami…the earliest flight here was the one you took…hell I was sleeping by the time you left (it was 8 am)." Alice said. We lucked out that Alice's parents were opening work late today in wake of my bear attack. Once they were finished I walked down stairs. Edward was waiting patiently in the living room.

"So in the wake of the chaos last night I forgot to ask…how did your trip go?" I asked.

"It went well…your father caught enough fish to last him a month…he was as happy as a clam about that. I caught a huge one which I put in the fridge last night…Emmett wants to eat it now before it goes bad…since we're going to have grizzly for the rest of year!" As Edward said this Emmett was walking by with a knife in hand and Rose happened to pass by him.

"Um what are you going to do with that?" Rosalie asked.

"Well since I only got to behead it last night I'm going to skin it!" Emmett said.

"Ew!" Rosalie gagged.

"What you do want to eat it right…and you cant eat it with hair on it…hey maybe I could make a rug out of the hair…that would be awesome." Emmett said

"I'm dating MacGyver" Rosalie moaned. Emmett walked in a little while later wearing a different outfit and carrying a black trash bag. When he unveiled the contents I rolled my eyes. The bears head was staring me down…its face completely stitched up to the bullet hole. He was hoisting it up on the wall …the sign underneath read "Bagged by Edward Cullen while attempting to kill Bella Swan." it was really creepy. Edward must of felt my shutter.

" WHAT THE HELL?" Edward said as Emmett started to nail it to the wall

"What…who cares how you bagged the bear…in fact the way you did it makes it heroic…celebrate it, put it up on the wall…I mean look at that shot!" Emmett said.

"Did you ever consider what if she was traumatized by the bear…you never think do you?" Edward asked disgusted. Alice walked in at that point and gagged. She had just escorted Jacob and Quill out

"Ew get that thing off the wall this instant…it doesn't go with the color scheme in here." Alice said.

" Ey I get no respect sometimes!" Emmett said starting to remove the nails.

" EMMETT CULLEN GET THAT DEAD THING OFF THE WALL THIS INSTANT!" Rosalie gagged reentering the room.

"GOD I'M DOING IT!" Emmett roared. A nail flew out of his hand and hit Rosalie in the head so she subtly stomped on his foot.

" God Emmett that's disgusting that you put that up there…how would you like it if it were you…if some one pelted you and cut your head off and put it on their wall!" Rosalie snarled. Emmett shuttered with the images.

"That's different." Emmett said.

"Why…cuz it's you?" Rosalie asked

"exactly…I mean could you picture this head on someone's wall?" Emmett asked. Rosalie looked like that was exactly what she was picturing.

" Do you realize how hypocritical you just sounded?" Rosalie asked snidely.

" I took it off the wall and you still yell…cant we change the subject!" Emmett said.

" lets!" Rosalie said.

" so Alice what's on the agenda for today?" Emmett asked.

" you are due for a photo shoot…shit I forgot about that…come here Emmett!" Alice said whipping out councilor. She placed it on every bruise he had…Emmett was going shirtless today.

" AHH GET OFF OF ME ALICE!" Emmett said as he fell off a chair.

" Emmett hold still…just one more bruise…your so lucky we're the same complexion! " Alice said continuing the assault.

"damn it I don't have time to shape your eyebrows…looks like we'll have to do that there!" Alice said.

"NOOOO!" Emmett shrieked. Emmett found out that the makeup team there was more painful at doing eyebrows then Jacob.

I got stared at in work that day. Apparently my attack got aired on the local news…courtesy of Alice calling them. People were unusually nice to me…like on the level if someone died. I was constantly getting offered food and such. After a while I got sick of it and had Edward politely decline for me…which he took great pleasure in doing. +It was getting to the point where our work was interrupted. The funny part was most of it looked like it would go bad before I even got home.

"Ew like could you stare any harder?" Alice asked disgusted as a group of models passed us when we were returning from lunch.

" Alice don't even give them the time of day…I don't!" Edward said.

" I know…its just that it's pathetic …like really does any of them have a life?" Alice asked.

"You know that this is the biggest thing to happen around them in a while." Jasper said to her.

"True." Alice said .

"So got any plans tonight?" Alice asked. She wanted to know if she could do another makeover.

"Alice its our 7 month anniversary…do you even have to ask that?" I asked.

" ooh so where you guys going?" Alice asked

"We were thinking of going to a small Italian restaurant on the other side of town." Edward said.

"Five star?" Alice asked.

"Yes." I looked at him. Edward mouthed " what I wanted to make it special."

"Ooh I have the perfect outfits then!" Alice squealed. Great that meant I was going to be Alice's doll tonight. I could see the wheels turning in her head. I was in for it tonight. She looked at me excitedly and then dashed off. Oh god. Alice was Alice. We could hear her skipping down the hall singing.

"Isn't she cute?" Jasper sighed. Man he had it bad. He followed after her. Edward and I then turned to head back to work. We walked into Rosalie having a nervous break down. Apparently one of the new computers crashed and Rosalie had to redo everything. She had to re add every place that carried out magazine to the computer…since that was in the thousands I could see why Rosalie was acting like this. She was fighting with the marketing people as well.

"Its not my fault the computer crashed…hey I was up here by myself doing _your _work anyways ( Alice's parents decided that a three man editing team would suffice and Rosalie was creating a flyer for marketing because one of their people called out sick.) you could at least be a _little_ nicer to me!" Rosalie said.

"Do you even know what your saying?…how dare you!…I'll never do your work ever again!….that's much better!" Rosalie said.

" ugh I have to add like 2,000 locations to this computer by tomorrow and that bitch was giving me lip…and she wasn't shutting up!" Rosalie said after hanging up the phone and turning to the computer.

" kill me please…I just lost like a half hour of adding these locations into the computer because of someone else…I don't think I can finish this by the end of the day." Rosalie moaned.

"Say has anyone Emmett today…I think this is the first day he hasn't tried to come in here in a while?" Rosalie asked.

"No…he was in some weird modeling thing when the four of us left…say have you had a lunch break?" I said

"No and it looks like I'm not going to get one either…cuz of that asshole on the phone!" Rosalie groaned. Just then Emmett came bursting in with two pizzas in hand.

"Hey babe I figured that we could have lunch here, that way you could eat, work and talk at the same time!" Emmett said.

"Halleughia…thank god…Emmett you're a savior!" Rose said. Emmett sat down and they ate and worked as we went to work.

"Wow I cant believe that…that's messed up…do you want me to head up there?" Emmett asked.

"No knowing you Em all of the girls would swoon too much to pay a lot of attention

We left as soon as Alice was finished with me. She had dressed me in a little pink cocktail dress and Edward in a black tux with a matching pink undershirt and tie. I swear all Alice thought about was fashion. Edward handed me flowers , I gave him a box of chocolates, and we were out the door. Edward had us sit in the darkest part of the restaurant. I loved how the candlelight played with his eyes. We talked about everything. We never ran out of things to talk about which I would of found odd a year ago, I mean we lived and worked together. Yet that never happened. I was lost into Edwards smoking eyes until I heard this horrible screech. The both of us groaned. Though I only heard that tone once I automatically knew she was here.

"EDWARD….OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!" Tanya screeched. It was the ex from hell. As I looked down the isle I could see two identical blondes staring at us. They must have been her sisters.

"Tanya." Edward snorted.

"so have you thought about what I said. Are you going to move to Alaska?" Tanya asked.

" I've told you no!…I got a life here, I got a girlfriend who wont try to jump my brother (I shuttered at the thought…she must of really been tapped…especially because her sister dated Emmett so she wasn't only fucking over her boyfriend but her sister too…crazy bitch)and I don't have to deal with your bipolar tendencies." Edward said. It was then things went down hill.

APV

"I told you I had a bad feeling about tonight!" I said to Rose while munching on a mozzarella stick. I knew something like this was going to happen…I had a feeling. So I got Rose on board…which was really difficult… and told the guys that we were going to have a girls night.

"WHY WONT YOU TAKE ME BACK!" Tanya was on the floor crying. Bella looked pissed at this point. Edward looked annoyed.

"Pathetic." Rosalie said. It was then that she got up.

"Alright if that's not going to work …out of my way ugliness!" She said shoving Bella to the floor and took her seat. Rose and I looked at each other, got up, and ran at the same time but Rose was faster so she got there first.

"Are you Irena?" Rose snarled.

"No Tanya." Tanya said.

"Close enough!" Rosalie said decking her in the face. Edward was helping Bella back to her seat when two girls approached….one looking exactly like Rosalie.

"Alright which one of you is Irena?" Rosalie asked.

"I am what's it to you?" The Rosalie clone said.

" Stop calling Emmett…we have to wake up every night to your pathetic sobbing messages. "Take me back Emmett". please cry me a river. He doesn't want you back!" Rosalie snarled.

"I don't call him…he calls me!" Irena said trying not to sound like a psycho ex.

"He calls you…PLEASE!" Rosalie said taking out Emmett's phone. I knew she was going to need that. She then hit play. Irena's sobbing voice finned the air.

"PLEASE TAKE ME BACK…I NEED YOU…EMMETT OH EMMETT PLEASE PICK UP THE PHONE. I'LL KILL MYSELF…THIS IS ME DYING. CLICK"

"Next message." The phone said.

"EMMETT I UNDERSTAND YOUR LONELY WITH OUT ME. I'VE SEEN PICTURES OF YOU AND YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND ON FACEBOOK . COMMON EMMETT WE ALL KNOW SHE'S NOT ME. YOU REALLY SUNK THAT LOW THAT YOUR DATING THE CHEAPER VERSION OF ME!" Rosalie was turning beet red at this point…Irena was turning white. I laughed at this point…Irena was the wall mart brand of Rosalie. You cant get any cheaper than Irena.

"Cheaper please…Rosalie wears Brandon do you know how much that go's for in the stores…you wall mart is your style. Rosalie is classy…so what if she fixes cars as a hobby, she has dignity and self respect and isn't a skank like you. How many times you cheat on Emmett? You're both disgusting." I said looking at Irena and Tanya.

"You know what I think that outfit would look good with…spaghetti!" I said throwing spaghetti from another person's table. It landed on both Tanya and Irena.

"Sorry about that." I whispered to the people who's spaghetti was on their table and slipped them a $50.

"YOU RUINED US!" they screamed running at me. I took a bloody Mary that was sitting on Edward and Bella's table and threw it at them.

"IM MELTING…IM MELTING!" they were screaming. It looked like a scene from the wizard of oz. With all the makeup practically off they looked hideous. They had no right calling my family ugly when they looked like that under 10 pounds of makeup. I laughed.

"I'll give you melting!" Rosalie said. It was then that the manager came.

"Um could you girls please leave with out causing a scene…I really don't want to have to call the cops!" the manager said scared to Rosalie.

"Its fine…but can they stay a little while longer, I don't want to be in the parking lot with them." Rosalie said sweetly.

"That's an excellent idea…we'll keep them here…clean yourselves off" The manager said throwing the dirty wet rags that they used to clean tables at the three blonde girls. Bella and Edward followed us out. The minute we hit the parking lot I could tell Rosalie had a plan.

"Alright which one's theirs….which one has the Alaskan license plate?" Rosalie asked.

"Right there Rose!" I said pointing to the car next to us. Rosalie whipped out a screwdriver out of her purse.

"Alice?" She asked.

"Right behind you!" I said taking out my nail file from my purse. Rosalie ripped a bunch of wires and pipes from the car.

"You know we really didn't get to eat anything and I'm starving…there's a place that does karaoke down the road." Bella said. A few minutes later we entered the bar.

BPV

As we entered the bar I heard a familiar voice singing. I looked up to see Jacob and Quill singing "I love Rockin' Roll" and doing a choreographed dance. I could tell by his eyes that he was extremely lit. Jacob had a good voice…Quil not so much, that's okay the two looked like they were having a blast up there anyways.

"Jacob's drunk for once…I never thought I'd see the day!" Alice exclaimed. She'd been trying to get Jacob to drink for years.

"Look how cute they are!" Alice exclaimed as they were singing "I love Rockin' roll put another dime in the jute box baby!"

"too bad we didn't video tape this…damn I wish I had my camera!" Alice said as they continued on.

"EEEEEE Put another dime in the jute box baby!" Jacob squealed from the stage seeing us. When he finished he jumped off the stage and ran at us.

"Guyys!" He slurred.

"He's wrecked…I've never even seen you buzzed before Jacob !" Alice said.

"well Quill and I were at a bar in Florida and he looked like he was having fun so I figured what the hell!" Jacob slurred some more.

"So I was talking to the bartender tonight and he's been giving me these yummy iced teas!" Jacob said.

"Long island iced teas?" All of us asked at the same time.

"Yeah that's what he called them!" Jacob said.

"How many have you had?" Rosalie asked.

"Well four maybe five." Jacob said.

"OH MY GOD QUIL AT LEAST TELL ME YOUR SOBER ENOUGH TO DRIVE!" I spat. Quill passed out at that point so that answered that question.

"Quilie…Quilie…QuilQuil..baby?" Jacob asked shaking him.

"OH NO AND HE HAS A PHOTO SHOOT TOMORROW!" Alice shrieked.

"Don't worry…Billy has the perfect hangover remedy…he'll be up and Adam in no time!" Jacob slurred .

"You better call them a cab!" I said to the bartender.

"Don't worry…I did five minutes ago…they should be here with in the hour." The bartender said. We looked as Jessica Stanley sauntered up to the stage. Oh no! "Don't cha" by the pussy cats played.

"Ugh she's wearing the mini skirt for the photo shoot tomorrow!" Alice said disgusted.

"Oh, baby dolls

I know you like me (I know you like me)  
I know you do (I know you do)  
Thats why whenever I come around shes all over you  
And I know you want it (I know you want it)  
It's easy to see (it's easy to see)  
And in the back of your mind  
I know you should be home with me" Jessica sang swinging her ass to the beat. She was pointing in our direction.

"Don't tell me I have to knock someone else out tonight!" Rosalie groaned.

"Dont cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me  
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me  
Dont cha, dont cha  
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me  
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me  
Dont cha, dont cha " she smacked her ass.

"Ugh!" Rosalie said.

"Fight the feeling (fight the feeling)  
Leave it alone (leave it alone)  
Cause if it aint love  
It just aint enough to leave a happy home  
Let's keep it friendly (let's keep it friendly)  
You have to play fair (you have to play fair)  
See, I dont care  
But I know she aint gon' wanna share" Jessica sang starting to shimmy.

"What is it with that girl…she follows me everywhere!" Jacob said.

"Ooh Quil's got competition!" Alice said pointing to the unconscious Quil.

"Dont cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me  
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me  
Dont cha, dont cha , baby  
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me  
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me  
Dont cha, dont cha" Jessica sang shoving her ass in the air. I was grossed out and Edward looked nauseated.

"I know I'm on your mind  
I know we'll have a good time  
I'm your friend  
I'm fun  
And I'm fine  
I aint lying  
Look at me, you aint blind [2x]" Jessica sang rolling around the stage. You could see everything.

"I think I'm going to puke…wait I just did in my mouth…I cant believe my brother tapped that." Edward said disgusted.

"He must have been trashed that night." Rosalie said.

"See, I know she loves you (I know she loves you)  
I understand (I understand)  
I'd probably be just as crazy about you  
If you were my own man  
Maybe next lifetime (maybe next lifetime)  
Possibly (possibly)  
Until then, Oh friend your'e secret is safe with meDont cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me  
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me  
Dont cha, dont cha  
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me  
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me  
Dont cha, dont cha" She was doing a combination of slapping and shoving her ass in people's faces at this point. Security had to drag her off the stage. We ate quickly and left after that. We came home to see Jasper and Emmett watching football….Emmett chanting " GO GO GO…TOUCHDOWN!"

"Dont cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me  
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me  
Dont cha, dont cha  
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me  
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me  
Dont cha, dont cha" Emmett sang happily. I had a flashback to the bar and Edward ran into the bathroom.

"what's with him?" Emmett asked.

"Emmett I think you need to sit down and listen to what I have to say." Rosalie said. Just then Emmett's phone rang in Rosalie's purse.

"THERE'S MY PHONE!" Emmett exclaimed. Rosalie played the message that was left.

"EMMETT YOUR GIRLFRIEND ATTACKED ME….PLEASE COME BACK…OH SHIT I FORGOT SHE HAS YOUR PHONE…I MISS YOU THOUGH BABY!" Irena cried into the phone. Rosalie looked livid.

"So you met Irena?" Emmett asked turning white.

"Yes Emmett I met Irena…my fist met both Tanya and Irena!" Rosalie growled.

"Cool you kicked her ass!" Emmett said.

"there may have been a little ass kicking." Rosalie said.

" But that means she's in town…OH SHIT LOCK THE DOORS…RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Emmett bellowed but it was too late. A rental car was pulling into our driveway…I could see Tanya's hand pointing. I grabbed the baseball bat from under my bed and Alice grabbed her double barrel curling iron.

"He's such a wose!" Rosalie said holding her crowbar. Next thing we knew Tanya burst the door down.

"OUT OF MY WAY!" Tanya said pushing me out of the way in the attempt to go upstairs and look for Edward. I slammed the bat right into the side of her head. She wasn't going to push me out of the way again!

"TANYA!" Irena and the other girl cried and ran after me. Rosalie conked Irena on the head and Alice whipped the curling iron at the other girl. After that there was a huge cat fight. Well it wasn't really a fight since the others didn't get a chance to fight back.

"GO BABE!" Emmett called.

"SHUT IT EMMETT!" Rosalie shouted.

"Ooh!" Emmett said as Rosalie punched Irena for the third time.

" EMMETT!"

"shutting up!"

"GUYS…GIRLFIGHT IN THE HOUSE…ANYBODY GOT POPCORN!" Emmett shouted.

__

"EMMETT SHUT UP!" Rosalie roared.

"shutting up now." Emmett said. Rosalie then picked Irena up and threw her out the door. The others scampered out fast.

" AND STAY OUT!" Rosalie shouted slamming the door.


	18. Chapter 18

**i dont own twilight S/M does. Thanks for the reviews...keep them coming! **

Chapter 18

BPV.

About a month later I was sitting at my desk in work. It was getting really hot so the entire work place threw on their A/C's. While it was hot as hell outside it was an ice box inside the building. I looked up as the lights flickered. At this rate our building was going to cause a black out for the entire city. I looked on as Rosalie was making some light alterations to her work. . I looked over as Edward chewed on a pencil out of boredom. he had finished most of his work for the time being and had nothing to do. He was so cute when he was bored. It was then that our cell phones went off.

"MEET ME IN THE CAFFETERIA DOWN STAIRS (We were on the third floor today…her parents were remodeling the real editing room)…3 A!" read the message. Rosalie looked and said "You guys go…I still have to finish up…I'm going to be here a while."

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Go!" Rosalie said pointing towards the door. As we left all we could hear was the sounds of Rosalie typing and writing.

"Elevator or stairs?" I asked Edward when we reached the end of the hall.

"Lets just take the Elevator right now…we'll get down there faster." Edward said. I pressed the down button and the door opened. Elevator music played in the background as we stepped in.

" So about tonight?" I asked. Edward was planning some little surprise. I hated surprises so I tried to worm it out of him.

" your going to have to figure it out for yourself…and don't bother asking Alice she knows as much as you do." Edward said. Dang he was really trying hard to keep this a secret.

"I'll eventually find out." I said.

" Good luck!" Edward sighed. Just then the elevator doors closed. I looked up as the numbers started to descend.

"You wont tell me one little thing." I said.

"Nope!" Edward said.

"Ugh!" I sighed to myself.

"Imagine the elevator broke while we were in here." I said offhandedly. Just then the lights went out and we heard a thump. The emergency lights were triggered. I had to open my big mouth…just my luck huh! I looked fearfully at Edward and we started banging on all the doors. We couldn't get the emergency door hatch open.

"LET US OUT OF HERE!" Edward was screaming.

"SOMEONE HELP US!" I yelled. Fat chance anyone heard us considering the building went into lockdown.

"LOCKDOWN…LOCKDOWN…THIS IS NOT A DRILL!" Alice's voice shouted over the intercoms. They recorded her voice for the lockdown effect. Edward tried to pry the door open but it didn't work. We were stuck between floors. They had to get the elevator deluxe that locked between floors. We went to use the emergency telephone.

"Hello…hello?…GOD DAMN IT…ITS DEAD!" Edward spat hanging up the phone. I whipped out my phone . If we weren't found by now then we probably wouldn't be found for a long time. I started to play some games.

"You seem really calm." Edward said observing me.

" Yeah well after some of the stuff I've lived through dying in an elevator doesn't seem that bad…I mean I'd probably prefer it to the bear!" I said

"True…getting mauled is painful…I don't think you really feel much when your crushed to death in an elevator." Edward said. The elevator made a creepy lurching sound as if it were trying to emphasize that point. We sat silent for the next hour.

"I wonder how long it will be before they realize we're missing?" I thought out loud. I noticed Edward fondling around his pocket. What the hell was he doing.

"Alright well I was going to wait till tonight to do this but since we don't know what's going to happen I cant go on about knowing the answer. I guess fate wanted this to happen now. Bella I know that you have a strong aversion to marriage because of your parents divorce but we're not them. I love you with every fiber of my being. I cant be with out you If we get out of here would you do me the honor of marrying me?" Edward asked taking out a small ring box. I was stunned. Though we had been talking about marriage for a while I had not seen that one coming. I speechlessly nodded my head. I was in too much shock to answer right away.

"Bella?" Edward asked. He probably thought I was going to faint or something like that

"Yes…yes I will." I said and with that my aversion to marriage was cured. Edward slid the ring on my finger. I couldn't believe that he asked me. It felt like a dream. We leaned in and kissed for the longest time. The dream like state added to the passion we broke a part what felt like forever later.

"Now lets focus on getting ourselves out of this mess so we can get married." I said taking out my phone. Edward followed suit. We both had minimal service. Rather than risking calling someone we sent out text messages. Right after they sent the service dropped. I prayed they went through.

APV

I had been sitting waiting in the cafeteria with Jasper. He was so cute eating a parfait. The room was set to a perfect balmy 70 degrees Fein height…compared to the hellish and fashionably unsensible 95 degree oven like temperature that was outside. I looked around as models sipped on iced teas. Hey this could be a cool photo shoot.

"Ugh what's taking them so long?" I moaned.

"Chill Alice you just sent them the message…I highly doubt they even had time to read it yet never mind come down here!" Jasper said. He dug back into his parfait. I kept on looking at my phone every five seconds to check the time and look for a response. After a few minutes of doing this I saw the lights completely go out. When it didn't come back after a few seconds my voice started to play through the intercoms. We could hear the doors lock. Crap I was stuck in the cafeteria during lockdown. Great…well at least we were near a food and water supply…we could last a few days.

"Ey…Alice did you have to scream when you made that recording…your practically making me go deaf!" Jasper said annoyed a few minutes later. I started to worry about the others but figured that they couldn't get out before the blackout hit. I checked my face book from my phone and laughed hysterically at Jacobs status.

"OMG BLACKOUT…NO STREETLIGHTS …ALMOST GOT BROADSIDED HEADING INTO WORK…GUESS I SHOULDN'T OF SLEPT IN 3!"

"You shouldn't be laughing at people almost dying…that's kind of rude!" Jasper said.

"if he didn't mean for it to be funny then he shouldn't of posted it on face book like that!" I said. We then squabbled for the next hour about how rude it was to make fun of people who almost die. We were then interrupted by my phone going off. I turned and read the message expecting some sort of apology of being stood up. That's not what I got though.

"Stuck in elevator…send help ASAP!" the message read. OH SHIT WHAT DO I DO? I looked around and saw an air vent conveniently located right above me. I looked at Jasper.

"Have you ever scaled an air vent before?" I asked nervously. Jasper's eyes lit up.

"OH HAVE I!" Jasper said excitedly. He boosted me up first and then climbed up himself. We crawled to my moms office after making few mistakes. I jumped down and landed right in front of my parents who were passionately making out. They broke apart immediately.

"YOU NEED TO CALL 911...THE ELEVATORS ARE STUCK!" I roared.

"Alice it's not an emergency…it's a black out…that happens!" My mother said.

"Its an emergency when people are stuck inside it…SPECIFICALLY YOUR NIECE!" I emphasized the last part. My parent's eyes widened in fear and my mom picked up the phone.

"That's more like it!" I said jumping into Jasper's waiting arms in the air vent. We then crawled to the nearest set of elevators and jumped down.

BPV.

Edward was holding me in his arms while we were waiting to see if our S.O.S's got though. I was starting to loose hope when I heard Alice's voice a half a floor above us…and not the recording. I never thought I'd be so glad to hear Alice talk. Edward and I looked at each other relieved. We were going to live to get married!

"BELLA?…I'M HERE…WHICH ONE ARE YOU IN?" Alice called.

"WE'RE DOWN HERE!" Edward and I screamed together.

"OH OKAY…I TOLD MY PARENTS YOU WERE STUCK IN THERE…HELP IS ON THE WAY!" Alice called. Edward and I cheered. I was never so glad Alice was my cousin.

" ARE YOU ALONE UP THERE ALICE?" I asked when I heard a thud.

"NO JAZZY'S HERE TOO!" Alice said as I heard Jasper call "HEY GUYS HOW'S IT HANGING?"

"YOU KNOW BELLA THIS WOULD ONLY HAPPEN TO YOU…GETTING STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR!" Alice was going on

"WELL AT LEAST YOUR NOT ALONE THIS TIME…THAT'S A STEP UP!" Alice wasn't shutting up.

"ALICE IS HELP THERE YET?" I asked.

"NOT YET…I CAN HEAR SIRENS IN THE DISTANCE THOUGH…OH THANK GOD I WORE MY BRANDON BLACK TANKTOP…I COULDN'T IMAGINE BEING SEEN WITH OUT IT…OHH PERFECT OUTFIT FOR TOMORROW…" Alice was going on.

"ALICE FOCUS!" I screamed.

"OH RIGHT STUCK IN THE ELEVATOR…JASPER GO AND SHOW THEM WHERE WE ARE!" Alice commanded. A few minutes later I heard the sounds of firemen trying to get us out of there.

Emmett's point of view.

I was locked in the photo shoot room with a bunch of female models and I was the only man… I felt like I was in heaven. Damn I hope Rosalie didn't find out about this. Hey it wasn't my fault I was thrown in a last minute shoot with all females…if she should kick anyone's ass it should be Alice's…she's the one who put me here, god bless the little pixie.

"Anyone got a flash light?" the female photographer called.

"No!" a model said

"I'm scared." another model shook

"What if we're stuck in here forever!" SWEET…oh shit Rose wouldn't be here…not sweet.

" Anyone got a protein bar?" I asked. All the models looked at me as if I had three heads or something.

"What I'm HUNGRY!" I moaned. The photographer snuck over and gave me hers. I whispered an appreciative thanks.

"When the hell are we going to get out of here…it's been almost an hour?" A model complained. I sat back and chugged the rest of my muscle milk which was starting to go warm.

"Ew how can you drink that?" A model asked me.

"Hey I gotta keep my strength up!" I said

"Alright whatever you do…don't breath on me, your giving me a migraine!" the girl said sounding a lot like Rosalie. What was it with me and the girls in my life. It was then that "We are the champions" played in the air. I looked down and saw "1 text message from Edward" and picked up. Odd…he never tested me while working.

"Stuck with Bella in elevator…need help ASAP!" I jumped up at this point.

"I'M COMING LITTLE BRO!" I screamed punching the door down. That was so hot that they were stuck in the elevator together. Man my dream was being wasted on those two prudes. If that were Rose and I we'd go for hours before asking for help! I then heard Rosalie scream from right above me. Considering my brother and his girlfriend weren't likely to be going anywhere anytime soon I took off to save Rosalie.

"BABE I'M ON MY WAY!" I shouted.

RPV

I was alone…and in the dark. I hated being in the dark. I was afraid of the dark. To make things worse I was alone. This compounded everything. I should of went with Edward and Bella…I should of said to hell with the work. But no …I had to make it perfect. Everything bad happened in the dark. That was the honor code of horror movies…cut the power and then slaughter/ possess/ or attempt to kill the hot blonde. I was like open season. To top everything off I was stuck with idiot who would probably think that this was the last place to look if something did happen to me. I looked around nervously in the pitch black. Why god did this have to happen to me? At that point I could hear scratching sounds from the ceiling.

"AHHHHH DEAMON!" I screamed running around. I tripped over a roll around chair and landed flat on my back. Alice's head then popped out of the air vent

"Up this isn't my parents office…sorry!" Alice crawled back into the air vent. That was one weird girl. I had to remind myself to breath. What the hell was she doing crawling around in air vents. I could hear more scratching sounds. No it couldn't be? Just then my brother's head popped down.

"Alice? Oh sorry Rose!…Alice wait up!" Jasper said following Alice. Did I say Alice was weird? Some how I didn't find scaling air vents together very attractive but to each his own. I looked down at my phone then. It read "one text message Bella"

"Stuck in elevator…send help ASAP!" Well that explained why Alice and Jasper were scaling air vents . I felt useless . I was locked here by myself while people I considered family were trapped and in danger. I then realized that my situation didn't look so bad. At least I wasn't suspended in air and being held by cables waiting for someone to help me. I knew I was eventually going to get out of here. That thought made me fell worse. I was going to get out of here. I didn't have to have a rescue team come and get me. A few minutes later Emmett punched the door down and stood there shirtless. He threw me on his back like Tarzan and ran off. I swore I thought he was going to shout like him too .Why were all the people in my life weird?

BPV

The fire fighters were finally able to open the doors and get us out of there. The minute I touched ground I saw Alice's eyes dart to my left hand. She was the only one in the crowd to notice my engagement ring. Her eyes lit up.

" 5 ct diamond surrounded by 2 1.5 ct diamonds on a platinum ring…from tiffany's…that's an engagement ring! you owe me dets…big time!" Alice whispered in my ear.

"Alice please don't tell anyone…let us do that!" I begged.

"Can I at least tell Jacob…I swear you can tell everyone else and I'll tell him later!" Alice asked.

"fine !" I said.

"EEEE!GOTTA GO, CLOTHES TO MAKE, PEOPLE TO SEE!" Alice squealed sprinting up the air vent like she was super woman or something.

"Wow…she sure is something." Edward laughed.

"Are you sure you _want _that to be your cousin…even through marriage!" I whispered.

"Are _you_ sure you want that to be your brother…even through marriage?" Edward quietly joked back while pointing at Emmett who was comparing his muscles with the fire fighters. Rosalie looked away embarrassed. We could hear scratching sounds in the vent.

"Damn it I forgot about my dad!" I exclaimed.

"Already taken care of!" Edward said.

__

Flashback

EPV

I was sitting in the cruiser on the way home. It was before everything had gone down with Bella. I shifted nervously as I heard Charlie retelling the story about how he caught the biggest fish in his life.

"And then I heaved, the fish pulled back and almost pulled me into the water and I was like "Oh fishie your going down!" and I pulled back. The fish flew into the air and hit me in the face. I swear I never seen one so big!" Charlie was saying. He then looked at me weirdly.

"Are you okay son?" Charlie asked.

"Actually Charlie I have to ask you something." I started up.

"Go a head son!" Charlie said gruffly.

"well see I was thinking of asking for your daughter to marry me…but I wanted your…" I was cut off by Charlie shouting.

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Charlie roared. I changed tactic

"Mr. Swan, I love your daughter. Like you I want the very best for her. Now I may not always be able to provide that for her but I can try my damn best to give her what she deserves. I know that you've been through the ringer with divorce and I promise that it will be different for her. All I'm asking is your blessing" I stated.

"I'll think about it…its not a definite yes." Charlie said. When I rescued Bella I knew that he changed his mind and approved through the gestures that he made. I then started planning ways of asking her.

End of flashback.

APV.

I called Jacob in the air vent. I know I promised that I would wait till the others knew but I just couldn't hold on to this information. Damn it…the one time that dog doesn't pick up!

"Jacob…its Alice…call me when you get this…its big!" I said hanging up the phone. I then dropped into the photo shoot room. Damn Emmett and his big muscles…that door was going to have to be replaced.

BPV.

We got out of work early that evening since the power still wasn't on. Alice's parents had to unlock everyone to get them to leave. After dinner we had everyone convene in the living room.

"Alright we got some news to tell you guys…Bella and I are…"Edward was cut off by Rosalie.

"YOUR PREGNANT!" Rosalie exclaimed her eyes twinkling. Somebody really wanted a baby…even if it wasn't hers.

"No…WE'RE ENGAGED!" I exclaimed.

"Wow…didn't see that one coming…congratulations guys!" Jasper said. I could see Alice start to psychotically twitch next to him.

"OMG CONGRATULATIONS THAT'S WONDERFUL!" Rosalie gasped. Alice looked like she was having trouble controlling herself.

"UGH Why would you want to do that…marriage is the kiss of death!" Emmett exclaimed. And I thought I had a strong aversion to marriage. Rosalie gave him a death glare.

"What it's true…you get married, possibly punch out a few kiddies and then you kick the bucket…hell no I aint doing that…I'll be single for ever!" Emmett exclaimed. Rosalie looked like she wanted to kill him.

"You get cake and presents!" Alice twitched convincingly.

"Cake? Presents? …maybe that marriage thing isn't so bad!" Emmett said in a dream like state. Speaking set Alice off…she totally lost control and bounced around the room psychotically.

"dets…DETS….dets…DETS!" Alice sang in all different pitches. She sounded like a video game.

"Alice did you have anything today?" I asked.

" oh I only had a couple lattes…oh and Emmett gave me a red bull to pep me up!" Alice said.

"Emmett gave you a what …Alice you are naturally hyper…you don't need red bull!" I exclaimed

"Girl…details…now!" Alice stated as Jasper restrained her on the couch.

"Well we had just started to descend in the elevator when the power went out. The emergency lights went on. We had tried to alert people that we were down there but nothing seemed to be working. We talked a little and Edward popped the question and I said yes. Then we kissed and texted you guys." I said.

"Ooh I gotta call Jacob, the florist, the baker, the tent company( we were having the ceremony and the reception in Charlie's back yard), I got the perfect dress but I have to design for the bridal party…lots of things to do and only 2 months to do them!" Alice chirped.

"2 months Alice?" my eyes narrowed

"Well silly September 13th is only two months away!" Alice exclaimed.

"you want me to get married on my birthday?" I gasped. I then started to think about it. It didn't sound like a half bad idea and considering most of the family worked in Alice' future fashion empire they could get the time off. Also we had a couple of cousins in the airline and hotel industries.

"Okay…lets do it!" I said. Alice ran off with her phone in hand. Three hours later she returned with her phone still in her hand.

"Alice what about septic?" I asked.

"Porta potties…I can dress them up in my new line…no one will know that they're in a porta potty until they cant flush!" Alice said

" Just one thing left…Jacob and I wanted you to be here for that!" Alice said.

"Alice can you do me a favor before you call him…your can be maid of honor…but tell him that he and I guess Quill can be bridesmaids." I said. Alice smiled and started to squeal. Just then the phone rang.

"Perfect timing!" Alice said picking up the phone. She put it on speaker.

"Alice what's going on? I just got your message…is Bella having another fashion emergency?" Jacob asked concerned.

"No Jacob it's bigger than fashion!" Alice said.

"Bigger than fashion?" he said as if there wasn't such a thing.

"BELLA'S GETTING MARRIED!" Alice exploded.

"BELLA'S MARRYING ADONIS….EEEEEEEE!" they squealed into the phone together.

" My baby's first wedding!" Jacob cooed.

"First wedding?" Alice sniped.

"Well you know in this day in age there are multiple weddings…hopefully this is her first and last…he's a keeper!" Jacob said.

"I cant believe this…I'm going to be a maid of honor…it's been my dream!" Jacob cooed.

"Jacob…I'm going to be maid of honor…I'm her cousin/sister/best friend!" Alice snorted.

"Bridesmaid?" Jacob said hopefully.

"That's more like it…now since this is going to be such a big undertaking…I'm willing to let you in on some of the details…not too much though we cant have a neutral themed wedding…oh and before I forget Quil's going to be a bridesmaid too." Alice said.

"Quilie we're going to be bridesmaids baby!" Jacob shouted. Quill squealed in the background.

"So when is it?" Jacob asked excitedly.

"September 13th" Alice said.

"Her birthday…but she hate's her birthday!" Jacob said.

"All the more reason to do it…this birthday she'll love cuz she's getting the best gift ever…so at least she can enjoy one of her birthdays…I can give the best gifts!" Alice said. Alice was right for once…I would finally have a good birthday.

"never thought of it like that….ooh!" Jacob said excitedly.

" Jacob gotta go….gotta sew a couple dresses and your tuxes…what would you say to a red under shirt?" Alice asked.

"Perfect!" Jacob said. Alice then hung up and ran upstairs screaming about the perfect dress. I then went off to call my father. He seemed pleased and he was thrilled to host everything in his yard. After I hung up with him I called my mother.

"Oh heyy Bella?" My mother greeted me.

"Hey mom." I said.

"So what's going on?" my mother asked. I was nervous…my mom never really liked marriage after my father.

"Oh I got something to tell you…I'm getting married!" I said.

"Oh looks like Charlie won the bet then dang…I thought you'd tell us over the weekend!" my mom said. I was shocked.

"You knew?" I asked.

"Well Charlie didn't shut up about it after Edward talked to him…I've known this was coming for a while now!" my mom said.

"We set the date for my birthday." I said. Silence was filled the other end.

"that soon?" my mother gulped.

"Well we figured that since most of the family works for Aunt Charlie and Uncle Andy anyways that they could get the time off and you're an only child with no cousins on your side we could pull it off. Alice is planning it and we both know how fast Alice can plan events so that's when we're shooting for." I said.

"okay then I guess this means I'm going shopping this weekend for mother of the bride dresses!" my mother said. Alice grabbed the phone from me at that point.

"No need to do that…I got you covered…I just need your size…thank you!" Alice said hanging up the phone. I looked at Alice.

"What …I already had the perfect dress in mind for her…did you think I was going to let her ruin that vision!" Alice said.

"No don't ask anymore questions…the rest of this wedding is going to be a surprise!" Alice said skipping up the stairs. Oh god…here we go again! Lets just say when Alice planned her parents vow renewals a couple of years ago she completely took everything over. No one was allowed anywhere near the plans…in fact Alice actually put them in a security deposit box down town…and traveled there ever night.


	19. Chapter 19

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**i dont own twilight S/M does. Thanks for the reviews...keep them coming! **

Chapter 19.

BPV

When I awoke the next morning I still couldn't believe that I was engaged. I had to check my hand for the ring. It felt dream like. I looked at the angelic face sleeping next to me. I was in shock…maybe this was god's way of repaying me for all of my bad luck. That had to be it. I mean that was the only rational explanation for this. Pleasant, sweet, reality hit when he awoke. Even in my dreams I couldn't fake a velvet voice like that.

"Good morning love!" he said flashing my favorite smile at me.

"Morning!" I beamed back. We shared a quick kiss and jumped out of bed. We quickly grabbed bathrobes and walked down stairs. Alice was sitting at the kitchen table, a large latte and some papers in front of her. She looked like she was in a dilemma.

"Oh hell….these invitation's suck…I can make better…but later, I got bigger fish to fry!" Alice said grabbing the phone.

"Jacob…Alice…what do you have done so far? Oh that's a great idea…we'll meet up at 11 and go there…we also have a meeting with the baker at 3...I know I cant believe this either…you really should of seen my face when I saw that rock on her finger…ITS HUGE JACOB! Jacob you know when I say it's big…its big! Good clarity too. You'll see it next time your over. Now speaking about rings…yeah I know both their sizes…it's a gift Jacob…listen I was thinking tomorrow after work we go ring hunting together. Kay kisses and hugs…bye Jacob!" Alice said hanging up the phone. It looked like Alice and Jacob were the only ones with a say in this ceremony.

" so much to do…so little time!" Alice said bouncing around. You could tell Alice had been waiting for this for a very _long_ time.

" I'M GETTING MARRIED IN THE MORNING…DING DONG THE BELLS ARE GOING TO SHINE!" Alice sang running up the stairs. We heard a small thud and the sound of glass breaking.

"she's not even getting married!" Edward laughed.

"ALICE EVERYTHING ALRIGHT?" I called up to her.

"HOW DID THAT VASE GET THERE…DAMN IT WAS EXPENSIVE TOO…I MEAN I'M OKAY!" Alice shouted from upstairs.

"She really needs to watch where she's running…next time she might not be so lucky!" Rosalie said grabbing a cup of coffee and a newspaper. She sat down, took a sip and spat it out. There was a look of shock in her eyes.

"What is it Rose?" Emmett who was getting a pop tart asked.

" Royce died?" Rosalie asked not answering Emmett's question. Everyone walked over to her. I looked down to see " RAPEST DIES IN AUTO ACCIDENT NEAR VICTIMS HOUSE." There was a picture of a 20 year old Rosalie front and center.

"JASPER GET DOWN HERE!" Rosalie shouted. Jasper walked in confused. He snickered when he saw the headline.

"Fucking bastard…good! He deserves death…two years wasn't good enough!" Jasper hissed. I never heard Jasper speak like that…it must have been really bad. I looked down at the paper. It said an address…which was two doors down from us….so that was that accident last night. It said that the power outage took out the stop light right in front of our house and someone plowed into him because of that.

"Hold on…Rosalie you were raped?" Emmett asked shocked.

"Yeah…it's a long story but we have time." Rosalie said

__

Flashback.

RPV

I had just broken up with my high school boyfriend Royce. I always thought that I would marry him …we'd be together for ever. But one night I caught him hitting on a girl…and she clearly wasn't interested in him. So I nipped that in the but. I was at a party shortly after the breakup when everything started to happen. Royce walked up to me and he was ultra sweet. I really should of picked up on that then…but I mistook it for remorse. Luckily I'm a woman with high standards so I still didn't take him back. That was when we walked over to the makeshift bar.

"I'll have a white Russian." Royce said

"And the lady will have?" the bartender asked.

" oh I'll just have a martini." I said.

"So Rosie baby…I'll buy your drink for you…I'm sorry. Maybe you could think things over…you know, reconsider us?" Royce asked sweetly. The thing was I had already made up my mind. If Royce could look at another woman then he could cheat too and I know I couldn't deal with that.

"I've thought it through Royce…we're just going to be friends!" I said. I saw the rage in his eyes but I wrote it off as something typical when a girl tells a guy we're just friends. The bartender then served us our drinks. Royce followed me like a lap dog for the rest of the dance asking me to think it over again and again. At some point I had to go to the bathroom.

"Royce…can you hold this for me…I'll be right back." I said.

"Sure thing baby!" Royce said a little too excited. I should of picked up on that. 20/20 hindsight really sucks. When I came back I noticed that my drink tasted a little funny. I asked Royce what he had put in it and then everything went black.

I awoke sometime later in an abandoned where house. My mouth was cotton dry and my stomach was actually hurting with hunger. Ugh what the hell happened? when I sat up I realized that my pants were down, my underwear bloody. I realized what happened then. How could Royce do that to me! I mean I knew he was a scumbag but I never thought he could do something like this. I started to sob. Just then Jasper busted down the door.

"Rosalie…I found you! OH. MY. GOD. WHO DID THIS TO YOU!" Jasper roared disgusted as I cried out "it was Royce."

"THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE…I'LL KILL HIM FOR THIS…ROYCE IS DEAD!" Jasper roared as helped me out . I had never heard Jasper speak like this before.

"Jasper how long have I been gone?" I asked.

"2 days…mom's freaking out …she thinks your dead and don't get me started on dad…which reminds me." Jasper said taking out his phone. He put it on speaker.

"Dad…I found her. Your not going to believe this Royce drugged her and…" Jasper said.

"You don't need to finish son…where are you?" My father asked.

"In that abandoned where house outside town." Jasper said.

"I'll be there in five minutes son…we're going hunting." My father said hanging up the phone. My father arrived a few minutes later with the police following behind him. They told him to use whatever force necessary to take Royce down if he found them before they did. As I was being loaded into the ambulance I saw my father and Jasper cleaning out their guns. Royce didn't stand a chance with my father being an ex sniper and training Jasper well.

End of flashback.

BPV

"Well after my father left the army he became a psychiatrist (that explains why Jasper had so many meds on him) . Jasper followed his path and got his degree in psychology…so I had in house counselors to talk to… but he couldn't find a job and our dad's place was already filled so he went to work for the shop. He was the secretary and I was the mechanic. I had gone to business school and got an MBA and was saving to start my own business when you guys came along." Rosalie said.

"Oh so that explains why he's always counseling the models about bulimia!" Emmett said.

"You know my dad's offering Alice free counseling sessions and medication but she wont take it…she actually told him "I love being me!" Jasper's thinking about forcing her to go !" Rosalie whispered.

" about god damn time…Bella your aunt and uncle should of taken her when she was little!" Emmett laughed.

"Yeah Royce actually put a personal injury suit against them…they won…the judge actually gave me punitative damages for what he did to me!" Rosalie said.

"Wow…I've been dating you for almost a year and you never told me that?" Emmett asked.

"I didn't want to walk around with a stigma…it happened to me…its over now…if I feel bad for myself and tell everyone I'm just letting him win." Rosalie said.

"Let who win…are we playing monopoly…ooh I love that game!" Alice asked bubbly walking back down the stairs.

"No Alice…we were just listening to a story from Rosalie's past." I said.

"Ooh I love gossip…I mean stories…I'm ready!" Alice said sitting down with a bowl of chips in hand. Rosalie retold the entire story.

"Ew sounds like a scumbag…and he died right near our house last night …creepy?" Alice gagged.

" He was Alice…you know Rose I think out of all the boyfriends you've had I hated him the most…do you know he hit on mom in front of me when you weren't there!" Jasper said.

"That explains a lot…like why she went from planning our wedding to urging me to break up with him." Rosalie said.

A few hours later Edward and I were going to leave for our rain check date since we had to cancel the other one due to the power outage. Fortunately they got the power on fast so we were able to go on this one. We went see a movie and then we went to another local fair. We went on the ferris wheel. Luckily it didn't break. We sat at the top looking down on everything. Why did the power have to go out yesterday…then again if I thought about it proposing in a stuck elevator was more spontaneous…more cute and I didn't have to worry about anything breaking…the elevator had already broke.

"Amazing view!" I said as fire works exploded over head

" I know!" Edward said. I placed my head on his shoulder.

We got home that night to silence. The others must of gone out already. We walked upstairs to find another piece of lingeree laid out with a note from Alice saying "_thank me later…A!" _

"A little ambitious she is." Edward laughed.

" Alice is Alice." I said as we kissed. Next thing I knew we were on the bed.


	20. Chapter 20

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**i dont own twilight S/M does. Thanks for the reviews...keep them coming! **

Chapter 20

BPV

I awoke into the arms of an angel staring down at me with my favorite crooked smile on his face. I wondered for a second if I was dreaming. I actually had to pinch myself to make sure I was awake. I smiled as we sat there holding each other…the electricity that happened when we touched pulsating…keeping us stuck. I wished this moment could last for ever…or at least a minute longer but just then Jasper burst down the door. Damn one of these days I was going to have to get dead bolts.

" I need your guys help… ooh I walked in at the wrong time…sorry!" Jasper said staring at us.

"what is it Jasper?" I asked as Edward and I wrapped ourselves up in the sheets.

I'm going to pop the question to Alice…and I already have the ring…but how do you surprise someone who can predict what your going to do before you do it?" Jasper asked . I always had those same thoughts when it came to gifts for Alice. She actually told me what I was going to get her for graduation …before I got it. It got annoying after a while.

"use a pocket book…she's bound to be distracted by it." Edward said.

"You could also do it at the mall…the sales would be enough to block her powers of precognition." I said.

"Both of them are great ideas…I think I'll do them both…in a pocket book, at a mall…I got the perfect place!." Jasper said excitedly.

"If you don't mind…can we see the ring…Alice has particular tastes." I asked

"Oh yeah I have it on me!" Jasper said whipping out a small box. Inside was a six ct pink diamond surrounded by 10 1 ct diamonds. It was definitely an Alice ring.

"Damn Jasper…how could you afford that…Bella's ring was $100,000 and her center stone is 5 ct's not six." I threw a death glare at Edward. He spent _how much_ on my ring. I mean I knew he spent a lot on it but I didn't know it was that much.

" I mean $10,000 dear!" Edward said looking off.

"I didn't pick it out…Alice did…she left the magazine it was in on my bed…the ring circled in red marker and a check for the costs." Jasper said. Alice knew that Jasper wasn't as loaded as Edward and Emmett…their family held a lot of stock in the stock market and pulled it out right before the crash so they now had hundreds of millions of dollars which was put into bank accounts for themselves and the two boys…which I didn't find out till yesterday…and she knew the ring she was asking for was worth a ridiculous amount of money. Alice was one of those rich kids who went to public school so that she could be normal. Hence why we didn't buy a house…Alice's parents wanted us to learn how to "budget" though there was no need in Alice's case. From the look of it Edward and Emmett's parents were the same way.

"Why does that not shock me." I said.

"I SMELL DIAMONDS!" Alice shouted running into the room. Jasper shoved the ring in the pocket of his black denim incubus jeans.

" I don't know what your talking about Alice…your probably just picking up on Bella's engagement ring." Jasper said running out of the room.

"a little birdie told me that Jasper showed you my engagement ring!" Alice said.

"If your talking about Emmett I wouldn't call him a little birdie…more like a guerrilla or a wooly mammoth is more fitting." Edward said.

"This wasn't from Emmett…oh I don't know…it couldn't be the camera I installed in the wall!" Alice said.

"in these walls…ALICE THIS IS OUR ROOM!" I spat.

"What you weren't giving me my dets…don't worry though I didn't add sound…I couldn't hear anything!" Alice said.

" Alright Alice that's going a little too far…Bella's cousin or not that's just wrong!" Edward said disgusted.

"Oh quit your crying…I'll take it out…don't be such a cry baby Eddie pooh!" Alice said. Edward cringed…I knew Edward was not a fan of nick names such as Eddie pooh.

" So when and where is he going to ask me? Did he read the speech to you?" Alice asked excitedly.

"We're not telling you…Jasper's planning on doing it as a surprise and frankly you need a surprise or two in your life…besides maybe we would of thought about telling you …IF YOU HADN'T PUT A CAMERA IN OUR ROOM!" Edward said.

"I knew I shouldn't of told them about the camera!" Alice mumbled to herself walking out the door.

"Man I wish him luck with _her_…your cousin's psycho." Edward said

"yeah well I warned you before we got engaged…I told you what you were marrying into…are you still prepared to have _that_ as your cousin?" I joked.

"Are you still prepared to have_ that_ as your brother?" Edward joked back as we looked out the window. Emmett was doing military style pushups in the back yard.

"I guess we better watch our kids…mental illnesses run on both sides of the family." I laughed. We looked as Emmett screwed one up and fell forward on his face.

"OWW MY NOSE!" Emmett was crying. Edward laughed as Alice walked outside and kicked Emmett in the face.

"That's for last night asshole…YOU MADE ME MISS ALMOST EVERYTHING…THEY WERE PRACTCALLY DONE WHEN I GOT BACK UPSTAIRS FROM TELLING YOU TO QUIT THE PUSHUPS…YOU JUST CAN'T GO TO BED LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE!" Alice huffed. She must of still been pissed that we didn't tell her when and where Jasper was going to pop the question. Edward shivered.

" they're both crazy!" Edward said.

"Just be glad your not Jasper or Rosalie…must be a gene in that family to fall in love with the insane." I laughed.

" oh I don't know about that…your pretty crazy yourself!" Edward said playfully.

"look who's talking…pretty sure you take the crazy role in our relationship." I joked back. The crooked smile reappeared on his face.

" you aint seen nothing yet love!" he said as he scooped me up, swung me around and ran like a mad man to the bed. We heard Alice screaming "NOT AGAIN!". She must have had a link from the camera to her phone. We covered ourselves up so Alice couldn't see anything.

"ON SECOND THOUGHT…SHE DOESN'T LIKE WHAT SHE SEES THEN THAT'S TOO BAD…SHE SHOULDN'T OF PUT A GOD DAMN CAMERA IN OUR ROOM!" Edward said ripping the sheets off and standing up completely butt naked.

"OWW…OUR EYES!" Alice screamed.

"IT BURNS!" Emmett screamed. They're both watching…we're related to a bunch of perves

"Alice what are you looking at on your phone…ew porno…have you been hacking into Emmett's history again!" Rosalie said from outside.

"No that's Edward and Bella!" Alice said.

"Ew what are you two sick…why are you watching them on your phone…ugh! I'm not even related to them and I find that nasty." Rosalie said.

"I'm sorry…I cant do this with an audience…we gotta find that link and kill it either that or rip the camera out of the wall before we can do anything more." Edward said. I couldn't agree with him more on that one. Alice's commentary just killed the mood. We closed the blinds and searched for the camera. We found the little hole in the wall right across from our bed. Alice was sick. We pulled out a really nice web cam. Well that explained it…she must have had both linked through her computer. An extension cord slinked from the web cam slinked into Alice's room through the wall. She really was sick. God knows what she did with her and Jasper…there might be some sex tapes that Jasper doesn't know about. We looked over to see another identical hole in the ceiling. Another camera? We climbed into the attic and found it. It was a blue web cam that read "Emmett C." on it.

"OH SHIT THEY DISCOVERED THE SECOND CAMERA…HOPEFULLY THEY DON'T DISCOVER THE THIRD!" Alice shouted as I found another camera . What were we living in a fucking fish bowl or something?

"Wait a minute I know where Alice's room is from here…let's give them a taste of their own medicine!" Edward said running down stairs. A few minutes later he ran up with two web cams and a drill.

" It will tape over us so all they'll be watching is themselves…we can rest at ease knowing eyes aren't watching us. Thank god I got the spare one…once Alice is hooked up then all we have to do is take care of Emmett's!" Edward laughed evilly.

"Also I'll throw a loop from last night in just so they don't suspect a thing while those kick in and we can get back to what we were doing in peace!" Edward said heading into central command…A.K.A Alice's room. He found the footage and looped it over.

"OOH EM WE'RE BACK ON!" Alice shouted taking the bate. She must of really missed a lot.

"DAMN HE'S GOT GAME!" They were shouting together.

"YOU TWO DISGUST ME…THAT IS THEIR PRIVATE MOMENT AND YOU TWO ARE WATCHING IT LIKE IT'S A FOOTBALL GAME OR SOMETHING." Well at least Rosalie wasn't perverted.

That night Edward and I were laying in bed cuddling when we could hear this loud thud come from Alice's room. It was followed by Alice screaming "OMG THAT'S ME ON THERE!" we started to snicker

"Wait for it!" Edward said. At that point there was a loud growling sound downstairs.

"OH MY GOD…THAT'S ME ON THAT CAMERA….EMMETT CULLEN YOUR GOING TO DIE…YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE VIDEOTAPING US!" Rosalie was roaring. We could then hear a bunch of thuds and Emmett crying.

"and there it is!" Edward said. It was then that Alice and Emmett entered the bedroom…Emmett's face was tearstained.

"YOU HAD NO RIGHT!" Alice snarled.

"Says you…at least we didn't watch YOU TWO HAVING SEX WITH JASPER AND ROSALIE…we linked everything up to your own computers. We didn't get some sick gratification out of watching you two banging your partners…you want to talk about having no right…you had no right to violate our privacy with three count them three cameras!" I said.

"You two are sick…you had to be stopped…you wanted to watch us so badly…we just gave you a changeup." Edward said pissed

"Rosalie thinks I'm a freak cuz of you!" Emmett sobbed.

"No Emmett, I think you're a freak because you actually sat there and watched your brother and his fiancée having a special moment…what they did was only retaliation…I forgive you guys…you on the other hand Emmett…you deserve what they did!" Rosalie said from behind Emmett. God knows how long she was standing there.

" Now come along back to bed Emmett…its like 4 am and I'm really not in the mood for this!" Rosalie said annoyed. She grabbed Emmett by the ear and dragged him back to bed. Alice sat there and tried to fight some more. Jasper had to actually pick her up and drag her back to her room.

"THIS ISN'T THE LAST YOUR GOING TO HEAR ABOUT THIS…JASPER PUT ME DOWN…WANT ME TO STICK THAT SEWING NEEDLE IN YOUR HAND…WE WILL TALK!" Alice was roaring from her bedroom.

" ALICE SHUT UP OR I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU AN AMBIEN!" Jasper shouted.

" NO I WONT…IT WASN'T RIGHT!" Alice shouted.

"THAT'S IT ….YOU CAN SLEEP BY YOURSELF TONIGHT!" Jasper said slamming her door. He walked back into his room.

"JASPER WAIT…I'M SORRY!" Alice said running into his room. They soon settled the argument and Jasper sent Alice in to apologize.

Over their next few dates Alice went in expecting a proposal and came back pissed. I really hoped that he was going to do something soon because I couldn't take it anymore. Alice's snarls were even emanating in my dreams now. I was going to loose my mind if she didn't get a rock on her finger soon. So when Jasper suggested a group shopping trip one weekend Edward and I pulled him aside.

"You better pop the question soon before she drives us insane!" we said to him.

"well then I hope you didn't put a deposit down on your married couple suit at the mental hospital!" Jasper joked walking to the car. He held the door out for Alice. Everything that Jasper touched in the first few stores Alice looked over for a ring. Shoes, tops, dresses, pants, fitting rooms….absolutely everything. As we were leaving Nordstrom's Alice pulled me back.

"I know he's going to ask me today…he's going to ask me…look at his shoulders their slouched…their slouched…he seems nervous…he's nervous…is that a box I see in his pocket…damn that's his keys!" Alice was psychotically twitching. Please god MAKE Jasper ask her today. I don't think I could take much more of this. She had been saying this every day since Jasper showed us the ring.

"Oooohhh I know he's going to ask me…I just know it!" Alice was going on. I made a pretend gun with my hand as Edward turned around to give me a sympathetic look.

"did you feel this excited when you got engaged!" Alice asked really bubbly.

"Alice your not engaged yet….hell for all you know Jasper's not going to ask you today!" I said.

"For all _you_ know?….YOU KNOW SOMETHING…I KNOW YOU DO…_SPILL_…I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING YOU KNOW!" Alice said psychotically getting in my face.

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR TALKING ABOUT ALICE!" I roared annoyed. Edward came to my rescue at that point.

"ALICE…LEAVE MY FIANCEE ALONE…AND EVEN IF SHE DID KNOW SOMETHING SHE WOULDN'T TELL YOU…A PROPOSAL IS SUPPOSED TO BE A SURPRISE ALICE!" Edward said. We threw a glare at Jasper. He better do it soon. Neither of us could take her anymore .As we walked by him we mumbled loud enough for just him to hear "hurry the fuck up!"

"Um Alice would you do me the honor of…" Jasper started to ask. He was cut off by Alice's squeal of joy.

"of course!" Alice said

"How did you know?" Jasper asked confused.

"Isn't it obvious?" Alice asked excited.

"That I wanted to go to Gucci?" Jasper asked. For once in her life Alice's face deflated at the name Gucci.

"I can buy myself a $500 pocket book…perfect therapy. " Alice sighed. We looked at Jasper who subtly pointed to his left hand. THANK GOD I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE. It was then that Rosalie walked up to us.

"He's going to pop the question in here isn't he…I saw him point to his hand." Rosalie whispered.

" definitely…this whole thing was our idea. " I said

" I kinda figured that...whereas he has a strong fashion sense… he has no common sense when it comes to relationships and romance…much like someone else I know…the only things he knows how to do right is throw a football and look pretty…if he ever comes to you for advice…remember the bigger the better with me!" Rosalie said glaring at Emmett.

"Don't worry…I'll distract her!" Rosalie whispered.

"ALICE WAIT UP…I NEED YOUR ADVICE ON WHICH HEELS WOULD BE BEST WITH MY HEIGHT!" Rosalie called.

"OOH I NEVER THOUGHT YOU WOULD ASK ME TO HELP…OF COURSE I WILL!" Alice squealed.

As Alice was in the shoe department we could see Jasper sneaking off to the limited addition area. He picked up a very Alice like snake and alligator skinned purse and mumbled to himself " thank god I now have $10,000 to spare!" Edward and I looked at each other and smiled.

"Why are you guys all acting weird…I'm outta here, I'm going to sports authority I hear they have the new version of boflex!" Emmett said heading to the door.

"oh hell no…your not going anywhere…I don't trust you by yourself in sports authority…especially not near one with any form of a boflex!" Edward said grabbing Emmett 's wrist. Rosalie came stomping over.

"WAS HE ABOUT TO GO TO SPORT'S AUTHORITY…I TOLD YOU EMMETT THAT WE WOULD GO AT SOME OTHER TIME…NOT TODAY!" Rosalie snarled. we looked to see Jasper checking out and Alice staring at the shoes in the shoe department. We were standing in the middle of the store

"Heels…if you could I know YOU'D marry me!" Alice said staring solemnly at the shoes. We could see Jasper place the ring in the pocket book and head over to her. I tapped Rose …who was still bitching Emmett out…on the shoulder and she squealed.

"Alice I need to know…what do you think of this bag?" Jasper asked.

"OMG ITS SO CUTE…LIMITED ADDITION…HOW'D THAT NOT COME UP ON MY RADAR!" Alice squealed trying to rip it out of Jasper's arms.

"Alice this bag is special." Jasper said.

"Of course it is…it's limited addition…how is it not special!" Alice responded.

"I didn't mean it like that…this bag symbolizes our relationship. The seams symbolizes the bond that we have and how tightly nit it is. The handle symbolizes our connection and how strong it is. The overall shiny appearance symbolizes our uniqueness and how we stand out as a couple. And inside the bag is the heart of our relationship!" Jasper said un zippering the bag and pulling out the ring.

"!I KNEW IT…YES!" Alice made the loudest sound I've ever heard

"Let me finish the formal way!" Jasper said. Emmett groaned.

" Oh go right ahead!" Alice said excitedly.

"Alice…sweet Alice…you already know what I'm going to ask. Please marry me?" Jasper asked getting down on one knee. The whole store was looking at them.

" YES…THANK YOU GOD!" Alice shouted tackling Jasper to the ground.

"It's beautiful…I couldn't of picked a better one out myself!" Alice exclaimed.

"Alice you did pick it out!" Jasper said sounding squished under Alice's knee.

"Even better…you went with my choice!" Alice said excitedly.

"YOU TOO…IS THERE AN EPIDEMIC OF THE LOVE BUG GOING AROUND OR SOMETHING. AS I SAID MARRIAGE IS THE KISS OF DEATH…YOU WILL NEVER SEE ME DOWN ON ONE KNEE…SINGLE FOREVER BABY. I'M NEVER GETTING MARRIED…HAVE FUN WITH YOUR BORING LIVES…I'M GOING TO PARTY EVERY DAY AND LAUGH WHILE YOU GUYS ARE TRYING TO FIND DAYCARE FOR LITTLE EDDIE AND JASPER JR…SUCKS TO BE YOU GUYS!" Emmett said. Rosalie hit him.

"OH HELL NO EMMETT YOU WILL NOT BE DOING THAT! YOU WILL GET MARRIED…AND YOU WILL MARRY ME…WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT…I DON'T WANT SOMEONE THAT ACTS LIKE HE'S 16 FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE…I WANT A _MAN!_ THE FATHER OF MY CHILDREN IS NOT GOING TO BE AN IMMATURE BRAT…IF YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED…THEN FINE I'LL FIND A REAL MAN…SOMEONE MAN ENOUGH TO TAKE MY HAND AND NOT CRY LIKE A BABY AT THE WORD MARRIAGE!" Rose snarled. Emmett whimpered.

"NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME I'M GOING TO CONGRATULATE MY BROTHER AND MY SOON TO BE SISTER IN LAW…EVEN HE ASKED HER…I'VE BEEN BEGGING YOU FOR THREE MONTHS TO ASK ME!" Rosalie said turning her heel at Emmett as she went to congratulate Alice. Alice whipped out her phone.

" I'M GETTING MARRIED JACOB EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Alice shouted. I could hear squealing on the other end.

" I don't know…he just asked me…I know two events…one year…I'm so excited…this is the best day of my life…of course you can be in it!" Alice said. I was stunned she said that.

"What I don't have any girlfriends other than Rose and you!" Alice mouthed to me.

" Jake I'm so thrilled…I'm going to be Alice Brandon- Hale…a dream come true…I'm going to be a bride!" Alice said excitedly

"Aw Jake don't listen to mean ole Billy…tell him to go shove it!" Alice said.

" that's right Billy you heard me…shove it…leave Jake alone!" Alice said.

" Jake…we'll talk dets later…I'm still at the mall…hugs and kisses…bye!" Alice said hanging up the phone.

" look at the ring he gave me…isn't it beautiful!" Alice said shoving the ring Rose and my faces. The ring took up like Alice's entire hand.

"Um…yeah…um it's …um nice!" Rosalie said. She leaned in and whispered to me "Jesus do you think that the space station could see her hand?"

"Ooh so much to do…set the date…make more dresses, call florists, bakers…god what am I doing here…I have to go home and start planning!" Alice said beaming.


	21. Chapter 21

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**i dont own twilight S/M does. Thanks for the reviews...keep them coming! **

Chapter 21

BPV

Alice was on cloud nine for the next few weeks. Jasper and her still didn't agree on a date but they did agree that it would be by the end of this year. I swore that she was actually floating sometimes. She was repeatedly making references about being engaged at the same time as me. If possible this made her dive into my wedding even more. I constantly caught her on the phone talking to Jacob about details. We started to take bets about when Emmett would fold. Alice and I said that he would hold out for at least a few more days, Jasper and Edward had it pegged for tonight. They should of known to never bet against Alice…plus considering that I used to have a fear of marriage myself I could sniff it out in other people.

"I don't know guys…I really see him doing it tonight…when Rosalie wants something she can really put the pressure on and Rose really wants this." Jasper said confidently

"I don't think so…Emmett's deathly afraid of marriage." I said.

" yeah and she should know…she used to have the same fear…to a greatly lesser degree!" Alice said. I knew I won the bet the minute she sided with me. As I have said before Alice "The physic" Brandon always taught me to trust my instincts and my instincts told me that Emmett was running away from marriage like it was the black death.

"You know I don't get why Emmett's afraid of marriage…he's not the product of a divorce?" I asked.

" I never knew why either…I know what he says are excuses but he's never revealed the main cause…I mean our parents have been happily married for 30 years…he never knew anyone who's parents were divorced until we met you…yet he's always been like this." Edward said. It was then that Emmett busted down the door.

"THANKS SO MUCH GUYS FOR GETTING ENGAGED NOW…YOU COULDN'T WAIT A FEW YEARS TO GET ENGAGED. NOW ROSALIE WANTS TO GET MARRIED. I DON'T WANT TO…I'M TOO YOUNG…I STILL WANT TO PARTY! YOU JUST HAD TO GET MARRIED NOW…YOU JUST HAD TO." Emmett roared.

"Emmett can I ask you something…do you love Rosalie?" Jasper asked.

"Yeah what's not to love about her hot body?" Emmett asked.

"No that's not what I mean…are you _in_ love with my sister?" Jasper asked.

"What is this…the Dr. Phil show?" Emmett asked.

"Just answer the question Emmett!" Jasper said.

"Yes!" Emmett said annoyed but sincere.

"Then why don't you want to marry her?" Jasper asked slightly pissed.

"cuz I'm still young…I want to party and be wild , marriage is the kiss of death…after you get married it's all down hill!" Emmett said.

"Emmett Rosalie's not a patient woman, she's not going to wait around for you…and then with your lifestyle choice of partying…your going to get AIDS and die like by the time your 40!" Jasper said warningly.

"Hey man I practice safe sex…I pull out!" Emmett said.

"oh my god my brother's stupider then I thought!" Edward said looking away in embarrassment.

"are you kidding me…Emmett that is the most unsafe form of birth control…like that results in pregnancy 90% of the time…hell the rhythm method is more effective…what are you going to do if Rosalie get's pregnant!" Jasper gasped shocked.

"She's not going to get pregnant!" Emmett said. It was just then that Rosalie came in.

"I GOT SOME BIG NEWS!" Rosalie exclaimed. She was the happiest that I had ever seen her. Happiness oozed out of every orifice of her body. She was actually glowing.

"EMMETT AND I ARE GOING TO BE PROUD PARENTS…" Rosalie shouted happily. Emmett looked scared and Jasper looked like he was going to have the big one.

"OF A LITTLE BLACK LABERDOODLE PUPPY!" Rosalie beamed holding up a little ball of curly black haired fir. Jasper fell out of his chair gasping…Emmett looked relieved.

" I think he needs to be fed!" Rosalie said cradling the dog like it was a baby and sticking a bottle of wet dog food in it's mouth.

"OMG IT'S SO CUTE…WE CAN DRESS IT UP IN CLOTHES FROM MY DOGGY LINE…WHAT'S IT'S NAME!" Alice cooed running at Rosalie.

" its name is Emmett …just like it's dad!" Rosalie cooed.

"Ew why would you name it that…Emmett's an ugly name for a girl." Alice said.

"Alice it's a boy!" Rosalie said.

"Double Ew…why would you want a boy…guess I'm going to have to make more boy's clothes for my line!" Alice said.

"I didn't pick him out…he found me…I was walking down the street and I heard this crying sound…and I turned around and he was there…I don't know he reminded me so much of Emmett…I took him to the vet and they said that he was healthy…that he was probably part of that pet store that got robbed last night…they took a bunch of animals…completely cleaned the place out. The vet called them up and they said that I could keep him…that he followed me for a reason. Aww Isn't he so cute!" Rosalie said while rocking the dog.

"Aww just like Beethoven…why don't you call him that!" Alice suggested.

"No…why would I want to when I can call him Emmett." Rosalie said.

"I feel the same way!" Emmett said. The moment he saw the dog I swear I could see something click in Emmett. Rosalie then went to get the dog a bowl of water, Jasper went upstairs to get something.

"Alright guys…changed my mind…I'll marry Rosalie…I just don't know how I'll ask …or rings or anything!" Emmett said.

"We got your back…don't worry about a thing!" Alice said excited. Emmett looked relieved and walked off.

"Alright pay up Edward…he doesn't even have a ring yet…obviously he wasn't planning on asking her tonight…and tell Jasper the same thing!" Alice said. It was then that something hit Alice.

"Hey does anyone know how Rose would like to be proposed to?" Alice asked.

"Yeah she told me…the bigger the better…like her name in lights somewhere." I said.

"When did she tell _you _that?" Alice asked. I pointed at her strobeing engagement ring.

" I KNEW JASPER DIDN'T COME UP WITH THAT ON HIS OWN…YOU LIED TO ME …YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHEN OR WHERE!" Alice spat.

"Alice I only knew where…I didn't know when…hell I didn't even know what mall or what store he'd do it in!" I said.

"we'll talk about that later…I know how Emmett should propose…it was an idea that I stuffed into the "big" category for the "incase Emmett comes to me for advice on popping the question" list. I have to go make a call!" Alice said turning towards the stairs.

"Your not going to tell us?" I asked.

"Nope…my suggestion though is to get the ring tonight…by the way it's a seven…ill send Jasper down to help you guys!" Alice whispered to us before she ran out of the room.

Jasper appeared at the foot of the steps a few minutes later. He passed me a five ( that's how much the bet was for) and we made our way to the car. When we entered tiffanies the people were whispering "Hey it's the guys that spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on engagement rings…their back…we'll show them the high quality version of whatever their looking for…they'll pay the extra!" I looked at Edward and whispered " Hundreds of thousands…as in way _more_ then a hundred thousand?"

" They're probably combining the costs of both rings…don't worry about it." Edward whispered back.

"Yeah hi…I'm looking for an engagement ring for my sister…see her boyfriend's kind of a nimrod and cant pick a ring out to save his life , so me, his brother and his brother's fiancée are here to pick out the ring.

"sure what style?" the man asked.

"Very simplistic…opposite of the other ring I bought…kind of like that one!" Jasper said pointing to my hand.

"Alright guys…this way." they said leading us towards a stack of engagement rings…stones ranging in all different shapes and colors. We settled on a singular stone 5 ct black diamond ring. I went to take out my credit card.

" Bella don't…we're engaged, my money is your money…put the credit card down!" Edward said. Jasper forked over the rest of the $10,000 that he had saved towards Alice's engagement ring and Edward paid the rest.

"Emmett owes me big time for this…he's going to be paying it back for a long time…)Edward had to fork over close $50 grand for Rose's ring considering it only had one stone)." Edward said as we walked out of the store.

" This ring is perfect for her though…it's so Rosalie." Jasper said walking happily to the car.

The minute we got home Alice hounded to see the ring before we gave it to Emmett. She loved the uniqueness of it. She thought that the black diamond would go with Rosalie's coloring and that she could wear anything with it. She gave us a thumbs up and then walked upstairs to sew more clothes.

Alice came bounding down the stairs the next morning with an excited look in her eye. She pet the puppy which was sleeping in Rosalie's arms, Rosalie looking at it as if it were her own child. Rosalie looked like she was on cloud nine or something.

" Guess what guys…to celebrate the double engagement I called a skydiving company…we're all going skydiving today…this will give me the chance to show off my new sky diving suit!" Alice said excitedly. Was Alice trying to have me killed or something?

"YEAH SKYDIVING…I ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THAT!" Emmett whooped.

"I think I'm going to sit this one out." I said. Edward grabbed my arm to show me that I wouldn't be alone there.

" OH NO YOUR NOT…I PAID FOR ALL OF US…YOUR GOING…I ALREADY PICKED OUT YOUR SUIT!" Alice spat.

"Skydiving…are you trying to murder Bella, Alice?" Edward asked half pissed.

" No…point taken…but you still have to go…its too late to take the deposit back!" Alice said annoyed.

"what about my dog?" Rosalie asked.

"A perfectly capable dog sitter is in route…he'll be well taken care of!" Alice said. Just then Aunt Charlie burst down the door. We lucked out that the company had given us today off.

"Alright let me at him…where is that bundle of love!" Aunt Charlie squealed.

"In here mom!" Alice called.

"ooh he's so cute…I could just eat you up…we're going to be such good friends!" Aunt Charlie cooed.

"We'll be back in a few hours, he's still a puppy so watch him well…his bottle is in the fridge…ooh and he likes when you tickle his belly…" Rosalie was going on sounding like a first time mom leaving her child for the first time.

"Alright come on mama Rosalie!" Emmett said trying to pry her away from Aunt Charlie's arms …in which the dog was now sound a sleep.

"bye baby…mama's going to be right back!" Rosalie called right before Emmett slammed the door in her face.


	22. Chapter 22

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**i dont own twilight S/M does. Thanks for the reviews...keep them coming! **

Chapter 22

BPV.

We arrived at the plane a half hour later. They made us go through a quick class on safety tips and what to do once we got up there. I looked at the plane nervously. I couldn't believe that I was doing this. It was absolutely nuts. It was insane. It was typical Alice. One of the instructors brought a camera along and Emmett whooped into it as the plane took off. We were each strapped into an instructor and prepared to jump. Since Emmett was so gunn hoe about doing this him and Rose were going to be the first out of the plane. Emmett turned towards her as they were about to jump.

"ROSALIE HALE…WILL YOU MARRY ME?" Emmett yelled. The roar of the wind drowned him out almost completely.

"WHAT…WHAT DID YOU SAY EMMETT I DIDN'T HEAR YOU?" Rosalie asked.

"I SAID _WOULD YOU MARRY ME?" _Emmett shouted even louder.

"Alright son time to go!" They said shoving Emmett out the door before Rosalie could answer.

"I WILLLLLLLLLLLLLLL !" Rosalie screamed jumping out after him.

"Totally radical!" the guy with the camera said. Alice bubbly dragged Jasper up to the door.

"Oh common Jasper you know what they say…to get over your fear you have to take the bull by the horns! Alice said as she pushed Jasper out of the door and followed. It was then that it was our turn to go. Edward kissed my hand and we jumped out together. I could tell something was wrong the minute I jumped out of the plane. I could hear this loud bang and I stopped falling. The parachute deployed too early and I was now snagged around the bottom of the plane. I was going to kill Alice if I didn't die. I could see Edward falling gracefully to earth…looking up at me fearfully and stretching out his hand. It looked like the scene from the titanic with Leonardo Decaprio dying…only I was the one that was going to die. In a panic my instructor tried untangling us…but it only ripped a hole in the parachute. I looked up to see the video camera in my face.

"THIS IS AWESOME…A PROPOSAL AND NOW THIS…THIS IS A FIRST…THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED ON THIS PLANE BEFORE…YOUR GOING ON OUR WALL OF FAME!" The man said as he took out a digital camera. As I gave him a dirty look he snapped my picture. Great I was the first that this happened to…as if it couldn't get any better.

I looked down to see Alice and Jasper parachuting together. Alice's chute was a hot pink with a big "B" on it and Jasper's was a metallic blue. I could automatically tell who designed those parachutes. Of course I was what everyone was looking at.

"OMG SHE'S GOING TO DIE SHE'S GOING TO DIE…BELLA'S GOING TO DIE!" Alice was screaming horrified. Such wonderful friends I had. Just then I saw a small gold glinting thing fly past my head. Edward threw a quick dirty glance at Emmett who had in the attempt to put the ring on Rose's finger lost it. Emmett just lost the ring that he owed Edward and Jasper money for.

"SHE'S GOING TO DIE…SHE'S GOING TO DIE….!" Alice screamed drifting into a cloud

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Alice screamed from inside the cloud. I was scared for her…but in a way it served her right. I was stuck on the bottom of a plane because of her.

"ALICE!" Jasper screamed scared. As Alice came out of the cloud her shoot was tangled up.

"THIS IS TOTALLY AWESOME…NOW THIS…THIS IS EPIC!" the camera man shouted zooming in on Alice.

"HEY CAMERA BOY…SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I roared. While this was awesome footage for him…this was not awesome for me and it definitely wasn't awesome for Alice.

" WE"RE GOING TO DIE!" Alice was shouting as her back up deployed. Her old chute gave way and an army style parachute came out…only pink cameo instead of green. No matter what they tried I couldn't get off.

"HEY BELLA…TELL US ABOUT THE STORY LATER!" Emmett shouted from 100 ft below me.

" LOOKS LIKE WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO CUT THE CHUTE!" my instructor shouted. Please don't cut the chute. I felt myself fall a little bit as the strings gave way.

" ON THREE I'M GOING TO CUT LAST STRING ON THE CHUTE AND THEN THE BACK UP'S GOING TO DEPLOY IN A FEW SECONDS READY!" The guy shouted. Not really …I'm going to die…my luck the backup wont deploy or something.

"ONE…TWO …THREE!" My instructor shouted. I was soon falling to earth

"WAHOOOOO! I WONDER IF SOMETHING ELSE IS GOING TO HAPPEN!" The camera man shouted. Alright I was going to kill that man when I reached the ground. Fucking asshole.

" OH SHIT…THE CHUTE WAS SUPPOSED TO DEPLOY BY NOW!" my instructor shouted in fear.

" WHAT?"I shouted.

"THIS IS TOTALLY RIVITING!" I could hear the cameraman shout. Great first I had a chute that deployed too early…and now I had a chute that didn't deploy at all. I am never doing this again if I live.

"GROUND IMPACT IN THREE!" I looked down to see to see everyone stare up.

"TWO!" I saw the fear spread across every face but Emmett's. A look of envy spread across his. What a weirdo.

"ONE!" The man shouted. At that point the chute deployed. I was lucky that we were 200 ft from the ground or I probably would of died. The minute I hit the ground Edward was the first over to me. He gave a dirty look at Alice.

" I told you this was a bad idea…we knew something like this could happen…but no you had to show off your designer suits." Edward said to Alice.

" LETS DO THAT AGAIN!" Emmett bellowed.

"Absolutely not!" Alice and I said together.

""What I didn't have anything happen to me…I had a perfectly good time…I didn't fall almost two miles to earth with faulty parachutes!" Emmett bellowed.

"You should be grateful for that Emmett!" Edward said.

"It's too bad you lost that ring though…it was so pretty!" Rosalie said. Just then Rosalie's engagement ring slammed into Emmett's foot. Like me it must of fallen two miles from the sky with nothing to slow it down.

"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! MY FOOT…I THINK IT'S BROKEN!" Emmett doubled over crying. Rosalie picked the ring up and placed it on her finger then called an ambulance. I couldn't believe that all that stuff happened to me yet Emmett was the one being loaded in the ambulance. Just as he was being boarded up the camera man walked up to us.

"Alright usually we charge if you want to buy your video's but we're going to give you yours for free since it was totally radical. You should get it in the mail in the next few days" . The camera man said. I decked him right in the face and then went into my hummer. Asshole!

A few days later we were sitting at home watching the video. Emmett's foot was broken but it wasn't bad enough to require surgery…he sat there with his foot propped up. We watched as they zoomed in on me and Alice during our plights. Alice looked murderous as they zoomed in on her with her tangled parachute.

"He actually thought that was cool…I look horrible!" Alice snorted. The man zoomed on my face as I dangled from the plane.

"good I would of told him the same exact thing…fucking asshole!" Rosalie said stroking little Emmett . Looking at the dog Alice realized that she forgot something. She picked up the phone and called Jacob. She put him on speaker phone.

"Jacob…it's Alice…I want to make some changes to the ceremony." Alice said.

"what kind of changes?" Jacob asked.

"let me get this straight…you want to hold three back to back weddings in a month…are you insane!" Jacob said. We could hear a large thump on the other end of the line.

"Jake…Jakey baby…Jakey …Alice what did you say to him? someone call 911" Quil was shouting. We could hear a wheel chair squeak in the background.

"Jake…wake up son!" Billy was saying. We could then hear a crunching sound.

"Oh crap…I think I broke his hand!" Billy said hanging up… Quil was screaming in the background and we could hear sirens.

"that didn't sound good!" Alice said putting her phone down.

"well he'll eventually come around…once the shock wears off…now I'm off to check up on the cake…and place two more orders in!" Alice said skipping out the front door. She had already called the tent company and they expanded how long she could hold it. She also called Charlie and got him to agree to this cockamamie plan. Alice returned a few hours later.

"Well it took a massive amount of fighting with the bakery but our cakes should be done by the time we need them!" Alice said heading upstairs.

"I want to make it a three day ceremony…Rose and Emmett are now engaged so I'm figuring that we do it one couple per day." Alice said. We could hear gasping on the other end.


	23. Chapter 23

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**i dont own twilight S/M does. Thanks for the reviews...keep them coming! **

Chapter 23

BPV

Jacob did eventually come around to the three day mega ceremony. Him and Alice went into over drive planning everything. The Unabomber was more open about his plans then they were. I was getting really concerned…when Alice didn't share stuff with me in order to keep it a surprise it usually didn't turn out well. One day when Edward and I returned from work we could see a bunch of cars in our driveway. This could not be good. Walking in I could see every mother involved in the wedding sitting on the couch. Alice and Jacob sitting in the middle with what looked like blueprints spread across the table. My worst fears were confirmed when Alice opened her mouth. We hid in the kitchen and listened to everything

"Now we're going to have a gold grand staircase that leads up to the alter…twinkle lights every where…and a boat load of statues. Now I count 1000 people coming from the Charlie's side, 200 people from dad's side plus a couple fashion designers, 200 each from both of your sides Esme…so that's 400, Mrs. Hale I have 1,000 for you ,and Rene I have 100 for you.(Charlie's back yard was big.)

"Alice has 2200 people going to her wedding?" Edward gasped as we listened into her conversation. Alice always wanted a grand ceremony. Looked like she was going to get her wish.

" Oh Alice…I don't get why Carlisle said not to meet you…we're going to have so much fun shopping together!" Esme said. At that moment I knew exactly why he didn't want them meeting…they were exactly the same.

"Me either Esme…now back to the plans…flowers like everywhere…on the tables, on the walls, on the alter…hey maybe everyone can wear them in their hair, oh and thousands of doves sitting in people's seats…I don't want 1,000 per ceremony...I want 5,000 …some will be in cages behind the alter…Jacob has a friend that's willing to recatch them! We're talking GRAND…BIG…GLAM!" Alice was saying. Oh my god I was going to have the flashiest wedding ever.

"I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU ALICE!" Aunt Charlie said.

"What are you guys doing over there?" Rosalie asked us as she came in to get her puppy its bottle.

"Shush Alice is talking wedding plans!" I whispered. Rosalie looked shocked and threw her ear to the door.

" OH YOU GOTTA SEE THE CAKES…THEIR BEAUTIFUL…HUGE, WHITE , GOLD AND SLIVER!" Alice was going on.

"Geez how many people does she plan on coming?" Rosalie asked.

"For your wedding or the whole thing?" Edward asked.

"Give me mine." Rosalie said.

"1400." Edward said. Rosalie nearly had a coronary.

"WHAT…IM WALKING DOWN THE ISLE IN FRONT OF 1400 PEOPLE!" Rosalie gasped

" That's not that bad compared to Alice's wedding." Edward said.

"well how many people did she invite for that one?" Rosalie asked.

"2200." Edward said.

"WHAT ARE YOU KIDDING ME!…HOW ARE WE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS?" Rosalie gasped. We could then hear Alice saying "DON'T WORRY MRS. HALE I'M PAYING FOR THIS ENTIRE THING…I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY SINCE I WAS BORN…I STASHED AWAY 10 MILLION JUST FOR THIS EVENT…I ALWAYS KNEW BELLA AND I WOULD GET MARRIED AT THE SAME TIME…WE CAN AFFORD ANYTHING WE WANT…INCLUDING THE CATERING…AND I'VE ALREADY DESIGNED THE DRESSES SO THAT CUTS COSTS!"

"Jesus Christ …that girl's a psychopath!" Rosalie said.

"You just realized this now?" Edward and I said together.

"IT'S GOING TO BE THE BIGGEST THING FORKS'S EVER SEEN…I'M TALKING HUGE…THIS IS GOING LIKE THREE ROYAL WEDDINGS…I'M SO EXCITED!" Alice was saying.

"What about the bridal showers?" the mothers asked.

"planned for this weekend…I already handled the invitations for that…everyone who got an invite said their coming…it's a surprise…the others don't know about it." Alice was wrong there. She should of asked us considering we could have had plans this weekend.

"how many people are going Alice?" the mother's asked.

"20 of our closest friends and family." Alice said.

"I made her die down on that one…considering it was last minute!" Jacob said.

"Glad he reined her in somewhere!" Rosalie snorted.

That weekend Alice was acting freakier than usual. She really couldn't keep a secret to save her life…the exact reason why she booked Rosalie's proposal for the day after Emmett asked us for help. She forced the boys of the house and then pulled us up to her room and did the works on all of us. We looked like we were going shopping in Paris rather than hosting a bridal shower. She then chose to spring it on us since she couldn't keep it a secret anymore . She moved tables around to set up gift tables.

"Alice you know you should of told us about this…what if we had plans?" I said.

"Bella please I looked at your date book…yours too Rose…that's the reason I booked it for this weekend!" Alice said.

"Your nuts." Rose said.

" Thank you!" Alice said.

" Now I want the paper wedding bells in every corner of the room and the white Cray paper goes up the banister…oh and the little veils and bows go in the gift bags." Alice dictated. It was then that the first guests started to arrive.

We had just finished watching Rosalie's proposal and were just about to watch mine ( Alice threatened to fire the security division if they didn't give her the tape…she was currently in negotiations with Gucci for hers) when there was a knock on the door. It was odd because it was well after the last guest arrived. It was then that Tanya came bursting through. We could see Irena's head in the car.

"You invited the hoe?" Rosalie whispered to Alice pissed.

"I didn't…it was an honest mistake, I didn't think she'd read the announcement in the newspaper…I didn't think she could read!" Alice said horrified. I went up to confront Tanya.

"I got your back!" someone whispered. I turned around to see Rosalie with a pissed off glare in her eye and her hands on her hips giving Tanya dirty looks.

"What are you doing here Tanya…you weren't invited?" I asked.

"Oh Edward invited me!" Tanya lied.

"really!" Rosalie snorted and rolled her eyes. I sent a text message at that point warning Edward that Tanya was here.

"Ugh. The psycho's there?" Edward sent back. Yep definitely didn't invite her!

"Face it Tanya, its over now get out of my house!" I said annoyed. I didn't want to fight in front of a huge group of people. It was then that Esme came out of a corner.

"Oh look it…it's Queen Tanya!" Esme said her eyes narrowing.

"Ew it's you!" Tanya sneered. I could see why Esme disapproved of that one.

"oh you shouldn't of done that!" Rosalie said pissed

"You know for all these years I kept my mouth shut. She's my son's girlfriend I cant say anything…I thought. But now it's over and I can say whatever I want to you. You kniving little bitch…my son gave the world to you and you repay him back by trying to get with my other son? You and your sister disgust me! If I ever find out you stepped with in a hundred yards of my kids…and that includes these young ladies… ever again you will wish you were never born…now get the fuck out of here!" Esme snarled shoving Tanya out the door and locking it.

" Esme…like your style!" Rosalie smiled as the three of us went back into the living room

"Yeah well I always hated her I couldn't wait to tell her off!" Esme said sitting on a couch. Alice was replaying both proposal tapes.

"Good now that she's gone…lets play some games!" Alice said whipping out a bunch of bridal shower games. Most of which either had us recounting something about our relationships, or asking people their favorite stuff about weddings.

"GIFT TIME!" Alice said after a half hour of this. Alice threw gifts at us like there was no tomorrow. I got a blender, glasses, dishes, and other things. Alice and Rosalie got similar things. We were going to have to throw some of them in storage.

"ITS PINK!" Alice squealed holding up a pink silver wear set.

"I think Alice is in love with her silver wear set." Rosalie said.

"OOH… I SOO CANT WAIT TO USE THIS!" Alice squealed hugging the silver wear set.

" yep Alice definitely loves the set." I said.

" ooh I'm going to use this every day!" Alice squealed.


	24. Chapter 24

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**i dont own twilight S/M does. Thanks for the reviews...keep them coming! **

Chapter 24

BPV.

The week of the weddings fast approached. Alice was growing more nuts by the day especially since Jacob had to take off to New York two weeks before the big event. I don't think she slept a wink until Jasper finally had enough and gave her Ambien. When we weren't working Alice was planning. We barely even saw her at some points. It wasn't till four days before the wedding that I even laid eyes on my wedding dress. It was absolutely stunning. It looked like it was out of the turn of the century with some modern hints into it. In a typical Alice fashion she made the bottom of the dress a ballroom/ princess style…she kept on saying the bigger the better. She had Rosalie in a bright red bridesmaids dress and she was wearing a gold maid of honor dress. For her wedding I was going to be in a plum maid of honor dress ( Edward was going to be best man…Jasper was afraid that Emmett would drop the ring or something) and Rosalie was going to wear gold. For Rosalie Alice was wearing a metallic brown maid of honor dress ( Edward was going to be a groomsmen in that ceremony so that he could walk with me down the isle) and I was wearing a dark brown dress (Jacob forced Alice to do this…something about fairness). I held up the three dresses as Alice was talking about how she still had blisters from making them.

"you know…I think outside your wedding dress the plum looks best…I mean look at it…it does the same thing that dark blue does to your skin!" Alice said excitedly.

" um thanks I think?" I said.

"Common we're going to be late for the movie!" Rosalie called. Instead of having a traditional bachelorette party we were going to the movies.

"EMMETT…IM LEAVING…DO IF I GET ONE WHIFF OF YOU DOING SOMETHING STUPID YOUR GOING TO REGRET IT!" Rosalie called.

"Bye dear!" Emmett called. We then left.

EPV

"THE GIRLS ARE GONE…BACHELOR PARTY! "Emmett shouted.

"Emmett…my sister sounded serious…I don't think you should…" Jasper warned but it was too late. Emmett was already on the phone.

"Bachelor party at our house…going down right now…bring togas!" Emmett said. He made like 40 calls in the span of 20 minutes and then ran out the door. When he came back he was lugging like twenty pounds of booze. He was lucky that he wasn't caught because he had just gotten his license back. He then ran upstairs…when he came down he was actually wearing a toga. This was so embarrassing.

"Emmett you shouldn't do this…Rosalie _will_ find out and she _will_ kick your ass." I said. That was the truth. I personally was afraid of Rosalie.

"I don't think she will!" Emmett said.

"Whatever I'm not sticking around to find out…I'm going upstairs." I said.

"Me and little Emmett are right behind you!" Jasper said picking up the dog and following me up the stairs. If Emmett wanted to host a party fine…but I wasn't going to stick around and watch him throw all of our relationships down the drain. Right after that the first guests started to arrive.

BPV

We were sitting in the theater waiting for the movie to start. Since Alice was hell bent on watching some chick flick that was what we went to see. Rosalie and I didn't mind…we couldn't decide what we wanted to watch any ways. We sat in the empty theater and talked through the opening credits.

"Ooh after this who's up for a little shopping?" Alice asked chipper.

"Alice I think after this I'm going to take one long large bath and then go to bed…its like 9 pm anyways the mall isn't open!" Rosalie exclaimed.

"party pooper!" Alice said bummed.

"Alice we let you pick the movie out…its not like we made you sit though this movie…and as I said the mall is closed already." Rosalie said.

"Hey is anyone else coming to the movie?" I asked.

"I don't think so…its been out for a while now." Alice said.

"Ooh shush we're missing the opening scene!" Alice exclaimed. We sat in silence for the first half hour of the movie. Alice looked riveted…popcorn was falling from her mouth.

"I think Jasper should of taken her to this movie!" Rosalie said as Alice burst out crying.

"Yeah I should of told you that if the movie is even remotely sad that Alice starts sobbing…you should of seen her during "My dog skip"…she didn't stop crying for a week" I said

"Shut up!" Alice sobbed. It was then that my phone went off. Damn I should of set it to silent. When I looked down and saw the home number I thought it was Edward.

"hello?" a very drunken Emmett slurred.

"Emmett?" I asked.

"How did you know my name…wow you guys are good…anyways I would like three of the easiest strippers you guys can get. See its our bachelor party and my brother and my soon to be brother and law have holed themselves off upstairs and I figured that if they went in and loosened them up a little that they would come down stairs and party with me. Edward likes science and brunets so if you could send a naughty nurse with brown hair that would be great…" Emmett slurred as there was loud music and crashing sounds in the background. WHAT THE FUCK?

" Really!" I grunted.

"Bella? " Emmett asked finally recognizing my voice.

"Cool you work at a strip joint…oh wait till I tell Eddie!" Emmett said. I could hear the sound of feet running up the stairs. There was the sound of a door opening

"Emmett how many times do I have to tell you….WE'RE NOT PARTYING WITH YOU!" Edward roared.

" I called a strip place…I didn't know your girlfriend was a stripper!" Emmett said. Oh god.

"What are you talking about…Bella is not a stripper!" Edward said.

"Really then why did she pick up when I called the stripping place?" Emmett slurred.

"THAT'S BECAUSE YOU DIALED BELLA'S CELLPHONE !" Edward roared.

" She's with Rose…oh shit!" Emmett said.

"Emmett…give me the phone…GIVE ME THE PHONE…GIVE ME THE FUCKING PHONE!" Edward roared as I could hear the sounds of a scuffle.

"Bella I am so sorry for whatever retard said on the phone. Emmett's throwing a toga party. Jasper and I hid in his room with the dog. I would of called sooner but I didn't want to ruin your night. Please for the love of god don't tell Rose (Rosalie turned around at this point looking murderous…and asked "Don't tell Rosalie WHAT?"). We don't want them to get a divorce before they even walk down the isle!" Edward said as "I'm too sexy" played in the background. I could hear a very Phyllis like voice scream " Take it all off Emmy!"

"Edward who was that?" I asked.

"Phyllis is here." Edward moaned.

"We'll be there." I said hanging up the phone.

" What happened?" Rosalie said more forceful.

"We have a little bit of a situation back at home." I said.

"What did Emmett do now?" Rosalie groaned.

"Ever see the movie "Animal House"…the toga scene…that's what Emmett's turned our house into." I said. Next thing I knew we were pealing out of the movie theater in my hummer…Rosalie insisted on driving.

"HE IS SO DEAD!" Rosalie roared as we pulled into our street and saw it basically blocked off by cars. Rosalie stopped in the middle of the road and ran out of the car. I quickly turned the car back on and moved it to the side. I wasn't about to have one of these drunk idiots ruin my beautiful hummer.

" And where was Jasper when this all went down…don't tell me he was helping retard out!" Alice snorted.

" Hiding in his room with Edward and the dog." I said.

"Oh he's so cute!" Alice said dreamily.

"Alice snap out of it…we have to help Rosalie!" I said dragging Alice from the car. We met up with Rosalie at the front door. A bunch of drunken guys sitting on our front steps said "Who's the hot blonde?" and wolf whistled.

"how are we going to clean up after this!" Rosalie groaned.

"What about the wedding decorations?" Alice moaned . The both of us looked at her.

"I mean…their not here…their not hidden in my sewing room!" Alice gasped.

"great Alice…not our problem right now." I said. At that point Rosalie busted the door down.

"he's so hot!" A clearly underage girl was staring at Emmett who was doing a keg stand in a toga.

"I cant wait to get with him tonight!" The girl said. Rosalie shoved the girl out of the way and made her way to Emmett. She shoved him off the keg stand and beer was spewing everywhere.

"Babee?" Emmett said really drunk.

"I'm so sorry babe…it's not what it looks like!" Emmett said. He then projectile vomited all over Rosalie.

"EWW!…SO YOUR NOT TRASHED…YOU WEREN'T JUST DOING A KEG STAND AND YOUR NOT HOSTING A TOGA PARTY!" Rosalie roared pointing to everyone who was dressed provocative togas. I shuttered as Phyllis walked by in one.

" alright so I guess it looks bad but I can explain everything!" Emmett whined drunk.

"Explain it to yourself…when your alone tonight !" Rosalie humped. Alice and I went upstairs to find Jasper and Edward singing lullabies to the dog…Jasper rocking it in his arms. I had to say they had very good singing voices.

"Hush little baby don't say a word…Rosalie's going to buy you a mocking bird (They were using Rosalie's inversion to this lullabie)…if that mocking bird don't sing Rosalie's going to buy you a diamond ring!" They were singing in unison. The dog snored away in Jasper's arms. Alice cooed and started singing "Kumbaya" The dog started crying at Alice's voice.

"Alice…shush your waking the baby!" Jasper said looking down at the dog like it was his child. Rosalie's face then appeared in the doorway.

" Oh so you two get the paternal ones…I get stuck with THAT!" Rosalie said as Emmett crawled on the floor. I noticed Phyllis sneaking up behind him

"EY PHYLLIS! CONGRATULATIONS YOU'RE THE FIRST TO BE KICKED OUT OF THIS PARTY…NOW GET OUT!" Rosalie roared dragging Phyllis down the stairs. After she returned the under aged girl from before came stumbling into Jasper's room.

"Who are you anyways…this is Emmett's party…we were all having a good time before you showed up!" Ut oh she shouldn't of said that. Rosalie turned around her eyes blazing.

"I am Emmett's fiancée!" Rosalie snarled while wiggling her finger in front of the girls face.

"Isn't it past your bed time little one!" Rosalie said.

" I'm not that young!" The girl said.

"Please I was in high school when you were playing in kindergarten!" Rosalie snarled.

" I was playing hop scotch and learning long division when you were a twinkle in your dads eye !" Rosalie snarled some more.

"whatever…I'll always be younger than you!" the girl said

"and I'll always be smarter!" Rosalie laughed as she picked the girl up by the collar of her shirt and threw her out the door.

" ew who's she trying to kid...hooking up with a twenty-five year old…that's disgusting!" Rosalie said.

"ALRIGHT EVERYONE THAT'S NOT EDWARD, JASPER, OR EMMETT GET THE FUCK OUT!" Rosalie said. The house cleared out with in the blink of an eye.

"Now I'm going to go deal with sobering Emmett up…but before I do…would somebody please explain to me how this happened?" Rosalie asked pissed.

"Well see right after you left Emmett disregarded what you said. He called hundreds of people up and invited them here for one last blow out before he took the plunge. We warned him but it didn't work. So we took the dog up here and kicked back a couple of beers by ourselves!" Jasper said.

"EMMETT'S DEAD!" Rosalie roared slamming the door.

"So guys wanna go out tomorrow…I don't want to be around for when Emmett wakes up tomorrow…especially with Rosalie around and in the mood she's in…she's going to sound like a lion…maybe we should rent hotels tonight on that thought?" Edward asked.

"I'm with ya on that…just hold on a second!" Jasper said running up the stairs. A few minutes later he returned.

"Just gave Rose a little something to calm her down…make her sleep better!" Jasper said. We heard a crashing sound upstairs followed by light snoring.

"always does the trick…now lets get packing!" Jasper said. Alice was already making reservations at the nearest hotel.

"Hi this is an emergency…we need two rooms for the night…our water boiler exploded!" Alice said probably hoping for a discount. If I knew Alice she was scouting for a discount.

"I know isn't it so sad…it's okay I guess we'll have to make it on our own!" Alice said solemnly. She was really vying for the discount.

"Oh your such a saint…thank you ! God bless your heart!" Alice said giving the name and hanging up the phone.

"SUCCESS…GOT ROOMS AT THE CROWN PLAZA…50% OFF!" Alice smiled. When Alice didn't tell long dramatic stories she could lie really well. Alice then dragged me up the stairs.

"ooh I'm always leaving notes so I never get to see your reaction but now I can...what do you think!" Alice beamed holding up a black negligee.

"and there's more…just because your engaged doesn't mean you cant be careful!" Alice said throwing condoms at my face. She ran to my makeup stand and started to stuff my purse with stuff.

" and if there's anything else you need I have a whole other bag of goodies…see I went to a sex toy party and…" Alice was going on.

"Ew Alice I don't think I'm going to need that." I said as Alice took out a pink whip with the initials "A+J" on it. I didn't need that information on my cousin's sex life.

"Don't be such a prude Bella…just because you and Edward are weird on kinky sex acts doesn't mean the rest of us are…Jasper loves being whipped…makes the experience more enjoyable…that and role playing…sometimes he'll be a confederate solider …and I'll be the nurse sewing his wounds and we also role play that he's a model and I'm his manager oh wait that's not a role play" Alice was going on. I really did not need to know this.

" Alice I don't need a visual!" I groaned.

" just trying to give you some pointers…not that you need it…I've seen you in action …got some pretty good moves !" Alice said

"Ew Alice that's nasty " I said grabbing everything else .

"One more thing…Jacob's going to like this!" Alice said taking a picture of the negligee and sending it to Jacob. I then walked down the stairs.

We were at the crown plaza a few hours later and heading up to our rooms. Alice gave one last look to me and smiled. She made a whipping sound and walked into her room . I got ready and walked into Edward's arms. Passionate oblivion hit.

Two hours later we were in the middle of doing it when we could hear ye hawing sounds from the room next door. Oh my god I did not need to hear this.

"SAVE A HORSE RIDE A COWBOY!" Alice was yelling followed by a bunch of whipping sounds. God they were worse then Rose and Emmett. Thank god our walls were soundproof and they were like all the way down the hall at home.

"Thank god we're staying at the resort down the road from them…we'll be close but not this close." Edward said. We then continued what we were doing. I was lost in Edward's eyes. Nothing existed but him…us.

"Ooh you go girl…I'm going to have to use that move some time!" Alice's voice echoed into our room. Wait a minute…what did she say? Edward and I stopped and looked at each other.

"Oh shit I think that she heard me!" Alice said. Alice was really sick.

"ALICE YOU TURN THAT CAMERA OFF THIS INSTANT!" Edward shouted.

" OH ALRIGHT KILL JOY…ITS OFF!" Alice shouted.

"YOUR NOT LYING?" Edward called.

"WHY WOULD I LIE ABOUT THAT!" Alice shouted. Not knowing whether to believe her or not Edward and I cuddled which eventually lead back to what we were doing before. It was quiet for a half hour. We had figured that Alice really was telling the truth when she blew her cover again.

"Ooh…look at them go Jazzy. I'm glad we're watching this. I'm getting so turned on by it. Oh shit I think they heard again!" Alice said. A spy Alice was not.

" you keep on screaming…no wonder why they can hear you!" Jasper said. So they were _both_ watching. What a bunch of freaks.

"I cant wait till the honeymoon…with the more kinkier couple next door. It's going to be so much fun!" Alice said.

"Ew Alice that's my sister!" Jasper exclaimed disgusted.

"Even better!" Alice countered. The banging in their room started up again.

" YE HAW…YOU'VE BEEN A VERY NAUGHTY BOY JASPER HALE!" Alice shouted and there was a loud smacking sound. I didn't want to know what the hell they were doing. I was going to have to give Rosalie a heads up . The next morning Alice ran in before we left. She had a big smile on her face.

"God you guys are so quiet…if I hadn't bugged your room I would of thought that you didn't do anything last night!" Alice said.

"We're not quiet…your ye hawing drowned everything out!" Edward said annoyed.

"Whatever whatever you guys had good moves last night…even I got a few pointers…I'm kind of offended…your not helping a cousin out Bella!" Alice said

" ALICE!" I groaned.

"Alright I'm leaving…we're going to eat breakfast before we go…kay guys meet us downstairs!" Alice said leaving. After last night I don't think I could look at Jasper the same way again…never mind eat breakfast next to him.

After a very quick breakfast we headed out. Once we got home Rosalie stood with her arms crossed looking at a blacked eyed Emmett. Glad we weren't home this morning.

"What do we say Emmett?" Rosalie asked pissed.

" Sorry guys for whatever trauma I put you through last night." Emmett said. Right now Emmett was very lucky I was marrying his brother…I couldn't express my full rage at him…Rosalie kindly took the pleasure for me.

"YOU ARE VERY LUCKY THAT ALICE AND BELLA AREN'T MADDER AT YOU THEN THEY ALREADY ARE. IF SOMEONE TRIED TO BUY MY FIANCEE TWO STRIPPERS TO "LOOSEN THEM UP A LITTLE BIT" I WOULD RIP THEIR FUCKING BALLS OFF!" Rosalie bellowed.

"Alright baby we just stopped fighting. I love you. I'm sorry. I'm stupid Rosie. Forgive me please…I'll do anything!" Emmett was on his hands and knees begging.

"Sounds kinky!" Alice said. I stepped on her foot.

" you have to do whatever I say for two weeks." Rosalie said.

"1 week?" Emmet asked

"Till the end of our honeymoon." Rosalie said.

"Deal!" Emmett said. Emmett was really stupid…the end of his honeymoon was past the two weeks….so he just extended his punishment.

"Sounds _really_ kinky!" Alice said.

"Alice!" I hissed

"what it does right Jazz!" Alice said.

"Um hum!" Jasper said. It sounded as if there was something stuck in his throat. I saw him shoving a prescription bottle back in his pocket. It almost made me laugh.

"now back to the wedding…I'm off to pick out hair styles. Anyone wanna come with?" Alice asked.

"I'll go!" Emmett said looking wearily at Rose.

" Good you can help pick out Rose's hair styles!" Alice said.

"I think I should come along!" Rosalie said. Emmett looked absolutely terrified…like Rosalie was going to hit him or something. Alice seeing the look on Emmett's face said "No I think it should be just me and Emmett on this one…I want it to be a surprise…come along Emmett!" Alice said dragging Emmett out the front door.

" Rosalie what did you do to him…he volunteered on his own accord…to go shopping with Alice…no body volunteers to go shopping with Alice?" Edward asked.

" nothing more then the usual…I may have used a few objects to get my point across but he's a big boy…he can take it!" Rosalie said.

"Rosalie…that boy's traumatized…I know I study that stuff….that was my favorite topic in psychology…PTSD!" Jasper said.

"We'll know that he has problems if he comes running home from the mall saying he saw Rosalie in a store beating him. A few minutes later Alice called.

" Um guys Emmett's having a problem. We were at the hairdresser place in the mall and we were looking at the hair models so they could get a gist of what we wanted and once we got to the blonde one Emmett started screaming . We could hear Emmett screaming in the background. " Rosalie put the iron down…it burns…no no don't throw the lamp at me. Put it down…PUT IT DOWN!"

" Ew he's sweating everywhere. What's wrong with him Rosalie's not here…EMMETT SNAP OUT OF IT!" and there was a light smacking sound…to which Emmett screamed more about Rosalie. "

Where's Eddie…I need Eddie…he'll help me." Emmett said to security guards.

" please stay on the phone with me...I don't know what to do. I'm freaking out!" Alice said.

"You fucked him up Rosalie. That boy is FUCKED because of you." Jasper said.

"I guess I owe him an apology!" Rosalie said

"You _guess_ you owe him an apology…it will take a while for him to get back to normal…hell it will be a miracle if he's normal by the wedding. I can help him out…but you Rose…stay away from him when he gets home because he's going to flip shit when he sees you!" Jasper said. A few minutes later I could hear him on the other end of the phone.

"Emmett!" Jasper asked.

" Are you here for Rosalie?" Emmett asked scared.

"No Emmett, I'm here for you!" Jasper said. We could hear Emmett hugging Jasper and crying.

"I feel so bad…I didn't mean to…I just kind of blanked out when I saw him awake…hell I don't even remember what I threw at him…where the hell did I burn him with the iron?" Rosalie asked


	25. Chapter 25

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**i dont own twilight S/M does. Thanks for the reviews...keep them coming! **

Chapter 25

BPV

Emmett made great strides in his recovery over the next three days. Now he only freaked out when Rosalie gave him or anyone else a dirty look. Jasper said he was making great strides. After the rehearsal dinner the guys took off to stay with Charlie. He was being really gracious about this. I awoke on the morning of my wedding to one of the bluest skies that I had ever seen. The sky was cloudless and the sun shown brightly. Alice was sitting beaming at my bed with presents in hand and curlers in her hair.

"Consider this part of your big birthday gift…it will go with your dress!" Alice said tossing the little box at me. I opened it to reveal an ancient necklace.

"Oh and this is from Edward…I told him that marrying him would be enough for you but he didn't listen so we would up coordinating…open it!" Alice said tossing the second present at me. It was a new bracelet with an ancient diamond heart in the middle. It was absolutely beautiful. I stared up at Alice.

"I know right…it's absolutely perfect for your dress…that's what I said when he bought it. Thank god he only told me to give it to you last night…I don't know how long I could of kept it a secret for…do you know how hard it is for me to keep a secret when your in the house…hell I almost blew the secret on the way home last night!" Alice said.

" Oh Alice I want to thank you." I smiled.

"Thank me when you thank Edward…right now we have a ceremony to prepare for!" Alice said excitedly. She then dragged me into the shower singing the wedding march.

"Okay when you get out…a light breakfast and then hair and makeup!" Alice said shutting the door. As soon as I was out Alice was sitting there with a curling iron in hand and two pieces of French toast sitting at the makeup stand. Rosalie must of made it because Alice definitely would of burned that. She then unleashed an attack that lasted a half hour. It would of lasted longer except for the fact that Alice had put my makeup on at lightning speed. She really had been planning this part for a while (she had picked out hairstyles to try herself).

"Ooh this is so exciting…I cant believe that we're I mean your getting married today. Now I booked your hotel for tonight…but you have to promise me that you'll be back early tomorrow . Edward's going to meet up with the guys at Charlie's tomorrow. Bella I never thought that out of the two of us that you'd be the first hitched. Hell I thought that I'd be dead before you got married…guess life can throw you surprises. Just think you'll be going to bed tonight with a married man…kinky…and speaking of that I took the pleasure of packing your over night bag…it's waiting for you in your room so you don't have to worry about that!" Alice said sounding like the female version of Emmett and putting the last Barbie pin in . Knowing Alice she probably bugged the bag…better lock it in the hotel closet just in case.

"now your going to give me dets on that tomorrow while getting me ready for my wedding!" Alice said. Definitely locking the bag in the closet. Might want to search whatever she put in there as well…if Alice was that desperate she might of bought one of those really expensive cameras…I wouldn't put it past her.

"Alice!" I said.

"what …for ages I've asked you for details about your dates…your going to deny me the biggest night of our…I mean your life!" Alice said.

"Alice when are you going to accept that some things are not privy to your ears…or in some cases your eyes!" I said.

"Are you kidding me…more like are you ever going to accept that…and in her case I think the answer's no!" Rosalie said walking in already dressed and ready to go.

"Alice get out…I have to talk with…what would you call it my soon to be future sister in law or what not…I'll be talking to you later!" Rosalie said shooing Alice from the room.

"So now that she's gone…I just want to get a few things off my chest. Firstly I'm so excited about this I mean I never had a sister before and now I'm getting two. I already consider you and Alice family…and now it's going to be legal. Secondly Emmett told me last night that he and Alice bugged your over night bag…just thought you should know ( I knew it…they were both that nosy.). Finally I'm not going to be as invasive as a few other people in our lives…if you want to tell me things that's fine and I will support you and possibly kick some people's asses and if you don't then that's okay too." Rosalie said. Well at least I'll have one normal person outside Edward to talk to.

"ugh this is such a perfect day to get married…I mean look at it outside it's gorgeous…I hope my day is like this…knowing me it will probably rain…oh well they say rain's a sign of good luck." Rosalie sighed.

"So anyways…why I'm here...I wanted to give you this…consider it your something borrowed and your something blue…Alice has your something new and from what I understand you already have your somethings old." Rosalie said passing blue sapphire earrings to me. I was touched.

"Can I come back in now…I still have to give her the something new and we have to help her get dressed?" Alice called.

"Sure Alice…I'm finished!" Rosalie said. Alice came strutting back in all ready. It seemed to take Alice a split second to get ready.

"Good you gave her the something borrowed…Something new!" Alice said tossing a garter at me.

"put it on quick…we have to put the dress on!" Alice said grabbing a dress bag that was bigger than her and throwing it on my bed.

"Geez Alice could you make the bottom any bigger…it barely fit's the room!" Rosalie said as Alice tied the last bow in the back of my dress.

" the bigger the better Rose…this is her day to shine…she has to stand out!" Alice said excitedly while placing the necklace on me. I put the bracelet on.

" perfect…the photographer's here just in the nick of time!" Alice said as the door bell rang. She scuffled down the stairs. When she returned there was flashing lights behind her.

"Now zoom in on the hair…yeah perfect!" Alice was saying.

" can we do some black and white's…they would be perfect for some of these photos!" Alice said.

"sure but it will cost a little extra." The guy said. Rosalie glared at Alice.

"Lets do it!" Alice said.

"Ooh looks like our ride's here!" Alice said looking out the window. The photographer must of got twenty pictures of me heading to the door. When I looked outside to my shock was a horse drawn carriage. Sitting in the carriage was Jacob and Quil all dressed and ready to go in black tuxes with metallic red undershirts and gold ties. When they waived I could see silver wedding bands glinting off their fingers.

"Alice it's going to take us like forever to get there." I said.

"Which is why we're taking the limo…that's going to meet us about five minutes from the house closer to the time of the ceremony…they are just dropping Jake and Quil off…he's going to get the horses to book it there and the ceremony isn't till 3 ( it was 11 am) ." Alice said as we jumped into the limo.

"Jake what's with this?" I asked as we got into the limos.

"Quilie and I figured fuck it everyone we knew was getting married. So we tied the knot when we went to New York. We are now Mr. and Mr. Ateara -Black…looks like I did get married before you!" Jacob laughed. We used to joke that Jake would get married before me.

"And you didn't invite us?" Alice asked offended.

"How'd Billy take it?" I asked.

"Alice it was just Quil and I and two paid witnesses with a justice of the peace…and Billy didn't take it too well…worse then when I came out to him…he kept on crying about not having grandkids…it was horrible…but I think he's accepting it more now…you know he called Quil "son" for the first time today!" Jacob said ending it on a happy note.

"Wow I cant believe this…we're all either getting married or already hitched…who would of thought this day would come!" Alice said.

" Definitely not me!" Jacob said excited.

"ooh I so cant wait for this…it's so exciting!" Jacob said as Alice started to sing "we only just begun"

" oh by the way…happy birthday…open it later…away from her!" Jacob mumbled the last part while handing me a very weighted bag. I had the sneaking suspicion that more earthly tones were going to wind up in my wardrobe…guess I was going to have to hide them from Alice. Alice eyed the bag with caution. Definitely was going to have to hide the bag. Maybe I could get Rose to put it in the get away car after Alice was finished with the "just married" sign

"don't worry I got it!" Rosalie whispered shoving the bag behind her seat and away from Alice's eyes. Once we switched into the carriage Rosalie hid it on the floor.

"So who's idea was the horse drawn carriage?" I asked.

"mine…Jake over there wanted limos but I said no…this is our I mean your grand entrance…it has to be big…make a splash!" Alice said as the carriage turned to Charlie's street. Music played in the air and I could see the huge white tent from all the way down the road. Twinkle lights illuminated the side.

"Alice?" I asked turning towards her.

"You think that's nice wait till you see the inside!" Alice said. Rosalie gripped my hand.

" yeah just wait!" Jacob said thrilled.

"I think that if our fashion careers go down the drain…Alice and I could reinvent ourselves as wedding planners…it really is amazing especially for the lack of warning!" Jacob said. He didn't like the lack of warning…hell last year I was single and not even dreaming about marriage!

When we entered the tent I couldn't help but notice the multitude of ice sculptures and paintings that looked like Edward's clone. They were everywhere. Sitting on the wedding parties' table in the reception area was a huge sculpture of Edward and I. Scattered down the white isle and on the tables were red rose petals. Twinkle lights surrounded the alter I looked at Alice.

"Um why is there ice sculptures of Edward like everywhere?" I asked.

"Oh there's only one of Edward (she pointed to the wedding party table)…the rest are of Adonis because I wanted a Greek god feeling…what do you think?" Alice asked.

"it's great Alice." I said. They actually went quite well. It was then that the first guests started to arrive.

"Shit get in the bridal tent asap…the boys are coming out!" Alice said shoving me towards one of the tents. It had a huge mirror in it. Alice passed our flowers out and put on my veil. It was at that point that my parents came in to talk to me. My father gave me the normal speech about how he couldn't believe that I was already an adult and starting my own family. When he left my mother started up.

"Now Bella there are going to be things that are going to happen tonight. Now if I remember correctly on my wedding night I took control in bed. Your father and I went at it all night long. I rode him every way possible…and I was relentless. I paddled, whipped, and smacked like there was no tomorrow ( Alice leaned in at that point in the attempt to get more "pointers")…my advice to you is to do anything and everything that your heart desires…this is going to be the best night of your life outside of giving birth…now I still have the paddle I used that night in my car in case you want it…just say the word!" My mother said.. Ew I did not just hear my mother talk about banging my father. Especially not in an Alice like way.

"Sounds kinky…must have been one hell of a night!" Alice said.

"It was…we also…" I cut my mother off here.

"Alright I'm scarred enough…I don't need to hear about how you consummated your marriage." I said.

"oh man Bella you just had to ruin a good story!" Alice said bummed.

"well what about the night you conceived Bella?" Alice asked hopefully.

"Well that was a snowy late December day. Charlie and I were stuck in Billy's hunting cabin right outside Forks and we were snowed in. Charlie pointed up and said that the antlers above the master bed were an aphrodisiac and there were chocolates on the pillow and then we…" I cut my mother off at this point. I really didn't need to know that I was conceived in Billy's hunting cabin…especially because Alice and I used to play there when I was little.

"MOM!" I said grossed out.

"RENEE…I DON'T WANT OUR DAUGHTER KNOWING ABOUT WHAT USED TO BE OUR PRIVATE LIFE!" Charlie roared grossed out as he re entered the tent to get me. I was never so glad for my father's prudeness. I had to get it from somewhere.

" anyways Bells it's time!" Charlie said. Rosalie, Alice, Quill and Jacob sprinted out of the tent. Rosalie and Emmett walked together (Jasper was best man), Quill and Jacob went, and then Alice. After that it was my turn. I didn't see past Edward. He looked absolutely stunning…better than any of the ice sculptures that Alice brought in. I was lost in his eyes. I didn't even know how I made it up the gold stair case. It felt as if it was just me and him and not hundreds of people with us. As I stared up in to his eyes I was lost. I could not believe this god chose me. It was then time to exchange vows. That was the only area where we put our foot down. Alice had volunteered to write our vows for us but we refused. She then allotted us to write our own.

"Bella from the minute I saw you I was taken. I have never felt so alive in my entire life. With you I feel like I can do absolutely anything. I cant wait to continue our adventures…see what life brings our way. Whatever comes next we're in it together. I cant put into words what I feel for you…its more than love. Its like we're magnetically stuck together with an electrical charge all around us. I will always love you for as long as we both shall live." Edward said placing the ring on my finger.

"Edward, I loved you from the minute I first saw you on my door step. It was if angels were singing when you first spoke to me. I believe that it was fate that brought us together…there is no other way to explain it. I mean how else could you explain everything that has happened to us…the good and the bad. As you said in your proposal I love you with every fiber of my being. I love everything about you. I always have loved you and I always will love you." I said.

"That was so beautiful you guys!" Emmett blubbered.

"I couldn't of said it better myself!" Alice cried. Edward and I looked at her.

"Alright you have both exchanged vows and rings. I now declare you husband and wife…you may now kiss your bride…audience release the doves!" The minister said. As we kissed hundreds upon hundreds of doves were released and left the tent through the open side. We walked back down the isle and to the reception area. I looked as they brought out the massive cake. It was obvious that Alice had picked it out. The food was served soon after. It was so good that Emmett actually tried to go for fourths but Rosalie stopped him.

"You do want cake right?" Rosalie asked.

"Yeah." Emmett said as if that was the only reason he showed up to the wedding.

" then put the food back." Rosalie said kindly…in the effort to keep Emmett from freaking out.

"Okay." Emmett said.

"Glad to see this works for now…don't know how long it's going to last for but hey!" Rosalie said as Emmett put the fork down. It was then that the father-daughter and mother-son dances started. Lets just say Charlie's calling wasn't a dancer which made things interesting for a little bit. Luckily we didn't break each other's feet. Edward and I then had our first dance as a married couple.

" you're the eye of everyone here…I may have to break a couple jaws…!" Edward said cutely. As he eyed my wrist I saw my favorite crooked smile appear. He was looking right at the bracelet.

" I never got to thank you for the bracelet…thank you!" I beamed.

" so you like the bracelet?" Edward beamed back.

"Like it …I love it!" I exclaimed. We leaned in and kissed. I heard the sound of a throat clearing behind me.

"Alice I already thanked you." I said.

"I'm not Alice!" a very Phyllis like voice said from behind me. Oh shit…how did she know?

"What the hell are you doing here ?" Edward asked annoyed. I noticed Rosalie glare in our direction…thank god Emmett was in the porta potty…at the other end of the tent.

"oh Emmett gave me an invitation at the bachelor party?" Phyllis lied poorly. First of all Alice never let anyone much less Emmett near the invites. Secondly even if Alice showed Emmett the invites she wouldn't let him touch them. Thirdly Alice had sent them out a week before hand. Alice did say that her laptop was tampered with…

"That's funny because Emmett didn't even have the invites on him…they were already sent out." I said.

"did I say Emmett gave them to me…I meant that I accidentally stumbled upon them when I used Alice's computer to …um quickly check the news." Phyllis blushed. She was busted and she knew it.

"Really because Alice didn't have the invites posted on the internet." I said. In fact Alice had them scanned and saved in some secret file on her desktop somewhere.

"Look I don't care how you found out…you were not invited here, you are ruining our first dance…get out before I have to kick you out!" Edward said annoyed. Phyllis stood there defiantly.

"Are you deaf or something?" I asked getting really annoyed

"I'm not leaving…we all know this(she gestured to the both of us)wont last. call me hot stuff…oh and give Emmett a copy!" Phyllis said shoving a paper in Edward's hand.

"did you just hit on my husband?" I snarled.

"It's called adultery sweetie…eventually they _all_ wind up coming to mama Phyllis!" Phyllis said in a factual tone. Rosalie had enough at this point and came stomping over…Alice in toe.

"How dare you…who shows up to a wedding and hits on the groom…I should of known that you'd show up…you were at the bachelor party of course you'd try to worm out one of the dates…you just wont stop!" Rosalie hissed not trying to cause a scene.

"and who goes to a wedding wearing that drab…honestly a hot pink satin mini dress doesn't look good in anyone over the age of 45!" Alice said disgusted.

"Go back to what you were doing…Alice and I got this!" Rosalie said as she and Alice dragged Phyllis outside. After that there was no sign of Phyllis. Rosalie and Alice came back absolutely beaming.

"I don't think she'll be bothering us anytime soon…thank god I brought brass knuckles in my purse…Alice remind me never to be near you when your mad and carrying a stun gun!" Rosalie said.

"did you see her hair fly up like that…it's going to take her forever to deal with the static cling!" Alice said thrilled.

After that incident we cut the cake. When I threw the bouquet one of Charlie's 16 year old relatives caught it. Her father sputtered up water all over himself. Alice laughed hysterically. I could still she her doubled over laughing as we took off in Edward's Volvo speeding towards the hotel that Alice booked. Edward carried me over the threshold and after getting the lingerie out and searching it I hid the bag . Alice was not going to see anything tonight! When I was finished getting ready I walked out of the bathroom and into Edwards arms.

"Are you ready Mr. Cullen?" I beamed

"Are you ready Mrs. Cullen?" Edward asked. Our lips met. we were then lost in bliss. If this was what marriage was like then we should of done this a while ago!


	26. Chapter 26

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**i dont own twilight S/M does. Thanks for the reviews...keep them coming! **

Chapter 26

BPV.

I awoke early the next morning to a sleeping angel next to me. It took a minute for me to comprehend that I really did get married yesterday…that it wasn't just some wonderful dream. His eyes slowly opened and he smiled my favorite smile. I blushed with the memories of last night.

"Good morning !" I said.

"Good morning love!" Edward smiled. We held each other in our arms for what felt like hours. We leaned in to kiss when the phone rang.

" WHERE ARE YOU!" Alice roared into the phone. I looked at the clock…what was she doing up at 6 am?

" Alice?" I asked a little groggily . I had almost fallen back a sleep in Edward's arms.

"DAMN STRAIGHT IT'S ALICE…NOW WHERE ARE YOU! I NEED TO GET READY!" Alice roared . God Alice was going to go bridezilla on us today.

"Alice it's 6 am…you don't have to be there until 2...chill out!" I said.

"ALICE…STOP BAGGERING BELLA…I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL HER!" Rosalie shouted in the background.

"NO…SHE SAID SHE'D BE OVER BRIGHT AND EARLY…THE SUN'S UP AND SHE'S NOT HERE YET!" Alice said. I had a feeling this was more to do with the fact that she couldn't see what happened last night. She was just using this as an excuse. My feelings were confirmed with the next words out of her mouth.

"So Bella how was your first night was a married woman…I WANT DETS!" Alice emphasized the last part.

"Um I'm still with him right now…I cant really talk about it." I whispered.

"Oh don't be such a prude…guys think it's hot when you talk about having sex with them in front of them…TELL ME!" Alice said. Edward hung up my phone at this point and turned it off

"She doesn't stop does she?" Edward asked annoyed. Just then Edward's phone went off. It was Emmett. Edward picked up.

"what are you on the same wave length as Alice or something…hell no I'm not telling you…god you're the male version of Alice…I'll talk to you later…BYE!" Edward said hanging up the phone. Before he could turn it off Alice tried calling again. Edward hung up on her again and turned the phone off.

" god our family really is mentally ill." I laughed. A few minutes later our door unlocked itself and Alice strode into the room. Edward was just heading for some bathrobes when Alice came in.

"Ugh you could cover up you know!" Alice said turning away in disgust…I didn't know why…when she bugged every possible thing to watch us have sex!

"Um the door was locked for a reason Alice!" Edward said highly annoyed

"What you weren't picking up your phone and I need Bella to come with me…don't worry daddy you'll see her tonight!" Alice said throwing clothes at me and dragging me out of the room.

"Alice…did you ever stop to think about what if we were doing something?" I asked annoyed as Alice pulled me out into the hallway

" I listened…I didn't hear anything…I figured it was safe!" Alice said.

"YOU LISTENED!" I chocked.

"Well it's not like I could see anything…you blocked my camera…I had to know when to come in somehow!" Alice said. Alice truly was perverted

"good we're alone now…so DETS!" Alice demanded once we got into the car. Just then Alice's phone rang. I could hear my savior's voice on the other line.

"ALICE GIVE ME MY WIFE BACK!" Edward roared into the phone.

"NOT UNTIL TONIGHT…SHE'S_ MY_ MAID OF HONOR!" Alice spat back.

"FOR ONE NIGHT!" Edward said pissed.

" EXACTLY FOR _MY _ONE NIGHT!" Alice said hanging up the phone.

"Boys…so dets!" Alice demanded.

"Why don't you just use your own imagination Alice…I really don't feel like explaining it and you've taped it several times before." I said.

"Ooh sounds hot then…did you use the whip?" Alice said excitedly.

"What do you think?" I answered.

"I think you did!" Alice said smiling. I looked off.

"YOU DID…GOD DAMN IT WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BLOCK THE VIDEO…YOUR LEARING WELL GRASSHOPPER…WAIT TILL EMMETT HEARS!" Alice squealed. Just then Emmett called.

"YEAH I GOT DETAILS…EMMETT THEY USED THE WHIP…I KNOW RIGHT…I'M FLOORED…THEY GROW UP SO FAST…EDWARD GIVE EMMETT BACK THE PHONE…DON'T FIGHT WITH ME EDWARD I HAVE YOUR TUX FOR THIS CEREMONY AND I HAVE YOUR WIFE…DON'T FUCK WITH ME!" Alice said hanging up the phone

"Now for the wedding…when we get to the house Rosalie and you will be giving me a manicure and a pedicure, then you'll make me breakfast, then you guys will put my make up on me…don't worry I'll tell you what to do and you guys will do my hair…again I'll give you guys instructions and then you'll put my dress on!" Alice said. Looks like me and Rosalie were going to be doing a lot today. Alice wasn't going to be one of those peaceful brides.

"I am so sorry Bella…I tried to stop her…she locked me in her bedroom…I had to use a Barbie pin to pick the lock but by the time I got out she was already pulling back in the driveway with you!" Rosalie said. For some reason that didn't shock me.

"god I hope that happens to her ten times over…they're staying home tonight…Alice forgot to book her hotel until the last minute she was so driven on wedding plans and they didn't have any room for her…and I'll be home tonight and it's my wedding tomorrow…I'm going to have so much fun tonight!" Rosalie whispered in my ear. An evil grin spread across her face. I was thanking god I wasn't sleeping here tonight. Alice ruling that I was now technically a Cullen said I had to sleep with the grooms party. I was slightly disappointed that I could not help Rosalie get ready…but if it meant not being away from Edward…I was willing to give that up. I still didn't know if Emmett realized he was sleeping in the sleeping bag tonight.

"EW NOT THAT COLOR…it wont go with my color scheme…I said to pick blushing bride not tacky tangerine!" Alice said the minute Rosalie took the nail polish out of the bag.

"This is blushing bride it says so on the label!" Rosalie said.

"Then it must be mislabeled because I know for a fact that that's not blushing bride…but whatever just do it!" Alice said slightly disappointed. Oh my god this is going to be a long day! While her breakfast was cooking Alice helped the both Rose and I with makeup and hair. We were ready before her omelet was even fully cooked. We dressed while Alice ate.

"I have to say your wedding was a lot less hectic then hers…at least with you, you didn't care what we put on you…I mean I actually had time to eat breakfast. With her I'm looking at not eating to at least 3 pm…I don't know how I'm going to do this…I'm slightly hypoglycemic!" Rosalie said.

"Don't worry Rose…I know my cousin…that's why while I was getting the ingredients for the omelet I snuck these in my purse…just let me know if you need one!" I said opening my purse revealing 3 three musketeer bars.

"I don't think we're allowed to eat those especially being around Alice's wedding dress!" Rosalie said.

" ALRIGHT GUYS ITS MAKEUP TIME…CHOP CHOP WE DON'T HAVE ALL DAY YOU KNOW!" Alice pranced into the room.

"omg you stained my shirt…you stained my shirt!" Alice freaked as Rosalie dropped councilor on Alice's "I'm the bride bitch" shirt!

"Alice calm down it's not like it's your wedding dress…it's not your dress!" I said. Rosalie looked like she wanted to kill her. I pulled Rosalie to the side

" I'm going to kill her…Rosalie wrong color…Rosalie you spilt a drop of councilor on me…Rosie this…Rosie that…I cant wait for tomorrow…your lucky that your staying with the boys…I wish I was now how did you deal with her for 25 years!" Rosalie said.

"Rosalie there's something that you need to see…I don't think even Jasper knows about this…Alice is very embarrassed about it." I said bringing Rosalie down stairs and leaving Alice who was deciding between two blue necklaces. I whipped out a tape that I always kept on me for emergencies like this. Images from my eighth birthday started to play. A very familiar scene appeared on the screen. It looked exactly like my wedding only with out the alter and the grand stair case. An almost eight year old Alice came strutting in a model like fashion with a present in hand in the tent.

"did I ever tell you Alice wanted to model?" I asked.

"No I always thought that Alice just wanted to be a fashion designer." Rosalie said.

"No she used to want to model what she designed…but I guess sometimes plans change." I said. Just then my father's voice called out over the video tape "Hey who wants to ride the horse?"

"We do we do!" a bunch of little kids cried running at the horse. Alice was towards the back of the group which meant she wound up at the horses rear end.

"Take a picture of me mommy!" Alice said posing against the back of the horse.

"Charlie I'd get away from that horse…it's dangerous!" My aunt said. This was about ten years before we changed our names.

"Don't call me Charlie…call me Alice and I'll be okay!" Alice said. Right then the horse kicked back hitting Alice right in the pelvic area. Alice fell down and everyone ran screaming.

"Her hip was dislocated effectively shortening one leg both legs were broken and her pelvis was shattered…they told her that she could try to have kids but that she'd have to have a c-section if she did courtesy of the Swan curse . They had to remove bone from both legs which is why we think Alice never reached over five feet though both her parents are five four. Needless to say her modeling career was down the tubes. She took her narcissistic personality and projected it on other people. But on special occasions that make Alice the center of attention... " I said.

"But don't they put bone graphs in?" Rosalie asked.

"Yeah they didn't take and there was too much damage for another attempt." I said.

"well how can Alice be around horses now?" Rosalie asked.

"In Alice's mind glam out does fear any day of the week…so I'm guessing that's why she never developed a fear…in the weeks after the accident it was a joy to be around Alice…lets just say that she's tame now compared to then "GET ME MY SUNNY D…AND I NEED A PARFAIT." I said the last part in an Alice like voice.

" so what your saying is that the reason Alice is like this is because she got kicked in the crouch …god you think that would stop her from being a horney little freak ." Rosalie said

"No I think that made it worse." I said.

"one more thing…why did your aunt call Alice "Charlie?"" Rosalie asked.

"That's another story for another time." I said.

"touchy subject?" Rosalie asked.

"No it's just long and we don't have enough time. I said.

"I PICKED MY NECKLACE ….GOTTA DO MY HAIR!" Alice called from upstairs. Rosalie looked at me and we both went upstairs. We pinned Alice's hair up and got her dress on. Rosalie looked like she wanted to ask more questions but was silent.

It was the same routine as for my wedding. The photographer storming the stairs. Alice posing on the stair case. Really the only difference was Alice was wearing white instead of gold. Alice and her father posed down the isle. Hell she even stopped and twirled at one point.

"Bella I'm dizzy…I'm really dizzy I think I need the three musketeers…" Rosalie passed out before she could finish the sentence. Oh shit what do I do. By the looks of it no one saw that she passed out…they were too busy staring at Alice modeling her wedding gown. Luckily she passed out in a way that I could easily hide her. I just stepped in front of her feet. She couldn't stay like this much longer though …something bad could happen if she didn't get help and fast. I didn't want to disrupt the ceremony but I didn't want Rosalie to die either. Hopefully we could make it to the end of the ceremony.

"Edward!" I whispered trying to get his attention to help me. But for once in his life he was distracted staring happily at Alice and Jasper. So Edward was distracted, Jasper was in the ceremony, Jacob was in no condition to help since he was balling his eyes out in Quils jacket, so who could help me? I met a pair of wandering eyes. He was my last hope.

"Emmett!" I whispered. I caught his attention. Finally I caught someone's attention.

"Get Edward!" I whispered some more.

"What…I cant here you speak up?" Emmett asked.

"GET EDWARD!" I whispered louder.

"OH…EDWARD BELLA NEEDS YOU!" Emmett bellowed. Everyone looked at me. I turned beet red. The plus side was I had Edward's attention…along with everyone else. I pointed towards Rosalie's shoe and mouthed "kaboom!" Edward covered his mouth and had an oh-shit look on his face.

"WHAT ARE YOU GUYS HIDING!" Emmett yelled some more. Alice turned and gave Emmett a dirty look.

"This is my wedding Emmett…your ruining it!" Alice said pissed.

"They're hiding something!" Emmett said. Alice turned towards me. I pointed back towards Rose's shoe.

"Rosalie!" Alice exclaimed.

"Oh shit …I guess I should of allotted more time for her to eat breakfast this morning!" Alice whispered...from what i could see Jasper didn't hear.

"You guess?" I said back.

"Well I didn't know she passes out!" Alice said.

"Alice you've been to her house with her there, you've been to some family events and you didn't know she was hypoglycemic?" I asked.

"I just figured she likes food…I mean every time they brought it up she ate!" Alice said.

"Cut the bull shit Alice…even I knew she was hypoglycemic and what that meant and we all know I'm not the brightest bulb on the tree!" Emmett said finally realizing the situation. Jasper got up from looking at his sister.

"What would possess her to do something like this…she knows that if she doesn't eat for a while that this happens!" Jasper said. Alice looked to the side and started whistling Dixie tunes.

"I hope she wasn't listening to some of the models and trying to loose weight…she's already thin enough!" Jasper said.

"Hell yeah she's hot!" Emmett said

"Now's not the time Emmett!" Edward whispered.

"Um should we call an ambulance I mean she's not coming around." I said.

"No we've dealt with this before…got any water…preferably with ice cubes in it?" Jasper asked the justice of the peace.

"Yeah I'll go get it!" the minister said. Oh no.

"She's not going to be too thrilled when she wakes up!" Jasper said throwing the water on her.

"AHHHHH!" Rosalie screamed coming to. Alice cringed and Jacob said "OMG the poor hair!" I handed Rosalie the three musketeers bar.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry!" Rosalie said.

"humph!" Alice said turning away.

"Don't be ridiculous don't be sorry for passing out…it's not your fault…you cant help that!" Jasper said

"lets continue with the ceremony!" Alice said.

"The perfect person for Emmett…a person who has to eat as much as he does…which means they have cooking skills!" Edward said as we made towards the reception. Emmett had Rosalie slinked on his shoulder and was grabbing massive amounts of food from the all you can eat buffet.

"Just think though it's the perfect excuse to get out of certain family events…"Oh Rosalie didn't eat breakfast this morning…Rosalie skipped lunch" how are they going to know!" Emmett laughed. Emmett was always one to find the humor in bad situations.

" Are you feeling better?" I asked Rosalie.

"Yeah I'll be fine…now that I can eat!" Rosalie said glaring at Alice. Alice looked away.

"The sad part is I tried…I tried making her wedding good but it wasn't enough…I didn't eat for her and she get's mad when I pass out? Screw her if she's going to be like that. I'm the one that should be mad…I'm the one that got hurt…yeah it disrupted her wedding but I'm the one that was more embarrassed…I'm the one that everyone was looking at!…fuck her bitch" Rosalie said under her breath as Alice modeled off her wedding dress to some people.

"Imagine growing up with her!" I said.

"I know…daddy designed it just for me!" Alice said excitedly.

"Is it me or is Alice like a really big bitch to everyone today…I mean she locked me in a room, ripped you away from Edward, turned into commando bitch and then flips out when I pass out…like what the fuck…what did I do to her?" Rosalie complained. Just then Alice sprang out of nowhere.

"Are you enjoying the food Rosalie!" Alice said in a bitch tone.

"No it tastes cheep!" Rosalie said in the same tone.

"huh!" Alice said offended.

"I don't get why Rosalie hates me!" Alice said when Rosalie walked away.

"oh I don't know maybe because you got mad at her for something that you caused…she cant help passing out Alice." Emmett said. For once Emmett was making sense.

" she could of eaten!" Alice said.

"Like you gave us the time…at the end there I felt like I was going to pass out and I'm not hypoglycemic!" I snorted.

"Also you were acting like bridezilla today…hell you ripped Bella out of the hotel room like a woman on a mission…no doubt you put the girls through hell!" Edward said.

"I did not!" Alice said.

"Alice you flipped when you saw make up on your clothes and it was only a droplet that easily came out…and lets not forget the hair incident… "That's not the curl I wanted…I wanted more spiral curls…my wedding is going to be ruined because you incompetent people" and you wonder why Rosalie is blowing a gasket !" I said.

" alright I know I was wrong I'll go apologize." Alice said pissed. She went to follow Rosalie.

" good we'll have some peace now!" I said to myself. Edward grasped my hand and I stared into his smoldering green eyes. We leaned into kiss.

"Oh look at the old married couple!" Emmett laughed pointing at us.

"I always knew Edward would be the first of us to get married…he was always the boring one!" Emmett laughed some more.

"Dude your getting married tomorrow…and I don't think you want Rosalie hearing that in the mood that she's in!" Edward said. We looked over to see Rosalie fighting with Alice. God I wonder what happened now.

"ooh I cant stand her right now!" Rosalie growled.

"why?" I asked

" Alice went over to apologize and wound up blaming the whole thing on me….said it was my fault …that I ruined her wedding…and that none of it was her fault…she's being queen bitch right now!" Rosalie said.

"if it's any consolation I kinda know what your going through…she used to pull stunts like this on her birthday all the time…she'll be normal tomorrow." I said.

"Well I might not be fine tomorrow!" Rosalie said.

"hey do what you want …personally I think Alice needs a taste of bridezilla Rosalie style." I said. Everyone at this table knew Rosalie could out due Alice in that department. I was personally afraid of Rosalie.

"Oh I definitely think she needs _that_ taste!" Rosalie said. Soon afterwards Alice left. Rosalie looked relieved that Alice left.

"You know you should show them that video sometime. Its what made this whole thing bearable for me!" Rosalie said to me.

"What video?" Emmett asked.

"oh one of a young Alice taking a shot where the sun doesn't shine by a horse." Rosalie said.

"Awesome…too bad you don't have that video on you…we could watch it tonight!" Emmett said.

"I wouldn't say I don't have that video!" I said taking out the dvd from my purse

"SWEEET…I love watching these types of videos!" Emmett said. Rosalie went off to the taxi that she called while Emmett, Edward and I went off towards the house. Luckily before we left I grabbed the dress and everything that I needed and left it in my old bedroom.

"Alright I think we settled on you two ( he pointed to Edward and I) in Bella's old room and you (he pointed to Emmett)…living room floor?" Charlie asked.

"What I didn't know about this…I'm the one getting hitched tomorrow…shouldn't I get the bed!" Emmett whined.

"Do you honestly think I'm going to kick my own daughter out of her room just so her brother in law can take her bed…sorry no…and since he's the husband where she goes he goes!" Charlie said sternly.

"The floor sounds comfortable!" Emmett changed course. Charlie then went upstairs and I popped the tape in. Emmett actually repeated the kick multiple times…even at one point slowing it down.

"Now is this going to be the last wedding…I mean I woke up today to find the caterer in my bedroom and staring at me the way Jacob stares at men. It really creped me out." Charlie asked.

"Don't worry dad tomorrow is the last one!" I said. Charlie smiled and we went upstairs.

Lets just say that my room hadn't changed from the day I left. Walking in I thought my father had kept it in its original glory in case I ever had to move back home. I don't think this either of us expected that the next time I had entered this room that I would be married. Certainly I didn't and judging by the fact that Charlie didn't make any changes to this room I didn't think he did either.

"So this is high school Alice?" Edward snickered holding up a picture of a younger Alice with purple streaks in her hair and a matching purple outfit.

" yeah…that was our junior year." I said

"So where have you been staying?" I asked.

" well last time it was in here… with Emmett…Jasper slept on the floor." Edward said. Good so Charlie exhibited good behavior.

"Let me guess has Jasper been giving you some things to deal with Emmett?' I asked.

"maybe an ambien or two!" Edward laughed.

"Well I'm here now so your not going to need that tonight." I said.

"I don't need anything when I'm with you." Edward smiled at me. We blocked the door with the bed incase Charlie had a knee jerk reaction. We were right to think that. When things started to heat up later on my dad freaked like I predicted. We could hear massive amounts of banging on the door.

"Um Bells I need to get a blow dryer!" Charlie called through the door. For god sakes we're married!

"It's in the bathroom dad!" I grunted. A few minutes later there was another knock on the door.

"Um Bells I need a comb!" Charlie said.

"again its in the bathroom!" I said.

"Jesus Christ Charlie let them have their fun. Some of us are not seeing any action tonight and your denying me the chance of living vicariously through him!" Emmett shouted oddly annoyed. It would have been so funny if Alice was here right now.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY BOY…I DON'T LIKE YOUR MOUTH!" Charlie bellowed. Edward muttered "you and me both!" There was a thud followed by Emmett screaming. Charlie went back upstairs and I could hear pride in his every step. He thought he did a job well done and went to bed.

"Night Bells…I'm listening!" Charlie said.

"Me too!" Emmett said.

"your dad's awesome…I don't think anyone has enough balls to hit Emmett outside law enforcement and Rosalie!" Edward said.

" yeah I don't think he ever hit anyone except Emmett." I said.

"Emmett always does bring the best out of people!" Edward said. Considering we had an audience we settled for falling asleep in Edward's arms.


	27. Chapter 27

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**i dont own twilight S/M does. Thanks for the reviews...keep them coming! **

Chapter 27

BPV

I awoke the next day in Edwards arms again. The minute I awoke I realized that something was wrong. Smoke was permeating in the air. Edward shot up alarmed next to me. We looked at each other and ran down the stairs. Emmett and Charlie were fighting about the best way to make scrambled eggs…and both were wrong.

"You cook scrambled eggs in the pot son…with no water!" Charlie said holding up a crock pot.

"They don't go in a crock pot…are you kidding me…they go in the microwave duh!" Emmett said shoving the yellow soupy mix in a bowl…black smoke billowing around the both of them.

The toaster was on fire…flames were shooting 10 ft in the air. The 3 cupboards on top and the microwave were almost engulfed. Edward sprinted out to the tent and ran back in with a fire extinguisher . The flames were out before Charlie and Emmett even realized that there was a fire.

"Shit I didn't even realize that there was a fire…you saved my kitchen…for now!" Charlie exclaimed looking at the smoldering wood.

"could you let this slide and not tell Rosalie …she doesn't need to know that we almost destroyed her wedding!" Emmett gulped.

" Emmett I wont say anything …unless Rosalie asks me…the only way Rosalie's going to know is because the smoke was thick enough to cling to our clothes. If you don't want Rosalie to find out I suggest we use a lot of scented sprays. I know she wont enter the house because we didn't do that in the past." I said. It was then that the doorbell rang. I ran to it expecting Alice. She was supposed to come over and help me get ready. So when I saw Jacob standing there I was in utter shock.

"Hi Jacob…what are you doing here?" I asked trepidatiously.

"Well see Alice placed a mud mask on Rosalie's face and it caused a massive chemical burn…her face like melted off…she's currently drenching Rose's face in exfoliates and facial moisturizers…she should be good for the wedding though. So Alice sent me here but don't think we're escaping her…Quil!" Jacob said beckoning his husband in. Quil walked in with my lap top and opened it. Alice's face appeared on the screen.

"Oh hey guys…got on just in the nick of time!" Alice said .

"What's that smell…it smells like you had a bon fire in the kitchen." Jacob said taking the lap top from Quil and strolling in the kitchen. Unfortunately the camera was held away from Jacob and towards the 10 ft scorch mark.

"OH MY GOD!" Alice's voice roared.

"JACOB TURN THE CAMERA AWAY!" I demanded. Jacob did as told…his eyes wide in horror.

"NO JACOB TURN ME BACK…TURN ME BACK…I THOUGHT I JUST SAW A SCORCH MARK…TURN ME BACK!" Alice was roaring.

"JACOB YOU WILL BE SORRY IF YOU DON'T TURN ME AROUND…I'LL DIE YOUR HAIR BLONDE WHEN YOUR SLEEPING…AND QUILS TOO!" Alice threatened.

"You don't scare me midge!" Jacob said.

"I'LL TELL ROSALIE!" Alice said deviously.

"Don't upset Rosalie on her wedding day…I'll turn you around!" Jacob said but just then Rosalie roared in the background "ALICE WHERE ARE YOU…WHAT ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE…PUT THE PARFAIT DOWN IT'S ALL ABOUT ME THIS MORNING!" Edward came in at this point and snickered in the background.

" nothing what are you talking about…I don't have a parfait!" Alice said shoving the parfait that she was eating in the trash. I guess Rosalie was showing Alice bridezilla Rosalie style. As I said Rosalie took the cake in that department.

"She wont leave me alone…and stop laughing Edward!" Alice cried.

"Well maybe you should of thought of that before you were a bitch to her yesterday!" I said.

"Alright I was wrong and I'll admit that to her once the web cam is off but lets not talk about that right now. Turn the webcam around!" Alice said. Jacob did as asked.

"I'm guessing that's either the work of my lovely uncle Charlie or our lovely brother in law or in my case soon to be brother in law Emmett." Alice said.

"try both." I said.

"Damn worse then I thought!" Alice said.

"ALICE WHO IS THAT…I CAN HEAR VOICES?" Rosalie called.

"I'm just talking to Bella about…um game plans (she shrugged at this point) for your wedding…she cant know about this!" Alice leaned in and whispered the last part

" ALICE ITS TIME TO DO MY HAIR…SO GET YOUR SKINNY ASS OVER HERE AND CAN YOU PLEASE WASH THIS MAKEUP OFF AND PUT SOMETHING ELSE ON…I LOOK LIKE A GOD DAMN RACOON!" Rosalie demanded. Alice ran out and Jasper ran in.

"I don't get why Rosalie's throwing my wife around like a rag doll…did something happen that I don't know about?" Jasper asked.

"well see it was kind of Alice's fault Rosalie passed out yesterday. She ran her around to the point where Rosalie didn't eat breakfast or lunch and then blamed it on Rosalie." I said.

" SHE DID WHAT…I'M GOING TO HAVE A LITTLE TALK WITH ALICE ABOUT THAT AND ROSALIE NOW HAS PERMISSION TO DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS WITH MY WIFE!" Jasper said.

"man Rosalie's pissed…now aren't you glad we got married first …saves you from that!" Edward said as we saw Rosalie dragging Alice past her door and screaming "YOU TRIED TO ESCAPE!"

" one of the many perks of marrying you!" I said staring into Edward's eyes. I started to kiss him

"Oh god get a room!" Emmett said walking in.

"like that would stop you from spying on us!" Edward countered. Alice then reappeared on camera.

"Jacob what are you waiting for…get her upstairs…she needs to get ready like pronto!" Alice said.

"WOAH THAT'S CREEPY!" Emmett exclaimed pointing at Alice's annoyed face. Everyone ignored him

"Alice its like 12...the wedding isn't till 4...and while you have the need to get ready now since your in Seattle…she's at the wedding site…we can wait a little bit." Jacob said.

"Jacob it takes three hours to get her ready…and then she's gotta be running around making sure that things there are okay since she's already there…you better get a crackin!" Alice said. Jacob, Quil, Edward and I ( I asked Edward to come with me out of fear)then went up the stairs. Jacob sat me at my old mirror and placed Alice on the desk top behind it.

"Too far back Jacob…I cant see a thing!" Alice said. Quil shoved the lap top forward.

"That's better…put the neutral colored eye shadow down…we want to contrast!" Alice said.

"Alice she's wearing brown!" Jacob argued. Oh here we go again.

"All the more reason to contrast…now pick up the other eye shadow this instant!" Alice said.

"NO!" Jacob said.

"DO IT!" Alice roared.

"OVER MY LIFELESS CORPSE…I PICKED OUT THE DRESS…EARTHY!" Jacob countered.

"CONTRAST!" Alice roared.

"MIDGE!"

"DOG!" Alice shouted. Edward was doubled over on the bed laughing.

"PALE!"

"LEATHER SKIN!"

"how about I do your make up Bella?" Edward asked from the bed. This drew their attention off each other.

"OH HELL NO…OVER OUR DEAD BODIES!" They roared in unison.

"Alright midge you can dictate the eyes but I get the cheek and lips!" Jacob said.

"DEAL!" Alice said. When they were done Jacob used neutral colors that accented the contrasting look of my eyes. Alice beamed with pride.

" Wow you look good…Jacob you know the design I want for her hair…I have to go…Queen Rose wants her latte!" Alice said signing off.

"Phew I thought she'd never leave…now lets get your hair done…I know exactly what she wants and I agree with it!" Jacob said whipping Barbie pins out of his pockets. Quil opened up an extra bag that Jacob had brought with him and whipped out a double barrel curling iron. Edward held my hand in support as Jacob and Quill attacked. Apparently Jacob chose today of all days to student teach Quil in the art of hair so Quil was a little more hands on then usual…which caused me more pain then usual. And I had just gotten hair back to normal from yesterday.

"Finished…I'm going to have to have a talk with Alice about how much hair spray is too much…it was like almost impossible for Quilie to get the comb through your hair." Jacob said a few hours later. He didn't need to remind me of that.

" alright Jacob can I have my wife back… why don't make sure whatever your plans for the ceremony aren't going wrong." Edward said. Fear glinted in Jacob's eyes. He and Quil took off towards the tent at lightning speed.

"Good now that their gone…we can spend a little bit of time together before the ceremony…I missed you with Alice holding you hostage." Edward said. We leaned into kiss. Just then the lap top roared to life.

"Hey people I'm back…thank god my cell phone has a web cam…oh were you about to do something…don't let me stop you…please continue!" Alice said from the limo as the image zoomed really close to her face.

"You're a weirdo Alice." Edward said.

"Thank you!" Alice said. Just then Rosalie's face appeared in the background. If I didn't see her wink I would of thought she was flipping out on me too.

"SO ALICE…LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION…IS THIS BELLA AND EDWARD'S WEDDING…NO! THIS IS MY WEDDING. ITS ALL ABOUT _ME!_NOW TURN THAT FUCKING PHONE OFF!" Rosalie roared. The screen then went black. Was going to have to thank Rosalie at some point for that.

"Now back to where we were!" Edward said pushing the lap top screen down. We started to make out. At that point we could hear a strange noise coming from the lap top. We flipped it back open to see Emmett and Alice fighting in a three way web cam conversation.

"Its my turn!" Emmett said.

"It's my turn!" Alice argued back

"I'm the one getting married!" Emmett countered.

"And I'm the one dealing with your bride right now!" Alice countered back.

"You just had your shot!" Emmett said.

"And you spent all night with them…in a non sound proof house, and I know about a little incident involving you this morning…if you know what's good for you you'd let it be my turn!" Alice said.

"Oh shit…does Rose know?" Emmett asked afraid.

"Does Rose know what?" Rosalie hissed coming into Alice's camera.

"Nothing…I'm not supposed to see you Rose get off the camera!" Emmett freaked

"Rosalie get out of here…bad luck…bad luck…bad luck!" Alice said shoving Rose's face out of the camera.

"he was just um spying on Edward and Bella again…really it was nothing!" Alice said

"Alice you cant lie to save your life…now tell me what's going on!" Rosalie demanded.

"Its nothing Rose…I swear!" Alice said.

"I'm going to find out one of these days and when I do it better not be bad." Rosalie threatened. Emmett gulped and signed off.

I met up with the girls once they got there. Jasper and I forced them to apologize…Jasper by playing councilor. He was actually quite good at it. He actually had Alice admitting that everything was her fault by the end.

"Why does the caterer look so pissed?" Rosalie asked after all the dust was settled

"Oh he just found out Uncle Charlie's not gay." Alice said looking off and trying not to smile. Truth was he probably just got a load of the kitchen.

"Hey…I've been here for the past couple days and I never saw the inside of your dad's house…why don't you give me the grand tour?" Rosalie asked. Alice and I looked at each other with a fleeting look of fear.

"um okay!" I said.

" don't worry I'll block her from the kitchen." Alice said. We brought Rosalie to all the different areas of the house.

"Ew your father hasn't changed this room in the past 25 years?…and how many times did we beg him to redecorate?" Alice asked. She then headed over to my old bureau which still held the picture from last night.

"Oh look it from junior year…I should do that with my hair again…it's still in style!" Alice said staring at her younger self.

"Your house smells like smoke really bad…I thought you said your dad doesn't smoke?" Rosalie asked sniffing the air.

"oh he started after Bella said she was getting married…smokes like a chimney now…cigars and pipes as well!" Alice lied through her teeth.

"Oh I see!" Rosalie said.

"Well I guess that's it…lets go outside now!" I said as we made our way downstairs.

"But I haven't seen the kitchen yet!" Rosalie said.

"Oh Charlie's remodeling…making it a more smoker friendly environment…we'll show you when it's done in a few months!" Alice said blocking the entrance.

"Alice I need something to eat before the ceremony…I don't want to pass out!" Rosalie said pushing Alice out of the way.

"OH. MY. GOD you didn't tell me your dad's house was on fire…and it had to be recently too from the smell of it…don't tell me Emmett had something to do with this!" Rosalie gasped staring at the blackened kitchen.

"oh you know we all burn toast sometimes!" Alice said.

"burn toast …this is a little more than burned toast Alice…Bella I am so sorry…I will pay for whatever damage Emmett did." Rosalie said.

"don't worry about…it was partially my dad's fault too and today is your day don't let something little like this bring it down…I mean it's not like everything outside burned down…it's not really that bad." as I said this a ceiling panel fell down.

"scratch that it is kind of bad but you still have a place to do the ceremony and I mean no one's really going to see the damage unless they come in here and they will probably blame it on the caterer." I said.

"Now lets get out of here before black shit gets on your dress!" Alice said leading Rosalie out.

Rosalie walked normally down the isle where as Alice acted like she was on the cover vogue bridal. Edward walked me down the isle gracefully supporting most of my weight. Alice thought it would be fun to switch my heels at the last minute…and by last minute I mean as we were walking to the tent…to 6 in stilettos. I was just about Edward's height in them. We gave murderous glares at Alice who was behind us. I almost broke Alice's shoulder when Edward and I separated. Rosalie then appeared. I could see a nervous smile spread across Emmett's face as Rosalie walked down the isle.

"For those who object to this union speak now or forever hold their peace!" the minister said.

"what it's not like I'm going to pass out again!" Rosalie said. She could not resist throwing a dirty look at the crowd though. Emmett thinking it was at him had a complete break down.

"ROSALIE DON'T HIT ME!" Emmett threw himself on the ground cowering in fear.

"Damn and we were doing so well!" Jasper said walking over to Emmett. We could hear blubbering on the other side of the room. I turned to see Jacob crying in Quils arms.

"ROSALIE PUT THE IRON DOWN …IT BURNS…OWWWW!" Emmett was crying. Rosalie looked visibly upset.

"Revenge for what she did to me this morning!" Alice said. I stomped on her foot.

"EMMETT SWEETIE…IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY! " Rosalie said trying to get to him. Jasper blocked her.

"Rosalie you need to stay away from Emmett right now." Jasper said.

"How can we get married if I cant even get near him!" Rosalie said.

"Don't worry me and dad gave him some medicine…it should take effect in 20 minutes but right now we need you to stay away." Jasper said.

"We're postponing the ceremony for about a half hour…everyone just stay seated and enjoy the music!" Rose and Jasper's father said to the audience. When Emmett came back to the stand he looked really out of it. His eyes were rolling back in his head. They must of given him heavy duty stuff.

"I'm sorry Rosalie…I ruined the wedding…I ruin everything!" Emmett cried.

"shush its not your fault Emmett shush!" Rosalie whispered.

"BUT I RUINED THE WEDDING!" Emmett sobbed harder. Jasper ran up to him at that point and whispered something in his ear. Emmett immediately shut up.

"What did you say to him?" Edward mouthed.

"I told him that he wouldn't get any cake if he didn't shut up!" Jasper whispered

"that trick still works on him?" Edward asked quietly.

"He really wanted this cake in particular cuz it has a little version of him on it and he wasn't shutting up about it yesterday to me "wait till I get my cake Jasper it's going to be so much better than yours because it's going to have me on it…so excited for my cake!" I was actually considering giving him a xanax yesterday." Jasper said.

Rosalie looked relieved when they were declared husband and wife. She practically had to drag Emmett back down the isle. Emmett came to life when he saw the cake.

"ME!" Emmett said pointing up at the miniature groom.

"So Emmett how does it feel to take the plunge?" Edward asked.

"What plunge…I don't know what your talking about Edward?" Emmett asked

"Um THE plunge…you know getting hitched…getting married!" Edward laughed.

"Oh that plunge not that big a deal just a formality really…with cake!" Emmett said.

"Marriage not a big deal…this coming from the person that called it the kiss of death?" Edward asked.

"Oh shut up old married man!" Emmett said.

"Dude I got married like 2 days ago…and you just got married today…you have no room to call people old married men!" Edward said.

"hey I'm not old!" Emmett said.

"Hey is that a wrinkle I see?" Edward joked.

"WHERE!" Emmett screamed running into Charlie's house.

"Great you just told a model that he had a wrinkle on his face…do you know what that does to a model…telling them that they have a wrinkle on their face…I'm going to have to take him for 6 months of botox now to make him feel better." Alice groaned. Edward, Rose and I went to go get him. Emmett was crying in my old bathroom about having wrinkles and grey hair.

"But I can see the grey hair!" Emmett cried.

"Its not there Emmett!" Rosalie said.

"Don't lie to me I can see it!" Emmett cried.

"Geez I'm sorry Emmett I was just joking…you cant take a joke?" Edward said apologetically.

" no you were telling the truth…I can see it right here…right here!" Emmett said psychotically pointing to his cheek

"Emmett there is nothing there!" I said.

"But there is…I don't know how you cant see it…its big…it's HUGE…it takes up my whole face!" Emmett said staring in horror at his face in the mirror.

"Um Edward you might want to get Emmett's psychologist and psychiatrist in here…I think his meds are wearing off." I said. Jasper and his father followed Edward in a few minutes later. They started to evaluate him.

"it's a rare side effect of the medication…it should wear off if he doesn't go insane first." Jasper said.

"Um percentage wise how many people become insane from this side effect?" Rosalie asked.

"95%" Mr. Hale said.

"Great I married a psycho." Rosalie groaned.

"How long until we know?" Rosalie asked. They stated counting from ten.

"5,4,3,2,1"Mr. Hale counted. We turned and looked at Emmett.

"Hey where am I…how did I end up in the bathroom?" Emmett asked.

"Your husband's going to be fine…again. Your husband must have been under so much stress if he almost lost his mind twice tonight…he seriously must have one hell of a aversion to marriage and since he went through with marrying you it must mean he loves you." Mr. Hale said. Rosalie was hugging Emmett.

"Why are you hugging me?" Emmett asked.

"Oh Emmett I thought you lost mind…what do you remember?" Rosalie asked.

"saying the vows after my last blackout and entering the reception hall, looking up at the cake and thinking about how I wanted to eat it…what happened?" Emmett asked.

"You were hallucinating in the bathroom…you fought with Edward and he said something that set you off." Rosalie said.

"And I'm really sorry about that." Edward said.

"oh no problem…hell I probably would of done the same thing. Were my hallucinations at least cool?" Emmett asked.

"No…it was mostly about wrinkles and getting old." Rosalie said.

"Oh hell no…this is never getting old…botox and hair dye!" Emmett said.

"Forever youth…who needs the fountain of youth when you have botox…botox is the fountain of youth!" Alice said popping in the bathroom.

"What are you doing in here Alice?" I asked.

"Oh just checking on my brother in law…and to tell you guys that the crowd is getting antsy…they want to see the bride and groom…Esme almost charged the front door." Alice said.

"What is going on in here!" Jacob was saying from the living room.

"Oh shit one of them got in…I'll go handle this!" Alice said.

"Oh Jacob Emmett had another break down…give them a minute!" Alice said.

"Oh poor thing!" Jacob said. I looked at Jasper.

"I didn't say anything to Alice, I was in here almost the entire time and she wasn't anywhere near me when Edward told me." Jasper said.

"True!" Edward backed him up. must have been Alice's attempt at lying ,the sad part was it was the truth. We went back outside soon after.

"so you guys aren't going to say what happened?" Alice asked.

"You already know apparently Alice!" I said.

"I just said that to give you guys some time." Alice said

"Alice Emmett really did have a break down…again." I said.

"holy shit…I'm totally psychic." Alice said with shock in her voice.

"Tell me oh psychic one where am I going to be tomorrow." I said.

"Is that a trick question because your going to be in a hotel room hopefully doing the naughty in another sate…by the way once I get there (Edward and I were leaving for Hawaii tonight right after the wedding…Alice and co were leaving in two days…they left it up to Emmett to book it for them…I don't know who in their right mind would have Emmett book their honeymoon for them but they did …and Emmett waited till the last minute to book it while also screwing up the name so they ended up in the hotel down the street…thank god Edward and I booked ours ourselves) your going to owe me major dets! You know you could of stayed at the same resort as us" Alice answered.

"Alice if I want any resemblance of a normal honeymoon you know that's not possible." I said.

" I had to try!" Alice said. Just then Jasper walked out of the bathroom.

"holy shit what happened in the kitchen…I mean I know there was a lot of cooking going on in the past few days but damn that's a lot of damage." Jasper whistled.

"That's exactly what I would like to know." Rosalie said.

"Well you see it started off like this…" Emmett started up

__

Flashback

Emmett's point of view.

Charlie and I were sitting in the kitchen waiting for the two chefs to wake up. Our stomachs were grumbling and frankly I get really cranky when I get hungry. I got fed up and put some toast in the toaster. Charlie followed, grabbed a carton of eggs and a crock pot

"what are you doing man?" I asked.

"making scrambled eggs." Charlie said.

"with a crock pot?" I asked taking the eggs from him. I always made eggs in the microwave…you know the breakfast sandwiches with eggs in them!

"are you insane eggs go in the microwave!" I said.

"They go in the crock pot…everyone knows that!" Charlie said.

"Noo…they don't...now put the crock pot down Charlie!" I said.

"Do you want me to punch you again like I did last night!" Charlie said.

"Bring it old man!" I said

"Eh you aint even worth it!" Charlie said.

"What are you afraid your going to get your ass kicked!" I said.

"No your getting married today and frankly your wife to be scares the shit out of me!" Charlie said.

"Whatever man…so I think we decided on the microwave!" I said putting the first round in the microwave. Figuring that I probably would want seconds I took out the spare carton and began cracking again.

"You cook scrambled eggs in the pot son…with no water!" Charlie said holding up the crock pot. I didn't know how the man got by with out his daughter

"They don't go in a crock pot…are you kidding me…they go in the microwave duh!" I said. Anyone would tell you that!. Just then Edward and Bella came in with alarmed looks on their faces. Then suddenly the whole kitchen was on fire. Damn how did that happen"

End of flashback.

BPV

"microwaving scrambled eggs Emmett are you kidding me" Rosalie asked astonished.

"What…that's how I always make my eggs." Emmett said.

"Emmett you cant make scrambled eggs in the microwave…it's impossible!" Rosalie said.

"Really tell me then how do I make my Jimmy dean sausage, egg and cheese sandwiches in the morning!" Emmett said.

"that's different Emmett...their already cooked!" Edward said

"now I know not to expect breakfast in bed!" Rosalie groaned.

"Don't worry Emmett the same thing happened to me a few years ago…I almost burnt my whole house down the year before Bella and I got our first apartment together!" Alice said. One of many reasons Alice's parents made me live with her. It was then time for everyone to leave. Edward and I stopped at the house to pick up our luggage ( we packed about a week ago…we knew that we wouldn't have time) and then left for the air port.


	28. Chapter 28

__

**i dont own twilight S/M does. Thanks for the reviews...keep them coming! **

Chapter 28

BPV

We arrived at the hotel a few hours later just as the sun was about to rise. We settled into our room fast and got started on enjoying the first of many days away from prying eyes and wandering ears. I was kind of thanking god for Emmett's stupidity. Edward and I were at the height of our passion when we heard voices coming from my phone.

"GO EDWARD BANGING A MARRIED WOMAN…THAT'S SO HOT!" Emmett bellowed.

"YOU GO GIRL!" Alice shouted. God even when we're away from them we're not away. I picked up my phone to see Alice and Emmett's faces.

"Oh shit we've been seen!" Alice said. Emmett clicked off.

"BELLA WAIT I'M…!" Alice screamed as I threw my phone out the window. Oh well I could always get another one. I then returned to Edward's waiting arms.

"Are you sure you should of done that…I mean what if you need it?" Edward asked.

"Edward we have yours…by the way you better hide it before Alice hacks yours as well…and once we get back I can always buy another one." I said.

"Now where were we!" I said. Edward beamed.

"We were just about here!" Edward said. I was lost in the familiar flames of passion.

We didn't see the light of day for the next two and a half weeks and that was the way I liked it. Rosalie called us one day and asked us if we wanted to go to the beach with her and Emmett. Considering that We had been here for two and a half weeks and we didn't even see the island we agreed to go. We gave Rosalie directions to the resort. She seemed really upbeat that we were going with her.

"Hey guys!" Rosalie said as we tossed towels in her rental car.

"Hey!" we said.

"so what's your brother and his new wife up to?" Edward asked.

"They haven't left the room since we got there…the only reason I even know they're alive is because they're constantly yelling sexual things and banging against the walls." Rosalie shuddered.

"We know that feeling." I said.

"You two are so lucky…I should of booked our reservations!" Rosalie said.

"What I wanted to be with everyone…who else could I talk about sports with!" Emmett said.

"That is not the most important thing on your honeymoon Emmett!" Rosalie said.

"What's more important then sports?" Emmett asked. Rosalie rolled her eyes.

" you know I wish I could live here…it's so sunny and warm…so unlike home!" Rosalie said.

" I know it's like perfect temperature!" I said

" Perfect everything!" Rosalie smiled.

"I so cant wait to go surfing…kawabonga watch the surfmaster in action!" Emmett said. Edward snickered.

"What?" Emmett asked.

"I seem to recall some family beach trips…and if memory serves you are no surf master!" Edward snickered some more.

"I am too…I got the mad skills!" Emmett said.

"Emmett please…it's me your talking to…remember that trip to Cali we took the summer we graduated. They had to give you CPR because you completely wiped out." Edward said.

"I don't remember that." Emmett said looking away.

"you don't remember this?" Edward said taking out a small Polaroid picture. Emmett was being carted off to an ambulance and checking out a blonde haired female paramedic. It was a picture that Edward always carried on him.

"Alright so I had one bad wipeout …kill me!" Emmett said.

"Then there was also Daytona beach when we went on my spring break my second year of college, and myrtle beach two years ago…"

"Alright Edward we get it!" Emmett said trying to get Edward to be quiet.

"No Emmett I think I want to hear this!" Rosalie said

"Well at Daytona Emmett was chasing these female surfers…the wave crested and Emmett wiped out and took the girls with him…needless to say he didn't get their numbers. Myrtle beach had a massive panic attack, fell off the board, and wound up trapped under it. I had to dive under and cut him free…the impact was so hard that he actually lost his pants." Edward said .

"We're going to have to talk more Edward…obviously Emmett loves secrets." Rosalie said.

"Please don't!" Emmett said. It was then that we arrived at the beach. We spread the blankets and laid out. I was still awestruck at Edward's body after all this time. I couldn't believe that he was mine. That he was always going to be mine. I looked over to see Rosalie caressing Emmett's left arm dreamily. We stayed like this for what felt like forever. It was peacefully quiet, waves lapping the shore . Then Emmett got up.

"Emmett where are you going?" Rosalie asked.

"To prove that I am a surfmaster!" Emmett said running to a surfboard rental place. Oh god he was still on that kick. Before we could stop him he was in the water. He managed to nail the first few smaller waves. I could see the smug look on his face even from here. A much larger wave then started to roll in and Emmett took it too late. The wave crashed right on him. Everyone got up and ran to the shore line. We couldn't see Emmett anywhere.

"Emmett…EMMETT…_EMMETT!_" Rosalie screamed afraid. I could see Edward's face turn white.

"This is Cali all over again!" Edward said with a pang of fear in his voice.

"ARGHHHHH!" Emmett screamed as he washed up on shore.

"EMMETT!" Rosalie shouted relieved.

"I told him he cant surf…he always nails the little waves but when it comes to the huge ones…he completely wipes out." Edward said. We went and got him a towel and Rosalie dried him off going on about how he almost gave her a heart attack. She placed him on the blanket. A half hour later we took out some snacks that we had packed. The minute Rosalie gave Emmett the Pringles I knew something bad was going to happen.

"Come here little birdie…Emmett's got a snack for ya!" Emmett said tossing a Pringle at a seagull ( a/n I don't know much about where seagulls are located but just go with it.)

"Emmett I don't think you should do…" Rosalie's warning was cut off by 25 birds surrounding the blanket. They ran at Emmett like he was holding gold. It was like a scene from the movie the birds

"OW…STOP PECKING ME …HEY THAT'S MY NUTS…OWWW!" Emmett was screaming.

"Just give the rest to them!" Rosalie said annoyed.

"we can buy something else later at the concession stand." Rosalie continued on.

"So how's your vacation been?" I asked.

"Well my lovely husband over there thought it'd be fun to go skinny-dipping in a pack of jellyfish. Needless to say he wasn't functional till last night and by the looks of it I'm not going to be seeing any action tonight!" Rosalie said.

"That well huh." I said.

"Yep…you?" Rosalie asked.

"this is the first time that we stepped out of the hotel." I smiled.

"Sounds hot…wanna say more?" Emmett asked tuning into the conversation from under the massive amounts of feathers.

"Ew hell no Emmett!" Edward said giving him a dirty look.

" oh common man share the love!" Emmett said.

"no because your going to run to Alice and get some sick jolly off of telling her…you two are perverted." Edward said

"Emmett they don't have to share if they don't want to…I already have to hear about my brother's sex life from Alice and I have to deal with the freaky couple next door…its to the point where if I have to hear anything about cowboys, Indians, and horses I'm going to shoot myself. Now I just want one day where I don't have to hear about another couple's sex life so just drop it!" Rosalie spat. Emmett shut up.

" I think we better go soon before the birds peck my eyes out." Emmett said as they ripped a chunk from his arm. He tossed the Pringles and we left immediately.

Emmett's point of view.

A few days later Rosalie and I went out to celebrate my full recovery from the bird attack. The last thing I remembered was ordering a Hawaiian punch.

"I'll have a Hawaiian punch please!" I said. Rosalie had ordered a pina colata made with Bacardi 151 instead of parrot bay rum. Rosalie liked her drinks strong.

" with Alcohol?" the waiter asked.

"Duh!" I said. Then blackness.

The next morning I groggily placed my hand next to me. Hum there was my lovely Rosalie…she was so perfect. I turned my body to sleep in the opposite position but hit another body. That was definitely not Rosalie…oh no not again!" I pulled the sheets back to reveal a tan leg. What the hell happened last night? Rosalie and I shot at the same time and looked at each other.

"babe what the hell happened last night…all I remember was having a Hawaiian punch last night?" I asked.

"I…I don't know Emmett I was pretty much gone last night…I don't remember a lot." Rosalie said. It was then that the girl started to stir. Long blonde hair swooped past her shoulders as she shot up.

"So you don't remember taking the shots of patron off my boobs last night?" she asked. Rosalie and I stared shocked but I saw an angry glint in Rosalie's eye.

"Why are you looking at him like that… you were doing it too you little party animal !" The girl said.

"Excuse me while I go use a little mouthwash!" Rosalie said making little gagging noises as she went to the bathroom.

"Oh shit did we have sex…I cant have sex…I have gonorrhea!" the girl said. My mind went blank. Oh shit…SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT! FUCK! Did I wear a condom last night? I searched around the room. The trash cans were empty…SHIT.

"OH MY GOD I CANT BELIEVE THIS!" I roared.

"I'm just going to let myself out." the girl said.

"What's got her panties up in a bunch?" Rosalie asked re entering the room.

"Rose…she has gonorrhea…and I don't think we used protection last night and judging by what she said I think she's still contagious." I said.

"WHAT!" Rosalie gasped.

"OH SHIT…OH SHIT!" Rosalie started hyperventilating.

"What do we do?" I asked.

"we'll go to the clinic tomorrow and get ourselves tested…we cant go today cuz Jasper actually wants to leave his room and take us shopping so we don't have the time...that's what we'll do." Rosalie said.

"Okay!" I said. It was then that there was a knocking on the door. Alice and Jasper were sitting there with cameras in hand. I put the biggest fakest smile on my face and we left.

BPV.

Jasper and Alice called us on the second to last day of our honeymoon. They had wanted to go sightseeing so that they could get some good pictures to show everyone when we left. We were going to meet up with them in the lobby. Right as we walked in we noticed Rose and Emmett leaving with worried looks on their faces. That was odd.

"Oh hey Jazz…are we heading out now?" I asked as we met Jasper in the lobby.

" One minute…Alice is stuck deciding between her pink bebe top and her blue one." Jasper said.

"So what's up with Rose and Emmett…the were acting weird when we came in?" I asked.

"I always told Emmett that his partying ways would have him dead of AIDS by the time he was 40. Apparently he and my sister got trashed the other night and wound up in a threesome with another girl. See this is the reason Rosalie never usually drinks that heavy…when she gets trashed she gets wild. So anyways when they woke up yesterday they found out that the girl had gonorrhea. The clap aint something to mess with. I had a roommate in college that got that and it wasn't pretty!" Jasper said.

"Oh my god!" I said.

"Let me guess…he's still using the pull out method?" Edward shook his head.

"apparently!" Jasper said.

Emmett's point of view…again.

I was sitting on the padded paper. I was wearing nothing except for the robe that they give you in the doctor's office. I looked out into the hall and could hear Rosalie across the hall talking to her doctor. Out of curiosity I creaked the door open to see what was going on. My wife was sitting there with her legs spread wide open. The doctor had his hand extended in her womanly parts…his face really close to it.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY WIFE?" I gasped.

"Emmett he's the gynocologist on duty!" Rosalie said.

" I don't care if he's a skin doctor….HANDS OFF MY WIFE!" I roared the last part

"Are you stupid Emmett…he's a gynocologist…he studies women's anatomy." Rosalie said pissed.

" sure that's what they all say…I study women's anatomy too!" I said.

"sir I know your upset right now but you just walked in here illegally…I'm going to have to ask you to step out of my office." the doctor said.

"LIKE HELL I AM…YOU HAVE YOUR HANDS UP MY WIFE!" I roared.

"Sir please leave or I'm going to have to call security!" the doctor said.

"NO!"

"SECURITY!" The doctor shouted. I ran back into my room. A few minutes later my doctor came into see me. They tested me up the wazoo and then asked a few questions.

"So you said that you believe you may have come into contact with gonorrhea during a threesome with your wife and another girl. Do you by any chance know her name?" The doctor asked me.

"Yeah her name was Kacy Jenkins." I said. She had left a bracelet with her name on it in the room.

"Oh we know her…she's been here a lot. she is a notorious repeat infection case. She just stopped in yesterday with symptoms . We wouldn't have had to test her if it wasn't protocol. I don't know who she's getting with but damn…I shouldn't be telling you this but since you are one of her sex partners you have a right to know. She not only tested positive for Gonorrhea but for Chlamydia as well." the doctor said.

"WHAT!" I gasped.

"Relax it could be worse…at least those are two of the most treatable infections…I mean it could have been herpes or HIV." the doctor said.

"so are you saying it's a godsend!" I asked pissed.

"No…I'm just saying it could be worse." the doctor said.

"Alright well I'm going to write you some perscriptions…I recommend you start them immediately…your test results should be in by tomorrow." the doctor said leaving the room. A few minutes later I dressed and met Rosalie's angry glare.

Rosalie called the next day. I was sitting on the couch watching TV. Rosalie started moaning and I saw a worried glare in her eye. Guess I knew what the results were.

"we're both positive…for them both?…so hypothetically…if I was a week pregnant…what's the chances that the treatment would hurt my child?" Rosalie asked. Damn I guess my luck ran out. Cant tell Edward…he's going to be contantly baggering me about wearing condoms now.

"So it wont hurt the child…good…what's your name incase I have to sue you for a deformed child?" Rosalie asked.

"huh he hung up on me…asshole…and fuck that girl…if I see her I'm going to fuck her shit up…she knew she had the clap and Chlamydia…she clearly wasn't that trashed and she still had sex with us !" Rosalie snarled

"I highly doubt your going to see her today…and we're leaving tomorrow…I don't think you'll be able to fight her Rosalie." I said.

"still Emmett you know that was wrong!" Rosalie said.

"So I take it you got your test results back?" Jasper said walking into the room. I glared at Rosalie.

"Emmett he's my brother…and unlike you I don't have a sibling that's the same sex as me…I tell him everything!" Rosalie said.

"So judging by your faces I gather you got the clap?" Jasper asked.

"and more!" Rosalie growled.

"Please don't tell me it's AIDS!" Jasper said stepping back.

"No Chlamydia…when they told me on the phone they called it the "two for one deal!"

"at least it's not AIDS!" Jasper said

"No your right there Jasper!" Rosalie said

"So how's the (she clapped her hands rhythmically )" Alice asked walking inside. Rosalie and I threw Jasper a disgusted look.

" What I tell my Al-Al everything!" Jasper said. It was safe to say that if Alice knew everyone knew.

"looks like I'm going to have to tell Bella I won the bet…she and Edward said you'd come back negative…they didn't see the action that night like I did!" Alice said.

"YOU TOLD THEM!" Rosalie roared.

"I didn't!" Alice said.

"Guilty…I figured that they were family, they lived with us, and Edward and Emmett are the sons of a doctor…they would figure it out!" Jasper said.

"IS THERE ANYONE YOU DIDN'T TELL…DO MOM AND DAD KNOW?" Rosalie spat.

"not all of it…they know you got an STD…they just don't know from where." Jasper said

"YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE…THEY'RE GOING TO THINK I CHEATED ON MY HUSBAND!"" Rosalie shouted. Just then Rose's phone rang.

"I 'm not leaving Emmett…I didn't cheat on him…fine you want to know…okay we were drunk and had a threesome with a complete stranger…are you happy now…we're not getting divorced!" Rosalie said hanging up the phone

"Thank you Jasper…mom freaked out…the poor woman almost had a heart attack…if this ever happens to you …your dealing with her!" Rosalie snarled.

"God you got such a big mouth sometimes!" Rosalie said disgusted.

"Takes one to know one!" Jasper said.


	29. Chapter 29

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**i dont own twilight S/M does. Thanks for the reviews...keep them coming! **

Chapter 29

BPV

We spent the next month in marital bliss. When we got back the company held a casual party for us. We met the new employees that they had hired during our time away…we were now at almost last years levels. I saw some girls eye my rings jealously . Rosalie snickered and cracked her knuckles. That took away most of the glares.

"Don't worry these girls will know now to fuck with us!" Rosalie said. She gave one girl the stink eye to emphasize that point. The girl's head went down immediately.

"No more jelly donuts are going to be thrown at you…not if I have a say in it!" Rosalie laughed. The rest of the day remained quiet. That night we popped a movie in.

"huh do you think Emmett would do that to save my life?" Rosalie laughed at one point.

"Hey!"

"Just saying Em…your not the most courageous person I know." Rosalie said.

"ooh that looks like it hurt!" Emmett said at one point.

"Emmett stop talking I'm trying to listen!" Alice said.

"soo-rry miss movie freak!" Emmett said.

"sush!" Alice said getting pissed

"oh common my muscles are bigger than that!" Emmett said at another point.

"EMMETT!" Alice said throwing a pillow at him.

"ow!" Emmett said

"Maybe that will get you to shut up!" Alice said.

"the zipper hit me in the eye!" Emmett started to cry.

" Oh Emmett…be a big boy…it wasn't that bad!" Alice moaned.

"Emmett your eye isn't even red!" Rosalie said.

"Still it hurt!" Emmett whined.

After the movie was over we went to bed. I had a doctors appointment the next day. I told Edward I was going to the gyno and that I would be back later.

"Edward do you know what a gynocologist does…they stick their hands up girls…you know!" Emmett said. Edward rolled his eyes.

"we all know what a gynocologist does Emmett!" Edward said. Rosalie's head popped in at that minute.

"You'r still traumatized over that Emmett?" Rosalie spat. I didn't even want to know what that was about.

"Only Emmett." Edward said. It was then that I left.

As I walked in my gyno kindly asked how life was going. He seemed pleasantly surprised about my changed marital status.

"Oh that's wonderful…so are you going to start a family right away?" My gyno asked.

"No not right away…we're going to start trying in a few years." I said.

"that's good…taking it slow…now lets take a look." the doctor said. There was a lot of "hums" and "oh's" coming out of his mouth. That was odd since he never did that before

"I think we have a problem!" the doctor said. I totally freaked out at that point. Knowing my luck I probably had some weird cancer or fiborid tumor. So what he said next floored me.

"I don't think your going to be needing that time table of yours…judging by your exam there's a high probability that your pregnant." the doctor said. Well that explained why I was a day late…I thought it was from the stress of getting married.

"WHAT? HOW'D THIS HAPPEN..I MEAN THERE WAS A TIME WHERE THE COMDOM DID BREAK BUT I'M IN BIRTH CONTROL I THOUGHT I WAS SAFE!" I gasped.

"Damn you didn't get the notice…your birth control was recalled…something about a high failure rate." the doctor said. Well that figured!

" we're going to have to do blood work to make sure…I would say to come back tomorrow to get the results." the doctor said jabbing the needle in my arm. What was I going to do. I couldn't tell Edward…at least not till I was sure…I mean what if he didn't want it…or even worse what if I got his hopes up and it turned out I wasn't.

It was really hard to keep my mouth shut that night. I just kept on seeing babies everywhere and they were all staring at me…like they knew something. It really creped me out. Worse it seemed like an abnormal amount of pampers commercials were on a. I felt like I was going to go insane or something.

"Alright guys so I was on my nightly walk tonight and I saw the cutest little girl with blonde curly hair and something hit me…bam! Baby line!" Alice said excitedly running down the stairs and shoving drawings of little pink dresses in my face. I was biting my lip at this point.

"So cute…when I have kids …they are going to be so fashionable…dressed to the nines!" Alice said bouncing up and down. Was god going to let me live this down? It was like the universe was screaming to tell them but I wasn't going to listen. There was no way in hell that any of them were going to know till I knew…and that wasn't going to be at least till tomorrow.

"I'm going shopping …uh by myself…see ya guys later!" Alice said running out the door the next day. There was something odd about her.

"Uh im off to…uh …get a car part for Emmett's jeep…BYE!" Rosalie said running out after her.

"Well I'm off to the doctors today!" I said making my way to the door.

"I thought you just went yesterday." Edward said.

"yeah I did…I'm going to the gyno…I mean GP today." I said.

"okay well have fun!" Edward said. I tried to hide my trembling hand. I didn't know if I could handle them saying that I wasn't. Though it was very unexpected and not when I planned it I found myself really happy at the thought of possibly being pregnant. I mean those green eyes would be cute on a little baby.

Driving to the doctor's office I had to keep reminding myself that there was a possibility that I wasn't. To not get my hopes up. Not to get excited…or nervous. I went in, gave my name and was told to sit down. All of the little kids in the office were looking at me. Everywhere I turned a baby's head was turned towards me. It was like they knew exactly when to look too. I went to pick up a magazine only to realize that I was reading a parenting magazine…the mom practically shoving the baby into the camera. I couldn't escape. It was like god was getting some kick out of tormenting me…trying to build my hopes up or something. One baby actually crawled up to my foot , looked right up at me, and started laughing. I was starting to get really weirded out.

"I am so sorry he never does this!" his mother said taking him away.

"You know not to do that to the nice lady!" the mother said. Just then they called me in . The doctor was sitting at his desk, I was just about to sit down when Charlie walked by. It figured that he had a GP appointment in the same building as me at the same time.

"So Miss. Swan…oh I mean it's Mrs. Cullen now…I was right…you are pregnant…your a little over a month along!" My gyno exclaimed. I saw Charlie back up and duck his head into the room. Oh shit.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY…SHE'S _WHAT?" _Charlie gasped. The gyno and I stared at each other. Charlie had such impeccable timing sometimes!

"Your going to be a grandpa Charlie!" my gyno said.

"YOUR TOO YOUNG…COULDN'T YOU AT LEAST WAIT ANOTHER TEN YEARS!" Charlie gasped.

"actually…" the gyno started up.

"SHUT UP!" Charlie said.

"Dad I'm 26 years old, I'm married, and I have a stable career…WHAT MORE CAN YOU ASK FOR…IM IN THE PERFECT POSITION TO BE A MOM!" I said.

"BUT STILL YOU'RE MY BABY…YOUR TOO YOUNG!" Charlie cried.

"That's not going to change dad…I'm always going to be your child…but you have to accept that I'M NOT 13 ANYMORE!" I emphasized the last part.

" That's the same thing that you said when you moved out!" Charlie said.

"For a reason…you seem to have difficulty accepting change!" I said.

"Alright…I guess I'll accept the change." Charlie mumbled. He then passed out.

"GET A GOURNEY…FOR MR. SWAN OVER HERE!" the doctor yelled down the hall. Charlie was then carted away.

"Alright…yeah…now I want to start you on some prenatal vitamins. Also we need to get you into an appointment for next week. Now here's some pamphlets on what to expect in the first trimester. Now did you tell your husband yet?" The doctor asked.

"No…I was waiting for the results." I said.

"Here's information on some ways of telling your husband…obviously you don't need the pamphlet on how to tell your father!" The doctor said shoving another pamphlet in my hand.

After the doctor explained a few more things to me I was able to leave. As the elevator doors shut I saw the reflection of a pixie like girl with a shocked look on her face. Oh no…what is she doing here? As if Charlie wasn't bad enough.

"Bella…what are you doing here?" Alice asked. Her eyes zoomed in on the "What to expect when your expecting " book that was in my hand. Her eyes gleamed and she stared squealing.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME…WE COULD OF CAR POOLED…THIS IS SO EXCITING…BABIES BABIES BABIES…OOH WE CAN DESIGN THE NURSERYS TOGETHER…JOINT BABY SHOWERS…BIRTHDAYS…THEY'RE GOING TO BE JUST AS CLOSE AS WE ARE!" Alice was singing. Nurseries?

"Hold on…why didn't I tell you? Why didn't you tell me? Did you ever think that I could of maybe helped you out…maybe I would of confided in you if you confided in me!" I said.

"I soo cant wait to tell Jacob…he's going to be so thrilled with this…can I have it call me Auntie Alice…I'm like your sister!…ooh your going to be Auntie Bella…Auntie B!" Alice said excitedly.

"Damn how am I going to tell Jasper?…I mean he's very paternal but he told me that he didn't want kids until he was 40." Alice said.

"well then he should of used better protection!" I said.

"Well about that…see my birth control kinda ran out and I lied to Jasper. See his condoms ran out too and I kinda told him I was still on it. I wanted to have fun and he was he wouldn't unless I was protected…oh well now I have a little bundle of joy on the way. Dressing it up every day….putting makeup on it. If I have a boy I hope it's like Jacob with better fashion sense…but I'm really hoping for a girl!" Alice said.

"Alice you lied to Jasper ?" I asked shocked.

"Oh well no big deal…now I got a little bundle of joy to obsess about…besides your not so innocent!" Alice said.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Well your pregnant…what does that tell you?" Alice said smugly.

"Cuz of you…my birth control…RECALLED !" I snorted.

" well how was I supposed to know?" Alice asked.

"Maybe if you checked it's effectively once in a while you would know…considering you're the one who put me on it…and the condoms you packed in our luggage…broke…seems like someone tampered with then!" I said.

"That was Emmett's fault…he wanted you to get a more natural experience!" Alice said.

"And you couldn't call and leave a message saying "Guys heads up!" its your and Emmett's fault!" I said.

"Hey I have an idea maybe I can use your excuse…can I borrow your birth control pack…Jasper might want evidence?" Alice asked

"Alice it has my name on it!" I said.

"I can peal that off." Alice said.

"Alice!" I said.

"Oh common it's not that bad…married together, pregnant together….we're going to have so much bonding time over this…think of all the shopping!" Alice said. Horror movie music played in my head. Yeah I was happy to have a baby but having a baby at the same time as Alice was a little too much. The elevator then stopped. The doors opened and Rosalie came walking in. Her face was the epitome of happiness. If possible she was happier then when she got her dog.

"I'M PREGNANT!" Rosalie shouted. She looked like she just won the lottery.

"One thing though that's very confusing to me…Alice remember when you switched my birth control two months ago…you know to the one that Bella's on…you said that it came highly recommended…am I a freak or something!" Rosalie said.

" They didn't tell you your birth control was recalled?" Alice asked.

"They didn't tell me either!" I said I glared at Alice. It was her fault we were all in this situation. I had a feeling that she set this all up…twisted little pixie. This was probably some scheme to get a bunch of Barbie dolls

" your pregnant too…I'm going to be Auntie Rose!" Rosalie squealed.

"yep…Alice too!" I said.

Oh no…Alice too…not only was Jasper trying to starve that off till like middle age…he never had any experience with children…he's got the instincts but I don't know if he could handle it!" Rosalie said.

"not a problem…kids are easy!" Alice said. I leaned in.

"Rose we got a problem…Alice has never watched a kid for more than five minutes…I'm the one who ran a babysitting service until I graduated…I have extensive experience with children ranging from 10 days old to 12 years old, twins and triplets . But Alice…no." I said.

"Well I also ran a huge babysitting service when I was younger…so just between the two of us we can override Alice….hopefully knock some of her tendencies out of the kid." Rosalie said. We then took off to different parts of the parking lot..

When I got home Edward decided to make us sandwiches for lunch. He went into the fridge looking for some cold cuts. I was kind of nervous still about telling him…I mean what if he didn't want it…men freak when they first find out they're going to be fathers. Hell my mother told me that Charlie almost chocked to death when she told him about me.

"Um Edward you know how we said that we would start a family sooner or later…what would you say if we started trying soon?" I said.

" okay…how soon do you want to start trying?" Edward asked.

"oh we don't have to try." I said. The turkey breast that he had in his hand dropped to the floor. Edward slowly turned around.

"Are you sure?" Edward asked with a look of blatant shock on his face.

"Yeah…I got the blood test results back today…I had to go back to the gyno to get the results. I'm sorry I lied but I just wanted to be sure before I told you." I said.

"So I'm going to be a daddy!" Edward said happily as the news finally sunk in.

"Wait what are we going to say to our families…especially your dad?" Edward asked.

"Dad already knows…kaboom!" I said.

"trust me be glad you weren't there!" I continued on.

"There's more." I said.

"there's more?" Edward asked confused.

"Uncle Edward." I said.

"which one?" Edward slightly groaned. We could hear the sounds of call of duty playing downstairs. I still could not believe god allowed Emmett to reproduce.

"Both." I said. Just as I said this Jasper came skipping in singing "I'm going to be a dad!"

"I thought you said that you didn't want kids till your 40?" I asked.

"Oh well accidents happen…Alice told me how her birth control failed…cant help that happening!" Jasper said.

"OH SHIT THAT SUCKS FOR EDWARD AND JASPER!" Emmett was laughing downstairs. Edward put his hand over his mouth to keep from laughing.

"YOU SHOULD NOT BE LAUGHING EMMETT…THEY'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE'S THAT ARE GOING TO BE DADDIES!" we could hear Rosalie yelling over the video game.

"Wait for it!" Edward said.

"_WHAT!" _there was then a large thud and a crashing sound . Emmett must of passed out and took his X-BOX down with him

"HE KNOCKED UP MY SISTER!" Jasper chocked. Obviously Alice didn't tell him everything when she told him. Jasper then started hyperventilating.

"Edward get him a chair!" I said as Jasper started to sway on his feet.

"JAZZY?" Alice shouted running into the kitchen.

"Alice considering this is all your fault I would stay back right now…he's not in his right state of mind and it would be best that you stay back!" I said. Edward looked at me and I whispered "I'll explain later."

"How is this my fault?" Alice asked giving me a glare.

"You know the many ways in which this is your fault…now go get Jasper his xanax!" I said. Alice took off and reappeared with a prescription bottle. Jasper calmed down a few minutes later.

"I guess I should of prepared him for that one!" Alice said after Jasper left the room to go to the bathroom.

"uh you think…what exactly did you say to him?" I asked.

"I told him how he was going to be a daddy…that my birth control failed ( she winked at me) and that accidents can happen. I then told him that the same thing happened to you. I couldn't bring myself to tell him about Rosalie…it took him a couple minutes to accept my news." Alice said

"So you'd rather him find out that way!" Edward said

"as I said I guess I should of told him." Alice said. It was then that Jasper came walking back into the room.

"Jazzy what do you say we go out for a burger…my treat!" Alice said. They then headed out.

"Alright what's going on?' Edward asked.

"Alice lied to Jasper…her birth control wasn't defective…it ran out and she lied to him then too by telling him she was still on it …apparently so she could just have some fun. She also had my birth control changed a few months ago…to one that was just recalled…she didn't bother to check it's effectively. She put Rosalie on the same one. Oh yeah and she didn't bother to tell us that EMMETT TAMPERED WITH YOUR CONDOMS!" I emphasized the last part.

"Bella your cousin is one fucked up individual." Edward said

"Your telling me…but it cant be all bad …we're going to have a baby…I cant be too mad at Alice!" I said.

"True…I wonder what it is?" Edward asked.

"me too!" I said. Rosalie then came up the stairs.

"so I guess it's congratulations!" Edward said.

"Thanks…Emmett's in bed right now…he's still kind of out of it…nobody told Jasper about me yet right?" Rosalie asked.

"Actually Jasper knows…no one told him but you were kind of loud when you told Emmett." I said.

"Oh god what did he do…faint?" Rosalie asked.

"we wish…more of a massive panic attack." I said.

"oh shit." Rosalie said.

"well I thought Alice already told him!" Rosalie said.


	30. Chapter 30

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**i dont own twilight S/M does. Thanks for the reviews...keep them coming! **

Chapter 30

BPV.

We got bigger and bigger as the next 5 months flew right on by. Alice and I had terrible morning sickness but Rosalie sailed right on through like a pro. I was almost jealous. It seemed as if just the smell of food set me off. Alice was even worse…if there was any sign of cooking she'd get sick . I was shocked that Alice started showing at like two months. Her stomach seemed to pop out like out of nowhere. The doctors told her that it was probably was just her body. Alice was really pissed to be in maternity clothes at such an early stage. She was thrilled when I started to go shopping for them saying how she didn't feel alone anymore. At five months she was resembling a beach ball…people were asking her when her baby was due. Telling our parents was funny …Charlie already knew…we all know what happened there . Rene and Edward's parents were thrilled at being grandparents… they started talking about all the shopping they could do. Rosalie's parents didn't take it as well…Emmett was now on their hit list so to speak and they wanted Alice's head on a platter. Alice's parents took it much like my parents…her father volunteered to go shopping with her. The day when we got to find out the genders came really fast. We made plans to make it a girls day…Alice wanted to hit the mall immediately. Edward and Jasper wanted to go along but Emmett was all ready for some male bonding…his X-BOX now had two more controllers at it and he was getting chip bowls out when we left. So they were effectively stuck.

"Ooh this is so exciting…cant wait to find out what we're having!" Alice chirped as we got in the car. Rose drove since she was the smallest out of the three of us.

"Your so lucky Rose…I haven't seen my feet in a few weeks…thank god Jasper's been putting my shoes on for me…at least they match!" Alice said

" oh Alice stop moping!" Rosalie said.

"So who's up for some ice cream after to celebrate…I'm having an irking for bubble gum!" Alice said as we pulled out of the driveway.

"yum ice cream sounds great…I could do with pistachio…I swear this kid's going to turn out like its father… they already share a favorite flavor ice cream and it loves protein bars…I'm really hoping for a little girl though…all the pink frilly dresses." Rosalie said.

"are you serious Rose…I cant deal with another Emmett…one of him is enough!" Alice said disgusted.

"Emmett does have good attributes to him Alice." Rosalie said slightly offended. I wondered if she was channeling the baby.

"Yeah speak to me when he busts through a pair of designer jeans that _you_ make him" Alice countered.

We arrived at the doctors soon after. Since we were heading in together and releated they gave us a group suit. The three of us looked at each other and I jumped on the table first.

"Ooh okay there's a surprise!" the ultrasoundest exclaimed a little shocked.

"What?" I asked nervously.

"Your having twins…from the file it looks like you had a hidden twin.!" the ultrasoundest said. Well that figured. Everyone I knew except for Alice and myself was a twin…should of saw that one coming.

"ooh…two…aww…looks like we're going to have to do more shopping!" Alice said excited.

"Twins…lucky…I want twins!" Rosalie said maternially rubbing her stomach.

"Alright do you want to find out what they are?" the ultrasoundest asked.

"Sure…why not?" I answered.

"Well congratulations…Baby A is a baby girl and Baby B is a baby boy." the ultrasoundest said. I smiled. One of each. Edward had his son and I had my daughter. I started running though baby names in my head.

" OMG A BOY AND A GIRL…I'M GOING TO TAKE HER SHOPPING AS IF SHE WAS MY OWN…AND THE BOY..BETWEEN DADDY AND UNCLES JAZZY AND JACOB HE'S GOING TO BE THE MOST FASHIONABLE BOY OUT THERE!" Alice squealed happily as I jumped off the table.

"just like me and Jasper…for brother and sister we were so close growing up!" Rosalie said reminisantly.

"Yeah that's what my dad said about him and Alice's mom…did you know they're twins too?" I asked.

"geez your like surrounded by them!" Rosalie laughed. Alice then jumped up at the machine.

"Do you want to know what it is?" the man asked at the start of the scan

"definitely…I need to know what to shop for…duh!" Alice said. As the scan started up I noticed the man's face start to drop. He left the room for a second and returned with another technician.

"what? What's wrong?" Alice asked scared.

"Your having quadruplets…and by the look of it they're identical…they're all in the same aminotic sack." The new tech said as they scanned her belly some more. Well that explained why Alice looked a lot father along then she was. This was like god smiting her for what she did.

"FOUR…BUT I WAS TOLD THAT I WAS ONLY HAVING ONE!" Alice gasped shocked. Rose and I gave an "oh shit" look to each other. We were going to definitely be watching those kids a lot.

"Well your other ultrasoundest was either stupid or blind…because we both definitely see four…and by the look of it they're all girls!" the man said.

"Four girls…four _girls_…four little dolls that I can shop for and dress three times a day…I have to get out of here soon…four nurseries to shop for!" Alice started squealing. The nurses were looking at her strangely. Alice was on cloud nine. Rosalie then jumped on.

"so do you want to know?" the man asked her.

"Okay." Rosalie said. They started to scan her stomach.

"How many do you see?" Rosalie asked hopeful.

" Oh we only see one…it looks like your having a baby boy!" the man said. Rosalie gave a small smile, thanked the man and jumped off the table.

"boys are fun too…ours will probably play together a lot…they're going to be like brothers!" Rosalie said happily.

"Rosalie why couldn't you have a girl…we could have had so much fun shopping together…at least Bella is having one girl!" Alice said as we made our way to check out.

"Geez thanks so much Alice." Rosalie said.

"You know this is going to be great…between Jasper and Edward Emmett's never going to take your boy to sports authority…and fashionable Auntie Alice and daughters are going to go with you and your little girl shopping like atleast once a week. Rosalie I cant speak much for you…your welcome to come with us but it is Emmett's son so I don't think we can stop him there!" Alice said.

"Quads…wow…this is going to be great!" Alice said. Rose and I looked at each other…I knew exactly what she was thinking…no it wont. I didn't know if Alice had the patience to deal with four screaming babies…all at once. Alice could barely raise a fish never mind four children. It was then that Rose took her phone out. She placed it on speaker and called the guys. Emmett picked up.

"Hello?" Emmett asked.

"Hey Em…we have some news…I think you guys better sit down…especially Edward and Jasper." Rosalie said.

"okay!" Emmett said. I was going to break my news first. It was going to be less of a shock when Alice broke her news.

"Um Edward…are you really sitting down?" I asked.

"Yes…what's going on?…What is it?" Edward asked.

"ITS TWINS!" I shouted on the phone.

"T-TWO!" Edward gasped happily.

"Cool just like me and Edward!" Emmett said.

"No try more like my father and Aunt Charlie…or Rose and Jasper." I said.

"A boy and a girl?" Edward asked estatic.

"HAHA sucks to be you…now you have no excuse to sleep when they cry!" Emmett laughed. Alice then grabbed the phone.

"JASPER…WE'RE HAVING FOUR BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRLS…EEEEEEEE!" Alice roared into the phone. We could hear a chocking noise in the background.

"Emmett? EMMETT?..ARE YOU OKAY!" Jasper asked afraid. We heard a huge gasping sound followed by Emmett saying " did she just say four of her?"

"FOUR…FOUR…GOD I'VE NEVER TAKEN CARE OF ONE CHILD NEVERMIND FOUR!" Jasper started to panic. We could hear a loud bang.

"Jasper has left the building…Edward's tending to him right now…geez I hope he didn't bang his head too hard when he passed out…he just sort of slumped off the couch…Rose please tell me your having no less then triplets!" Emmett said worriedly.

"No Emmett…I'm having one beautiful baby boy!" Rosalie said.

"YES! SPORTS AUTHORITY! EDWARD YOU AND I ARE GOING TO HAVE TO HIT THAT UP TOGETHER!" Emmett exclaimed sounding similar to Alice.

"OVER MY DEAD BODY WILL YOU BE TAKING HIM THERE…EMMETT I'M WILLING TO MAKE A CONSESSION WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR SON BUT I DRAW THE LINE THERE…EDWARD AND HIS CHILD ARE NOT STEPPING FOOT IN ANY SPORTING GOODS STORES…THE MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN DOESN'T WANT THEM THERE AND SHE HAS LIKE NO FASHION SENSE ( Alice whispered "back me up on this…trust me!") ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Alice roared hanging up the phone. She then dragged us to the mall. When we returned a few hours later Emmett was on the phone with Jacob.

"MAN WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TAKE ME TO THAT BAR FIVE MONTHS AGO…NOW THAT JESSICA'S PREGNANT…SHE JUST GAVE ME THE NEWS LAST NIGHT…QUIL WANTED TO DIVORCE ME…I HAD TO BEG HIM TO STAY…SHE WAITED FIVE MONTHS TO TELL ME SO SHE COULD TRAP ME!" Jacob roared.

"Jacob chill…what happened?" Emmett asked. Rosalie threw a death glare which he didn't catch.

"WELL AFTER YOU LEFT ME IN THE STALL I BLACKED OUT…THE NEXT THING I REMEMBERED WAS COMING TO IN JESSICA'S BED…I WAS SO GROSSED OUT!" Jacob cried.

"man I know that feeling…been there done that!" Emmett said.

"AND THEN LAST NIGHT I GET THE CALL RIGHT IN FRONT OF QUILIE…SHE SENT ME A PICTURE OF HER EXTENED BODY." Jacob whined.

"How'd Billy take the news?" Emmett asked.

"He said that he was proud that I got laid once in my life" Jacob said. From the sound I guessed that Jacob held the phone up to the the background.

"I'M GONNA BE A GRANDPA…I'M GONNA BE POPS…I'M GONNA BE A GRANDPA…I'M GONNA BE POPS…GO BILLY GO BILLY GO GO BILLY!" Billy was singing in the background…the wheelchair squeaking away.

"Oh I know that feeling" Emmett said holding up the phone. Alice was dancing behind us and singing "I'M GONNA HAVE QUADUPLETS…I'M GONNA HAVE GIRLS…I'M GONNA HAVE QUADUPLETS…I'M GONNA HAVE GIRLS…GO ALICE GO ALICE GO GO ALICE!"

"OH ALICE YOUR HAVING FOUR GIRLS?" Jacob asked excitedly

"YEP!" Alice said excitedly. They squealed together.

"It gets better Jacob…Bella's having twins…and Rose is having a baby boy!" Alice said before I could stop her. Jacob would tell Billy who would go running to my father. I was going to have to speed dial him right away.

"AWW WHAT ARE THEY?" Jacob squealed.

"boy and girl!" Alice said thrilled.

"AWW SOO CUTE…INSTANT FAMILY…ALICE YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS!" Jacob squealed.

"I KNOW… TRIPPLE GRAND BABYSHOWER!" Alice said as if heaven opened it's pearly gates and shined on her.

"JACOB WE HAVE TO START PLANING IMMEDIATELY…NOT A LOT OF TIME SO MUCH TO DO!" Alice said'

"but that's how we roll!" Jacob said.

"so I hear we're not the only ones that the stork has visited…what about your little bundle of joy?" Alice asked.

"ugh well I have to tell you I didn't see that one coming…I think I passed out when Jessica told me…frankly I don't know what I would do if we weren't merging companies ( Alice and Jacob got their parents to agree to a merger) I mean I cant leave my child with some strange woman who acts like that…especially if its her ( Jacob preferred to use the feminine term) mother…Billy gave me some laywer's names so I can gain full custody…I mean if I can prove she took advantage of me then they'll have to over look anything bad about me…all I need is Emmett's testimony (Rosalie snarled and looked at Emmett) and it's a slam dunk!…I have to go…I have to call a lawyer!" Jacob said hanging up. Rosalie turned and roared "Emmett what happened!"

"Well see I wanted some guy time with someone that was not having a baby so I called Jacob and…" Emmett started up

__

Flashback

Emmett's point of view.

Jacob and I were sitting at the bar taking shots of vodka. His whatever he calls him was out with some college buddies so it was just Jacob and I. I'll admit it I was gone and Jacob looked like he was really feeling it.

"So Jacob have you ever even considered kissing a girl?" I slurred.

"No not really…I know I can kiss a girl…I just don't want to!" Jacob said very drunk. I was really leary being around him while trashed but I figured that since we were in front of wittnesses it was okay and he was like a chick anyways.

"I bet you

"Okay I'll take that bet!" Jacob said. We headed into the womens rest room when Jessica Stanley walked in right behind us. Perfect! She was easy enough. She'd make out with anything…hell she might be enough to turn Jacob straight! She held him up against the wall and they started to heavily make out. I then left the room. Two hours that I barely remember later I saw Jessica dragging a passed out Jacob out of the bathroom and towards the exit. Looked like he was going to see some action that he's never seen before! I can be such a good friend!

End of flashback

cant_ kiss a girl!" I said._

BPV

"YOU DID WHAT! EMMETT HOW COULD YOU…FIRST YOU GO TO A BAR WITH YOUR WIFE …WHO'S CARRYING YOUR CHILD…AND YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY AT HOME. THEN YOU **PROCEED** TO GET INHILATED AND RUIN PEOPLE'S RELATION SHIPS! JACOB'S GOING TO FATHER A CHILD NOW BECAUSE YOU HAD TO OPEN YOUR FLAPPER…GOD I CANT LOOK AT YOU RIGHT NOW!" Rosalie snarled

"I don't get what the big deal is…it's not Emmett's fault Jessica cant keep her pants on…personally I think this is a new low for her!" Alice said. Like Alice should be speaking though…she was having quads, I was having twins, and Rose was reproducing another Emmett because of her.

" peanut factory!" Rosalie snarled

"Shut up…your not having quads!" Alice said.

"Stop rubbing it in our face!" Rosalie said

"who's rubbing it…do you know how long I'm going to have stretch marks for…the minute these kids come out…tummy tuck!" Alice said. I then got on the phone with Charlie. Luckily I beat Billy to the punch.

"Hey Bells!" Charlie said picking up the phone.

"Hey dad…I have some news!" I said.

"What…did you find out what it is yet?" Charlie asked excited. He was just starting to accept being a grandfather…I didn't know how he was going to take this.

"Dad are you sitting down….and nowhere near your guns and car keys?" I asked.

"Bells…what is it?" he asked more seriously

"Dad…there's been a little um change of plans." I said nervous. Charlie took my nervousness as sadness.

"Did you loose the baby?" Charlie asked oddly sympathetic.

"um no…how would you feel if I told you that there was going to be another set of twins in the family?" I asked.

"YOUR GOING TO MAKE ME A GRANDFATHER TWICE OVER!" Charlie gasped. I could hear chocking sounds. Crap I should of asked him if he had food in his mouth.

"WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU…ONE GRANDCHILD'S BAD ENOUGH BUT TWO? I JUST TURNED 50...I'M TOO YOUNG TO BE A GRAMPS…NEVERMIND GRAMPS X 2!" Charlie cried into the phone.

"Dad it's not like I set out to get pregnant with twins just to piss you off. Accidents happen. If anything you should blame Alice…she did some unsavory things that lead to this happening." I said.

"PUT ALICE ON THE PHONE!" Charlie roared. I gave the phone to Alice.

"Honestly Uncle Charlie I don't know what she's talking about …pregnancy hormones …alright already…well see there was this birth control pill and I kinda didn't check the effectivity and I placed Bella on it. Who knew it was ineffective…so anyways Emmett and I had decided that we wanted them to have a little more natural fun. I honestly thought she was protected. I didn't mean for this to happen…well I kinda did. See I figured that one of us would get pregnant. I didn't consider something like this happening though!" Alice said . She handed the phone back to me.

" alright well I guess I don't have a say in this…but we will be talking more Bells!" Charlie said hanging up the phone.

"So Alice you practically got your cousin knocked up…are you keeping any other secrets?" Jasper asked cocking an eyebrow.

NO !" Alice said really fast while running away.

"really…is there something that I should know about?" Jasper asked seriously. I didn't know if I should tell him. She was my cousin but he did have the right to know.

"Alice lied to you…_her_ birth control didn't fail…SHE RAN OUT…she had to cover the lie of telling you she was on it by lying some more. Basically this is how Alice got knocked up…she ran out of her pills and probably didn't pack anymore on pourpose and when the opportunity arose she took it." Edward said. Jasper looked livid.

"We're stuck with quads now because of her selfishness…I'm going to have a talk with her about lying and devious behavior…I am so sorry about all of this!" Jasper hissed. He went upstairs. Alice came down and pouted.

"Jasper's going back to his old room for the week!" Alice cried.

"Why did you guys tell him…this is all your fault!" Alice cried some more.

"No its yours…you are the one who got everyone pregnant…and you are the one who lied to everyone for all these months. Bella and I had to bite our tounges around everyone because we were afraid of upsetting everybody. My wife's having twins because you wanted a baby doll. The only payback I get is that your having quads…and all the trouble that comes with them. I can handle two…but CAN YOU HANDLE FOUR! The person who I really feel bad for is poor Jasper…four little yous…THAT'S A NIGHTMARE!" Edward roared the last part. Alice stood there with her mouth hanging open.

"YEAH EDWARD I'VE BEEN WANTING TO SAY THAT TO ALICE FOR THE LONGEST TIME…I DIDN'T WANT TO BE A PARENT AND SHE GOT MY WIFE PREGNANT….SHE FORCED US INTO MARRIAGE…AND SHE FORCED US INTO PARENTHOOD…ROSE NOT THAT I'M NOT HAPPY ABOUT HAVING A KID…THAT'S REALLY COOL AND EVERYTHING BUT I WISH THAT IT COULD OF HAPPENED A LITTLE MORE DOWN THE ROAD. I MEAN IS IT WRONG FOR ME TO FEEL A LITTLE OVER MY HEAD RIGHT NOW!" Emmett shouted.

"Wow for once Emmett …you actually made sense!" Edward said.

"I'm not completely stupid you know!" Emmett said.

"I didn't plan for this to happen…sorry I just wanted everyone to be happy…I just wanted everyone to go through this together!" Alice said.

"well you cant control people's lives…that's not the way things work!" Edward said

"You ever stop and consider what if I didn't want to be a dad right now?" Emmett asked

"oh Emmett you say that now but when you see that little bundle of joy named Emmett Jr. your gonna wonder why you were so mad at me!" Alice said. She then walked away.


	31. Chapter 31

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**i dont own twilight S/M does. Thanks for the reviews...keep them coming! **

Chapter 31

BPV

We all forgave Alice later that day. We figured that the dammage was already done so there was nothing more we could do. Alice's parents were more than thrilled that she was having quaduplets…Jasper's parents took the opposite point of view. I'm surprised that we didn't find Alice dead the day after we told them. I think they actually took it worse then Charlie with twins. A few weeks later Rose and I got a text message saying to meet her at some resturante for lunch. We told the boys that we were heading out. When we walked in we were baraged by a sea of pink and blue decrations.

"SURPRISE!" Alice shouted with like 40 people stepping out from behind a huge pink balloon.

"Alice there is a very big difference between going out to lunch and a baby shower!" I exclaimed

"Oh I know…but I also know that if I had said it was a baby shower you and Rose would never step foot outside the house…I had to say something!" Alice said

"How did you even do this Alice…the doctor said that you weren't allowed to lift things and on top of that you kept it a secret!" I asked.

"Oh it was easy…I pointed and he lifted…I'm finding that this (she gestured to her huge stomach) is making me a very persuasive person!" Alice said pointing to Jacob who smiled and waived timidly while standing near the three three tiered cupcake holders that were intermittently sprinkled with pink and blue cup cakes. More like Alice unleashed her pushyness full force on Jacob.

"You know isn't it good we found out what we're having…I mean I don't think unisex yellow would look good with these walls!" Alice said.

"I don't know Alice…I think an earthy gold would of looked great!" Jacob said.

"Jacob…dear sweet Jacob…your shower is coming up next month (Jacob was hosting his own shower…he was in the mist of getting Jessica to give up her rights and things looked like they were going in his favor) and you can do whatever colors you choose when that happens. This however is my…I mean our (she pointed to Rose and I) shower and these are the colors that were chosen." Alice said.

" I know I know…you told me this like thousands of times already!" Jacob said.

"and I will keep on saying it until it sinks in!" Alice said.

"so where is Quil?" I asked.

"Over there fighting with Jessica…again." Jacob said pointing to Quil and a moderately pregnant Jessica Stanley. Since she had told him Jessica practically moved in with Jacob and Quil…which annoyed Quil to no end. I could see why though…it was nice enough of him to accept the child…Jessica was starting to push it too much. I had to say I was shocked at her size though I knew how far along she was …ever since she switched to accounting I never saw her. The pregnant look didn't suit her well. I wished I brought a camera.

"ugh she looks like a cow stuffed in a tube top…and someone should tell her that booty shorts and pregnant bellies don't mix." Alice said I saw Jacob snapping pictures on his phone.

"I know…I've told her like five times to change the way she dresses but she wont…plus side is that I can use these pictures against her in court…I'm so close to getting her to say yes that I can taste it!" Jacob said.

"And I thought I'd seen it all…that's just nasty!" Rosalie gagged.

"Okay guys we're going to play a few games….first it's going to be how many sheets of toilet paper will it take to wrap around my stomach considering I'm definitely the largest out of the three of us. Then it's going to be guess the baby weights and finally we're going to play pin the top on the baby bottle!" Alice said to the crowd.

"So do you guys have any names picked out?" Jacob asked me hopefully. Obviously he was routing for his name in there some where.

"Edward and I decided to announce the names when the children are born…your going to have to be surprised Jake just like the rest if them!" I said. Edward and I had setteled on the names about a week ago. We decided that for the fun of it we wouldn't tell anyone. The others seemed to follow in our lead… Alice probably so that she could be apart of the crowd or something like that.

"Oh no fun!" Jacob said.

"No what's no fun is not finding out the sex of your child just so you could have a yellow themed baby shower…do you how how hard it's going to be looking for unisex clothes…never mind make them!" Alice defended me.

"Geez if your that up in arms about it I'll find out and just tell you thst way you can sneek in a dress or a little tux or something!" Jacob said.

"That's not good enough Jake…you know I like some recognition for my designs in public!" Alice said as a wad of toilet paper snapped around her stomach

"Sorry hunny…I wish I was that small!" Alice laughed. The paper was only about wrist length. It was then that Jessica came walking over.

"ooh Alice looking so …big…never thought you'd be one of those pregnant people that sits on their ass and eats Twinkies all day long!" Jessica said.

"For your FYI…if you ever bothered to read the company new's letters or strike up a decent length conversation with your baby's daddy you would of known that I'm expecting quaduplets and your not looking so small yourself there. Stopped doing the palatis I see!" Alice sneered.

"ugh I know…you look nine months at a little more than five months along…god bless you for the next almost four months!" Rosalie said to Jessica.

"Jakey why don't you defend me from these mean people…I am your wi…I mean the mother of your child!" Jessica whined. Quil looked like he wanted to hit her. Well if that was the case none of us …except Jake out of fear of harming his precious little baby…would stop him.

"Jessica…I told you that Quil is the only one who can call me Jakey and you did just insult Alice…you weren't too innocent in this!" Jacob said pissed. I noticed Quil develop a slight smile. He really could not stand this situation. I bet he couldn't wait till it was over that child was safe in Jacob's arms and Jessica safely away from them.

"but Jakey!" Jessica cried.

"Jake contol your baby making machine…I don't think I can stand to have her crying again…she almost destroyed my shower gifts walking in here!" Alice said. Jacob walked her back to a seat and handed her a tissue. Then he walked to Quil who was shooting daggers at her.

"Alright guys…we're going to play guess the babies weights now!" Alice said tossing papers to Jake and Quil to hand out. As soon as they were finished they headed back over.

"Alice I have to hand it to you…you are a genius when it comes to parties…you really know your stuff!" Quil said looking around.

"Thank you!" Alice said. Jessica then started to saunter over. Before she was with in hearing range (She was on the other side of the room) Quil said "Man Jake out of all the mistakes you could make…why couldn't you at least knock up a normal girl who would just hand us the kid and leave us be?"

"I take it things aren't going too smoothly." I said.

"Definitely not…that girl doesn't seem to understand the word _husband_…she tries to force Jake over there to do her every whim and when I speak out against it she says "I am the mother of his child…I out rank you husband thing!" ooh I cant stand her" Quil growled.

"wow that sucks…that's too bad." Alice said.

"I know and she like disrespects Billy…makes fun of his wheelchair…and she's in _his_ home. Its disgusting. She thinks she's gods gift and I cant stand it!" Quil complained.

" she makes fun of Billy?" Alice asked shocked.

"Yeah…calls him the wheeled freak or the chair police…that's okay Billy calls her the pregnant whore so he dishes it right back to her." Quil said.

"Wow…bet she's the first to go after the merger." Alice said disgusted

"me too!" Quil said throwing a dirty glare towards Jessica.

"Jakey can you get me a cupcake…the baby's hungry!" Jessica whined. Jacob grunted, reached behind him and grabbed a cupcake. Quil looked nauseated.

"And can you go to that punchbowl way over there ( she pointed to the other side of the room) and get me a drink so that I can wash it down." Jessica pleaded. Jacob unwillingly did as she commanded.

"Ooh and while your over there can you go to the Sunday making station and make me a Sunday loaded with everything that's over there?" Jessica asked. Quil looked like he was desprately trying to keep his mouth shut.

"Ooh and when we sit down a foot massage would be great!" Jessica said as Jacob walked back with her food and drink.

"That is _enough_…Jakey you don't have to be her bitch. I am sick of you ordering him around. I want time with _my_ husband…he married _me…_not you! You have no right to speak to him that way…baby mama or not. All you do is sit on our couch, bark orders, eat, sleep, and make fun of Billy all day long. Every time I try to have some alone time with _my _husband you belch out that you need something. You ALWAYS need something whether it's a foot massage, weird foods, or something to drink. You don't have a broken leg you know…you can get some stuff yourself…hell the doctor told you to exercise MORE! SO GIVE YOUR OWN FOOT MASSAGE LADY!" Quil spat. I don't think I ever seen Quil flip out before…this was a first.

"You are always SOO mean to me!" Jessica cried running off.

"HA! I'm always mean to HER!" Quil snorted

"Wonderful…I am so so sorry we brought her along guys…it's just that we couldn't escape her. She wanted to come along. She planted herself in our car right as we said we were leaving…it was horrible!" Jacob said.

" Well Quil…I think we have to go say something to her…I don't want to leave the shower and I don't think you do either!" Jacob said as he and Quil darted off to the other side of the room.

"Wow…don't want to be in that house tonight…or until Jessica pops that kid out." Alice said. We nodded in agreement.

"Alright guys it's time to play pin the top on the baby bottle…now if you would all line up in the back there and grab tops and blind folds that would be great!" Alice called as there was a rush to the back.

" having fun?" Alice asked Rose and I.

"Yeah!" Rose and I said together. We looked over as the mothers joined the games. Alice's mother in law was still giving her nasty glares. She still wasn't happy about the quads…I didn't think she ever would. My mom, Esme and Aunt Charlie were too busy planning a huge shopping spree to notice the glare.

"Alice she's eventually going to have to get over it…don't sweat it." Rosalie said

"I wont…it would have been nice though to have your parent's support you know." Alice said.

"Yeah well I think that they're just overwhelmed with having five grandkids coming at the same time. I think they feel that they're going to be stretched thin with all the babies." Rosalie said while winking at me. Truth was that they felt that Alice was unprepared for the demands of four children…they felt that she couldn't even handle one and that she wasn't going to be able to hack it and leave it up to the rest of us…they told Rosalie that when they got her alone.

" yeah…they'll eventually accept it." Alice said.

"Alright…time to open gifts!" Alice said launching herself towards a chair.

"But we didn't get you anything!" I said as Alice tossed me and Rose the first gift…which was from her.

"Oh that's okay…next time we go shopping you can get me things!" Alice said. I opened mine to reveal two blankets. They were bright metallic pink and deep metallic blue. Alice's initials were sewn into the corner. I picked up a very Alice style dress that was made out of the same material as the pink blanket and what looked like a mini replica of one of Alice's incubus suits. I looked at Alice and thanked her. She beamed happily. She gave Rosalie something similar only it was a baby blue color. Alice got an explosion of clothes, diaper dispensers, car seats, sheets, highchairs and everything else that has to do with babies. We were going to have to call the boys just to get her stuff in my truck. I got the same thing only about half the amount of Alice's and Rosalie got the normal amount. We were definitely going to have to make multiple trips with more then one car. We were able to nab three rooms in the house for the nurseries. The study room, Alice's sewing room and a spare room that was in the down stairs apartment. Alice was going on about getting permission to make the house bigger so her kids could have their own rooms.

"Aren't I lucky I'm having quads…do you know how many multiple amounts of the same gift I got!" Alice said holding up a dress that Jacob made in adoration. It was probably the most flashiest thing that he had ever made…which meant Alice loved it.

"You know we can swap baby clothes…you can borrow some of my stuff!" Alice said staring at a bright pink shirt that I had in my hand with envy. I had a feeling that it would end up on one of her quads…or all of them.

"So did you like our gifts?" Jacob asked walking over.

"Jake the four dresses were so cute…I love how you tied in all the different shades of pink!" Alice beamed

"Well you were the inspiration…I knew that you'd be angry if we had used brown…Quilie came up with the concept…I chose the colors…and it (he pointed to a waiving Jessica) added the design…we never told her it was for you." Jacob said.

" Aww thanks!" Alice smiled.

" it was the same for you guys…do you like them?" Jacob asked me and Rose. Jacob gave me a black top and jeans for my little boy and a dress that was the purple version of Alice's. Rosalie got a white small polo like top and similar jeans.

"I love them!" I said.

"Me too!" Rosalie said.

"We're going to have to do something similar for his shower…if he changes his mind about finding out!" Alice said.

"Your going to trust me…with helping design something?" I asked shocked.

"Oh stop the belly aching… you are good at doodling…you can draw out a design that I can sow!" Alice said. We called the boys once the shower ended . They came and picked the stuff up. To make up for Alice's surprise shower Edward and I went out that night. We chose to go for a night out on the town…see what we wanted to do when got there. We stopped and got a cone of ice cream and then went to a small café. After that Edward paid someone off to take us on a horse drawn carriage though the city. He was so cute! I rested my head on his shoulder for the entire ride.

" for a city everything seems so quiet!" I said. all we could hear was the hooves of the horse hitting pavement.

"oh I know!" Edward said.

"how do you think the other's are going to react to the names?" Edward asked.

" oh I think they'll love them…I know that I do!" I said.

"And I do to…and that's all that counts!" Edward said. We looked up at the sparkling sky and Edward smiled my favorite crooked smile. We watched as a shooting star shot across the sky.

"Aren't you going to wish upon a star?" I joked.

"my wish was already granted!" Edward joked back. We then kissed. The flames of passion lit but were dimmed when my little boy kicked so hard that Edward actually felt it against his rib. Huh must of took after his grandpa Charlie.

"he's already got one hell of a kick…don't tell Emmett that…he'll have him training to be the kicker for his football team before he comes out of utero!" Edward joked I could already see that happening along with Emmett training his boy to be the line backer. Both of them then turned my kidneys into their personal punching bags. Boy they could hurt.

"they're kicking again!" I said.

"where?" Edward asked with his hand half raised in the air.

"oh you cant feel it…they're taking kidney shots right now." I said.

"Guys stop hurting mommy…she needs those you know!" Edward joked speaking to my stomach. The minute he said that the babies stopped. Huh I was going to have to use that the next time they did that.

"now back to what we were doing!" Edward said as we leaned in and kissed again. I placed my hand over my stomach to block any more kicks.


	32. Chapter 32

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**i dont own twilight S/M does. Thanks for the reviews...keep them coming! **

Chapter 32

BPV.

We only grew bigger as the next few months passed. Since Alice had a repaired pelvis and was carrying Quads she had no choice but to go through a c-section. She looked freaky. She looked like the girl who turned into the blueberry in Willy Wanka and the chocolate factory . The weird part was that her arms and legs still looked stick skinny…it was a wonder that they didn't snap under all the weight. We had the nurseries all set up and waiting for the kids. It was a wonder how Alice fit everything in hers and still had room for the thousands upon thousands of piles of clothes stored in the closet. I was still wondering how we were going to fit seven more people in that house. Everything was going to be fine for now…but when the babies started walking we were going to have some problems. The morning of Alice's c-section arouse quickly. She was very lucky…she got to stay home until the last possible minute. We all got into Emmett's jeep…it was the only one that could hold us all. Alice and Jasper looked at each other nervously all the way to the hospital. I started feeling uncomfortable in the car…kind of like a light cramping feeling.

"Today's the day…today's the day!" Alice chirped as she was checked into the hospital. Jasper had a worried look to his face…that was understandable…his wife was going to have a major operation. He was probably worried about if something went wrong or something. Alice's parents, our grand parents, and my father met us at the hospital. Jasper's parents were on their way. They were still pissed but they weren't cold enough to miss out on their grandchildren's birth.

"My daughter's going to be a mommy…I'm going to be a grandma!" Alice's mom was blubbering. Uncle Andy handed her a tissue.

"Wow I'm going to be a gramps…we're getting old!" Uncle Andy said.

"Speak to me when your great grand children are being born…then we'll talk about being old!" my grandfather said.

"twenty years goes by in a blink of an eye…wouldn't doubt if you of all people held on to see your great great grand children born. "When your great great children are being born tell me about being old!"" Uncle Andy said in a mock elderly person's voice.

"nah I don't think I'll hold on that long…well maybe to see one of them!" my grandpa said.

"this reminds me of the day you were born Ch- Alice…your dad even made a similar comment about being a dad and feeling old…you guys were such beautiful babies…we were thinking about signing you guys up to model for babies r' us. Ugh that was such a happy day. I still remember you two first meeting…bringing the two day old Bella/ Charlie in right as you popped right on out in the operating room!" Grandpa Charlie said reminisantly. Oh that's just great!

"So wait a minute your birthday Alice was on my wedding day…why didn't you say something…we would of got you gifts?" Rosalie asked.

"I did get a gift on my birthday…a brother in law…and I got to plan a wedding ceremony…that's a gift all in it's self…although you could have been a little more nicer to me!" Alice said.

"Guys don't start this again!" I warned. Rosalie looked extremely apologetic…remembering how she treated Alice that day.

"And then you grabbed her hand and smiled. Doctor said it was gas but I know it wasn't. You then got a look at the onsey she was wearing and gave it a dirty look. We could tell that you were a Brandon even then. As you can tell the Swans don't have much of a fashion sense." Grandpa was carrying on as if he hadn't stopped. Everyone snickered. Alice never changed. They then brought her to her room and we waited for her to get changed.

"you know what sucks about this though…I'm the first one…couldn't one of you at least had yours first that way I would of known what to expect!" Alice said jumping onto the bed. They started hooking her to monitors.

"well sorry we couldn't fit your schedule Alice!." Rosalie said. Just then that cramping feeling hit again only it was more intense. I gritted my teeth and willed my self not to cry out in pain. Luckily no one noticed.

" yeah whatever…cant cry over spilled milk …cant wait for the babies though…BABIES BABIES BABIES!" Alice chirped as they hooked an iv into her arm. Just then the worst pain in my life hit. It felt like someone took a knife and stabbed me in the stomach and was ripping my insides with them.

"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" I screamed falling onto Alice.

""BABIES!" Alice exclaimed happily.

"Oh stop faking Bella!" Emmett said clueless. Edward realized immediately that this was the real deal from the look on my face.

"She's not faking…just because you would do something that moronic doesn't mean anyone else would…just look at her face…she's in pain!" Edward said really pissed at Emmett. Rosalie shot up at that point and got a nurse. They were putting me in the wheel chair when my water broke.

"EW SHE'S PEEING!" Emmett said as the fluid splashed against his Nikes

"YOU IDIOT…THAT IS NOT PEE…THAT IS HER WATER BREAKING…OUT OF MY WAY…THAT IS MY FAMILY!" Rosalie said shoving a bunch of nurses out of the way.

"Why don't you sit down miss…your pretty close to term your self…why don't you sit down and relax for the health of your baby!" the nurses said.

"SHE NEEDS ME…I GO WHRE THEY GO…COME ALONG EMMETT!" Rosalie said dragging Emmett behind us.

"Cant you guys reschedule me…I don't want to miss this…my cousin and her babies…NO!NOO! PUT THAT NEEDLE DOWN!" Alice cried from her room. Rosalie whipped out a video camera at this point.

"I'M CAPTURING EVERYTHING…I KNEW I WAS GOING TO NEED THIS!" Rosalie said as they checked to see how far along I was.

"Your about 7 center meters…your cousin might just get though her procedure and be back in time to see you have yours…think about it…if you two give birth on the same day then your kids are going to have the same birthdays!" my doctor said. Oh no…I realized that Alice already thought about this…birthday parties…this was probably her original plan all along.

"I'm going to go to the convenience store…get myself a protein drink…Eddie since your going to be a dad I'm going to get you one too!" Emmett said.

"Don't stray too far…your niece and nephew are going to be here pretty soon…do you know you were in labor for a few hours?" My doctor asked.

"What?" I asked. Well I kinda felt it in the car…but the stuff before hand I thought was indigestion.

"your very lucky you were in the hospital when this happened!" The doctor said. We could hear Charlie roar in the waiting room "WHAT…MY BABY'S IN WHAT? LET ME SEE HER!" followed by a loud thud. My Aunt came in screaming "CHARLIE CHARLES…ARE YOU OKAY?"

Definitely crossing that name off the list for a girl!" Edward whispered. I couldn't agree with him more.

"just fine!" I grunted.

"I feel your pain…do you know how big Charlie Anthony a.k.a Alice was…she was 11/7 and I was trapped for like 24 hours in labor with her before they did a c-section…took that long to realize that I wasn't big enough to give birth to that kind of baby!" Aunt Charlie said. I didn't need to know this…especially now that I was in labor. It was then that I felt something that wasn't supposed to be there. It kinda felt like a head where a head is not supposed to be.

"UM NURSE I'M FEELING SOMETHING!" I shouted. It was really painful…CONSIDERING THEY DIDN'T GIVE ME MY NUMBING MEDICATION YET!

"Contractions are normal sweet heart!" the nurse said.

"Please just look for me…just please!" I begged. The nurse walked over looking annoyed.

"See there's nothing wro-OH…DOCTOR!" The nurse shouted. The doctor shoved Aunt Charlie out of the way. Edward looked down right terrified. From behind the mob converging to help me I could see a camera zoom in.

"THIS IS GREAT FOOTAGE…SMILE FOR THE CAMERA BELLA!" Rosalie called.

"ROSALIE!" I screamed half out of pain half out of rage.

"GET HER OUT OF HERE!" The doctors roared. Rosalie was escorted out of the room. About a minute later I heard a camera zoom in from right next to me. I looked to see Rosalie in nursing scrubs…her pregnant belly protruding out of them.

"how does it feel to be giving birth to your new born children Bella?" Rosalie whispered.

"IT FUCKING HURTS…ROSALIE I SWEAR TO GOD GET THAT CAMERA OUT OF MY FACE!" I shouted. Right as the baby's head came out and the doctors were trying to work on me Jasper's head popped through the door.

"Hey guys just came because I'm waiting for Alice's numbing medication to take effect and I wanted to see how you were doing…I see your doing very well…I'm just going to leave now!" Jasper said sticking his head out of the door but I could still see the greening of his face.

"As you can tell he's very squeamish…I don't know how he's going to handle watching the babies pop out of Alice's stomach…I heard a c-section is more bloody than this! " Rosalie said zooming in on the people cleaning my daughter off who was crying still. She then took her attention back towards me.

"Ooh here comes baby number two!" Rosalie exclaimed as a fresh round of pain hit. I was starting to tire out from all the pushing. I could see Rosalie's delighted face as she zoomed the camera closer again.

"how does it feel to hear your newborns cry for the first time?" Rosalie asked as the second baby started to come out.

"ROSALIE I WILL BREAK THAT CAMERA SO HELP ME GOD!" I shouted. My son was then fully born and whisked to another isolate.

"Um what are their names?" the nurses asked me. Edward and I looked at each other.

"Charlie Anthony Cullen for the boy and Alice Mary Cullen for the girl ." I said. I noticed Rosalie smile.

"Rose my next one will be after you…its that Alice's been a very important person in my life for a very long time." I said.

"Don't worry Bella I was going to do the same if mine was a girl…I see that we agree that the name really does fit!" Rosalie laughed. They had just placed the babies in my arms when I could hear crying come all the way from the operating room. Then there was a loud thud followed by several loud crashes.

"Jazzy…JAZZY?…OH WELL…LOOKS LIKE I'M GOING TO HAVE TO NAME THEM!" Alice shouted. Oh no…Jasper's going to wish he didn't just faint.

"FENDI BENTLEY HALE!" I could hear Alice shout with a faint sound of a baby crying in the background. Definitely going to regret fainting. We all exchanged horrified glances. Alice would be the weirdo to name her kids after a pocket book or something like that.

"I am not going to have a niece named Fendi!" Rosalie said disgusted. We looked on as they wheeled Jasper out of the operating room…which was down the hall from me. Just then Emmett walked in.

"Oh man I missed the practice run?" Emmett asked.

"_Practice run?_ Emmett what about the video tapes I told you to watch?" Rosalie asked horrified.

"What's there to know…the baby pops out and the woman takes care of it!" Emmett said.

"Oh Emmett when I have this kid…you will not be saying that!" Rosalie said. A look of pain crossed her eyes. I knew that look anywhere considering I just went through that.

"OWWWWW! I NEED A WHEEL CHAIR!" Rosalie screamed

"Babe are you sure this is the real thing?" Emmett asked scared.

"I KNOW THE REAL THING ANYWHERE I JUST WITTNESSED IT…AND I'VE BEEN IN PAIN FOR THE LAST SEVEN HOURS!" Rosalie shouted.

"Why didn't you say anything?" We all asked.

"Well at first I didn't ruin Alice's day…and then when you went I wanted to be there and video tape it….look it they wouldn't postpone Alice's c-section…what did you think they would do for me!" Rosalie said. She handed the camera to Edward.

"Do you think you could video tape it for me?' Rosalie asked.

"Me? Video tape you…giving birth?" Edward asked weirded out.

"Babe I'll do it!" Emmett volunteered.

"No…you'll screw it up…you'll video tape your muscles the entire time!" Rosalie said

"uh Rosalie…I would…I really would…but my wife just had twins and I don't think I should leave her right now!" Edward said.

"Please Edward…Jasper cant do it…he's passed out in the ER right now ,and both Alice and Bella are out of commission right now…I know it's a lot to ask but please! There's no one else…I've been waiting for this moment for my entire life." Rosalie begged. Edward looked at me.

"I can do it babe!" Emmett said

"Go! This is an important moment for Rosalie…and she's right…Emmett's incompetent…Emmett cant record on a phone never mind his wife's delivery on a very expensive camcorder ( Alice had to tell him how to set up the web chats and she set up his web cam so that they could both watch us in the bedroom). I'll be fine. I got my family here!" I said. Charlie had just stepped into the room. His face was purple and he was hyperventilating. He still couldn't believe that his baby had babies. Rosalie dragged Edward out of the room. When I was alone I could see them take Alice's children out of the operating room. All of them looked exactly like her…down to the shape of their eye and they were all staring at me. Wouldn't doubt if they eventually developed her eye color. Edward came in twenty minutes later.

"Rosalie had a bouncing baby boy that's twelve pounds and named Roland… he looks exactly like Emmett!" Edward said exhausted. Poor man he saw almost as many babies born as Alice had. Charlie had left the room probably to go look at his grandchildren and grandnieces.

"Aww she must be exhausted." I said.

"if she is she isn't showing it. She was fighting the nurses to let her hold him some more when I left." Edward said. Typical Rosalie. It was then that Edward started to sway a little. Something clicked. He hadn't eaten all day.

" Edward go get something to eat!" I said.

"But I don't want to leave you…I want to help." Edward said.

"Edward…you wont be much use to me if your sitting next to Jasper in the ER…there's a vending machine in the waiting room anyways." I said.

"Alright I'll be back in two minutes!" Edward said. The minute he left I could see the Charlie's gather right outside my door. The way they were gathered I knew something was up. Little did they know that I could hear their conversation.

"This will not do. they should all be named Charlie…even their friend's child!" My grandfather was saying. Oh no not again!

"I know Dad…I love the name Charlie…frankly I didn't get why everyone else hated it…I felt so unique growing up!" Aunt Charlie said.

"Charlie I felt the same way.' Grandpa Charlie said

"You know what this means Charlie's…Charlie's unite!" My father said. I couldn't believe that they were still on that kick. Like what the fuck?

"I got the lock picker right here son!" my grandfather said. The three of them took off like bats out of hell. OH HELL NO…OVER MY DEAD BODY WERE THEY GOING TO DO THAT AGAIN ! Wasn't one baby named Charlie enough for them…they wanted seven !I moved myself into my wheelchair and launched myself down the hall.

"SOMEONE STOP THEM….STOP THEM!" I screamed wheeling myself down the hall. The Charlies were right in front of me. I happened to pass the waiting room at this time. Emmett was chugging a protein drink and talking to Edward. The minute he heard my voice Edward turned around in fear.

"THEY'RE TRYING TO BREAK INTO THE NERSERY AND RENAME _ALL_ OF OUR KIDS CHARLIE…WE HAVE TO STOP THEM!" I roared. Edward and Emmett took off bolting behind me, Edward grabbing the handlebars of my wheelchair and turning it before I could run smack into Jasper who was just stepping off the elevator from the ER. An elderly nurse then recognized the Charlie's.

"Hey it's the freaks who broke into the nursery 26 years ago to change their kids names!" she said grabbing a microphone.

"CODE GREEN IN THE NURSERY…CODE GREEN…BREAK IN IN PROGRESS…SECURITY REPORT TO THE NURSERY!" The lady called. A volley of nurses then joined the chase…Edward pushing the wheel chair as hard as he could.

"NO ONE CHANGES MY CHILD'S NAME!" Emmett roared pissed. It was then that we passed Rosalie's room. Rosalie wheeled out.

"Bella what's going on?" Rosalie asked.

"MY FAMILY IS TRYING TO CHANGE ALL OF OUR KIDS NAMES TO CHARLIE…INCLUDING YOURS!" I said.

"WHAT!OH HELL NO!" Rosalie exclaimed joining the chase. Emmett grabbed her wheel chair when she caught up to him. In the back I heard the squeak of a bed moving…Alice's voice dictating to follow the crowd.

APV

I was sitting on my new lap top in my hospital room looking at the designs that my temporary replacement had made. She had posted pictures on the company web site already. I had to say she could replicate my work perfectly. An announcement came over head

"CODE GREEN IN THE NURSERY…CODE GREEN…BREAK IN IN PROGRESS…SECURITY REPORT TO THE NURSERY!" OMG what if someone was trying to take my beautiful quads! It was then that I caught a conversation going on between the nurses as they walked into my room to check on me.

"yeah apparently some nut cases are trying to get into the nursery to name their grandkids after themselves. They tried the same thing 26 years ago or something but the kids eventually rejected the name or something…Becky ,who's been here since the beginning of time, told me the story. Said that everything was supposed to be hush hush for some reason…who ever those babies belong to I feel sorry for." the nurse said. Oh shit…that's my family!

"THAT'S MY FAMILY …THAT'S MY CHILDREN…TAKE ME THERE!" I ordered.. The nurses grabbed my bed and wheeled me into the hall right at the end of the chase.

"FOLLOW THAT STAMPEED!" I screamed. I saw Bella's head turned towards me from one of the wheelchairs. Damn it…I missed it! I didn't get to see my little baby cousins come into the world! The most important day of my cousin's life and I was stuck in a god damn operating room…seriously fuck my life! I then caught sight of Emmett pushing a messy haired Rosalie. I MISS EVERYTHING! LIKE SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK…COULDN'T THEY JUST HOLD IT IN TILL I COULD VISIT THEM OR SOMETHING!

BPV

Edward, Jasper, Emmett, a bunch of nurses, and Security guards tackled the Charlie's at the nursery entrance. Grandpa Charlie's lock pick was confiscated and the three were escorted back to the waiting room and held under guard until the other grandparents arrived. Apparently they "forgot" to inform everyone else that we were in labor…never mind already delivered them, and the only reason Jasper's parents knew about Rose was because they arrived right as Alice went into surgery . My mother…who strongly advocated against violence actually punched my dad out in the waiting room for pulling those stunts. What a story to tell my kids when they got older…"grandma Renee punched Grandpa Charlie out in the waiting room for not telling her that you guys came and for trying to change your name!" Edward and I were on our way to the nursery when everything started to go down. Edward's parents walked in looking nervous but excited. They questioned my father about everything except the name thing…I guess trying to avoid the subject. Then my mother came storming in . Edward stopped the wheelchair where we could see everything but not be seen.

"CHARLIE SWAN HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO OUR GRANDCHILD…YOU ALREADY HAVE ONE NAMED CHARLIE…YOU WANTED THE GIRL AS WELL!…AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN CALL ME TO TELL ME "HEY YOUR GRAND CHILDREN WERE BORN TODAY AND I ALMOST DID SOMETHING MORONIC!"…I HAD TO GET A MESSAGE FROM THE SECURITY GUARDS ON MY CELL PHONE!" Renee said as she decked Charlie hard enough that if Rose had seen she probably would of beamed with pride. Jasper and Rose's parents as well as my in laws looked away. My grandpa and Aunt just stood there with an open mouth.

"AND YOU TWO…DISPICABLE…IF THEY WANTED TO NAME ALL OF THEIR CHILDREN CHARLIE THEN THEY WOULD OF DONE SO…IT IS NOT YOUR CHOICE…IT'S THEIRS! THEY HAVE THE RIGHT TO NAME THEIR KIDS WHATEVER THEY WANT!" My mother snarled. Edward and I looked at each other and smiled. All we needed was my mother and Rose for babysitters and our kids would never be abducted.

It was at that time that the elevator doors opened again. If Edward hadn't pushed me out of the way we would have been involved in a three wheelchair accident. All I caught was a flash of Jacob and Quill holding hands and smiling before Edward got us safely out of the way. Damn Jessica was going in early. We then made our way to the nursery again. We were making faces at the twins when we noticed the four mini Alice's in the back. The names on the clips read " Fendi Bentley Hale, Gucci Porschea Hale, Prada Mercedes Hale, and Charlize Brandon Hale.". Huh so there's like two Charlie's in this batch and those three still wanted more? Bet when Jasper finds out what the names are he's really going to wish that he didn't faint. Edward shook his head at the names. We looked as little Roland fidgeted around. I swore to god that the kid already had a mini twelve pack…wispy blonde curls framed his dimpled face. He was the spitting image of his father…just with blonde hair. It was then that Jasper came out to join us. Judging by the look on his face ….Alice never told him the baby names.

"OH MY GOD…I THOUGHT WE AGREED THAT I WOULD NAME THE KIDS…I'M GOING TO HAVE KIDS WITH THE MIDDLE NAMES OF BENTLEY AND BRANDON…THOSE ARE BOYS NAMES!" Jasper gasped. Obviously Alice got her naming skills from her mom.

" I wanted Charlotte ,Maria, and you know Brandy-Lee…not Gucci and especially not Fendi and Prada…Charlize is okay in my mind …it's some what normal!" Jasper said. He then walked over to a nurse.

"I want to change my kids names…I wasn't present when my wife named them and we didn't agree to those names." Jasper said.

"Your going to have to talk to your wife about that sir." the nurse said.

"Common you have to admit they sound extremely ridiculous!" Jasper begged.

"I emphasize with you sir…and I appreciate you asking me instead of trying to break into the nursery to change the records…it's just that it's hospital policy that both parties have to agree to the name change!" The nurse said eyeing out the Charlie's who were still being reprimanded. Jasper then walked into Alice's room.

"Alice we need to talk…WHY IN GOD'S NAME DID YOU NAME OUR CHILDREN GUCCI, PRADA AND FENDI…WE AGREED ON CHARLIZE BUT WHAT THE FUCK?" Jasper growled the last part.

"I've always wanted to be named Gucci…it's an honor…who wouldn't want to be named after the most prestigious fashion designers!" Alice said. We could see Jasper shake his head.

"your so far out of reality…who would want to be named that!" Jasper said.

"I would!" Alice said.

"My point exactly!" Jasper said.

"I'm changing all three names!" Jasper said.

"Oh no your not!" Alice said.

"Oh yes I am!" Jasper said.

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Alright…how about you name two and I name two!" Alice said.

"DEAL!" Jasper said. He then walked out of the room.

"Alright we agreed to change two of the names…Fendi Bentley and Prada Mercedes…Fendi is going to be Brandy-Lee Anne and Prada is going to be Charlotte Maria." Jasper said to the nurse. She went into the nursery and changed everything.

"Brandy-Lee Anne…BRANDY-LEE ANNE!" Alice gasped from her room.

"Shut up Gucci Porschea. You named your kid after your favorite car and your favorite clothing line!" Jasper said. As the nurse was switching the two names a brown ugly ball was brought in. Jacob walked up to us beaming with pride.

"Quilateara Stanley Ateara Ateara -Black just came into the world!" Jacob said ecstatically.

"Uh Jake I thought you told Alice that you were having a girl?" I asked.

"She is sweetie…Quilie came up with the name…something about feeling left out in all this!" Jacob said. It was then that we could hear a wheel chair squeaking behind us…Billy's voice cleared.

"Jacob my only granddaughter, my only grandchild that you will ever produce and you have to go and name her something masculine …like WHAT THE FUCK?" Billy said angrily.

"Dad it is my choice in names…it's my child!" Jacob said. Bet Billy never thought he'd be having this conversation with Jacob.

"Jacob your child is going to be the but of all jokes on the playground with that name…wont you even consider something like Jenna or Jenny or maybe something more close with your roots such as Little Bird ?" Billy asked.

"if someone's going to make fun of my child then they're the one's with problems…not me!" Jacob said.

"I can see your not going to budge on this son!" Billy said squeaking away.

"So where's your little bundles of love?" Jacob asked us.

"Oh there's little Alice and little Charlie." I said pointing to the twins.

"Oh that's so adorable that you named your kid after Alice…but why didn't you name the boy Jacob?" Jacob asked.

"We thought Alice's original name was cute for a boy." I said.

"Charlie Anthony Cullen does have a nice ring to it…I can see why you went with that!" Jacob agreed.

"Ooh the boy already looks like his daddy…and the girl looks like you!" Jacob said.

"Thanks Jake!" I said. Jacob knew how I felt about my looks.

"you don't give yourself a lot of credit you know…you know how many guys I catch staring…your beautiful!" Edward smiled. That made me feel better.

"I TELL HER THAT ALL THE TIME…BUT NO SHE DOESN'T LISTEN TO ME WHEN I SAY IT!" Alice called from her room. She might as well have come out here.

"Jasper help me get into my wheelchair!" Alice called. Next thing I knew Alice was sitting next to me at the nursery window.

"Ooh I couldn't hear what you named them… I wasn't paying attention to that part …I was reading about my fashion line taking off . What are the names?" Alice asked. I pointed to the charts.

"OOH YOU NAMED THEM AFTER ME! I'M SO HONORED…MY NEXT ONE WILL BE NAMED AFTER YOU BELLA OR YOU EDWARD IF I HAVE ONE…TOO BAD I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THIS OR I WOULD OF DONE THAT MYSELF! TOO BAD JAZZY ALREADY SWITCHED THE NAMES!" Alice squealed happily.

" I kinda did…after all Bella's middle name is Marie…Maria…Marie very similar…and Brandy-Lee and Bella start with the letter B!" Jasper said

"Jazzy…so cute!" Alice said.


	33. Chapter 33

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**i dont own twilight S/M does. Thanks for the reviews...keep them coming! alright this is going to be the last chapter but please read and review some of my other stories!**

Chapter 33

BPV

The next four years passed by in a blur. The man who we rented from dropped dead of a heart attack right after we had the children. His will stipulated that we get the house…because we had so many children. Little did he know that Edward, Emmett, and Alice were loaded enough that we could of bought another house with ease if we chose to do so. We added another part to the house…as if the house wasn't big enough. Alice's kids were like mini versions of her…no hint of Jasper in them whatsoever. Emmett brought the party bus from bob…it was the only thing that could transport us all together and him and Rose became our next door neighbors. Rose and I did baby sit the quads a lot though I had to say I thought it would be worse. With Emmett Rose and Roland gone Alice, Jasper, and the clones took the downstairs apartment. Charlie was a dead ringer for Edward at that age so four guesses who he was going to look like when he grew up. Little Alice greatly resembled me only with her father's coloring. She really didn't mind what she wore…must be a trait from my side that Alice didn't receive…which meant she got the clone's hand me downs. Alice's kids however wore things once and then would never wear them again…something their mother instilled in them. Alice was constantly shopping for new clothes. Which brought us to today's outing. All of us were heading to the local mall together.

"Alright girls…we're going to the mall today…if your on your best behavior…mommy will get you those Gucci purses that you've been asking for…and maybe one for herself too!" Alice said wistful.

"Gucci…Gucci…Gucci!" they all chanted happily. Edward, Charlie, Little Alice and I just stared at each other.

"Mommy I'm scared…the last time we went to the mall the five of them tried to give me a makeover…Auntie Alice actually tried to draw on my face!" Little Alice shivered. I was not going to let Alice near my daughter alone after that…which was why everyone else was going this time.

"Don't worry…Auntie Alice wont ever do that again…at least not till you hit puberty…wont you Alice?" I glared the older Alice.

"What all I did was place a little eyeliner on the kid…mine lets me do it all the time…hell they can do it themselves!" Alice said offended.

"Alice not all kids are like yours!" Edward said

"Whatever!" Alice said. It was then that we heard the party bus beeping.

"EWWWWW!" The clones cried as Alice brought them to the bus

"Emmett couldn't you at least change the color or something…this bus like went out of style years ago!" Alice said stepping on the bus.

"Hey Edward, Bella, Charlie, Little Alice, Jasper, Big Alice, Alice clones" Emmett greeted as we stepped on the bus.

"Gucci…Gucci…Gucci!" The clones cried. They were like Alice on crack.

"Dad I don't want to go to the mall!" Roland said from his mother's lap. He was like a blonde Emmett…his muscles couldn't even fit in most car seats.

"We'll go to sports authority later son!" Emmett said

" How can you deal with that?" Emmett asked Jasper as all the Alice clones and Alice were squealing at a new 17 magazine in the back.

"That's what xanax's for!" Jasper said taking out a prescription bottle. A few minutes later he seemed to mellow out.

" So how long are we staying for?" Emmett asked.

"Until it closes!" Alice said.

"absolutely not…Roland's bed time is at 7...we're leaving by 7!" Rosalie said. Alice looked deflated.

"Alice…surely the Quads go to bed early." Rosalie said. No they didn't. As much as everyone tried to get them to sleep…they were too much like their mother.

"no they go to bed when I do!" Alice said. Emmett muttered "Thank god we're not living there anymore."

" oh well to each their own." Rosalie said

"So guys Aunt Rose scored tickets to see Dora the explorer live next week…who wants to go!" Rosalie said.

"I do!" Little Alice said.

"We'd rather go to Gucci!" the Quads said.

"No…your going with Aunt Rose…she was nice enough to get the tickets for you…she didn't have to but she did…enough said." Jasper said glaring at Big Alice.

"Which one of you all is Brandy-Lee?" Emmett asked turning towards the Alice clones. All of them raised their hands. Oh no not this game. The only way we could tell them apart was through bracelets that Alice gave them the day everyone came home from the hospital. Alice taught them to all raise their hand whenever someone asked which one was which. She came up with it so we could eventually learn who was who. Everyone who lived with them eventually figured out the first one to raise their hand was the real one.

" Guys you know that Uncle Emmett's stupid…Brandy-Lee show yourself!" Alice ordered. The one at the end said "ME!"

"YOU…YOU DREW ON MY JEEP THE OTHER DAY…ROLAND SAW YOU DO IT…YOU TOLD HIM IT WAS YOU…YOUR GOING TO HAVE TO BE PUNISHED! YOUR WASHING MY JEEP WHEN WE GET HOME UNTIL IT COMES OFF!" Emmett roared.

"Emmett she's only four…she doesn't know how to wash a car!" Rosalie said disgusted.

"She can learn!" Emmett said.

"And you really want a four year old learning to wash a car washing _your _car?" Rosalie asked raising an eyebrow

"point taken!" Emmett said nervously.

"Dad I'm thirsty!" Roland said.

" Here's some muscle milk son!" Emmett said opening the mini fridge and tossing Roland a muscle milk.

"Emmett you know the doctor said not to give him that anymore…his muscles are getting too big!" Rosalie said.

"Doctors don't know Jack about that stuff…besides do you want him looking like this!" Emmett said holding up a picture of Edward in high school. He had very thick glasses on and braces. Edward looked pissed. I rubbed his back reassuringly

"Eww!" Roland cried

"Emmett I thought I told you to burn that!" Edward hissed.

"It's alright Edward…at least you didn't have pimples!" I whispered.

" those came the next year." Edward said.

"Oh what a coincidence…I have Bella's photo!" Alice said holding up my freshman year photo. My hair was like almost permed…a botched hair dressing job and I was sick. I was sneezing into the photo with my mouth wide open…my headgear circling my head like one of Saturn's rings.

"EWW!" The Alice clones exclaimed.

"At least you didn't have Saturn's ring around your head!" I snickered to Edward. I learned a real long time ago to laugh at my self…or at least that picture.

"We're not the only one's with bad pictures!" Edward whispered and took out his wallet. A photo of a younger Emmett appeared in his hand. His neck and his pecks almost obscured his head…that's how big they were.

"Yeah after that picture mom and dad made him cut the exercise time in half." Edward said. I had to bite my lip from laughing. I gave him a photo of Alice that I had. I wasn't the only one who asked for that cut in freshman year…and it looked even worse with shorter hair.

"the only bad picture Alice ever took." I said.

"I feel like it should be in a museum!" Edward laughed.

"Bella put that photo back this instant!" Alice demanded.

"Why you showed everyone my photo!" I laughed.

It was then that we arrived at the mall. Waiting for us in the parking lot was Jacob, Quil and little Quilateara. Quilateara looked like the native American version of Jessica. The Stanley looks must have been very dominant.

"Eww natural colors!" The clones cried looking at Quilateara's clothes.

"The brightness…it burns Daddy Quil it burns!" Quilateara cried running into Quil's arms. Quilateara got Jacob's taste in colors.

"I can see the apples don't fall far from the designer trees!" Edward joked. The foursome ganged up on Quilateara. Well at least they had another little doll to focus on and Alice was too focused on planning her new joint line with Jacob at the new and improved Brandon Ateara Black industries. I looked at the little girls. Something's never change.

We then skipped off into the mall…and towards our destiny.


End file.
